by M. S. Parker
“Hello,” he said. His voice hitched on the word, and I could tell he was having a hard time keeping his eyes on her face.
But I applauded the effort. Calie had dolled herself up to look like a walking advertisement for sex.
My seventeen-year-old brother was already under the thrall of teenage hormones. A beautiful woman in a crotch length skirt with her boobs straining against the tight fit of her sweater was probably enough to feed his dreams for weeks.
“Calie,” I said in a low voice.
She turned finally, and something she saw on my face must have cut through whatever fog she was in because her face sobered. “Fine,” she said with a roll of her eyes. “Call me later?”
“No.”
She opened her mouth, probably to argue, but I just pointed at the door.
Once she was gone, Austen looked at me with a giant grin on his face. “Is she your girlfriend?”
“No.” I went over to the door and locked it. I doubted she’d come back, but I didn’t want to chance it either. “She’s trouble. Do me a favor, and if you see her again, go the other way.”
“Aw, come on, man.” He laughed. “How much trouble can a girl be if she wants to get in your pants?”
“You’d be surprised.”
We got back to work on the car, and I braced myself for more questions about Calie, but none came, thankfully.
I brooded as I showed Austen more about the car, half my mind on Calie and what had just happened.
What had I ever seen in her anyway?
Nineteen
Raye
Give it a chance.
Michelle thought I should give things with Kane a chance – not that she knew it was Kane I’d been with.
It could be good for me.
I’d had a glass of wine before I went to bed last night, and that, combined with my lack of sleep during the past week, had put me out like a light. I slept so hard that when seven rolled around, I woke up clearer and feeling more refreshed than I had in days.
Because of that, I was able to do something I hadn’t been able to do all week – think.
I pushed aside my nerves over seeing Chad. He hadn’t been back, and it was possible he hadn’t even recognized me, so maybe him being in the store was just a fluke. Him being in New York could have just been a fluke for all I knew.
I pushed aside my nerves over the idea of a relationship, because I didn’t even want that.
I wanted to feel normal, and if Michelle was right, maybe Kane was the guy to help me find that.
That, to me, was more important than a relationship.
Maybe I wouldn’t have to freak out the next time some good-looking guy at a bar asked me out. Maybe I wouldn’t have to stammer out a reply the next time somebody asked me to dance.
Even if a dance was all it was, it was something I hadn’t been able to enjoy in a while. A long while.
If it was an invitation to a date, something I could maybe say yes to?
Even better.
But none of that could happen until I stopped feeling like such a freak.
So that was why I found myself knocking on Kane’s door Saturday night. I hadn’t worn the sort of clothes he’d told me to wear for working out. No, I’d put on a pair of skinny jeans, low boots with a chunky heel and a close-fitting sweater the same color as my eyes.
It wasn’t an outright sexy outfit, but it was a pretty one, and the blue did great things for my figure without being outright blatant about anything.
Under my clothes, I wore one of the prettiest sets of lingerie I’d ever bought from the boutique where I worked. The bra was midnight blue, a few shades darker than my sweater, made of real silk and the softest lace ever. The panties were the same lacy design with a tiny silk bow on the front. Just putting it on made me feel sexy, and for the first time in a long time, I had some hope that maybe the lingerie wasn’t a wasted effort.
I’d also worn make-up. I knew how to put it on – it was practically a requirement for working at a boutique store on Times Square. Looking sleek and modern and glamorous was part of the job description, something I could only attain with make-up and skyscraper heels, thanks to my petite stature.
But I rarely wore it outside of work.
And I hadn’t worn makeup for a guy since college.
Tonight, though, I was going all out.
Tonight, I was going to reach for something I hadn’t thought to hope was possible.
Maybe I could be normal…
Maybe.
Trying not to let my hands shake, I smoothed my hair back, then went to knock on the door.
He didn’t answer at first, even though the lights in his apartment were on and the truck that was always parked out back was in its customary spot. I suspected it was his – it had a sign noted on the brick wall right in front of where it was at – reserved. Nobody kept a parking space in the city unless they were using it. Considering how many stores were around here and how much a parking space could go for, even tucked here back behind a garage, he had to be using that space.
I knocked again, trying not to let my nerves rise out of control again as the waiting drew out.
Just as I was about to give up hope, the door opened, and Kane appeared on the other side.
A grin curled his lips as he pushed the door open more completely and stepped aside. “Come on in. I wasn’t expecting you today.”
“Am I interrupting anything?” I had debated about calling, but talking to him beforehand just would have made me nervous, so I’d taken a chance that he didn’t have a date.
Or a girlfriend – what if he had a girlfriend?
Oh, shit.
I hadn’t even thought about that.
He opened his mouth to say something, but before he could, I blurted out, “Do you have a girlfriend?”
“No.” That lopsided grin spread across his face. “Think I would have been touching you the way I did if I was in a relationship?”
The comment, so open and sincere, relaxed some of the nerves that had just flared up, but now a whole new crop took their place.
While I was trying not to fidget, he angled his head toward his apartment and said, “Why don’t you come inside? It’s freezing out.”
