by Mark Roeder
“Dad didn’t care.”
“Tim, do I have to remind you that Dad didn’t give a damn about us, period?”
“No.”
“He wasn’t a good parent. Yeah, he let us do pretty much what we wanted, but he also let Tom terrorize us. Our lives wouldn’t have been so hellish if Dad was a better parent. He damn near lost custody of us. If we had told anyone about what was going on, he would have. We’d both be in a foster home right now. I love you, Tim and I want to keep us together.”
“I know that, but...it’s just sex.”
“Sex isn’t just sex, Tim. It’s a lot more than that. There are risks involved.”
“So? I know you’ve had sex!” Tim said. “Hell, you had sex with Dane! So what’s the difference between that and Dane and me getting it on?”
“The difference is that when Dane and I had sex we did it in my car. His parents didn’t know about it.”
“So, what are you saying? That Dane and I should fuck in a car?”
“No.”
“We’re going to have sex, Shawn. One way or another. You’re not that much older than I am. You know what it’s like!”
“Yeah, I know. Believe me. I know.”
“So why cause us problems? We’re going to have sex. You can’t stop us. Dane’s parents can’t stop us. If you don’t let us do it here, we’ll find someplace to do it. We’ll get it on in the woods, or a barn, or wherever, but we’ll do it. Why not just let us do it here?”
“I bet you two wouldn’t put it to Dane’s mom and dad like that,” Shawn said.
“No way!” I said.
“You’re not them,” Tim said. “You’re not much older than we are. You know how bad guys our age need it. You understand in a way Dane’s parents can’t. They’ve forgotten what it’s like to be young. You haven’t. Which makes it even worse that you won’t just let us do it.”
“You make some convincing arguments, little brother. If it was just me, I’d let you go at it. The thing is, Dane’s mom expects me to keep an eye on you two. She trusts me, and I can’t betray that trust. Also, most people freak out when they think about anyone under eighteen having sex. It’s as though it’s some horrible crime. I don’t believe that. It’s just plain stupid, but I’ve got to deal with these people. What if our social worker dropped by while you two were going at it? What if someone else found out?”
“No one is going to find out, Shawn,” I said.
“We don’t know that for sure. If they did…that would be it. I’d be considered unfit to watch over you. It’s stupid, but that’s the way it is.”
“Shawn. Come on,” Tim pleaded. I could actually hear the sexual need in his voice.
“Here’s the bottom line, guys. Personally, if you’re safe, I think it’s fine if you two have sex. But, since I’m responsible for Tim, and Dane’s mom expects me to act as a chaperone, I can’t let you have sex. I’m trying to allow you as much freedom as I can. I’m sure your make-out sessions get intense. It can’t go any further, though. Surely, you can understand that. I’m caught in the middle here, guys. I’m doing the best I can.”
“I don’t like it, but I understand,” Tim said grudgingly.
“Thanks,” Shawn said. “This isn’t exactly easy for me either, you know.”
“Yeah. I know. I’m sorry if my being a horny little bastard is causing you problems,” Tim said, then grinned.
“It’s okay. I’m used to you being a horny little bastard—and just a little bastard, period.”
“Funny!”
“Seriously, I’m letting you do as much as I can.”
“Thanks, Shawn,” Tim said. “We’ll try and make it easy on you. We won’t have sex when you’re around. Don’t you need to go to the grocery store or something?”
“Nice try. I’ll be staying right here tonight. I’ve got some cleaning to do, some bills to pay, and other equally fun stuff to get done.”
“Do you want some help?” Tim asked.
“No. Thanks for offering, but I want you to be a kid while you can.”
“Just remember that I’m more than a kid. If you need my help, I’m here, Shawn.”
I watched as Shawn and Tim hugged. They were lucky to have each other.
“Your brother is really cool,” I said to Tim as we walked to his bedroom.
“Shh, he might hear you. He’s impressed enough with himself as it is.”
“I heard that!” Shawn yelled.
