The Big O Series

by M. S. Parker

  Twenty-Four

  Mila

  Liam had mentioned offhandedly that he’d moved a few days earlier, and that was when I’d asked him where he lived.

  If he hadn’t mentioned the move, I’d have no idea where to find him, because it had never come up before.

  Thankful for small favors, I climbed out of the cab and started up the steps.

  He hadn’t told me his apartment number, but if I had to, I’d knock on all of the doors.

  “Looking for somebody, miss?”

  I glanced at the man who’d just opened the door.

  “Ah, yes.”

  I was in luck. The man had been there when Liam moved in, and he agreed to tell me where to find him.

  As I walked down the hallway, I smoothed my hands down the sides of my skirt. I was nervous. Liam had that effect on me.

  With my emotions still raging high, it was little wonder that my hand shook slightly as I knocked on the door.

  Long, long moments passed – it felt like an eternity – before Liam opened the door. He filled it, standing with his shirt hanging open over an undershirt.

  He gave me a look out of dead eyes, and my heart twisted a little.

  “Liam…” I took a step toward him, my hand out.

  He just stared back at me.

  After a silence that lasted too long, he asked stiffly, “What are you doing here?”

  I gaped at him. What did he think I was doing here?

  But the hard lines of his face didn’t soften as he stared at me. The mask he’d worn those first few days was securely back in place.

  I felt even more uncertain now, but I wasn’t about to back away. “I…well, I’m here to see you.” He just continued to stare at me with those flat, lifeless eyes. Okay… “About earlier…”

  “Don’t,” Liam said with a shake of his head. He glanced past me down the empty hallway. “You should go. My boss is bound to be calling me soon to let me know I’m fired.”

  That was one thing I hadn’t let myself think about too much, but after he delivered the words in such a stark voice, the guilt and misery I felt only multiplied. Still, how was him pushing me out going to help?

  “I came to see you.” I hadn’t come down here to have him turn me away.

  “So you said.” He leaned against the door frame. “But you should go.”

  My hands itched to reach out and grab him, to eliminate the distance between us. No flicker of emotion showed on his impassive face, and I felt anger rise inside me. “You’re just going to push me away?”

  Something in his eyes softened, and for a moment, I thought he might relent. But after a few seconds, he gave me another slow shake of his head. Softly, he said, “Just go, Mila.”

  Liam stared at me as he closed the door.

  For a few seconds, I could do nothing but stand there, confused, shocked…hurt.

  I lifted my hand, ready to bang on the door and demand he talk to me.

  But the hurt won out, and I turned from the door.

  Liam had pushed me away.

  I fought with the hurt and the anger on the cab ride home, staring outside at the cars and buildings we passed without really seeing them.

  Because this sort of hurt was unfamiliar to me, I buried and focused on the anger. It was much better to feel anger than hurt anyway.

  The therapist in me recognized that this wasn’t a healthy way to deal, but I didn’t really care about dealing with any of this in a healthy way. Besides, it felt good to be angry.

  I was angry.

  No, angry didn’t touch it.

  I was furious with my father.

  Ignoring how things are with Liam isn’t going to make it any better, that annoying voice said.

  Try as I might, I couldn’t completely block out how sick I felt at the way things had gone with Liam.

  He’d lose his job.

  The logical part of my brain insisted that it wasn’t a surprise that this had happened.

  Well, my dad arriving the way he had couldn’t have been planned. That couldn’t have been planned at all.

  But Liam had been decidedly careful not to engage in any sort of physical contact with me outside the privacy of either my home or my office. And this was why.

  He’d known this could happen.

  I hadn’t ever really considered it, and I should have.

  If we’d kept ourselves under control until we’d gotten to my home...

  “Or we could have locked the door,” I muttered.

  We’d both screwed up.

  But Liam would lose his job.

  I wanted to go back to his place, try again. But he’d pushed me away.

  The jerk.

  I sniffed and told myself I wasn’t hurt. He was just upset. It was understandable that he needed some time to himself, to think, to deal. Right? Being upset was normal.

  Hell, I was upset.

