T'on Ma

by Magnolia Belle

  * * *

  For several days after Liam's departure, Lana found herself thinking about what Liam had told her. Combined with what Nathan and her father had already said, she knew they all worried about her feelings for Two Hawks. His involvement with capturing women needed to be addressed. But when? She wouldn't see him until his return from his winter camp.

  Lana kept reminding herself that she had promised Liam she would talk to her parents about her time with the Apaches, but the time never seemed right. Everyone was too tired in the evenings and too busy during the day. At least, that's what she kept telling herself.

  One particularly gray day, the skies opened up with a cold rain in the afternoon, sending the Cooper family indoors for the rest of the day. The fireplace was warm and inviting. May sat in her rocking chair, knitting. Joshua planned which crops to plant where in the next few weeks. The rest of them were scattered around the room.

  Lana sat at the dining table with a fresh cup of coffee. "I promised Liam I'd talk to you," she said to the room. "Now's as good a time as any."

  "Talk to us about what, dear?" May asked, looking up from her handwork.

  "About my time with the Apaches."

  "Oh." May put her knitting down and turned to say over her shoulder, "Jake, Paul, maybe you ought to go to your room for a while."

  "No, Ma," Lana stopped her. "They need to hear this, too. This didn't just happen to me. Christina was there as well. And Nathan. So this affects the whole family."

  Joshua nodded for his two youngest sons to sit back down.

  Lana began her story at the river and told how angry and indignant she was at being captured. Except for keeping her tied, the Apaches had left her alone until they joined up with the rest of their band. Her account of the near-rape and of having the dead man fall on her shocked them all.

  She then told them how Two Hawks found her. "I didn't know at the time that Nathan was with him," she explained. "I thought the stampeding herd was a coincidence." Turning to Nathan, she asked, "How did you do that, anyway?"

  Nathan told briefly of killing the guard and using both their guns to stampede the horses. "It was Centas Yi' plan," he finished.

  Lana nodded and then continued. "So, while the Apaches were distracted, Centas Yi cut Christina and me loose. We ran for the horses and then rode for our lives." She shook her head at the memory. "We ran forever, it seemed. We'd only stop to sleep for a few hours before we'd start out again. There was only one blanket, so I gave it to Christina. I slept next to Centas Yi to keep warm. Nathan slept next to Christina."

  Christina blushed deeply at that revelation.

  "We were very hungry and beyond tired. When the Apache finally caught us, we made our stand on a small hill. Centas Yi killed a horse to give us what little cover there was. We fought as best we could, but we ran out of ammunition and arrows too soon."

  She stopped here, finding the next bit difficult to confess.

  "So I told Two Hawks that I didn't want to be taken alive. There was no way I was going back to the Apaches."

  "What?" May was horrified.

  Lana raised her hand to stop her. "I asked Centas Yi if he would help me with that, and he said he would. I knew Nathan was making the same offer to Christina."

  Lana stood up and walked toward the fireplace, her back to the rest of them. "I thanked Centas Yi and kissed him goodbye. My eyes were closed, but I could hear his knife scraping the leather as he pulled it out of its sheath. I could feel him raise his arm. The Apaches were screaming all around us."

  Her trembling hand wiped a tear away from her cheek. "Centas Yi asked me to wait for him in the next world. He told me he would be joining me quickly and that we would start our new life together there. I kept that picture in my mind while I waited for the knife. But it didn't fall. When I opened my eyes, Centas Yi was standing next to Nathan, looking behind us. I suppose that's when they saw the cavalry. Then Centas Yi fell to the ground, shot by an arrow."

  Lana turned to face her family now, studying their expressions. "That's what happened to me out there. That's the hell I went through. Centas Yi saved me from that. I owe him my life."

  "Oh, sweetheart," May stood up and hugged her daughter. "I had no idea it was that bad. I am so sorry."

  Lana returned her mother's hug and then stepped back. "Now do you understand why I love him? He did all of that for me - even risking death."

