The Big O Series

by M. S. Parker

  Turning off the water, I stood there and focused on breathing.

  After a couple of minutes, the rest of the panic edged back.

  I needed to get out of there.

  But the idea of going home no longer sounded at all appealing. Being at home where my memories swam in and engulfed me?

  No, thanks.

  But where in the hell was I going to go?

  It wasn’t a surprise when a particular face flashed through my mind.

  Kane.

  I wanted to see Kane.

  I thought about the nightmare but shrugged it off far easier than I had any other time.

  Fuck that nightmare and fuck my nerves. I wanted to see Kane. He made me feel safe, and right now, I felt so far from that, it was almost laughable.

  I peeked out the front and saw that Chad was still out there, talking to Emery. Grabbing my coat and purse, I slid out the back and hurried up W. 35th. I was getting out of there and going to see Kane.

  Hopefully, he’d understand that I just freaked out a little bit.

  Maybe I’d explain why.

  Michelle had offered a shoulder to cry on, but the shoulder I really wanted was covered in intricate tattoos.

  Twenty-Eight

  Raye

  I got off the subway just a block away from Kane’s garage, and my breath came easier with every step I took toward his place.

  By the time I rounded the building to head toward the back door, I was almost breathing normally and knew I’d made the right decision.

  Turning the corner, I felt the muscles in my neck loosen, as I had made a decision. I was going to talk to him, explain why I’d wanted to call things off. He’d understand. We’d talk, and he’d do or say something that would make me feel better, just as he always did.

  He’d–

  “Who are you?”

  A woman’s voice cut me short, and I stopped dead in my tracks, staring at the tall, slim woman standing near Kane’s back door. She stared at me with wariness in her expression and aggression in her stance.

  “I…what?”

  She looked around, her expression furtive.

  I glanced toward Kane’s back door, my uneasiness returning in leaps and bounds. The small square of glass that acted as a window revealed that it was dark inside the garage, only a few lights on to relieve that blackness. Kane wasn’t here. I could tell that right away.

  “Are you here to see Kane?” she asked, taking a step toward me.

  I backed away immediately, the instinct second nature. “Why?” I asked warily.

  “Just…” She licked her lips, her expression altering subtly. “Are you?”

  Please don’t be a girlfriend. Immediately after, I felt foolish. Not so much because of how well I knew Kane – I didn’t know him that well, but because of how much I trusted Michelle. And yeah, I trusted Kane, too. They’d both told me he didn’t do relationships.

  This couldn’t be his girlfriend.

  “Are you here to see Kane?” she persisted, her sharp-featured face taking on a pinched look.

  “Yes.” I lifted my chin as I stared at her and she looked away, passing a hand in front of her eyes, a disbelieving look on her face. “Why? What does it matter to you?”

  She whipped her head back around to glare at me. A harsh laugh escaped her, and she demanded, “What does it matter to me?”

  She stormed closer to me, although when I jerked back, she stilled. “That son of a bitch and his sick little brother raped me. That is why it matters. I came over here to…”

  She trailed off, but nothing else she’d said would have penetrated the veil of shock that had dropped down on me.

  They raped me.

  Ugly, awful memories swam up, trying to drag me down. I fought them back.

  “What are you talking about?” I demanded, although the words sounded hollow to my ears.

  “You heard me.” The woman wrapped her arms around her middle, looking around with over bright eyes. “He raped me. Him, and his brother.”

  I shook my head, backing away.

  I was almost to the corner of the building when I crashed into somebody. Reacting on instinct, I spun around and drove the heel of my hand upward, just the way Kane had shown me.

  And Kane jerked back.

  I caught sight of his startled face in the piss-yellow security light.

  “Hey, Raye…calm down. It’s me,” he said.

  But that didn’t help.

  The woman’s voice echoed in the back of my mind. He raped me…

  “Do you know her?” I demanded, half turning and gesturing to the woman standing near the stoop of his back door.

  Kane’s mouth tightened, but he glanced from me to the woman standing over near his garage. His mouth got even tighter as he stared at her, then he met my eyes. “Yeah, I know her. We used to…hang out.”

  “Hang out?” I laughed, almost hysterical.

  The stress of the day, hell, the past few days crashed into me, and I slammed my hands against his chest.

  “Is that what you call it?” I demanded. “Hanging out?”

  I thought of some of the things they’d called it when I’d been in this kind of situation, and anger, shame, all of it exploded through me. Slamming my hands against his chest again, I repeated myself, “Is that what you call it?”

  “Shit, Raye!” He caught my wrists, but I twisted away from him. He didn’t make any attempt to hold me, but I was too angry to notice. “Look, we used to sleep together, is that what you want to know?”

  “She says you raped her! You and your brother!”

  A dumbstruck look came over Kane’s face.

  It niggled at the doubt that had already taken root in me, but I shoved it aside. People had doubted me, too.

  “What in the hell are you talking about?” he demanded. Then his gaze slammed into the woman standing behind me. “Calie…what have you been telling her?”

  “Nothing but the truth,” the woman said, her voice shaking.

  Calie, I thought. Her name was Calie.