I stepped inside and stood in the middle of the floor with my hands buried in the pockets of my sturdy, plain pea coat. It was a boring affair, but warm. I didn’t have any sort of cold weather apparel that was pretty. I’d never needed it. But now I felt even more self-conscious as I stood there, huddled in front of him, hiding under an inch of wool.
So, stop hiding, a small voice said.
Slowly, I peeled the coat off, turning away from him so I wouldn’t see his face when he took in what I was wearing.
It’s not like you’re here in a garter belt. It’s jeans and a sweater.
But when I turned back to him, he was staring at me with speculation. Eyes hooded, they roamed over me, and I felt everywhere his gaze touched. “You look awfully pretty, Raye,” he murmured. Then he shook his head. “But I don’t think those clothes are any good for practicing in.”
“I’m not here to practice,” I said softly. I bit my lip, then slowly took a step toward him. “I want to ask you something. If you want to say no, it’s no big deal, but…”
Oh, shit. Was I actually doing this?
His gaze slid up and locked with mine.
He’d moved closer. When had he moved closer?
I didn’t remember him so much as taking a step but suddenly we were only about a foot apart, and I didn’t think I had moved that close to him.
“What do you want to ask me, Raye? I’ll do it, if I can.”
My breathing hitched. It seemed like all the air had been sucked out of the room. That would explain why I was having such a hard time drawing oxygen into my lungs. “I…um…well, after the other night…”
He cocked his head, his expression unreadable.
But something hot flared in his eyes.
The words t
rapped in my throat again.
How did I say this?
While I was struggling for words, Kane clearly didn’t have any such trouble. “What about the other night?”
“I…um…” You keep saying that! Frustrated with myself, I forced the words out. “I have issues. With sex. You probably noticed.”
“Raye…” The grin on his face took on a decidedly intimate twist. “What I noticed was that I had a hot, nearly naked woman in my bed who was letting me touch her. Then she wanted to touch me. And I enjoyed every damn second of it.”
Blood rushed to my cheeks, heating my face. “That’s…um, I enjoyed it, too. That’s why I wanted to ask you…will you have sex with me?” I all but threw the words at him, then backpedaled away as he lifted a hand. I didn’t want him touching me right now. I was strung so tight, I felt like I might shatter.
“Raye.”
My butt hit his kitchen table, and my backward retreat came to an end, but still, I flinched away when he came closer. Mild, amused exasperation appeared on his face, but I didn’t get the impression he was laughing at me. More like he was just…bemused. “It’s a funny thing to have a woman tell you she wants to have sex with you while she’s backing away like you’re on fire.”
I swallowed. “I’m nervous.”
“I noticed. You don’t have to be.”
“I don’t ask guys to have sex with me on a regular basis.” Feeling foolish, I jutted my chin out at him, daring him to say something else.
He did, but it wasn’t what I was expecting. “Are you a virgin?”
“What?” I gaped at him. “No…I…no. Why would you ask that?”
Kane shrugged. “You’re nervous as hell about sex. You were skittish the other day. I just wanted to make sure.”
“I’m not a virgin,” I told him. Shit, I hadn’t been this nervous when I had been a virgin. “I had a friend in high school…Dmitri. He was my best friend. We were both still virgins and decided we’d…well, lose it together.” I blushed furiously as I told him, but I didn’t want him telling me no because he thought he might…I dunno, be the first to go where no man had gone before. I’d heard some men were funny about that. And I definitely wasn’t telling him about anything else.
“Okay.” He nodded at me and took a step closer.
I didn’t let myself sidestep him. He was right. I’d asked him to have sex with me, so it was stupid to back away from him or act like I didn’t want him to touch me. Especially when that was the furthest thing from the truth imaginable. I did want him to touch me. I wanted him to touch me a lot.
“What about your brother?”
Yet another question I hadn’t expected. Frowning, I shook my head. “What about him?”
“He’s my best friend. If he finds out about this, he might kick my ass.” Kane’s face twisted into a grimace. “And I’d probably let him.”
“It’s none of his business,” I told him. “And it’s not like I plan on going and telling him that I asked you to sleep with me. Besides, I’m not talking about a…a relationship.” I forced the words out, then made myself continue with the explanation I’d come up with. “Sex makes me nervous. The first time I was with someone, it was with a person I trusted. Now, I freak out anytime I even get close. But I didn’t freak out with you. I thought maybe…” My tongue felt thick with the lie on it, but I forced myself to continue. “Well, I need to get past it. I don’t like feeling…not normal. I want to be able to be with a guy and not freak out about it.”
“And you want me to help you with that?” He had that heated, hooded look in his eyes again.
It was a look that made me feel warm all over, and naked, even though I was still fully dressed. “Yes,” I whispered.
His final step pretty much eliminated the distance between us, and I sucked in a desperate gulp of air as he reached up to cup my cheek. “Is this why you dressed up so pretty, Raye?” His other hand stroked up my arm, the fine knit of the sweater hardly any barrier to the heat of his hand.
