by Mark Roeder
“No. I’m out now—at least, I think word has gotten around to everyone by now—so I don’t have to worry about anyone finding me out. They already know I’m gay. That creates a whole new problem. I don’t want to make any of the guys uncomfortable, you know? That wouldn’t be cool.”
“What about Brendan? He was out all last season, right? How did the guys react to him?”
“Some of them were a little edgy at first, but he was so damned confident and ‘normal’ acting I think the guys just kind of forgot he was gay. Everyone knew he was dating Casper, too, so I think that made them relax. It’s not as if he was looking to get some.”
“He could still have been looking.”
“Not Brendan. He’s a one-man kind of guy. Maybe that set the guys at ease. Of course, Brendan is like a god. All the guys, including me, are in awe of what he can do on the football field. As far as looks are concerned, well, you can’t get much hotter than that. I think the guys were too busy admiring Brendan and wanting to be him to be afraid he was checking them out in the showers.”
“Then you should be okay, too.”
“I am nowhere near as athletic or good-looking as Brendan.”
“You come close.”
“Liar,” Tim said, grinning. “I’ll just have to be careful. I don’t think the guys will be freaked out. I mean, they’re used to Brendan, and I’ve been showering with a lot of those guys for years. I haven’t groped any of them before, so why would I start now? I never grope without permission.”
I grinned.
“You have my permission to grope me all you want.”
“Mmm.”
All that talk of football players in the showers got us worked up. That particular task wasn’t difficult after the grope session in the car. When Tim and I returned to my room once more, we set our boxes down, pulled each other close, and made out like we were starved for each other. I wanted to rip off all his clothes and ravish him, but that had to wait for who knew how long? We kept going at it until we were interrupted by one of the movers carrying a box of my stuff into the room. We had been caught. The mover, a fairly handsome blond guy in his mid-thirties, didn’t say a word, but he winked at us as he left.
“We’d better get back to work. There is no telling who else might walk in,” I said.
The moving van was huge, but the old school swallowed up our stuff. Most of the boxes and furniture went to just a few rooms: the kitchen, Dad’s office, the living room, and the two bedrooms. I had a feeling most of the rooms would forever sit empty.
It was late by the time the last box was carried in. I was too tired to think about unpacking anything. Mom offered to drive Tim home, but I walked him home instead.
“We’ve got to have some time alone soon,” I said. “I swear I’ll explode if we don’t.”
“I wish we could right now,” Tim said.
“If it was warmer, we could just go to the woods.”
“I’m about ready to go, anyway.”
“I know the feeling.”
Mom expected me back soon, so Tim and I hugged and kissed at his door. I walked back home, yearning to be with Tim, angry with the ignorant world. What was the big deal about teenagers having sex? Why did everyone freak out about it? No one had a problem with it in past centuries. It just figured I’d live in the Age of Prudes.
***
“Where are we going?” Tim asked.
“Where do you think?” I grinned.
It was our lunch period. Tim and I had rushed through lunch so we’d have a few spare moments before the bell rang. I checked to make sure no one was looking and then quickly pulled him through the rear entrance of the auditorium.
We stepped into the backstage area. I pulled Tim into the darkness behind one of the huge curtains and pressed my lips to his. We held each other tight as we made out.
We French-kissed for a good five minutes. Our hands wandered and groped as we made out. I couldn’t wait any more. I dropped to my knees and acted on my pent-up desires. Tim’s heavy breathing, moans, and whimpers urged me on. Tim moaned louder than ever and finished just as the bell rang.
We slipped back into the hallway with no one the wiser. Tim grinned at me. I was drunk with the headiness of illicit sex. I’d blown Tim right there in the school—again. We probably weren’t the first to have sex in the school, but the forbidden nature of our encounter made it all the hotter.
Shawn spotted us grinning from ear to ear just a couple of minutes later.
“Why are you two so happy?” Shawn asked suspiciously.
“It’s just a great day!” Tim said. “I feel so mellow and relaxed.”