Tim and I laughed, went into his room, and made out quietly so Shawn couldn’t hear us. I wanted to do more, but I understood what Shawn had said. He was kind of caught between a rock and a hard place. My opinion might not count for much, but I thought he was doing a damn good job of taking care of Tim.
Tim and I didn’t have sex, but we did have an intense make-out session. We were getting in some good feels, too. It was frustrating that we couldn’t be naked, but there was something hot about not being able to do everything we wanted. Don’t get me wrong. I would much rather have had sex, but we made the best of the situation.
Still, the circumstances were frustrating. If it was warm outside, Tim and I could have had sex any number of places. I couldn’t wait for spring! If we got naked outside now…well, something might freeze off! Of course, we didn’t have to get completely naked to have sex, but I knew cold would kill the mood. Icy hands and an icy breeze on sensitive private areas aren’t exactly ideal for sex.
I was home by ten. Personally, I didn’t see why I couldn’t stay out later, but moms are funny like that. I would have liked to have stayed over, but I knew there was no chance of that. My parents weren’t that stupid.
On Friday, I got some good news. We could move into our new place sometime the next week! It wasn’t really a new place. It was the old Verona school, but it was new to me. I wondered what it would be like to go from living in my tiny little room in our rented house to having more room than I could use. I couldn’t wait to find out!
Despite my sexual frustration, and believe me I had that to spare, I was still feeling pretty good. Things were way better in Verona than they ever had been in Marmont, especially during my last days there. I had Tim. I had friends. Tim and I even had a Valentine’s Day date planned! I hit Dad up for the cash to take Tim out. I knew Tim didn’t have any money, and I wanted to take him somewhere nice. He was going to be so excited when he found out I was taking him to The Park’s Edge. I was dying to tell him, but I was determined to keep it as a surprise. I couldn’t wait for February 14th. It was going to be my first Valentine’s Day ever with a boyfriend!
Shawn
“Service! Service!” Brandon said loudly. “What does a guy have to do to get waited on around here?”
I grinned as I walked toward the booth Brandon shared with Jon.
“Keep your shirt on—or on second thought…”
“Yeah, you wish,” Brandon said.
“It’s not enough you guys harass me at school. Now, you’re following me to work?”
“Don’t flatter yourself,” Jon said. “Brandon and I eat in here a lot. Café Moffatt is our place.”
“Hey, Suzie,” Brandon said to the owner as she walked by. “Can’t you get some decent help in here? I mean—hiring Shawn—what were you thinking?”
“Are you kidding? He’s my best waiter.”
“He’s your only waiter,” Brandon said. “The other servers are all females. Keep that up, by the way. I like it.”
Suzie just laughed, shook her head, and moved on.
“Okay, if you two are done annoying my boss and landlord, perhaps you’d like to order.”
“Don’t you just hate a pushy waiter,” Jon said.
I laughed. I was accustomed to Brandon and Jon going at each other. Becoming their new target made me feel accepted.
“Okay, I’ll have a western omelet, sausage links, and coffee,” Brandon said. “Oh, and give me an order of those cinnamon donuts they make here.”
“Pancakes with strawberry topping, bacon,
scrambled eggs, toast, and coffee for me,” Jon said.
“Yeah, and be quick about it,” Brandon said, “or no quarter tip for you.”
“A whole quarter?” I said. “That’s very generous. I know how hard it is for you to earn a quarter. It must be especially rough for a straight boy.”
Jon laughed, but Brandon just looked confused. I was halfway back to the kitchen before I heard him yell, “Hey!”
I grinned and placed their orders.
“Friends of yours, I take it?” Suzie asked.
“Oh, yeah. How could you tell?”
“I’m psychic.”
Suzie was a great boss. She was serious about things being done right, but she was easygoing, friendly, and just plain nice.
“You should hear the things they say to each other at school,” I said. “You’d swear they hate each other, but they’re best friends.”
“I see them in here together a lot,” Suzie said. She leaned in close to me and whispered, “For quite a while, I thought they were a couple.”
I burst out laughing.
“Brandon would think that’s hilarious. He’s girl-crazy.”
