by Mark Roeder
“Where have you been?” Blake asked, looking up and down my torso as if he could see right through my clothes.
“Things have been hectic,” I said, unsuccessfully fighting to keep my voice from trembling with desire.
Why did Blake have to show up now, just when I had myself all worked up thinking about Tristan’s sexy body? I wanted to leap over the counter and rip Blake’s shirt off. Damn, he had incredible pecs.
“When do you get off?” Blake asked.
“Nine.”
“Maybe we can go back to your place.”
Blake knew I shared an apartment with Tim now.
“My brother might be around.”
“So?”
“So, I can’t…mess around if he’s there.”
“Why not? He knows you’re into guys, right? Didn’t you tell me he’s gay, too?”
“Yeah, but…”
“Maybe he’d like to join us.”
“He’s my brother.”
“That’s what would make it so hot.”
“Forget it, Blake. Tim and I aren’t like that. Besides, he has a boyfriend.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. They’re sitting right over there.”
Blake looked back toward my brother and Dane. I would have told him not to look, but Tim and Dane had been checking us out. They were probably trying to figure out what we were saying.
“Mmm. Is your brother a bottom? How about the other one?”
“I don’t know, and it doesn’t matter. We are NOT having a four-way.”
My relationship with my brother was uncertain enough without adding any more complications, and sex would be the ultimate complication. I didn’t think of Tim in that way, and I didn’t want to. He was my brother. A sexual relationship just seemed…unnatural.
“Maybe they’d be up for a three-way if you’re not interested in joining in.”
Blake began to turn, but I grabbed his forearm.
“No, Blake.”
Blake grinned at me.
“Well, if I had someone else to keep me busy…”
Blake was so damned sexy. I wanted him so bad I couldn’t stand it. I also wanted to keep him away from my brother. Blake was concerned with one thing only: getting his rocks off. If I didn’t stop him, he’d seduce Tim and Dane into a three-way without a single thought of how it would affect their relationship. I feared Tim and Dane would go for it, only to be sorry later.
“We can mess around in your car after I get off work,” I said quietly.
“I want to do more than mess around, Shawn. Remember the first time we got together. Remember how you cried out my name?”
I swallowed hard, and I could feel my face turning red. I did remember, and I was becoming more aroused by the second.
“We can’t use the loft, and it’s too cold to do it anywhere else.”
“What about here?”
“Ofarim’s?”
“Yeah.”
“Agnes wouldn’t…”
“Agnes, whoever she may be, doesn’t have to know anything about it.”
“She’s the owner. I can’t…”
“How is she going to find out? We’ll turn out the lights. No one will be able to see us. Besides, Shawn, wouldn’t it be hot if I bent you right over this counter and took you from behind?”
I hesitated. I could feel my dick taking control of my thought process. I fought it, but my needs were too strong.
“Okay,” I said, my voice throaty with desire. “Come back about closing time. You’ve got protection, right?”
“Why are you worried about protection? You’re not going to get pregnant, Shawn. I promise.”
“Just make sure you bring some, or nothing is going to happen.”
“You’re such a girl.”
Tim and Dane left. Ofarim’s was empty except for Blake and myself.
“Maybe we can just do it right now,” Blake said.
“With the lights on? When someone could walk right in any second?”
“The danger would be such a rush.”
The truth was that the idea of it turned me on like mad. There was no way I was going to risk it, however.
“After closing time,” I said.
“Coward. I’ll see you about nine, then.”
Blake left. I noticed he didn’t order anything. He was obviously hungry for only one thing in Ofarim’s—me.
Ofarim’s was dead. I had a lot of time to think as I went around filling salt and pepper shakers, napkin holders, and straw dispensers. Was I doing the right thing? Tristan had zero interest in me as a boyfriend, but did that make getting it on with another boy okay? Was I somehow being unfaithful to Tristan?
How can you be unfaithful to him when you aren’t dating? I asked myself. I guess I couldn’t be. Still, I felt a little uncomfortable. I wanted Blake so bad I was about to burst, which meant I wasn’t thinking clearly. Fuck it. I didn’t care. Tristan didn’t want me. Blake did. I needed sex, and I was going to get some.
