by Tara Brown
In one of the windows I see the girl who was with Wyatt at the church and the parking lot of Subway. She is dressed in a hunter-green dress that I can't help but hate. It's too formal and eighties prom. She has long white gloves on and a martini in her hand. Her pretty blonde hair is in tendrils around her face and tucked up in a bun. Her face is content.
She smiles at a man next to her and removes her glove to show him her ring. It’s an engagement ring. Wyatt walks up and kisses her on the cheek. My stomach hurts when I see him. The man shakes his hand, and I realize the fool I have been.
My heart feels like it's fallen out of my chest. My chest is hollow. It feels like it's open and bleeding. I can't get my breath. I remember his arms around me and his lips on mine. The dangerous look he got in his eye when we made out, like he was about to lose control. I have a montage moment and everything hurts.
I spend too long thinking about the things he said, the way he acted, and how I was convinced that somewhere deep down, he loved me. Even if he swore he didn’t.
I let myself love him.
I let him make a fool out of me, again.
When I look up again I see him looking out the window. He senses me. I know he does. I slide up against the tree tightly.
The tree hides me, but that doesn’t stop his eyes from seeking me out. He feels me, just as I feel him. I see the people next to him try to talk to him. It looks like he brushes them off. He points to the huge balcony out back. He walks out under the guise of getting some night air, no doubt. But really he is looking for me.
The back door opens, just as I assume it will. He walks out onto the terrace alone. He places his drink down and scans the forest. My heart is beating out of my chest.
He turns and walks to the wide staircase. I take it as my chance to run. I bolt into the forest. I run hard for the car. These are the same trees as the last time I ran from him.
I can hear his feet in the trees. I hear something breaking branches. I beeline for the car. My feet dig in and push.
“Rayne!” He's close.
I run hard.
“MONA, START THE CAR!” I feel like the Ikea commercial.
I hear Mona start the car. She is sitting waiting for me with her head out the window. As long as she doesn’t put the car in gear, the stupid running lights stay off. I pray she doesn’t put it into drive and give her location away.
His hand grabs for me but I push harder. He tackles me to the ground and pins me.
“What are you doing?” He holds me on the ground.
I kick at him and push him off me.
He looks stunned. I laugh. He wasn’t prepared for me to fight back with any skill.
His face is fierce. “What are you doing here? You want me to take you in?”
I laugh.
He shoves me with his hands and I fly back. Apparently, he's also been holding back. This might get interesting. Ellie has memories of other Van Helsings and their mad skills.
He pushes me again. “You want me to take you in? You want to be chained to the wall again? That’s what they’ll do to you.”
I watch the anger in his eyes. I backhand him before he expects it. “Screw you.”
He wipes the blood away from his lip. He looks at it and raises his eyebrows. “You want this?”
I smile. “I owed you that one, and you friggen know it.”
He laughs bitterly. “I told you I was sorry.”
I meet his grin with my own, but mine is full of pain. “And I told you, it will always be one more sorry, Wyatt. I can't forgive the things you’ve done to me.”
He glares at me. “And what? I should forgive what you are? I have to forgive what you are?”
I have a flaw. It's annoying.
I cry when I'm angry.
Tears flood my eyes, and I'm bawling like a baby instantly. “You want to know why I'm here? I wanted to see you. Jerk. I wanted to see you. I wanted to see you once, before I put us on opposite teams for good. I know you plan on betraying me and killing me for the light of the world.”
He grips his hair. “Rayne, I'm on your side. I don’t know how else to tell you this. I've rescued you, paid for you, saved you numerous times. What more do you need?” He points to the house and whispers harshly, “I told them that’s what I would do. That wasn’t my plan.” He looks exasperated.
I see red. “That woman in there is wearing your engagement ring. You're engaged. You're not on my side. You never were.” Tears are pouring from my face. I see it softens him. He straightens his dinner jacket and tries to hide the shame on his face.
He winces. “She is like me. You are . . . you. It won't ever work between us. That doesn’t change the fact that I want to help you.”