  “Look,” Kane said, looking away from her to meet my eyes. His were dark and intense. “I used to sleep with her. I broke it off a week or so ago. But I never forced her, okay? My brother doesn’t even know her.”

  “That’s not true!” Calie shouted, crossing the distance that separated us to come to a stop next to me. “He’s still in my bed, for fuck’s sake. I had to wait until he was asleep to get the hell out of there.”

  I felt sick.

  Head spinning, I turned away from them both. Rubbing my face, I tried not to let the trembling in my hands show.

  Behind me, Kane said, “You are so full of shit, Calie.”

  “No, I’m not!” She sniffed. “He’s sleeping, and if you know what’s good for you, you’ll get him the hell out of my place before I call the cops.”

  “You’re lying,” Kane said, and his voice was remote. Cool. Calm.

  “Is this lying?” she demanded.

  I spun around just as she shoved a phone into Kane’s face.

  Something flickered in his eyes. He snatched the phone out of her hand, shock flickering across his expression as he stared at the phone.

  And I knew.

  Calie wasn’t lying about Kane’s brother being in her bed.

  Fuck. She was telling the truth. I didn’t have to see the picture to know.

  I was going to be sick.

  I’d let him put his hands on me.

  Nausea roiled in my belly, and I turned away, pressing my hand to my mouth. Behind me, I heard Calie speaking, her voice loud and plaintive. The words made no sense, but they didn’t need to. I heard somebody hurting, somebody in pain.

  Without thinking, I turned to her and held out a hand. “It’s going to be okay,” I told her. She accepted my hand, her fingers closing around mine, squeezing tight. “I know that sounds hard to believe, but it’s going to be okay.”

  From the corner of my eye, I saw Kane drawing near. “Shit…Raye, don’t
tell me you believe her.”

  I shot him a look, eyes narrowed.

  He turned away, looking disgusted.

  Twenty-Nine

  Kane

  Of all the bullshit things Calie had done, of all the bullshit things I thought her capable of, this was the last thing I could imagine her doing. I felt half sick, but I wasn’t sure if it was because she’d accused me of raping her, because it looked like she’d put her hands on my baby brother, or because Raye had believed her.

  I didn’t know which one was worse, but all three made my stomach turn.

  One thing was certain, though – there was only one thing I could fix, and that was keeping Calie away from my brother.

  He was seventeen, even if he didn’t look it. That made him a minor, and I’d move heaven and earth to keep a leech like Calie from putting her hands on him again.

  I had no doubt that she’d touched him, either.

  The poor, stupid idiot probably had no idea that she’d been using him to get to me.

  Idiot. I was frustrated beyond all belief at this insane turn of events.

  The target of two turbulent female gazes, I debated on what to do. I couldn’t believe that Raye had chosen to believe Calie over me, but there was nothing I could do about that.

  And I needed to find my brother, get him the hell away from Calie, out of her reach and beyond that? I needed to find out just what they’d done, and then, as much as it turned my stomach to think about it, I might have to drag him to the police.

  He’d never want to go, but the two of us had shit on our hands now, thanks to this stunt Calie was pulling. I’d risk talking to cops, something I personally tried to avoid, if it would protect my brother.

  Under the intensity of Raye’s gaze, I had to fight not to wilt.

  I shot Calie a look, and she flinched, but Raye didn’t even notice.

  “Be gone when I get back,” I advised her.

  Raye opened her mouth to snap at me, but I turned on my heel and strode off.

  Now that I had a destination of where to look for my brother, I wasn’t going to waste any more time.

  I found him just a block from Calie’s, heading in the direction of the subway I’d just left.

  He caught sight of me and went still.

  “What are you doing here?” he demanded.

  “Looking for you.” I braced myself in case he decided to try and go around me. He didn’t, though.

  Rocking back on his heels, Austen eyed me up and down. “Why are you looking for me? I’m doing just fine.”

  “The hell you are,” I snapped. “School’s calling Mom, hassling her and threatening to take her to court because of your truancy issues. You’re on the verge of flunking out of school, and that’s not exactly the ideal way to start off your adult life, you idiot kid.” Leaning in closer, I added, “And let’s not talk about the way Calie Smalls has accused the two of us of raping her.”

  For a few seconds, he just stared at me, no reaction.

  Then he blinked and shook his head. “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  “That’s a bunch of bullshit,” Austen fired back at me. “You’re just fucking jealous because she wants me now.”

  “She doesn’t want you,” I snapped. “She came after you after I told her I didn’t want her anymore. She’s using you to get to me, and guess what? It worked.”

  He opened his mouth, then closed it. “You’re so fucking full of it.”

  “How in the hell do you think I knew where to come looking for you?” Lowering my voice, I added, “Girls don’t typically run around bragging to one guy that they went and shacked up with their baby brother. Not unless they’re up to something.”

  The two of us trudged back to the garage, not speaking much.

  He’d asked several questions, and I’d answered him the best I could.

  I’d asked him a few questions myself, and I was still debating on how to go forward.

  He and Calie had most definitely slept together.