My mind was wholly focused on thoughts of Blake and his hard body. I felt untamed and primitive, as if I was driven purely by instinct. I knew that animals, humans included, were biologically driven to reproduce, but did that really apply to me? There was no way Blake and I could reproduce, period. Still, I was driven by my own body. The things I wanted to do with Blake didn’t make sense when I stopped to think about them. Sex didn’t make sense. Why did two people ever want to do such things? It was crazy. I still wanted it, though, more than just about anything else.
There were no thoughts of backing out. I didn’t just want to hook up with Blake. I needed to. My only fear was that Blake wouldn’t show up, but no, that was stupid. Blake had the same needs as all guys our age. He wanted me. He’d show.
Blake popped up right at closing time. He was wearing his letterman’s jacket again, but what I immediately noticed was the he wasn’t wearing a shirt underneath. I began to breathe harder even as I locked the door, turned the sign to “Closed,” and turned off the lights.
I boldly opened Blake’s jacket, revealing his hard, smooth torso. I ran my hands over his chest and abs and almost immediately replaced my fingertips with my tongue. I thought no longer about why I wanted to do the things I was doing. I just followed my instincts and desires.
Blake wasn’t wearing any boxers or briefs. I found that out right after I sank to my knees in front of him. Blake’s excitement was obvious, if you know what I mean. I got right to it. A feeling of control washed over me as I listened to Blake’s breath grow harder and faster and felt his body respond to me. I was giving him such intense pleasure that he moaned and writhed. I was the one on my knees, yet I felt powerful.
Blake pushed me away after a few minutes. I stood and gazed into his eyes.
“I want to top this time,” I said.
“Not a chance.”
“Come on. I really want to…”
“I don’t bottom,” Blake said firmly. “Besides, we both know what you really want.”
“How about we switch off?”
“No, Shawn. I don’t take it from anyone. I never have, and I never will.”
“Then how do you know you don’t like it?”
“I just know. Besides, I’m not a girl.”
“And I am?”
“No, but you are gay. I’m bi. We’re different.”
Anger flashed through my mind, but I was overwhelmed by lust. Blake closed in on me. The proximity of his hard, sexy body made my heart race. Blake leaned in until his lips were an inch from my ear.
“You know you want it,” he whispered. “You know you want to feel me inside you. Take off your clothes, Shawn.”
I couldn’t resist him. I stripped naked. Blake kept his letterman’s jacket on. That made it even hotter. Blake leaned me over the counter and let his jeans fall down around his ankles. I fought to control my breath, but it came hard and fast as if I’d been running. How could the mere anticipation of something have such an effect on me?
I felt Blake press against me.
“Wait! Wait!”
“What?”
“Put on a condom.”
“We don’t need one, Shawn,”
“We used one the last time.”
“It feels better without one.”
“No.”
“I don’t have any diseases, Dude.”
“Just put one on.”
“Okay, okay. You’re such a pussy.”
My face flushed with anger. I stood up and turned halfway around.
“Don’t call me a pussy.”
“I’m doing what you want, okay?” Blake said.
He grabbed me by the shoulder, and pushed me over the counter. He pressed against me again. I cried out as a blinding flash of pain ripped through my body. Why did I want to do this again?
I tried to get up. Blake pushed me back down.
“Easy. Easy. I’ll go slow at first. It won’t hurt long.”
I knew it was true, but fuck, it hurt. Was the pain worth it? Another cry escaped my lips despite myself.
“Hang in there, Shawn. You’re tough. Besides, you know you want it. You know you dream about it.”
I felt so naked in front of Blake, emotionally naked. Blake knew my deepest, darkness sexual secrets—some of them anyway. I felt vulnerable and exposed when I was with him. I did want it. I did dream about it. Blake knew it. He knew something intimate about me that I’d shared with no other.
Just when I thought I couldn’t stand it, the pain began to ebb. Pleasure began to take over. Soon, the pleasure consumed me, and I let Blake do whatever he wanted. I felt like such a bad boy for doing it right there on the counter in Ofarim’s.
