Just Making Out

by Mark Roeder

  I needed to talk to Tristan—and soon. I’d seen the look in his eyes. He was hurt. I wanted to make him jealous. I wanted him to start thinking about what it would be like if I dated someone else. But, I never wanted to hurt him. True, he’d hurt me by starting things up with Nate London, but I was sure he had his reasons. Maybe it’s something that just happened without any sort of plan. Hell, maybe they looked at each other and it was love at first sight the way it had been with Tim and Dane. Maybe Tristan wanted to experiment with Nate before he got into dating me. I didn’t know what was up, but I did know that Tristan would never hurt anyone if he could help it.

  I caught up with Tristan after lunch. Luckily, Nate was nowhere in sight.

  “We need to talk,” I said.

  “Uh-oh,” Tristan said. “It’s never good when someone says that.”

  “Well, I just…we just need to talk. I’m off this evening. Can we go to my place after school?”

  “Sure. We haven’t seen much of each other outside of school lately. I’m sorry I’ve been so busy, but then you’ve been pretty busy, too.”

  I wondered if his words had a hidden meaning. Was he referring to my jobs or Marc?

  “Yeah, we haven’t seen enough of each other. That’s for sure. Meet me at my locker after school.” I didn’t say more just then. I didn’t want to get into it. What I had to discuss with Tristan was private.

  I tracked down Marc and told him I was meeting Tristan. Otherwise, there might have been an awkward situation if both of them showed up at my locker at the same time. Marc was cool about it. I knew he would be. He’d make someone a great boyfriend. In the short time I’d known him, he’d already became a good friend—and more.

  Tristan met me at my locker shortly after school. He smiled at me, and I fell in love with him all over again. Marc was right. As much as I tried to deny it, I was in love with Tristan. I was beginning to feel really guilty about a lot of things: my anger, my sexual promiscuity, my jealousy, my self-centeredness.

  Tristan and I talked about Dane’s ghost as we walked out to my old Cutlass and I drove him downtown to the loft. Tristan believed him. I did, too.

  I wasn’t looking forward to our conversation. I was very much afraid Tristan was going to tell me that he and Nate had fallen in love at first sight. I didn’t know what I was going to do then. Well, yes, I did. I was going to go and cry on Marc’s shoulder. How likely was my greatest fear, however? Why would Tristan look hurt when he saw me kissing Marc if he was in love with Nate? Wouldn’t he be relieved instead? It was time to stop thinking and start talking. I’d had enough of jealousy, anger, and wondering.

  When we reached my place, I led Tristan upstairs and into the loft. Thankfully, Tim wasn’t around. I hoped he remained absent, but I’d convince him to stay in his room if he showed up.

  “Make yourself at home. Want something to drink?”

  “How about some ice water?”

  “Okay, or we have iced tea if you’d prefer.”

  “Yeah, that sounds great.”

  I poured us both a glass of iced tea, and then we sat down at the table.

  “So…” I said.

  “Yeah, so…”

  “Okay, I’m just going to get straight to the point,” I said. “You looked hurt this morning when you saw me kissing Marc. Were you?”

  Tristan paused before answering.

  “Who you date is your business, Shawn.”

  “True, but you didn’t answer my question. Did I hurt you?”

  “I was…yeah. You’ve been spending a lot of time with Marc. I figured you probably got tired of waiting around for me. It’s okay. I don’t blame you. I’ve thought about asking if you wanted to get together to do something, but you seemed busy with Marc. I wouldn’t have said anything about it, but you did ask.”

  “Yes, I did ask. Listen, I have something I want to ask you. It’s none of my business, so you don’t have to answer, but…are you dating Nate London?”

  “What?” Tristan asked. The look of confusion on his face was a ray of hope.

  “Are you guys…messing around?”

  Tristan laughed.

  “Nate London and me? Are you serious?”

  I was on the verge of tears. It seemed less likely by the moment, but I was so afraid Tristan already had someone else.

