by Mark Roeder
Jacob had left me in peace last night. After Tim walked me home, I’d crawled into bed and didn’t awaken until it was time to get up for school. I hoped that meant he’d leave me be, but no such luck. Maybe I had imagined him after all, but no, my imagination wasn’t that good. I hadn’t even been thinking about Jacob before he appeared. My mind had been on other things this morning, like the spaghetti and the Rook game of the night before. I’d been in a great mood all morning and then: bam!
Was I going to start seeing Jacob everywhere? What if he started haunting me in my classes? What if he accosted me on my way home from school? How could I escape from a ghost?
Damn that Boothe! He had royally screwed me over, yet this wasn’t Boothe’s fault. He was a selfish jerk and had no problem dumping his troubles on someone else, but Jacob had forced him to pass that coin onto me. Even if I didn’t know it for a fact, it would’ve made sense. Boothe didn’t like me, but he wouldn’t have gone to the trouble of tracking me down if he could have saddled just anyone with that coin. He wouldn’t have put himself in unnecessary danger, either. Boothe was far from blameless, but Jacob was the driving force.
I calmed myself. There was no reason to blow things out of proportion. The situation was bad, but I’d been in worse spots. I feared Jacob. I was uneasy because I never knew when he was going to pop up, but he’d never tried to harm me, and there was no reason to fear he’d become dangerous. It was a scary situation, but a dead Jacob wasn’t nearly as dangerous as a living Boothe.
The rest of the day passed pleasantly enough. Brandon and Jon teased me about eating not only my lunch but half of Tim’s. I had been hungrier lately, but maybe that was because of the frequent sexual activity with Tim. We burned up a lot of calories! Tim said I wore him out as much as football practice did.
I walked home after school, dumped my backpack in my room, and then walked down to the cafeteria. I found a note on the refrigerator door. Mom and Dad had driven up to South Bend to check out some antique mall and then to have supper. Mine was in the refrigerator. All I had to do was heat it up.
I wasn’t hungry enough for supper yet, so I grabbed a couple of chocolate-chip cookies and walked to the gym. I went to the large football-team photo near the stage and stared at Jacob Brubaker. I wondered who he’d been and what his life was like. Tim and I had planned to do some more research on him, but other pursuits had demanded our time. It had been easy enough to discover he was killed by being hit by a car, but other details were harder to find. I had gone to the library again a couple of times to see what I could uncover, but all I’d dug up was references to his participation in sports and a few school clubs. Jacob was a star athlete. He’d earned a letterman’s jacket. He was the top contender to become the quarterback in the 1949-50 school year, but his death had brought everything to an abrupt end.
“Handsome, wasn’t I?”
I jumped and cried out. I turned quickly. Jacob was standing not two feet away. He looked almost alive. His face was only slightly blue-tinged. The air perhaps felt cooler, but if so, the difference was so little I couldn’t be sure. This time, there had been no warning that Jacob was coming. My mind raced back to that morning in the restroom. There had been no advance warning then, either—no intense cold, no frost forming on glass. I’d been too shaken up to think about it then.
Jacob stepped closer, and I backed up against the wall.
“You’re not wearing my coin,” Jacob said. “I want you to wear it.”
“I, uh…”
I trembled. Jacob was speaking to me. He’d only done so once before now, and then only those few words that so disturbed me: “I’m going to make you mine.”
“You don’t have to be afraid of me,” Jacob said. “I understand why you were afraid before. I know I wasn’t looking my best. I’m coming back now, though, thanks to you. I won’t hurt you, Dane. I’m grateful.”
“I…I don’t understand.”
“You will.”
Jacob closed in on me. I darted away from him, into the boys’ locker room. I’m not sure what I thought I was doing. There was no escaping a ghost. Jacob walked through the door and smiled at me.
“Don’t be afraid.”
“It was Boothe’s idea to rob your grave! I was just working for him! I was desperate. I’m sorry!”