Both of us started laughing. Shawn looked at us as if we were freaks.
“Maybe we should have just told him the truth to see how he would react,” I said when Shawn had passed out of earshot.
“Um, no. He’s edgy enough about what we do as it is. What Shawn doesn’t know won’t hurt us. Time to get to class.”
Tim leaned in and gave me a quick kiss on the lips. Devon was the only one who saw us. He sneered at us and muttered ‘faggots’ as he went on his way.
“Isn’t he charming?” Tim asked.
“He’s probably just bitter because he isn’t getting any.”
“What girl would want him? I mean, he’s kind of hot, but he’s such a jerk.”
“He’s probably a closet case. He obviously has emotional issues. No normal person is that homophobic,” I said.
“Just watch out when he’s around. Don’t let him get you alone, especially if his buddies are around. It’s been a while since there’s been any trouble, but Devon is bad news,” Tim said.
“I’ll be careful, but I can take care of myself. I was once bad news, too. I’ll see you after school, okay?”
“Definitely.”
As Tim walked away, I wondered why no other couples had thought of meeting in the auditorium. It was always deserted during our lunch period and probably during all of them. There were plenty of places to hide even if someone came in. I kept my mouth shut about our secret rendezvous spot. All we needed was for football players to start taking girls in there. Someone would get caught, and that would ruin everything.
Those other visits to the auditorium were in the future, however. I sighed, wishing there had been time for Tim to blow me, too. I think I like giving more than receiving, but still, a guy has needs, you know. My time with Tim had satisfied his needs for the moment, but they had intensified mine.
I used the rest of the school day as a tranquilizer for my libido. I’m not saying school is boring, but most subjects don’t inspire thoughts of sex. Of course, one look at Tim at the end of the day was all it took to get my mind back on his sexy body.
Shawn was working. I was sorely tempted to ask if Tim wanted to go back to his place. To be honest, I would have asked, but I was expected home thirty minutes or less after school let out. Mom didn’t used to be like that. I was tired of being on such a short leash. I knew my parents were keeping such a close eye on me because of Tim. They knew how willing teenage boys are, so they assumed we’d get it on every chance we got. What’s more, they were right! It really didn’t seem fair, however.
I wasn’t ready to push the issue with Mom and Dad yet. They were being unfair, but hell, they’d done so much for me. They picked up and moved to Verona—for me. I didn’t even want to think of the inconvenience and expense of that. My parents probably thought I didn’t appreciate all the other things they did for me, but they were wrong. When I ran away last summer, I learned the value of a lot of what they did for me. I learned fast! When I returned, home seemed a much better place to be. So yeah, my parents were being unfair, but how could I complain? I knew they were just trying to do what was best for me. I also couldn’t argue too hard for my right to have sex, because I didn’t want my parents to know how intent Tim and I were on having sex. That sure wouldn’t encourage them to give me more freedom. If they found out the truth, they might panic and lock me in m
y room forever!
After school, Tim and I wanted to go to Ofarim’s but figured we didn’t have enough time. I came up with the brilliant idea of calling home from Ofarim’s and getting permission. I even put Shawn on the phone for a sec to prove we were there and that he was watching over us. The result was I got more time with Tim and polished my wholesome image. Sometimes, you have to suck up to get what you want in the end—um, no pun intended.
Playing the part of a good boy came with a special reward that afternoon. Tim and I had a front row seat for a bit of furtive Verona drama. As Tim and I sat in a booth sharing a huge hot-fudge sundae, a hunky boy with black hair and blue eyes entered. It wasn’t the sight of such a hottie that was significant, however; it was what Tim told me about him.
“That’s Blake York,” he whispered as soon as the stud entered. “He plays football for Plymouth.”
“I want him,” I said quietly and smiled.
“He’s gay,” Tim said.
“How do you know?”
“Because Shawn has had sex with him.”
“Seriously?”
“Yes. He told me.”
“Damn!”
“Keep it down.”
“Okay, okay,” I said.
