Specious

by Berkstresser, Robin

  His eyes soften slightly when he meets my gaze through the passenger mirror. “I knew you would not forget that place. I had to ensure we all arrived at the same location.”

  “You’re right. I could never forget. That was the day that I knew I would never fit in or belong anywhere. You made sure of it.”

  My brother breaks eye contact and returns his gaze to the front window. “I should not have done that. You may deserve a lot of things, but that was not one of them.” He pauses and when he continues to talk, all the softness from his voice is gone. “We have our differences. Now is not the time to fix things. We need to get farther away from the territory.”

  “Where are we going?”

  “As far away as we can get from people,” Dominic says. “The car is programmed to get us to the lake and that is the best place I can think to go right now. As Accidia is less populated than the territories, the illness should spread at a lower rate.”

  “What does this mean?” I can’t wrap my mind around the situation.

  He sighs in frustration. “I told you everything I saw. I do not know any more than you do. Stop talking to me. I am trying to think,” he says.

  “Sorry.” I apologize automatically and return to the relative comfort of silence.

  Chapter Seven

  Our vehicle drives east toward my grandparents’ cabin. The sun is setting and it’s getting harder to see the surroundings. This makes me nervous. If everything is happening like Dominic claims it is, why aren’t there more people on the road? I have a slight suspicion this is going to turn into one of his cruel jokes, but then I remember everything he risked to get us out of Potentia. Even he wouldn’t go this far.

  “Dominic, what’s the plan?” I press again. We’re all hungry and my mother won’t let us eat the food packets for fear that they could contain whatever is spreading across the territories.

  My words break his concentration and he turns to glare at me for doing so. “We are still going to Grandmother and Grandfather’s down by the lake. I have not altered the plan since you asked me an hour ago.”

  “It will be nice to go back home for a little bit,” my mother cheers up at this thought.

  “This is not a social visit, Mother,” Dominic reminds her.

  My mother stiffens and looks close to tears. I quickly lean forward and whisper in her ear, “It will be nice to see them again, too.”

  She smiles appreciatively and squares her shoulders as she regains her strength.

  The miles pass by in a slow blur. Despite all the bad things Dominic has said, I can’t help but feel excited over seeing my grandparents and childhood friends. I choose to focus on them instead of the panic that my brother spread through us.

  My mother’s voice penetrates through my daydreams when she addresses my brother. “Stop the vehicle. There are people up ahead and they might need help.”

  I jerk my head up to look out of the front window. Up ahead, two large men are walking down the road with their hands raised to get our attention.

  My brother grits his teeth. “We’re not stopping.”

  “Pull the car over and see what they need,” she demands.

  Dominic lets out an angry breath and surprises me by following her command and putting the codes in the vehicle to make it pull over.

  He addresses us and says, “Stay in the vehicle unless I motion otherwise. Do both of you understand?”

  We both nod. He gets out of the vehicle and closes the door behind him. He engages in a conversation with the two strangers. They’re too far away for us to hear what’s being said. Without preamble, one of the strangers points a gun at Dominic. My mother gasps and reaches for the car door.

  “Stay in here. You heard what Dominic said,” I say. Even though he’s in danger, the thought of disobeying him is paralyzing.

  Dominic places his hands in the air and one of the men motions for him to walk to the car. When my brother doesn’t move quickly enough, he hits him in the stomach and knocks him down.

  “I don’t care what he said,” my mother says. She opens the door.

  My brother reacts to the sound of the door opening and yells at her, “Get back in. I have this under control.”

  It doesn’t look like he’s in control, but Mother obeys. My eyes follow my brother. He very slowly gets back on his feet and stares down the two men. Even though he is outnumbered, I still have confidence he won’t get hurt.

  He jerks his arms forward to push the man with the gun down. The man falls back and hits his head on the road. His hand holding the weapon goes slack.

  The other man rushes to pick it up and point it at Dominic. Muffled shouting reaches the car, but I can’t make out any words. Dominic glares at the man pointing the gun and knocks it away easily. When the gun hits the ground, it fires and hits our vehicle with a small pang. My mother and I jump in alarm.

  Ruthlessly, Dominic pummels into the second man. His fists drip red as he picks up the gun. Without a moment’s pause, he directs the gun to the men and shoots them each in the head.

  Mother exhales and her hand jumps to her mouth. My eyes widen at my brother’s murders and I rub my chest automatically. I’ve always been aware of his capability for violence, but I never guessed he would do this. He didn’t even hesitate before taking the lives of those two strangers.

  “Oh my,” my mother whispers.

  He bends down and uses one of their shirts to wipe the blood off of his hands. The sight sickens me and I have to look away. The surrounding trees offer me no relief from the image of Dominic’s calm face as he took the lives of two people. How did he get this way?

  Dominic opens the door. My mother looks blankly at him. “It had to be done,” he says. He sets the gun down in his lap and takes a deep breath.

  “What have you done?” My mother cries. Her mouth still hangs open in disbelief.

  Dominic steadies himself. “They were going to steal our vehicle and leave us stranded. There’s a strong possibility they would’ve killed us as well. I couldn’t take that risk. I did what had to be done. I protected us.” Dominic inputs the codes in the vehicle and waits. Nothing happens.