“It’s okay, Dane. Without Boothe and you, I wouldn’t have been able to come back. I’m not angry about you disturbing my grave. In fact, I’m grateful. It’s just a shame that Boothe took the coin and not you. It would have made things so much easier. It’s you I’ve wanted since that night.”
There it was. I had been the target all along. I already knew it, yet hearing it stated out loud chilled me to the bone.
“I want to show you my appreciation, Dane. I know about your fantasy. I heard you talk about it in this very room.”
Jacob came closer. I backed into the lockers. I wanted to run, but there was no escape. Wherever I went, he’d find me.
Jacob was only inches from me now.
“Please. Whatever you’re going to do, please don’t!”
“But it’s what you want, Dane. I know it, and you know it, too.”
Jacob gripped my upper arms. He was strong—as strong as a living boy with his build. Jacob leaned in. I turned my head. He grasped my chin in one hand and made me look at him. He pressed his lips against mine and kissed me. I tried to pull away, but he kissed me harder, forcing my lips to part. He slipped his tongue into my mouth. His lips and tongue were warm. He felt—alive. Jacob kissed me deeply, then leaned back, smiling.
“You can’t tell me you didn’t like that.”
“But, you’re dead!”
“I’m not dead. I was never truly dead. I was just…waiting.”
I shook my head.
“No. No, you’re dead! This isn’t right! It’s…”
“Do I look dead to you?”
I gazed at Jacob. I couldn’t even detect the slight purple tinge anymore.
“No.”
“Did I feel dead when I kissed you?”
I shook my head. I’d panicked when he began to kiss me and then again when he forced his tongue into my mouth. The thought of his cold, wet, likely rotting tongue nearly made me retch, but then it hadn’t been like that at all.
“You’re not alive,” I said.
“Close enough,” Jacob said.
“Not for me.”
I swallowed hard, ready for him to become angry.
“You’ll change your mind about that soon enough.”
Jacob moved to kiss me again.
“No. Please!”
“You know you like it.”
“I have a boyfriend!”
“I’ll make you forget all about him,” Jacob said.
Before I could protest that I’d never forget about Tim, Jacob kissed me again. He pressed his body into mine and kissed me deeply. My own body began to react. I tried to break away. Doing this was wrong on so many levels. Jacob wouldn’t let me go. He held me in place and kissed me as if he was trying to devour me.
“I know your fantasy,” he whispered into my ear right before he gently chewed on my earlobe. A wave of pleasure coursed through my body. I fought it. I couldn’t allow myself to feel this.
Jacob’s hands were all over my body.
“No. Stop. Please stop,” I pleaded.
Jacob shut me up by forcing his tongue into my mouth. Jacob’s body pinned me against the lockers as he held my head in place with his left hand. His right hand wandered and groped. He gripped the front of my jeans. I fought him, but he was too strong for me. I tried to bring my knee up to nail him in the nuts, wondering if I could even hurt a ghost (or whatever he was) that way, but my legs were firmly pinned. I could barely move.
Jacob kept kissing me. He kept groping me through my jeans. I was aroused despite myself. Before long, I began to moan into Jacob’s mouth. My own body betrayed me. I was so turned on I couldn’t stand it. Jacob groped me, then rubbed his crotch into
mine. I could feel the hardness in his pants. He rubbed against me harder and harder while his tongue invaded my mouth. I moaned into Jacob’s mouth as I lost control. My orgasm surged through my entire body. I’d never felt anything so intense in my life. If Jacob hadn’t had me pinned to the wall, I would have slid down it. That’s just what I did when he released me. He stood over me, smiling.
I looked up. Jacob looked powerful and beautiful. He looked full of life. He smiled at me again, and then he disappeared. I just sat there on the floor, panting.
I was exhausted. I was almost too weak to pull myself up and sit on the bench. I remained there a few moments. My stomach rumbled. I was ravenously hungry. I walked out of the locker room and made my way to the cafeteria.