Tim and I spied on Blake as clandestinely as we could manage. He was leaning on the counter, talking to Shawn. We were too far away to hear what they were saying and didn’t dare move closer to eavesdrop. Shawn kept looking toward our booth from time to time to see if we were paying any attention.
“I bet they’re up to something,” Tim said.
“Maybe, but doesn’t Shawn have a huge crush on Tristan?”
“Yes, but Tristan only wants to be friends right now. That means Shawn isn’t getting any.”
“Yeah, but he really likes Tristan, doesn’t he? It seems almost like an obsession to me.”
“Well, I don’t think it’s Tristan per se,” Tim said.
“What do you mean?”
“You can’t tell anyone this, okay?”
“Of course, I won’t.”
“Well, after Shawn and I came out to each other, he admitted he had been head over heels in love and lust with Taylor Potter.”
“The boy who killed himself, right?”
“Yes. He was Tristan’s cousin, and they looked so much alike that Tristan was called Taylor’s dark twin.”
“Okay. So what are you getting at?”
“I believe the real reason Shawn is so hot for Tristan is because he reminds him of Taylor. Think about it. Taylor is gone. Tristan is Taylor’s cousin and looks almost exactly like him.”
“Shawn can’t have Tristan,” I said, “and now here’s Blake.”
“Exactly.”
I stole a look at Shawn and Blake and imagined them together. It was a mistake. I had to force my thoughts in another direction to keep from driving myself out of my mind with lust.
We continued to sneak looks at Shawn and Blake. Shawn was playing it cool, no doubt because he either knew or feared we were watching. I wondered how he would have acted if we hadn’t been in Ofarim’s.
“Shawn and Blake look like conspirators, and since I doubt they’re planning to knock over a bank later, I bet they’re going to hook up after Shawn gets off work,” Tim said.
“I’d give just about anything to lurk outside at closing time and see what happens,” I said.
“You like to watch, huh?” Tim teased.
“I’d just like to know if Shawn is going to get it on with Blake.”
“Please,” Tim said. “Just look at them. It’s so obvious they’re going to hook up. Why wouldn’t they?”
“You think Shawn will bring Blake back to your place?”
“After forbidding me to have sex with you there? No way! That would make him a hypocrite. I’d go fucking ballistic, too, and Shawn knows it.”
“Maybe he’ll try to send you off to the movies or something.”
“If he does, I’m not budging. Hmm, maybe we can work this to our advantage.”
“How?”
“Shawn has got to need it bad, and here’s Blake. My guess is that big bro is gonna be pretty desperate to get some. Maybe I can cut a deal with him: I ignore what goes on in his bedroom if he ignores what goes on in mine.”
“You really think he’d go for that?”
“When he’s thinking clearly, not a chance. When he’s under the influence of extreme sexual need, perhaps.”
“You’d take advantage of a poor, sex-starved boy?”
“To be alone with you in my bedroom—any day.”
“You’re devious. That’s one of the many things I like about you.”
I looked at the clock.
“I’d better go. I don’t want to spoil my obedient-son image.”
“You’re kind of devious, too,” Tim said.
“You going to stay and spy on Shawn?”
“No. I think I’ve seen everything there is to see here. Besides, I want to walk you home.”
Tim took my hand across the table. I smiled. Having a boyfriend was the best!
Shawn
The bell jingled. I looked up from the counter to see who was entering Ofarim’s. My breath caught in my chest. It was Tristan, accompanied by his mother. My dream boy took a seat in a booth. He was facing me. I grabbed a couple of menus and walked toward the table.
“Hey, Shawn.”
“Hey, Tristan. Hi, Mrs. Cole.”
“Hello, Shawn,” Tristan’s mom said.
I’d met Tristan’s mom on one of my visits. She was very kind to me. I could see where Tristan got his politeness—and his beauty. Mrs. Cole was a real looker. If I wasn’t gay, I’d want her.
“We won’t need menus,” Tristan said. “We just came in for ice cream. I want a caramel sundae.”