  "Lana, I understand that's how you feel now," Joshua spoke, "but that doesn't mean you'll always feel this way. Time will change how you feel. You'll find some young man who will sweep you off your feet. Just see if you don't."

  "Time will change how I feel?" Lana echoed in disbelief. "I don't see you telling that to Nathan and Christina. Did time change how you feel about Ma? You loved her once, but that disappeared?"

  "Lana, that's different," he argued.

  "How? One man, one woman, one love."

  "Enough! I will not have this discussion with you right now. We're all too upset by what you've just told us." Joshua stood up and went outside. To where? He didn't care.

  Chapter 24 - Don't!

  A few days after Lana's revelation, Joshua knew his family needed something else to focus on, and the upcoming wedding provided that. He calculated that the road to Ft. Worth would be dry and passable in two weeks. There would be just enough time to get there and back before planting. Already March, Nathan grew impatient for the wedding. Nathan and Christina enthusiastically met Joshua's announcement that they would leave in two weeks.

  The day after Joshua's announcement, Lana began her day by going to the river, her two water buckets in hand. She crested the small rise to start her descent to the water. There, on the other side, sat Two Hawks, straight and proud, on his black horse. He sent his horse trotting through the river as Lana set her buckets down in anticipation. Two Hawks jumped from his horse before it stopped and wrapped his arms around Lana.

  "Hello, my heart," he smiled as he looked into her eyes. "Beautiful woman."

  "You're here!" she cried and then, holding him tightly, reached up for his kiss. They stood like that for a few moments, happy to be together, hungry for each other.

  "Come." He led her to his horse and, once she was on, jumped up behind her. They rode to her grove of cottonwoods where they dismounted and he tied his horse. Turning to Lana, he kissed her once, then released her and gathered wood for a small fire. Lana spread his blanket next to the fire and, when the wood was burning brightly, sending its warmth to them, Two Hawks sat next to her.

  Lana reached out to touch his face. "I missed you so much, love," she said softly. Kissing her fingertips, she placed them over his heart.

  He returned the gesture and then, wrapping his arms around her, he laid them both down. He had waited all winter to be with her, and today he would take her to his village as his wife. But, now that she was in his arms, he couldn't let go, not yet.

  "I love you." Strong emotion filled his voice as he stroked her cheek and touched her hair. Lana's hands were clasped behind his neck as she smiled up into his handsome, brown eyes.

  "Did you miss me?" she asked, already knowing the answer.

  "Yes. Too much."

  Her hands slid down his chest and around his waist. She provocatively slipped them under his shirt, but stopped suddenly when she felt his scar.

  "Oh, Two Hawks. I should have asked. You are all right now from the arrow?"

  "Yes. I'm fine."

  "You were so hurt when I saw you last that I've been worried about you."

  "You have? Then that must be why I healed so fast. My woman's thoughts made it so."

  "Yes. Your woman made it so." She smiled again, but then grew serious. "I never had a chance to thank you for saving me from the Apaches on our last day together. You were so powerful and so brave."

  "If I am powerful, it is because of you," he murmured as he leaned down to kiss her again. Taking her hand, he put it suggestively under the front of his shirt, enjoying the sensation of
her touch on his skin.

  She studied his face for a moment and then closed her eyes while his lips went from her mouth to her throat and his hands went from her waist to her breasts. At his touch, her eyes flew open. This was new for her, but she saw his passion and desire for her, and she couldn't deny him what she wanted so badly herself.

  In spite of the cool morning air, she slowly raised his shirt. Two Hawks sat up and lifted it over his head, tossing it aside. She ran her hands across every inch of his chest and stomach, up his arms and across his shoulders.

  Sitting up, she pulled her hair to one side and turned her back to him. He had never undone buttons before and, at first, they frustrated him. By the time he had the second one undone, he nodded in satisfaction. By the fifth, he smiled in anticipation. With the last one undone, he pushed her dress off her, revealing her lacy camisole and beautiful shoulders.