  He wasn’t too keen on the idea that what happened between them was anything other than a hot chick being into him. But he was slowly coming around to accept the idea that Calie had accused both of us of raping her. I didn’t know what changed his mind, but maybe he knew I wasn’t the type to jerk him around about much of anything.

  I had no idea.

  When we finally got to the alleyway that opened up to the back of my garage, I said, “I’m going to call Mom and let her know you’re going to crash with me for the night. We need to figure out what we’re going to do.” I pulled my keys from my pocket, thinking about nothing more than getting warm and getting a beer.

  Both thoughts left my mind the second we turned the corner because the miserable excuse of a security light was shining down on a familiar head of flame-red hair.

  Raye.

  She was still here.

  She huddled against the back door of the garage, arms wrapped around her midsection, head tucked low.

  Something must have alerted her to our presence, because no sooner had I realized she was there than she was raising her head.

  Her gaze met mine, and she shoved off the door, her chin coming up as she looked from me to the teenaged boy standing next to me.

  “Is this Austen?” she demanded.

  I didn’t answer her.

  “Calie left.” She moved a few steps away from the door but didn’t leave the stoop, eying me warily. “She told me she doesn’t want to press charges because she’s afraid nobody will believe her. But I think the two of you should do the right thing and turn yourselves in.”

  I snorted. “I just bet she doesn’t want to press charges.”

  “Nobody ever wants to believe the victim,” Raye said, her voice tight. “But I believe her.”

  “It’s kind of funny how you’ll believe a total stranger, somebody you’ve never even met, over me,” I said, fuming and at the same time…hurt. How could she believe that lying bitch over me? I didn’t understand it. And I didn’t understand why I was so damn hurt by the idea.

  Raye stared at me with haunted eyes. “Nobody ever wants to believe the victim.”

  “Yeah, I can believe that, but the problem is, you don’t know who the fucking victim is,” I told her. Cupping a hand over my brother’s shoulder, I nudged him toward the door. “You need to go on inside, kid. I’ll deal with this.”

  “You’ll deal with it? This concerns both of you–”

  I clamped my hand tighter on Austen’s shoulder, squeezing until it had to be hurting him. “Go inside,” I said again. “You got me?”

  He nodded, and I caught sight of his pale face, realized he’d finally figured out, once and for all, that I hadn’t been jerking him around.

  I turned on Raye. “No,” I said in a cool voice. “This doesn’t concern both of us. At least not in the way you’re talking.” I almost told her off, so sick with anger I couldn’t see straight. Instead, I focused on the hurt. “I can’t believe you’re choosing to believe her. This is a fucking joke.”

  “I guess it was a fucking joke when nobody decided to believe me when I was raped!” Her voice cracked as she shouted at me, the words left to linger between us.

  I gaped at her, shock jolting through me. “Raye?”

  She flinched at the sound of her name and whispered, “Nobody believed me.”

  Thirty

  Raye

  Humiliation slammed into me.

  I couldn’t believe I’d just told him.

  I’d promised myself I’d never tell another living soul, not after the way things had gone after the last time.

  Nobody had ever believed me. My own mother hadn’t even believed me.

  Shaking, I stared at Kane.

  “Um…”

  I flinched at the sound of a young voice coming from just a few feet away.

  Jerking my head around, I stared at a face that was a version of what Kane must have looked like when he’d been a kid.

  “Hey
…” The kid licked his lips, then looked over at Kane before looking back at me. “I don’t know what all is going on, but I swear, Kane and I didn’t hurt Calie. Shit, she came on to me. She was hanging out here one day when I got here after school – Kane had to run a car somewhere, and we got to talking…” His cheeks flushed, and he shot a look at Kane. “Man, I’m sorry. I really fucked things up, didn’t I?”

  Something about the way he said it cut through the fog in my head. Maybe it was because I could remember being young and scared – victimized.

  As if he sensed my attention, the boy looked back at me, and I saw him, really saw him. Just a scared kid. “Lady,” he said, voice shaking a little. “Kane and me didn’t hurt her. I mean, me and her…we might have…” He blushed bright red then, and I knew exactly what they might have done, and I held up a hand to keep him from going on.

  My blood continued to roar in my ears, and I turned away from them both trying to reconcile what Calie had insisted happened to what had happened to me, to everything Kane was saying and to what my gut was saying. Shoving all the noise aside, I focused on my gut.

  I wasn’t scared to be here.

  That had to mean something.

  I couldn’t even stand to be in the same room with Chad, years later. Whether we were alone or not, I didn’t want to be around him. And I hadn’t liked him before…well. Before. Some part of me had recognized that something about him was off even before the night my life went straight to hell.

  “Kane?”

  Behind me, I heard them talking, and the kid asked, “Should I maybe go home? Do you two need to…”

  “I’m going home,” I announced, turning around to face them.

  I had to get out of here, had to think, and I sure as hell couldn’t do that with this kid’s young, frightened eyes watching me, nor could I do it while I kept worrying about Kane and Calie, while Kane kept standing there, watching me.

  “I have to go,” the kid said. “My mom…she’s worried.” He tried to smile at me. “She made Kane come find me because I kept ignoring her phone calls. Right, Kane?”