I warmed up the lasagna Mom had left for me and wolfed it down. Then, I made myself a salami and Colby Jack cheese sandwich and devoured it. Two more sandwiches followed as did most of a bag of sour cream & onion potato chips. My mind kept going back to what had just happened in the old locker room. I didn’t want to remember. I felt so guilty. I should have been stronger. I should have had more control. Jacob should not have been able to get me off. I had a boyfriend! I loved him! Despite what Jacob said, he was dead! I’d seen him lying in his casket with my very own eyes. He’d been hit by a car decades ago, and he’d lain in his grave ever since—until Boothe disturbed him. I loathed Boothe. If I ever got my hands on him…but no, that was stupid. Boothe was far too much for me to handle. It was best to hope he never returned to Verona again. I doubted he would. He’d done what he’d set out to do: saddle me with a dead boy!
I wanted to clean up, but I was afraid Jacob might molest me if I tried to take a shower. Instead, I climbed the stairs to my room, grabbed a clean pair of boxers, and headed for the boys’ restroom. I cleaned myself up and changed underwear. I stood there staring at myself in the mirror when I was finished, feeling more guilty by the second. I’d cheated on Tim, and I didn’t like the way I felt about myself.
I didn’t know what I was going to do. Should I tell Tim or keep it from him? I didn’t want to hurt Tim, but not telling him felt like messing around behind his back. I didn’t want to tell him what I’d done, but I knew the guilt would probably eat me alive if I didn’t. There were disadvantages to being the new me. The old me would have reveled in the intrigue instead of feeling guilty. Despite my predicament, I liked the new me a whole lot better.
I walked to Tim’s place. I wasn’t sure if he’d be home or not, but I didn’t want to call. I couldn’t talk about this on the phone. When he opened the door, he gave me a grin. I felt worse than ever about what had happened.
On the way over, I’d promised myself I’d come right out and say what I had to say. If I let myself stall even a little, I might spend hours with Tim and never have the balls to tell him what had happened. I’d tell him and take the consequences.
“Tim, I…I’ve got to tell you something,” I said even before the door was closed behind us.
“Shoot,” he said.
“I cheated on you.”
That did it. My eyes watered, and a sob escaped my throat. My pain was increased exponentially by the look on Tim’s face. He looked as if I’d just slapped him.
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “You wouldn’t do that.”
“I did,” I said. “I’m sorry.”
I was sniveling like a pathetic loser.
“Who?” Tim asked, his lower lip beginning to tremble. “Marc? Blake?”
I shook my head.
“Jacob.”
“Jacob? Dane, Jacob is a ghost. He isn’t real. Well, he’s real, but you cannot have cheated on me with a ghost. It isn’t possible.”
“I did.”
“What did you do, Dane?”
I told Tim exactly what happened.
“You jerk. Don’t scare me like that. Don’t come telling me you cheated on me when you didn’t. It’s not cheating if you aren’t a willing participant. Dane, Jacob raped you. You’re not responsible for what happened.”
“He didn’t rape me. He didn’t…you know.”
“Just because there was no penetration doesn’t mean it wasn’t rape. You tried to stop him. You tried to get away. You couldn’t. He forced you. That’s rape in my book.”
“But, I…I came.”
“So? Listen, if someone pinned me to the wall and kept groping my stuff I’d come sooner or later, too. That’s not cheating, Dane. That is your body’s natural reaction.”
“So you’re not mad?”
“What I am is worried. Dane, I had no idea Jacob could or would do something like that.”
“I didn’t, either.”
“Forget all this cheating talk, Dane. That’s crazy. You did not cheat on me. I’d kick Jacob’s ass if I knew how to find him.”
“Well, short of digging him up, I don’t think you can. I’m not even sure he’s in his grave anymore. He was solid this time. If I didn’t know he was a ghost, I would’ve thought he was a real, live guy. He’s been getting more and more lifelike. This afternoon he was almost the same as living. I don’t know what he is anymore.”
“We’ve got to find some way to protect you against him.”
“I’d love that, but how do you protect yourself against someone who can walk through walls? He felt completely solid to me, but he still walked straight through the door.”