  He tries again. When he gets the same results, he cusses angrily and reopens his door.

  Before he can go back outside to examine the outside of the vehicle, my mother’s voice interrupts him. “I didn’t raise you to be a murderer.”

  My eyes shift between my mother and brother while I wait for his response.

  After a deep breath, he whispers, “It was us or them and I chose us. I’m not going to apologize for protecting our family.” Without another word, he exits the vehicle and walks toward the hood. His hand finds the bullet mark. He bends down for a closer look.

  “Should we go help?” I ask my mother. I want to help Dominic, but I’m even more afraid of him now than I’ve ever been. I’ve always assumed there was some limit to his aggression, but now I’m not sure what he’s capable of. Who were those two men?

  “No,” she says. “We need to leave him alone.” I follow her gaze and focus in on the growing red pool of blood from the strangers.

  Dominic opens the door and interrupts my thoughts. “The errant shot damaged the battery. I can fix it. It’s going to take some time. Joe, get out of the vehicle and help me push it off the road into the trees. I don’t want anyone to discover us here.”

  With a slight hesitation, I do as he requests and step outside to help. I avoid looking at the two men he killed—pretending they aren’t there. The two of us push the vehicle while our mother steers. It’s hard work and my muscles are thankful when we get it off the road.

  “This will make it less likely for someone to spot us. Now we need to move the bodies.”

  I look at him in panic.

  He sighs at my expression and says, “I’ll do it myself. Just get in the vehicle and stay there.”

  Before I can respond, he walks back toward the bodies to hide them from any passing vehicles.

  I keep the door op
en and sit back. I sigh in relief when the breeze hits and dries the sweat on my brows.

  “Do you think he can fix it?” I ask.

  “Your brother can do anything he decides he wants to,” my mother says. I look at her in confusion to try and understand her detached tone, but her face is blank in contemplation.

  I nod in agreement. From the time he discovered how prestigious it was to be a genetic engineer, he set his mind to it and got it accomplished.

  I turn my head away from the evidence of the strangers’ quick deaths to try to ignore what just happened. I lie down and before I know it, I somehow fall into an uneasy doze.

  I wake up sometime later to the sound of Dominic yelling in frustration. The daylight has faded since my eyes were last open. The trees hiding us off the road are protecting us from the sun. My mother looks worried, so I distract her.

  “What was it like to grow up at the lake?” Even though I’ve heard this story before, I love hearing her talk of her childhood. Her attitude toward Accidia is the opposite of the disdain the typical society members hold for the outside region.

  She smiles at the memories. “It was amazing. As you know, my parents moved out to Accidia when I was about three to be more secluded. I never had any relationship with my grandparents after that. They didn’t support my parents’ moving, even though my father continued to work remotely for the territory engineers.” She laughs and continues, “It’s ironic that he helped design and plan for the growth of the territories even though he left to get away from all of it.”

  “If you loved it in Accidia so much, why did you go back to the territories?” I don’t understand why she would leave a place that I associate with happiness for the one where I feel the opposite.

  “There just wasn’t much opportunity for me at the lake. I had to start my own life, so I moved to Potentia for my job training and met your father,” she says.

  “What did you see in him?”

  “I know you don’t have a lot of kind memories with him, but he was a good man when we met. He was so confident and sure of himself. It was attractive.” She shrugs and a smile plays at her lips as she remembers their early days—before I came along and ruined everything.

  I drop my eyes in shame. “If it weren’t for me, would he still be here?”

  She looks away from Dominic and waits for me to meet her gaze. Once I do, she says, “Your father left because of his own problems. It wasn’t a result of you.”

  “But he left because I’m Unplanned,” I respond.

  She studies me for a moment before answering.

  “Elliot, you may not have been Planned like Dominic was, but you were a result of a conscious decision.”

  I look at her in confusion. She’s never shared this information with me before. “What do you mean?”

  “I wanted a child that was left up to fate. You were still planned, just not in the way that society considers,” she says and smiles warmly at me.

  My mind races back to the day on the public transportation when the two cruel ladies suggested that I should have been aborted. “Why?”

  “Just as Andrew and Chris are Unplanned, all of my childhood friends were as well. There was nothing different about them. They were still all great people with the potential to do well. I guess I figured if I had a child that wasn’t genetically planned, people would see how amazing you are and change their minds. That’s why we stayed in Potentia and I wouldn’t let you move out to Accidia with my parents. I wanted you to have that visibility within the territories and prove everyone wrong.” Her eyes scan my face. “Maybe it was selfish of me,” she finishes at a lower volume.

  My voice cracks in emotion. All my life, I was told I was a mistake and I believed it. Now, she’s telling me otherwise.

  “I haven’t proved anyone wrong, though.”

  She grabs my hand before answering.

  “You will,” she says and gently lets go of my hand.

  “I…” I take a deep breath and admit what has been haunting me for the last week. “I’m not going to even be able to finish my schooling. Educator Haven told me I’m to start my career path in the janitorial field by the end of the month.” I drop my head in shame.