I laugh and cry. “The funny thing is that I actually have a husband. I completely forgot about him. So don’t you worry about me. I don’t need someone like you on my side anyway.”
His eyes burn. “Husband?” He looks hurt. I savor the look. If I could wrap up that look and snack on it later, I would.
“Constantine Basarab. Maybe you've heard of him.” I know he has.
His eyes flare. “What?” His look becomes more delicious and pained. I want to roll around and kick my feet when I see it.
I nod and wipe away my tears. “We married a long time ago. Ask your mom about it. She was there. I know what she is, and I know what you want. I remember everything.” I probably should have held that back, but I've always sucked at poker. “I know you were tricking me and planning on killing me for the light of the world.”
I hear voices in the woods behind him.
He takes a step toward me, and I take one back. He smiles his cocky grin. “You didn’t think that me and you had a future, did you? Something like you, with someone like me? Yeah, I have a fiancé. Yeah, I used you. We're at war, Rayne. It isn’t ever going to be fair between us. Why do you think I handfasted with you? I knew I'd be able to feel you. Track you. That’s my job.”
My heart is breaking, but I smile bitterly through the pain. “Does she know your job involved making out with me? Does she know you can track me? I don’t think she does. I think you never told her that. Because she never noticed you looking out the windows when you felt me just now. She didn’t come with you to hunt me down!”
“Come with me.” He puts a hand out. “Come gently, and I won't hurt you.”
I laugh. “You can't hurt me. You don’t matter to me.”
The voices get closer. I can hear them calling him.
He pounces for me, but I leap out of the way and somersault. I jump up and run for the car before he's even off the ground. My legs are done, but I force them to work. I run for the road, past the car. Mona sees me and drives to where I'm running. I run along the road. When she drives up and holds the car door open. I jump in. I kneel on the seat and look back at him with the door still open and wave.
He's standing on the road huffing and puffing. Looking sexy in his suit. I climb in and close the door.
I wipe my face. I want to smile and laugh, but I can't. It's all hitting me like an avalanche of emotions.
“You okay? Did he hurt you?” she asks desperately.
I try to shake my head but it betrays me. I ugly cry. I lose all control and become a sobbing monster.
Through the sobs I get out a sentence. “He's engaged.”
She looks confused. “What?”
I shake my head. “Engaged. Called me a thing. A thing. Not worthy of him.”
She swings the car around and punches it. I'm thrown against the window. The car skids and straightens out. He leaps out of the way as she swerves for him. She swings the car around again and punches it again. I hear and feel a thump. The car jerks from the hit. She stops the car and jumps out. “A THING? SCREW YOU, WYATT. YOU'RE THE THING. YOU'RE A SMARMY BASTARD. YOU'RE ENGAGED?” He's on the ground on his back. She is kicking and hitting.
He winces and moans, but she lays the boots to him without pause. I jump out of the car and drag her in. The p
eople coming for him are almost to us. I throw her in the driver's seat again and run around to my side. I'm barely in when she punches the gas again. She drives forward and slams on the brakes. She puts it in reverse. She looks insane. She backs up and hits him with the car again.
“STOP! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM!” I shout.
She grins. “He can't die. He already told me that. Besides, you shouldn’t care.” She throws it into drive and skids away.
He's lying on the ground, looking unconscious and we leave him there. I am sick with guilt. I hate that I am leaving him, which makes me hate myself even more because I'm a pathetic loser where boys are concerned.
Chapter Twenty
Mona was right. Classes feel like the dullest thing I've ever done in my life. I find them too easy now. I speak the languages I'm studying. Ellie spoke German, Russian, French, Latin, Romanian, and Spanish. Her memories and mine are merging more every day. I remember how to speak the languages.
I have a hard time sometimes differentiating between her life and mine. She loves and hates Constantine, the same way I love and hate Wyatt. It's like having my heart broken twice.