“Maybe you should wear a cross or something.”
“He’s a ghost, Tim, not a vampire.”
Tim pulled me to him and held me close. Despite the Jacob situation, I felt safe with Tim. I wished I could be with Tim all the time, but that wasn’t going to happen. My parents wouldn’t allow it. If I could explain to them why I needed Tim to be with me, they might have allowed it, but I couldn’t explain. How do you tell your parents you’re being molested by a ghost without them sending you off to the nut house? It can’t be done.
Shawn was out, so we made good use of the time. I needed to be with Tim then. There were all the usual attractions of his naked body against mine, but being with him made me feel safe and secure. When we were finished, Tim held me as we lay on his bed. We both fell asleep. I didn’t awaken until Tim nudged me. I could hear Shawn moving about the loft. Tim and I dressed and walked into the living room.
“I’m not going to ask what you guys were doing,” Shawn said.
“Actually, we were sleeping,” Tim said.
“Yeah, and I bet I know what wore you out.”
We grinned but didn’t say anything.
“I’m going to walk Dane home. I’ll be back in a bit,” Tim said.
“I may be in bed when you get back. I’m exhausted.”
Shawn yawned. He looked worn out.
Tim walked me home in the moonlight. It was romantic and wonderful.
“I’m glad we’re okay,” I said.
“We’re more than okay. We’re perfect.”
I stopped for a moment, pulled Tim to me, and kissed him on the lips.
“I don’t deserve you.”
“Sure you do,” Tim said. “I just hope I deserve you.”
“You do.”
We kissed again and walked on. When I’d walked to Tim’s place I’d feared things might be over between us. I guess that was pretty stupid of me. I guess I just panicked. Now things were better than ever. It would take more than a ghost to come between Tim and me.
***
“I am so hungry,” I said as Tim and I walked out the front doors of VHS.
Tim arched an eyebrow.
“I meant for food, but that, too.”
Tim grinned.
“Let’s go get something,” he said. “Ofarim’s? We can annoy Shawn.”
We walked the few blocks to Ofarim’s. The bell jingled as we opened the door. Shawn looked up from the counter and smiled. We slipped into a booth. Shawn carried milkshakes over to a couple sitting on the other side of the restaurant and then came to us.
“Do you need menus or do you know what you want?”<
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“I’ll have a triple cheeseburger, fries, a corndog, a Coke, and a large chocolate shake.”
Shawn’s eyes widened slightly at my large order but said nothing.
“I think I’ll have a hot dog, fries, and a Coke,” Tim said.
“It’ll be ready in a few.”
Shawn brought our Cokes right out. I immediately sucked half of mine down. I loved the bubbly sweetness of it.
“I wish it would warm up already,” I said. “Why does it take so long for spring to really get going?”
“You’re just impatient. Besides, it’s pretty warm out now. Think of how cold it was two months ago!”
“Yeah, I’m impatient. I’m like that sign I saw once. It said something like, ‘May God grant me patience, and I want it right now!’ ”
Tim laughed.
Our orders were up sooner than expected. The scent of my burger, corn dog, and fries was heavenly. I stuffed my mouth full of fries almost as soon as they were on the table. Tim took a bite of his hot dog and sighed.
“What?” I tried to ask with my mouth full. I think it came out as, “Wmmff?”
“I feel guilty,” Tim said. “Here we are stuffing our faces, and Shawn is stuck waiting tables. He works so hard, and I feel like I don’t do anything.”
“I seem to remember you offered to get a part-time job, but Shawn didn’t want you to do it.”
“Yeah, he was afraid my grades would suffer, and he said he wanted me to remain a kid while I could.”
“So, there you are. You help out around the apartment, right?”
“Yeah. Shawn and I share the cleaning. I think I’m going to start doing most of it, though. It’s only fair. He’s working to support both of us. He shouldn’t have to come home and clean after school and work.”
“Problem solved then. Take on more of the housework. I’ll even help you.”