“I’d like a chocolate-fudge sundae.”
“Coming right up,” I said.
Damn, he’s sexy! I thought as I walked away from their booth. I didn’t know exactly what it was about Tristan, but the very sight of him set me on fire with both love and lust. One fueled the other, so that every time I saw him I wanted to either rip his clothes off, tell him I was madly in love with him, or both. How could one person be so powerfully attracted to another? Tristan was attractive, beautiful in fact, but there were plenty of hot boys around. He was charming, sweet, and kind, but didn’t I know other boys with those qualities? What was it that made him so irresistible to me?
Perhaps it didn’t matter. Feelings didn’t have to make sense. Tristan wasn’t interested in me as anything more than a friend, anyway. If only I could take all the love I felt for Tristan and the desire he inspired and lock it away in a box somewhere until it was safe to let it out.
Anger welled up in my chest as I prepared sundaes for Tristan and his mom. Why was I made to love him so, when he didn’t love me back? I wasn’t angry with Tristan. He couldn’t help but feel as he did anymore than I could. I was angry with God or the universe or whatever. It shouldn’t be possible for one person to love another with such intensity unless those feelings were reciprocated. Why was the world such a cruel place?
Why couldn’t I find a boyfriend? God knows I’d tried. My best friend, Casey, had even provided me with a list of some of the gay boys in the nearby town of Plymouth. I went out with each of them, and what disastrous dates they’d turned out to be. Not one of the boys was boyfriend material. There was Cameron (the Flamer) Camden, Blake (I Just Want to Fuck You) York, Riley (Jail Bait) DeCoteau, Preston (Personality-free) Presley, and finally Webb (I’m Shopping Around for a Better Boyfriend) Castleton. Not one of them could compare with Tristan.
I finished the sundaes and took them out to Tristan and his mom. I returned to the counter and busied myself with cleaning while they talked and laughed. Oh, how I wanted to be sitting across from Tristan talking and laughing like that! I was glad he was with his mom and not another boy. No matter how innocent the relationship, I would’ve been driven out of my mind with jealousy if Tristan was wit
h another guy. Why did being in love have to be so painful? Why did it have to drive me crazy!
Tristan and his mom were gone within twenty minutes, but the memory of Tristan remained. I would practically have sold my soul just to kiss his soft, pink lips. I daydreamed about pressing my lips to his and kissing him as our tongues entwined.
The bell rang again. My little brother entered with Dane. I could have been jealous that Tim had a boyfriend while I didn’t, but instead I was happy for him. I was there when Tim and Dane met. It was lust, if not love, at first sight. Tim deserved to be happy. He’d lived through some hard times. So had Dane, for that matter.
I waited on my brother and his boyfriend and then turned my attention to my work behind the counter. Try as I might, I could not get Tristan out of my head. I wondered what he looked like naked. I undressed him in my mind, revealing his smooth, soft skin and slim, firm torso. I yearned to pull his shirt over his head and run my hands all over his sexy chest and abdomen. Then, I’d run my hands lower and…the bell rang. I looked up. My heart raced as Blake York entered Ofarim’s.
Blake shot me a knowing grin as he walked toward the counter. The sight of his black hair and intense blue eyes made me breathe a little harder. Blake was wearing his letterman’s jacket and looking so very luscious.
Blake was one of the “disastrous dates” I’d been thinking about not long before. I included him in that list because Blake wasn’t the dating type, and I’d allowed him to seduce me into a level of physical intimacy that I’d planned to allow only in a serious relationship. We’d hooked up since then, but things had never gone as far again. I liked to think it was because I had more self-control than I did at our first meeting, but the truth was that things didn’t go beyond oral due to a lack of time and lack of a place to do more. Blake was dangerous. He was handsome, had an incredible body, and was the most seductive guy I’d ever met in my life. I had a feeling he could seduce a straight boy into giving him head. For all I knew, he had.
I glanced at my brother and Dane to see if they were watching. They were talking quietly together. So far, so good.