I went off to check on another table. I hadn’t been working in Café Moffatt long, but Suzie started me waiting tables my very first day. Café Moffatt was a small place. There were usually only two or three servers, the cook, and Suzie. All of us, except the cook, also worked to clear tables and do the hundred-and-one things that needed doing to keep the place going. Something I really liked about Suzie was that she was right in there with us. She owned the place, but she didn’t think she was too good to clear tables. That made all of us willing to do anything she asked.
I kept my mind on my work when necessary, but I did a lot of thinking when I was clearing tables, filling salt shakers, and performing other mindless tasks. Mainly, I thought about Tristan. It was February 13th, and I still hadn’t asked Tristan out for Valentine’s Day. I wanted to in the worst way, but a Valentine’s Day date was serious business. It was a day for lovers, and Tristan and I weren’t to that stage yet. I didn’t know if we’d ever get there.
I’d been to Tristan’s house a couple of times right after I met him, but then things got hectic. Tristan was getting settled into Verona and VHS. I was trying to get the loft in order and learn the ropes at not one, but two new jobs. Tim and I were settled into our loft now, but I was still going to school full-time, working Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays at Ofarim’s and weekends in Café Moffatt. The café did close at two p.m., but I didn’t have much free time. Most of my weeknights were taken up by cooking, homework, laundry, and cleaning up the loft. The only time I had any real free time was on Monday and Friday evenings and after work on the weekend. Even a lot of that time was taken up with schoolwork and things that had to be done at home. I never realized that living on my own would create so much work!
Being so busy was probably saving my butt. I would most likely have already blown it with Tristan if I’d had lots of time on my hands. I was head-over-heels crazy about Tristan, but the feeling was not mutual. I’m not saying he had no interest in me, but where I wanted to get down on one knee and ask him to be my boyfriend, he just wanted to hang out, be friends, and see what happened. Every time I saw him I wanted to kiss him. He was just so damn sexy! Tristan hadn’t exactly said I couldn’t kiss him, but I didn’t know when the time was going to be right. Why did everything have to be so difficult! Anyway, my lack of free time was a blessing in disguise, I guess. It kept me from trying to move too fast with Tristan. Move too fast? Ha! I barely saw him outside of school! It was so frustrating.
When Brandon’s and Jon’s orders were up, I carried them to their table.
“Here you go, guys. I’ll get you some more coffee. You need anything else?”
“When do you get off work, big boy?” Brandon asked, as if he was flirting with me.
“Two p.m.”
“So, have you asked Tristan out for Valentine’s Day yet?” Jon asked.
He laughed when he saw the flabbergasted look on my face.
“Come on, Shawn. Everyone knows you’re hot for him. It’s not a secret. You haven’t asked him out, have you?”
“No. I’m afraid to.”
“You pussy,” Brandon said. “Just do it.”
“I’m going to!”
“When?”
“Right after work. I’m going to go home, clean up, go over to Tristan’s, and ask him out.”
“Hmm, should we bet on this?” Jon asked Brandon.
“I think he’s going to wimp out,” Brandon said.
“I don’t know. He is pretty desperate. Desperation can stand in for courage.”
“Yeah, you’d know all about that, wouldn’t you, Jon?”
“Fuck you, Hanson.”
“See?” Brandon said, looking at me. “Jon is desperate. He isn’t even into guys, and he wants to fuck me.”
“Listen, bitch,” Jon said to Brandon, “I asked Kim Haley out for Valentine’s Day, and she said ‘yes.’ I’m taking her to The Park’s Edge tomorrow!”
“It’s not a date if you have to pay her,” Brandon said. “There’s another name for that.”
I had other tables to serve, so I left Brandon and Jon bickering. I kind of hated to miss the show.
I had not actually intended to go to Tristan’s house right after work, but time was running out. Brandon was right. I was being a pussy. It wasn’t like me. I was aggressive on the football field. I didn’t back down from fights. Why was I being such a coward when it came to simply asking Tristan out on a date? Because it was Tristan, and Valentine’s Day wasn’t an ordinary date—that’s why! I had butterflies in my stomach just thinking about it. I was going to do it, however. I was going to force myself to ask him out.