I leave Spanish and walk down the outdoor corridor. I sense something and glance up. My skin crawls. I know something isn’t right. My stomach twinges.
He's here.
I hug my coat and try to walk with the other students. Stay with my herd. Mona and I have rules on how to survive everyday life and Willow's guard holds. I am in my full power, so it still holds. Once I enter the building, nothing intent on harming me can see me or feel me. It's my only saving grace.
I hurry to the building, but I can sense him. I turn. He's leaning against a tree. He isn’t smiling. He's always angry when he sees me. I flip him off and turn away. He smiles at that.
“Rayne,” he calls me. I pick up my pace. “Rayne, wait up.”
His hand is on me, spinning me to face him. I give a threatening suck. I know he knows what it is. Sucking him tastes like dandelions, but it's worth it.
He puts his hands up. “Not here to cause a problem. I just want a truce. For now.”
My eyes can't help but notice the lack of a ring on his wedding hand. No wedding yet.
He sees my eyes and looks further annoyed. “How's the husband?”
I smile. “Awesome. Best husband . . . ever.”
He winces.
I cross my arms. I'm ready for him. “He stays at his house, pays my tuition and bills, gives me money, and lets me keep his Mercedes convertible. It's a good gig.”
His bitter look lifts. He looks almost hopeful. “You aren’t together?”
I shake my head. “No. I barely know him.”
He is in pain. He can't hide it.
I like his pain. “It's funny. I am different. I know I am. But I'm still the same person I always was. I'm the one who never lied about who they were, or acted like they were someone else. I never tricked you into liking me. You just liked me on your own, for who I was. Am. Ironic, huh?”
He looks upset. “You have a pretty important job, Rayne. You have to die to save the world. I'd say you're not exactly the same as you were when we met.”
I flinch. “And you ARE exactly the same.”
His jaw is set. His eyes are full of regret. “You have to die. You know that.”
I chuckle. “There is another way. I intend to do everything in my power to make the other way work for me. I know my mother will die for me. I just have to convince my father.”
His mouth lifts. “You have to find him first.”
His cocky smile pisses me off. “No, I don’t. He'll come for me. When he does, I'll be ready.”
He is beautiful. I step forward and press my lips against his. I take advantage of the fact that the greens are covered in people and give him my best kiss ever. He doesn’t fight. He devours me as always. I slide my fingers up into his hair. I pull slightly. I remember liking the feeling of pulling hair and having mine pulled. I kiss him with the years of experience Ellie has.
I kiss the side of his face and duck my head into his throat. I lick along his jugular and whisper, “Willow was right, wasn’t she? The minute she met you, she saw it? You loved me. You still do. But I'm not ever going to be yours, Wyatt. Does that bother you? Other men have had what you have tried so hard to get? I gave it to them without even the slightest bit of thought or effort. Have a nice life, Wyatt, with the wife you let Mommy pick out.” I kiss his cheek softly and turn away from him.
He calls after me, “You're right. Rayne, you're right about it. About all of it. Is that what you want to hear? Is that enough for you to stop tormenting the hell out of me constantly?”
I turn back and smile harshly. His dark-blue eyes break my heart a little bit. “Well, it changes nothing. Being right and not being together is the same as being wrong. What does it matter?” I blow him a kiss. “And no. I like tormenting you. A lot.” He laughs bitterly and follows me. I know when I enter the building I vanish to him.
I'm shaking, but I'm free in a sense. I have returned the smack he gave me in the beginning. I have taken back the power he held over me. The power of the knowledge that he loved me all along and that I wasn’t alone in it. His mother saw it. His uncle saw it. Willow saw it. I saw it.
I still see it.
But I don’t care anymore. I am free of him because I don’t care. My life is complex enough without him tugging at my heartstrings, and then marrying some girl because his family likes her and approves.
Mona is in our room with books everywhere. She scowls at me as I close the door. “I missed so much.”
I collapse on the bed. “I know. God. And I have to go out tonight. If I don’t do the mini sips at the bar, I get too hungry and end up eating a whole person.”