Blake kept going, harder and faster, until he groaned and lost control. I lost it at the same moment and our animal cries of passion filled Ofarim’s. Blake let me up. We pulled on our clothes.
“Until next time, Shawn,” Blake said with a smirk.
I let him out, closed and locked the door again, and then cleaned off the counter with disinfectant. I was no longer thinking through a haze of lust, and I felt somewhat used. Blake did use me, and I knew it, but didn’t I use him, too? Didn’t we use each other to satisfy our sexual needs? Somehow, being on the bottom made me feel more used. I was the object acted upon. I was the one taking the pain. I was the one bending over and submitting. I did want it, though, so why did I feel used? As they say, you can’t rape the willing.
I didn’t want to think about it anymore. Now that I’d relieved my sexual stress, I wanted to move on to other things. Sex was just one part of life, after all. There was plenty more out there to experience.
I locked up Ofarim’s and headed for home. Unbidden, my thoughts turned to Tristan. I didn’t feel as if I’d cheated on him as I feared, but I yearned to be with him. Sex with Blake was hot, but I wanted to be with Tristan. I sighed. It wasn’t going to happen, at least not soon.
Tim was sitting at the table doing his homework when I walked into our apartment. He appeared so innocent my suspicions were aroused, but there was no sign of Dane, so I guess he wasn’t up to anything.
“Didn’t you bring Blake home with you?” Tim asked.
My first instinct was correct. My little brother was up to something. He was waiting to ambush me.
“No.”
“You could, you know. I wouldn’t mind.”
“That would be a little hypocritical of me.”
“You could let Dane and me keep my bedroom door closed. You and Blake could do anything you wanted in your bedroom.”
The thought of bringing Blake home was more than a little tempting.
“No deals. Sorry.”
“You’re later than usual. Did you guys get it on somewhere?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“So you did!” Tim laughed. “I knew you would! I saw you guys looking all conspiratorial. I knew you were going to do it.”
“I didn’t say we messed around.”
“You don’t have to say it. I can tell just by looking at you.”
“Whatever, Tim. I’m taking a shower, and then I have homework to do.”
iu“Washing off the scent of Blake’s cologne?”
I stuck out my tongue at Tim and headed for the bathroom.
Dane
Verona rocked! It was so-o-o much better than Marmont that there was no comparison. It wasn’t so much Marmont itself that sucked, but the people who lived there. Billy Holmes was the worst. There was a time when I had a major crush on Billy. Who wouldn’t? Feathered blond hair, blue eyes, a hot body, and a great ass—what was not to like? Billy was beautiful on the outside, but when he found out I was gay, I discovered just how ugly he was on the inside. Billy and I were friends before that, but once he found out about me, he turned on me. That crushed all my hope of making Billy my boyfriend. After the nasty things he did to me, I had no such interest in him, but there was a time when I dreamed of Billy Holmes. Tim was a million times better!
Verona did have some cool places Marmont lacked, like Ofarim’s, Café Moffat, and the Paramount Theatre. I liked the park better, too. The high school was a vast improvement, and there were cool paths out past the soccer fields. I could picture Tim and me fooling around back there when the weather warmed. Surely the cold would depart soon. We were getting well into March, after all.
I sighed. Oh, how I wished Tim was with me! We usually hung out after school, but I was on my own this afternoon. I didn’t have a lot of time before I was expected home, but I wanted to walk outside in the fresh, if rather chill, air. Not five minutes ago I’d bid goodbye to my boyfriend at his locker. We even shared a brief kiss. I could still taste Tim’s sweet lips. Now, I was walking across the parking lot toward the soccer fields.