  “You are serious. No. There’s nothing like that between Nate and me. I’ve been tutoring him so he doesn’t flunk and have to repeat this year. We get along pretty well. We even hang out sometimes. There’s nothing between us like you mean, though. I’m pretty sure Nate likes girls.”

  “You guys seem really close. You even brought him when we played dodge ball over at Dane’s.”

  “You guys said you wanted as many people as possible. I was tutoring Nate that afternoon, so I invited him. He thought it sounded like fun. So you really thought we were messing around or even dating?”

  “Yeah. I was sure of it, in fact.”

  “So that’s why you’re so mean to Nate! I thought you guys had fallen out over something. That’s why you were going for blood when we played dodge ball. You were trying to hurt him. Weren’t you?”

  “Yeah,” I admitted. I couldn’t help but lower my head. I suddenly felt ashamed.

  “That’s why you haven’t been so nice to me at times. You’ve been running hot and cold lately.”

  “I was upset because you said you weren’t ready to date, but you were apparently dating Nate or messing around with him. I don’t know which would have been worse. You said you weren’t looking for just sex.”

  “I meant it. Listen, Shawn. If I had been dating Nate, I would have told you. I know you’re interested in me. At least, you were before you started seeing Marc. I wouldn’t hurt you like that. Well, if I had started dating him, it would have hurt you, but I would have been honest about it.”

  “I’m not dating Marc, not really.”

  “What do you mean ‘not really’?”

  “Well, Marc and I are friends—good friends. We hang out, and we, uh, have sex, but he’s not my boyfriend. He knows how I feel about you. We, uh, kind of put on a show around you to make you jealous, but we were already friends then, and we’ve become closer. If the situation was different, we might become boyfriends. Shit. You probably don’t even want to talk with me now.”

  “Why not?”

  “I know how you feel about casual sex. You probably think I’m a slut. You’re probably mad at me because I used Marc to make you jealous. I didn’t really use him, though. He knows exactly how I feel about you. Making you jealous was kind of his idea.”

  “How do you feel about me, Shawn?”

  My eyes grew watery, and my lower lip trembled.

  “I’m in love with you.”

  A tear ran down my cheek. Tristan stood, walked around the table, pulled me to my feet and hugged me. Then he pulled back, gazed into my eyes, and kissed me.

  “I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ve made things difficult, haven’t I? I really like you, Shawn, but I’ve let fear get in the way. I didn’t want to get hurt again.”

  “I know you’ve been hurt before, Tristan, but I’m me. I’m not the boy who hurt you back in Tulsa. I’m not like him. I don’t want to change you. I want you to stay just as you are. You said you jumped right into dating him and found out fast you didn’t have anything in common. We’ve been friends for a while now. We have a lot in common. Yes, we have a lot of differences, too, but I like those differences. Don’t judge me by what happened back in Tulsa. It’s okay to love me, Tristan. I won’t hurt you. I’d never hurt you. Please, just give me a chance.”

  Tristan’s eyes grew a little watery, too, and he hugged me close.

  “Maybe it’s time I showed a little of your courage,” Tristan said. “We have been friends for a while now. We haven’t spent as much time together as I would have liked, but that’s largely my fault. Maybe it is time we started dating, but we’ve got to take things slow.”

  “I’d like that,�
� I said, smiling.

  I leaned in and kissed him.

  “What about Marc?” Tristan asked.

  “He really likes me, and I like him, too. I’m almost positive Marc would be up for dating me if you weren’t in the picture. He knows how I feel about you, though. I’ve been completely honest with him from the beginning. He even said that if I asked to date him, he’d refuse, because he knows I can’t belong to anyone else because of my feelings for you. I think Marc and I will be very good friends. I think you and he might make good friends, too.”

  “I’m glad you were honest with him.”

  “I had to be. I couldn’t get into anything with him without telling him about you. I couldn’t take the risk of hurting him.”

  Tristan smiled.

  “Maybe you can stop being mean to Nate now.”

  “I owe him an apology. I hate to admit this, but I was so jealous when I thought he was dating you. Just the thought of him kissing you drove me out of my mind.”