“Maybe?”
He chuckled softly and dipped his head, rubbing his lips across mine.
It was a sweet, sweet kiss and it didn’t scare me at all.
Maybe I could do this.
I knew I wanted to, and that was a thing of wonder, in and of itself.
He stood so close that his warmth reached out to me, teasing me through my clothes, and I wanted to rub up against him like a cat in heat.
“So…” Kane lifted his head to peer down at me, and I swallowed back a moan at the loss of his mouth against mine.
I could have kissed him forever, especially those light, nuzzling kisses. They turned my blood into something sweet and thick that flowed through my veins like syrup. “So, what?” I asked, staring at his mouth.
A sharp noise escaped him, and he said, “If you keep staring at me like that, Raye, we’re going to have a problem.”
“What kind of problem?” Confused, I looked up and met his eyes.
But he just shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.” He traced his finger over my mouth. “Let me see if I understand this right. You came over here to ask me if I wanted to have some no strings attached sex. Is that right?”
“Pretty much, yes.”
He smiled, and that grin that lit his face was hot enough to light a thousand fires. My belly flipped over, and I swayed closer, surprising myself by lifting my mouth to his.
I think I surprised him, too, because his eyes widened fractionally before he lowered his mouth back to mine.
And this was a real kiss – he licked at my lips until I opened for him, and once I did, his tongue swooped inside, seeking out mine and demanding a response. I didn’t know how to not give it.
He slid one hand up my spine, then down it, sealing our bodies together.
When he finally broke the kiss, it was to whisper against my mouth, “You sure about this, Raye?”
“Surer than I’ve been about anything in a very long time.”
Twenty
Kane
I felt like I’d just been given a late Christmas present, all wrapped up in shades of blue, topped off with a nervous smile.
Raye leaned against my kitchen table as I settled back on my heels to study her, half-expecting her to disappear in front of me.
Half of me wouldn’t have been surprised to wake up suddenly to find that this had been a dream. After all, I’d done quite a bit of dreaming about this very woman since I ran into her that fated New Year’s Eve. But even after I’d fought those guys off…even after that first kiss…I never dreamed we’d be here, together, like this.
I essentially had carte blanche with the woman who kept me awake at nights with a hard-on, and when she wasn’t keeping me awake, she was giving me sweet dreams that had me waking with a smile on my face.
Not that anything would ever come of it.
Jake would kill me, that was the truth.
Besides, I wouldn’t ever let anything come of it. A girl like her deserved better than a roughneck like me.
But I could do this for her – she trusted me to do this for her. She wanted me to do this for her, and damned if I didn’t want to do it.
The sweater, soft against her warm skin, tickled my roughened palm as I stroked it up her arm, then curved it around her neck. “Come here,” I whispered, tugging her in close so I could kiss her.
I kept it light and easy, something I’d have to do throughout this entire thing.
If she’d only had sex the one time, and every other time she’d attempted intimacy, things went south, it explained why she was so nervous, I guessed. Not to mention that episode on the street New Year’s Eve. The way she reacted made me think it wasn’t the first time some dick had tried to force the issue with her, and that would make her reservations about sex that much worse,
But she hadn’t had so many reservations when I touched her.
She didn’t have any now as I kissed her, sliding my tongue past her lips and delving deep into the sweet recess
es of her mouth. She tasted like wine and woman, and it was enough to make me drunk on her. Deepening the kiss, I tugged her against me, turning as I did so that my hips were against the table and she was half-leaning against me. She stiffened at first, like she had several times the night I’d brought her to climax, but she relaxed almost immediately.
“I want to touch you,” I whispered against her mouth.
“You don’t have to ask,” she said, drawing back to peer up at me.
“I just want you to know what’s coming.” I held her eyes as I slid my hand under her sweater and placed my palm on her side. She was built so delicately and felt almost fragile under my touch. I could feel each rib as I slid my palm higher, up until the heel of my hand grazed the curve of her breast.
Her breath stuttered in her chest.
The sound of it made my heart speed up.
Every reaction was so open, so…new.
“I love your tits,” I muttered, dipping my head to nuzzle her neck. “I didn’t get to play with them enough the other night. I’m going to take your sweater off now.”
She whimpered in her throat but relaxed against me, letting me tug the material up, baring her flesh one slow inch at a time. I did it that slowly to tease myself as much as I did to let her adjust to it, and by the time I had the sweater off, I was almost ravenous to taste her. But I held back, leaning away so I could take in the sight of her.
It almost did me in.
She wore a bra so dark blue, it almost looked black, and her pale skin glowed like a pearl against it.
“You are so fucking beautiful,” I muttered. Grasping her around the waist, I hauled her up against me and buried my face between her breasts.
A startled cry escaped her, but before I could worry if I’d moved too fast, she dipped her hands into my hair and arched against me.
She might think she was awkward or too nervous at this, but she was wrong. Raye was a natural, filled with a buried sensuality that was only now coming to the surface. I intended to enjoy every bit of it for as long as it lasted.