  She lets out a big breath. “I know. Educator Haven informed me.”

  I rub my hands together, still unable to make eye contact. “You already knew?”

  “I was waiting for you to tell me. I didn’t want to push you until you were ready.” Out of the corner of my eye, I see her hands run through her hair. “This weekend, I was planning on sitting down with my parents to discuss your moving out to Accidia with them. You’ll be happier there.”

  Even though I have always fantasized about growing up in Accidia, I can’t help but feel hurt by the implications.

  “You’re finally giving up on me?” I ask.

  “Look at me, son.” She waits until I can bring myself to meet her gaze. “I’m not giving up on you. I’m giving up on them. Understand?”

  The distinction makes me feel a lot better and I nod in agreement. In my own way, I was planned. I hold this information close to my heart.

  “Then why did Father leave?” I ask.

  She looks uncomfortable and this time, she’s the one who drops her gaze. “Well, I may have planned to have you, but I kept your father in the dark about that. That’s why we fought. He was mad at me, not you,” she says.

  I repeat my question. “But why did he leave?”

  “He viewed you as my act of betrayal and defiance. I’m the reason he left,” she says.

  I furrow my eyebrows as I take in this new information. Her entire life trajectory changed because of me.

  “Do you regret it?”

  “Not for one second,” my mother states. She squeezes my hand again and I can’t help but smile.

  Dominic interrupts the moment by leaning in my open window and saying, “I found the problem and will have it fixed this evening. We are going to stay here overnight so the solar battery can recharge in the morning with the sun.”

  “Thank you for working on it,” Mother says. Dominic ignores her praise and heads back to the hood to keep working.

  A few more hours pass with a tense awareness. Once Dominic finishes fixing the vehicle, he stays alert and watchful of the scenery. We’ve been completely and utterly alone, waiting for the sun to come back up for the battery to charge.

  None of us has eaten anything since breakfast. We’re bored, tired, and everything we do seems to upset Dominic.

  “All right,” Dominic says as he opens the car door. “I need to get out of this space and walk around to make sure we are alone. You and Mother stay here in the car and get some sleep.” He walks away before we can say anything.

  My mother leans back in her seat. “Oh, Elliot. I wish we had a nice bed to sleep in tonight. At least we’ll be able to sleep in a real bed tomorrow at my parents’ house. We should get some rest.” She gestures for me to lie my head down on the seat behind her.

  I spread out and lie down. Her hand reaches over to rest on my shoulder. We don’t speak, but rather take comfort in each other’s presence. I’m dozing when the door opens and startles me back to full consciousness. Dominic comes back into the vehicle. He stares at us for a couple of moments, analyzing our position.

  Finally, he opens his mouth. “I walked around and did not find anyone. We should be safe for the night. If a car passes by, their headlights will wake us up and we can go from there. I suspect that they would not see us and drive right past.”

  “Thank you for looking, Dominic. Let’s all get some rest. I’ll take over and drive tomorrow,” my mother says.

  She’s right. This isn’t the most comfortable place to sleep. I struggle to get comfortable and eventually find my way into a light slumber.

  …..

  Before I know it, the sun shines through the windows and the vehicle comes to life. I shoot up in alarm as we start moving again. I must have been more tired than I thought and slept throug
h the rest of the night. I eye the bag with the food packets in it enviously once my hunger pains return.

  None of us says anything and soon, my mind drifts again to the men Dominic killed. So quick—their potential was obliterated. How can he justify their murder so easily?

  An endless sea of trees passes by to accompany my bleak thoughts. My stomach rumbles as a constant reminder of our situation. We’ve been in the car for hours and I’ve been daydreaming for the majority of it. My mother took over the driving to let Dominic stretch out on the passenger side.

  “When are you going to want to talk about those two men?” My mother asks after miles of silence.

  Dominic stiffens in the passenger seat and responds, “There is nothing to talk about. I did what had to be done.”

  Without looking at him, she replies, “Even if this is something you feel is justified, you have to be feeling other sentiments as well.”

  He takes another deep breath and repeats, “It had to be done.”

  My mother nods her head. “I understand that’s what you think. When you’re ready to talk about it, I’ll be here to listen.”

  “There is nothing to discuss,” he says to end the conversation.

  To avoid the tension radiating from Dominic, I focus on a shadow moving in the distance. At first I think I’m imagining it, so I blink to try and wake up fully. It’s still there.

  “Stop the vehicle,” I say to my mother.

  She startles. “What’s wrong?” Her hands stumble on the commands to stop the vehicle’s course.

  “We are not stopping again. Do I need to remind you what happened last time?” Dominic says, clearly unhappy at the direction of the last conversation.

  “And it isn’t going to happen again,” my mother says. “No matter what you think you saw, we’re still all people. We all deserve kindness and respect. We’re stopping.”

  The vehicle slowly comes to a stop about forty yards behind the stranger. When she hears us approach, she visibly tenses and looks over her shoulder. After a couple moments’ pause, she walks toward us and stops once she’s about ten yards away.

  “We have a little time to say ‘hello’…” Dominic trails off while he opens his door. My mother and I follow him out.