At closing, I made the long, thirty-second commute to the loft and then took a hot shower. I loved the bathroom in the loft. Back home, we had this little tub and this shower curtain that was always wafting in and sticking to my body. It was all cold and clammy. I loved the openness of the shower area in the loft bathroom, and there was no slimy plastic curtain. There wasn’t any privacy if someone walked in, but Tim and I weren’t shy about showering around each other. Hell, I showered with as many as two-dozen other guys at school after football practices and P.E. classes. Now, that was some nice scenery.
I had to calm myself a bit. I couldn’t go over to Tristan’s all sexually revved up. I had to play it cool with him. I was dying to rip off his clothes and ravish him, but I had to keep that to myself.
I reluctantly left the luxury of the hot, steamy water. I dried off as I walked to my room. I pulled on a pair of boxers and then stared at the clothes in my closet. What to wear? What to wear?
I almost went for one of my football jerseys, but I wanted to play down my jock side. Tristan was an intellectual. He was an artist, and he liked to read books. I thought about my black, long-sleeve, button-down shirt, but that was too dressy. Nothing seemed right. I growled.
“Problem, bro?” Tim asked, as he stuck his head in my room.
“I can’t decide what to wear.”
“Oh. Going out with Tristan, huh?”
“I wish. I’m going to Tristan’s house to ask him out for Valentine’s Day.”
“Go for it. Dane asked me out. He’s taking me to The Park’s Edge.”
“Jon said he’s taking Kim there.”
“You should take Tristan there.”
“With luck,” I said, still staring at my closet.
Tim stepped into the room.
“Here,” he said. He grabbed a blue-and-white-striped, short-sleeved shirt and held it up to my chest. “Yeah, wear this and a pair of jeans. You’re going to get a chill standing here in your boxers.”
“Okay, I’ll take your advice, but it’s your fault if I get shot down.”
“No way. If he turns you down, it’s all your fault. I’m not taking the blame for your lack of personality or good looks.”
I made a
fist as if I was going to strike Tim, but he just grinned.
“Good luck, Shawn.”
“Thanks. I’m going to need it.”
I put on my leather jacket. I reached for my toboggan, but then drew my hand back. The toboggan would definitely mess up my hair. I took my scarf instead. I could use it to cover my ears if necessary. It was cold out, but not that cold.
As I walked to Tristan’s house, I kept wanting to turn around and go back home, but then I pictured myself alone on yet another Valentine’s Day. Of course, I might go through the torment of asking Tristan out and still be alone. At least then I’d know I tried. Brandon’s voice taunted me in my head, too, chanting: “You pussy.” No, I wasn’t going to turn around. I was going to go through with this.
I walked up to the white, two-story home Tristan shared with his mother and knocked on the door. No answer. I waited, then knocked again. I stood there for about a minute. Just as I decided no one was home, the door opened.
“Hey,” Tristan said.
He looked so very handsome wearing jeans and a black sweater. His loose, black hair tumbled down to his shoulders.
“Hey,” I said. “Uh…”
“Come in,” he said.
“Thanks.”
“Let’s go to the kitchen. I’ll make us some hot tea.”
We walked through the living room on our way to the kitchen.
“You and your mom are really getting this place in shape.”
“Yeah. It takes an amazing amount of time to unpack everything, but you know all about that, I’m sure.”
“I didn’t have nearly as much stuff to move as you did.”
“I’m sorry I haven’t come over to help you with decorating, but things have been kind of crazy,” Tristan said as he filled a tea kettle with water and set it on the stove. I watched as the blue gas flames shot upward and danced under the kettle.
“Yeah. I’ve been crazy-busy, too. I hope things will settle down soon.”
“I hope so, too.”
There was a pause. I should have come right out and asked Tristan what I wanted, but I couldn’t make myself. Besides, I was distracted by his sexy, dark eyes.