  He kissed her back and her shoulders as his hands slid beneath the lace to touch her soft skin. Her camisole soon joined her dress beside his shirt. He pulled her back against his chest, his strong hands around her waist. As she leaned her head to one side, he kissed her exposed throat while his hands moved up to caress her breasts. She put her hands on top of his, encouraging him.

  Lana didn't notice the cold. She was in his arms, being loved by her man, being shown how to make love. She sighed as he laid her down again, his lips sensuously kissing her breasts. His hands drove her wild as they moved to her hips and started pulling down her petticoat. Lana arched her back and turned her head to one side. As she did so, she caught sight of his rifle. It had been there all along, but she just then noticed it. The rifle's significance took a minute to sink in.

  "When did you get a rifle?" she asked, still under his spell.

  "What?" He looked up, confused at first. "Rifle?"

  "Yes." She pointed to his horse.

  "Oh. I traded for it."

  "Traded? What? Horses?" She was fully alert now.

  "No. Not horses." The young man scowled. He didn't want to talk about trading right then.

  "Then what?" When he didn't say anything, she went on. "Someone told me that you were taking captives. Is that where you got the rifle?"

  "Yes," he nodded. Lana pushed away from him and, grabbing her clothes, quickly dressed.

  Two Hawks' consternation showed in his face. "I owed a debt of three women to Dark Fist because I took two women from him. One for Nathan's woman and two for you." He grinned. "Two for your beautiful blue eyes. But I didn't take them to Mexico. I just helped him catch them and take them to his village."

  "Wait a minute!" she exclaimed as she sat back down beside him. "You were with the band that captured me? You helped them capture more women?"

  "Yes. What is wrong?" he asked, genuinely puzzled. Two Hawks put his shirt back on, realizing that the lovers' tryst was over.

  "What's wrong? You were selling women! Just like the Apaches wanted to sell me! How could you do that?"

  "How could I sell women? Easy. I catch them and take them to Mexico. We do it all the time."

  "But why?" Lana almost wailed her question.

  "To get things we need. Rifles."

  "Don't you think it's wrong to take captives? Don't you think it's wrong to sell them into slavery?"

  "No. Why is it wrong?"

  Thoroughly exasperated, Lana could hardly speak. "You mean that you didn't think it was wrong when I was captured?"

  "No. I didn't like it. It made me very angry, but it happens all the time. Only a strong man who can take you back is worthy of you."

  "Oh. So the strongest man gets the woman?"

  "Usually. What woman wants a weak man?"

  "What about her family, her home? What if she doesn't want to be captured?"

  Two Hawks shrugged. "She will get used to her new home. All our captives have."

  "All your... You mean there are captive women living in your village now?"

  "Yes. Four, maybe five. All with husbands and children. One even has grandchildren. They are very happy with us. They are lucky to have Kiowa men."

  "For heaven sake!" She shook her head, looking skyward. "Then, is it true you can have more than one wife?"

  "If my brother is married and he dies, I have to marry his widow."

  "You have to? Why?" She didn't sound angry any more, only confused, in desperate need to hear the truth.

  He looked at her, frustrated at how much she didn't understand. "Who else will care for the woman or her children? Without a hunter, they will starve. It is a brother's duty to care for them."

  "Do you have a brother?"

  "No. Only sisters."

  "So, if we were married and you died, what would happen to me?"

  Frowning, he took a moment before answering. "You would either return to your family or perhaps another man in our village would want to marry you. If not, you would starve."

  "If I marry you, I can't go home. My family will disown me." She returned his frown. "What are the chances another Kiowa would want me?"

  When he didn't answer, she nodded. "I thought so. No chance at all. The color of my eyes scares them. So if I marry you and you die, then I starve."

  Again, he didn't answer. Lana stood up, feeling like a rock had just rolled onto her heart. All the debate over the winter, all the voices that had been talking to her, suddenly focused into one unmistakable conclusion. Knowing what she had to do, she held her hand out toward him. Taking it, he, too, stood.