She grimaces but looks back at the books and her laptop.
My phone rings.
I answer, “Willow?”
“Hey, kiddo.” She sounds different.
“Hey. How's it going?”
“Good.” She is just tired. “I've been doing a bunch of reading and it looks like Constantine is right. He's right about the devils. Beheaded and instantly dead. No suffering. You're staying away from him, right?” She still sounds like my mother.
I sigh. “Yes.”
Her tone becomes even more motherly. “Promise? ‘Cause I had a dream the other night and you were drowning in a sea of blood. I think it means you're not eating enough and your body is craving things. Like sexy things. You're not having sex, right? It makes your condition worse.”
I laugh. “No. I promise. No sex. No meat. No processed food. It's been vegan and water and healthy.” It's true, and I miss everything, except sex. “I saw Wyatt. He's back at school, I think.” Mona's nostrils flare, and I'm sure Willow looks exactly the same. I put a hand out and continue, “I think he fears me, a little. He knows I can drink from him and not suffer any pain. I tricked him the one time in the motel room, but now he knows. The handfasting cost him something, just like it did me. I can sense him the way he can me. I can drink from him and kill him if I want to.”
She sighs. “Be careful, for Goddess' sake. You don’t know that you can kill him.”
I nod even though she can’t see me. “I know. I'm being careful. How's tracking the devils going?”
She moans. “Not so good. So far, we think the one who came and used you to cleanse is from either Detroit or New Orleans. We think he maybe lives in both regions. The turmoil and corruption there is the best place. He was so accessible to you. He must be stateside. The next ones we believe are in Rio de Janeiro, Karachi, Ciudad Juarez, Caracas, or Cape Town. We can't be positive, but we think we're on the right track. Should know more in the next couple weeks. We have witches dispatched to each city and looking into it. Do you forgive me yet?”
I frown. “For what?”
Her voice cracks. “For abandoning you to the Van Helsings and not leaving my coven to be with you?”
I shake my head. “I never was angry with you
. I know everything you have done was to help me, in some way.”
She sighs in relief. “Oh thank Goddess. I was so worried. I fled when he came to the house with you, because I was scared and confused. He loves you, Rayne. Make no mistake. That man loves you. I still believe he has your best interests at heart. I didn’t want to stay and lead him to the lair. I knew he could torture me and make me tell him. I didn’t want him to know what you were. I fled to protect you. Their touch is especially bad for earth witches. I just can't leave you.”
I sigh. “Well, I don’t believe it. I don’t think he wants to help me, Willow. I think he's Team Van Helsing.”
“I hope you're wrong,” she says softly.
I chuckle. “I don’t. I don’t need complications like boys right now. I need to hunt these devils and end my issues.”
“I can't leave my coven, Rayne. I would lose my magic if I did. I would die without it. I would come with you, otherwise.” I can hear the guilt in her voice.
I shake my head again, like she can see me. “I don’t want that, Willow. Stay there and be safe with the others. They can't get to you there. Wyatt told me that he can only kill a couple of you at a time.”
“Yeah, well, he hasn’t tried messing with us, so that’s good. How did Fitz seem? Did he look okay?” Her voice breaks.
I scowl. “Cruel and ruthless. Was that how he looked before?”
She pauses. “He's not really like that, you know that? He's the sweetest man alive.”
I can let her believe that. I can keep her from knowing the things they did to me. The way my shoulders slowly dislocated and the way my wrists broke.
“Well, make sure you're being safe. And if I find anything, I'll let you know. We are desperately searching for Lillith's whereabouts. So far it seems like she's vanished off the face of the earth. Nothing is written about her. But I'm not giving up. As soon as one of the witch groups finds the devils, I'll let you know. We will get you flights.”
“Thanks, Willow. I love you.” I almost call her mom.
She sighs. “I love you too. I miss you.”
“Me too.”
I hang up the phone. Mona is examining me. “You think it was a good idea, right? Coming back here?”