Verona wasn’t perfect. I’d had some rough times here on my first visit. I was on the run then and had to do some things for food I didn’t like to think about. One of the things I did to survive was work for a grave robber. Yeah, that’s right, an actual grave robber—someone who dug up the dead and stole their stuff. Boothe was a shady character if there ever was one. Of course, I guess I couldn’t expect someone who dug up corpses and stole from them to be a nice guy. Boothe had turned out to be a good deal worse than I’d imagined. If Shawn hadn’t saved me…I shuddered to think about it. I owed my life to Shawn. If he hadn’t stepped in, I would have died a nasty death after Boothe was done with me. Then, there was Austin. He wasn’t like Boothe, but he wasn’t exactly a nice guy, either. I’d fallen for Austin, but in the end he’d crushed me. I wondered where Austin was now. I guess it didn’t matter.
Once I hit the soccer fields, I came soon to the huge boulder that sat there. I stopped and read the bronze plaque:
This field is dedicated
to the memory of
Mark Bailey and Taylor Potter.
They died here all too early
because of hatred and intolerance.
May the future learn from what happened
and not let it happen again.
I knew the story of course; everyone in Verona knew. Mark and Taylor had been driven to suicide by the abuse of those around them. I wasn’t around when it happened. I first came to Verona after that, but I could well understand. Back in Marmont, I’d been tormented by my peers. I’d been called names and beaten. It got so bad that Mom and Dad pulled me out of school and decided to move. I don’t know how long I could have stood against all the abuse if my parents hadn’t pulled me out of school. Just knowing how many of those around me hated me hurt like hell. I would probably have ended up like Mark and Taylor if I’d been stuck in that situation much longer. So yeah, I understood.
Tim said Taylor was like a blond version of Tristan, so he must’ve been hot. Shawn had had a major crush on Taylor, just like I had had on Billy Holmes. Neither of us got what we wanted. It must have been hard on Shawn when Taylor died. Billy beat the crap out of me, but I think Shawn had it worse. I hoped he could get with Tristan someday. I really liked S
hawn, and I wanted him to be happy. I could have easily dated Shawn myself, but then I met his brother, and…I fell for him…just like that.
I walked beyond the boulder and onto the soccer fields. It was beautiful there, but kind of eerie, too. This was where Mark and Taylor had killed themselves—Taylor by downing a bunch of pills and Mark by blowing his brains out. I could almost picture them, lying there… I forced my mind to other thoughts before I freaked myself out.
I walked quickly across the soccer fields, slowing only when I came to the edge of the woods. A clear path led off under the trees, and I followed it. The leaves hadn’t come out yet, but the forest was still beautiful.
I walked among the grey trunks and beneath the limbs overhead. There was green in the forest already—the dark green of honeysuckle and the lighter greens of grass and other vegetation I could not name. I stopped to watch some squirrels as they jumped from limb to limb, landing effortlessly. I almost wished I was one of them, but lately I’ve been having too much fun being me.
I smiled when I thought of Tim. I thought about my boyfriend more times a day than I could count, and those thoughts always made me grin. My feelings for him made me feel completely sappy, but I didn’t care. I was happier than I’d ever been in my life. I wished we could be together more, but I remembered only too well when we lived forty-five minutes away from each other. I could actually see him every day now. Yes! I wished he was walking with me in the forest, too, but Tim was with me even when he wasn’t with me. I can’t really explain what I mean other than to say I carried him in my heart.
I strolled along the path, taking in the beauty of the nature I’d too often failed to notice before. Tim made me appreciate the world around me. Everything just seemed more beautiful to me now, although I was sure that beauty had been there all along. I was just looking at the world through new eyes. In the end, it didn’t matter. Happiness needs no good reason to exist.
I really had changed. Was it only last summer when I’d run away? Was it only a few months ago when I’d been such a little bastard? I almost couldn’t believe what a vile little creep I’d been. I was hurting, yeah, but that was no excuse for the things I’d done. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t kill anyone or anything, but I’d been bad enough. I’d even tried to blackmail Shawn into having sex with me. I almost can’t believe I really did that, but it’s true. I stopped just short of it, though. I had him right where I wanted him, but I couldn’t go through with it. I wanted him so bad, but I just couldn’t force him like that. I was kind of mad at myself at the time for being weak, but now I’m proud that I had enough decency not to treat another human being like that. Something inside me wouldn’t let me do it. That something saved me.