  "Centas Yi." The serious look on her face scared him. "I - I can't do this. I can't be your wife. Too many things are against us."

  "No, my heart. No! Do not say this. I am strong and will not die for many, many years."

  "You can't promise that. There are buffalo hunts and raiding parties and soldiers. You almost died once already. That was too close."

  "But I did not die," he argued. He could tell from her expression that his words made no difference.

  "I am so sorry. So terribly sorry." Two tears trembled on the edge of her lashes before they rolled down her face. "I love you so much, but I can't do this. There's too much I don't understand. I'm afraid we'd wind up hurting each other, or, worse, hating each other."

  "T'on Ma - Lana, no! Do not leave me."

  "Then you come live with me."

  He jerked his head back, as if he'd been stung. She might as well have asked him to live on the moon.

  "And there it is," she whispered sadly, with heartbreaking resignation. "You can't live in my world any more than I can live in yours."

  Looking up into his woeful face, she kissed him quickly once, turned and walked away. He took a few steps after her, but, without turning around, she held up one hand.

  "Don't!" she ordered.

  The further away she walked, the more the young warrior's heart bled. How could this be happening? She was his life! This was their wedding day. When she was almost out of sight, she heard the most heart-stopping cry. It filled the air with its grief and her conscience with guilty sorrow.

  Chapter 25 - Follow Her Wisdom

  Halfway home, Lana ran into her father and Nathan, out looking for her.

  "Where have you been?" Joshua demanded. "We thought you'd been captured again."

  "No, Pa."

  The sadness in her voice and expression made Nathan take a guess. "Centas Yi? Was he here?"

  "Yes," she said quietly.

  "Lana!" Her father grabbed her arm and started to scold her.

  "Please, Pa. I told him to leave." She wriggled loose from her father's grasp. "I'm not going to live with him or marry him or anything." With that announcement, she burst into tears. Nathan reached for her, understanding some of what she felt. He had seen how much they loved each other. Lana cried in her brother's arms, not caring what her father thought.

  Joshua surprised himself with his own reaction. Instead of being happy, he saw his daughter torn apart, and couldn't stand watching her grieve. "Come here, sweetheart," he murmured as he pulled her to him.

/>   "Oh, Pa! This hurts so bad!" she cried just before she buried her head against his chest.

  He wrapped his arms around her, his little girl no longer. "Sshhh, honey. Sshhh. It'll be all right. Everything will be all right. It's all for the best." Waiting a few minutes, he then turned her by her shoulders, and the three of them started back home.

  * * *

  That night, after everyone had gone to bed, Joshua and May had a few quiet minutes together. May brushed and braided her hair for the night and got settled under the covers. Joshua blew out the lamp and then, once in bed, pulled her to him.

  "I suppose we ought to be happy about Lana's decision," May said.

  "We should be," he agreed. "And I am relieved. But happy? No." He kissed the top of May's head as it rested against his shoulder. "For the first time, I realized that she didn't just have a crush on that boy. That was a woman's love. That was a woman's heartbreak I saw today."

  "Poor Lana." May ran her fingers sympathetically across his chest. "But honey, she'll recover. She's strong like her pa."

  "And stubborn like her ma." Joshua finally smiled and then kissed his wife goodnight.

  * * *

  Two Hawks rode into camp feeling more lost than he ever had in his life. Returning his horse to the herd, he went looking for his grandfather, Red Flint. He found him walking along the river, looking the land over now that winter was over.

  "Grandfather," Two Hawks called as he hurried to catch up with him.

  "Yes?" Red Flint stopped and turned around to wait.

  "Can I walk with you?"

  "Certainly." He resumed walking as Two Hawks fell into step beside him. They walked quite a distance with neither saying anything.

  "You know," his grandfather finally broke the silence, "whenever a young man is this quiet, he's got something on his mind. And, whenever a young man wants to spend this much time with his grandfather, it's because he needs advice."

  Two Hawks looked sideways at him and sighed heavily. "You're right," he admitted. "I do need your advice."