  “Are you going to be jealous while we’re dating?”

  “No, because you’re going to be my boyfriend. I trust you. I won’t think you have something going with another guy.”

  “Good. We have learned a lot about each other, and I like what I’ve seen so far. I’m ready to give this a try. Let’s just take it one step at a time.”

  “That sounds good.”

  I kissed Tristan again. Tim chose that moment to come home.

  “Geesh! Get a room, you two!”

  “I can kiss my boyfriend if I want,” I said.

  Tim didn’t miss the key word—boyfriend.

  “I can get lost if you two want to be alone.”

  “It’s okay. We’re just talking.”

  “And kissing,” Tim said.

  “Yes, and kissing.”

  “I’m glad you’re finally dating him, Tristan. Maybe now he can stop pining over you.”

  “Shut up, Tim.”

  “It was so pathetic,” Tim said.

  I grabbed for Tim, but he dodged me.

  “He was like some lovesick girl.”

  I managed to nab Tim and get him in a headlock.

  “And the way he gazed at you with longing whenever you weren’t looking…”

  I clamped my hand down on Tim’s mouth. I was embarrassed, but Tristan was laughing.

  “Tim has to go to his room now and do his homework,” I said. “Don’t you, Tim?”

  I moved his head up and down, then released him.

  “The sighs just about drove me out of my mind,” Tim said.

  I charged toward my little brother, but he bolted down the hallway, giggling.

  “You’re so lucky to be an only child,” I said.

  “I’m sorry I laughed, but you two are so funny together.”

  “Yeah, Tim’s a regular riot.”

  “Come here,” Tristan said.

  I walked to him. He pulled me close and gazed into my eyes.

  “Were you really pining over me?”

  “Yes,” I admitted. I could feel my face turning red.

  “I definitely shouldn’t have waited so long.”

  Tristan kissed me again. I hugged him tight. I never wanted to let him go.

  ***

  Tristan met me at my locker the next morning before school. I grinned at him. He was my boyfriend at last! I leaned in and gave him a peck on the lips. Marc appeared out of nowhere and draped his arm over my shoulders.

  “Well, I guess I don’t have to ask how the talk went,” he said, pushing his blond bangs away from his face.

  “It went well,” I said.

  “I’m happy for you—both.”

  “I meant what I said, Marc. I want us to be friends.”

  “As if you could get rid of me even if you wanted,” Marc said. “Chill out, Shawn, you worry too much! I told you it’s cool. Now, how about you two invite me over for a three-way tonight?”

  “Uh…” I began.

  “I’m kidding! I’m just kidding. Damn, you are so easy, Shawn.” Marc turned to Tristan. “Hi, I’m Shawn’s former boy toy. Nice to meet you.”

  Marc shook Tristan’s hand as if he’d never met him before.

  “I’m glad I’ve been honest about everything, or that boy-toy remark might have caused trouble,” I said to Marc.

  “You’re always honest, Shawn, that’s why I knew it was safe. Listen, I’ve got to run. Now that Shawn and I are just friends, I need to start patrolling for a new guy.”

  “There’s always Blake,” I said.

  “Yeah, but you know how he is: fun in bed but not much good for anything else.”

  Tristan raised an eyebrow.

  “Oh,” Marc said. “Haven’t told him about Blake yet, huh?”

  “Well, not everything…yet. I couldn’t get to everything!”

  “Just how many guys have you been dating, Shawn?” Tristan said.

  “I uh, Blake and I weren’t…we were just...”

  “You’re right,” Tristan said. “He is easy.”

  “Stop ganging up on me!”

  “Ah, my work here is done,” Marc said with an evil grin. “See you guys at lunch!”

  “Bye, Marc.”

  “I think I’m going to like getting to know him better. So…tell me about Blake,” Tristan said as we walked away from my locker.

  “Well, there’s not much to tell there. To be blunt, he’s a fuck buddy.”

  “You’d better make that a ‘was,’ since we’re dating.”

  “Oh, certainly. Listen, does it bother you that I was with Marc and Blake? I know you’re not into the whole casual-sex thing.”

  I held my breath while I waited for an answer. Two seconds can be an eternity sometimes.

  “You were a free agent, Shawn. You asked me to date you, and I declined. Therefore, you were free to do whatever you wanted.”

  “Yes, but do you think less of me?”

  “No. Casual sex isn’t my thing, but that doesn’t mean I’m against it. You’ll find my ideas about sex very progressive.”

  “Oh?”

  “I think it’s an entirely natural act. As long as it’s consensual, I see nothing wrong with it—period. Sex has been mystified and demonized, and I think that has caused a lot of problems. If people wouldn’t make it such a big deal, there would be far fewer unwanted pregnancies and far fewer problems with VD. It’s not sex that causes problems, but ignorance.”

  “How else are you sexually progressive?”

  “You’ll find out about that later, but if you think you’re getting any right away, you can forget it.”

  “I’ve waited a long time already.”

  “You’ll just have to wait a little longer.”

  “I think you like tormenting me.”

  “Yes, but I won’t torment you too long. I said a little longer after all.”

  “Mmm.”

  “You are such a horn dog.”

  “I think you kind of like that.”

  “Yes, I do. I’ll see you at lunch, Shawn.”

  “Bye, Tristan.”

  I reached out and brushed a stray hair out of Tristan’s face. He grinned at me and walked away. I felt like my heart could burst with happiness. Devon walked past me just then. I grabbed him, hugged him, and then made my way to class, leaving a speechless Devon in my wake.

  Tristan and Marc sat on either side of me at lunch. We talked and laughed as always. I even told everyone the story of hugging Devon.

  “That was probably the thrill of his life,” Marc said. “I have two words to say about Devon: closet case.”

  “I have two words to say about him, too,” Brandon said. “Ass hole, or is that one word?”

  “I was thinking four words,” Tim said. “Poster child for contraception.”

  The whole table laughed at that.

  Tristan and Marc talked more than they had in the past. The three of us kept smiling at each other as we talked with everyone else at the table.

  “Threesome,” Jon mock-
coughed. “Threesome.”

  “Nope,” Tristan said. “When it comes to boyfriends, I don’t share.”

  Boyfriends. I sure liked the sound of that. My friends didn’t fail to catch the significance of the word. They all knew how I’d fallen for Tristan.

  “Well, it’s about time,” Jon said.

  “Yeah,” Brandon agreed. “So when did you and Marc start dating?”

  “Brandon,” I growled.

  “Oh! Tristan is dating you? Sorry. My mistake. I guess there’s no accounting for taste.”

  “As if you’d know anything about taste,” Jon said.

  “At least, I don’t have to pay for it…”

  I tuned Brandon and Jon out. I smiled at Tristan and lost myself in his sexy brown eyes.

  Marc went on his way after lunch, and Tristan and I walked back to our lockers together.

  “Tristan, I’d like to see you after school, but I have work, and if you don’t mind, I’d like to talk to Marc. I just want to make sure he’s really okay with all this.”

  “Sure. Why don’t we get together for supper your next night off?”

  “That sounds wonderful!”

  I gave Tristan a hug. Even better, he hugged me back.

  ***

  I caught Marc at his locker just after school.

  “Hey, can we talk?”

  “What about your boyfriend? Shouldn’t you be spending time with him?”

  “Yeah, but I have time for my friends, too, especially such a good friend.”

  “Oh, please, you sound like a greeting card. I’ll talk with you on one condition: that you don’t say anymore crap like that.”

  “I promise.”

  “Good, I don’t want to have to kill you.”

  Marc slammed his locker shut. We walked out of the school together and sat on the hood of my car.

  “You look happy,” Marc observed.

  “I am.”

  “I’m glad.”

  “Are you okay? I mean, with us not being able to be intimate anymore?”

  “Wow, what an ego. You must think you’re really something in the sack.”