  I hadn’t gone and pushed him away though.

  My mind swung between hurt and anger the entire trip home, and by the time the cab pulled up in front of my place, I had a headache so intense, I felt half sick.

  After paying the fare, I climbed out, arms crossed over my middle. There was an ache deep inside, one that felt like it might not go away for a long, long time.

  I let myself into the apartment and took a slow look around. Liam had been here this morning when I left. He was supposed to come back here with me.

  Now I had to wonder if whatever we had was over.

  And just like that, anger spiraled back up inside me.

  “Damn you, Dad,” I said under my breath.

  Stalking into the living room, I threw myself down on the couch and crossed my arms over my chest, staring up at the ceiling with eyes that burned.

  I was pissed off, and I felt hopeless.

  Dad had interfered with my life before, but this time…for some reason, this time, it felt worse.

  Because it’s Liam, a little voice inside me whispered.

  I sniffed again, telling myself I didn’t want to cry. Tears clogged my throat though, and after a few more stubborn minutes, I rolled onto my belly and buried my face in the pillow.

  Tears streamed from my eyes, and I let myself cry some of the frustration, anger, and misery out.

  I don’t know how much time passed before the tears faded.

  Too much. Not enough.

  My head still pounded as I sat up, swallowing the bile that burned in my throat.

  I was tired of this. Tired of Dad interfering, tired of him scowling at me about the way I lived my life.

  Tired of trying to please him.

  “I’m done,” I said softly.

  In the back of my mind, ever since Millie had been here, I’d been wrestling with a decision, and in that moment, I made it.

  I was going to move to Pleasure Island.

  I made myself take something for my headache and brewed a cup of tea before I sat down to call Millie.

  I wanted to get my mind settled – and sound somewhat calm – when I called my grandmother.

  Part of me was a little unsettled at the decision I’d made. I’d lived in this city my entire life, had thought I’d live here a good while longer.

  But as long as I was here, my father would try to intervene in my life.

  If it wasn’t for him, you wouldn’t have ever met Liam to begin with.

  I silenced that train of thought, mostly because I wasn’t ready to think about Liam yet. I’d think about him later – hopefully much later, once the ache inside me had faded away.

  And it would. It had to.

  The sooner I got on with my life, the better, I told myself. And with that thought in mind, I dialed my grandmother.

  She came on the phone before the second ring, and despite the lousy day, I couldn’t help but smile at the sound of her voice.

  “How are you doing, darling?” she asked.

  I closed my eyes and told myself not to think too hard about that.

  “Well enough,” I lie
d. “Look, I’ve been thinking about your offer.”

  “Oh?” Interest lightened Millie’s voice. “Have you come to a decision? Do you have questions?”

  “No.” I braced myself then said in a rush, “Let’s do it. I’ll move to the island and take over.”

  Twenty-Five

  Liam

  As I made a sweep around the perimeter of the bank, I glanced outside.

  A woman with long golden-brown hair walked by, and for a second, I wondered if it was Mila. But then she brushed her hair back from her face, giving me a better look at her profile.

  No.

  It wasn’t Mila.

  It had been two weeks since we’d seen each other, but sometimes, it felt like she was everywhere I went. I saw her all the time, or at least I imagined I did.

  I missed her.

  I wouldn’t have thought not seeing her would get to me like this. What we’d experienced together had been purely physical, and while there was no denying I missed having her close where I could touch her, kiss her, take her, there was more to this than just the physical.

  I missed the way she teased me.

  I missed the way I could look up and just know she’d be there.

  I missed the way I sometimes found her staring at me.

  I just plain missed her.

  The woman passed out of view, and I made myself keep on walking. I’d found another job. It was in security, but nothing like what I’d been doing. I was the night guard at a big bank not far from Times Square. It was monotonous work, but unless I wanted to do something like work at a store or restaurant, security work was about all I felt qualified for.

  Some part of me was still thinking about going back to Texas, but if I did that, it would mean I’d given up. And what was I going to do in Texas anyway? Sure, I could probably find security work or maybe think about becoming a cop – plenty of former military did – but the idea didn’t appeal to me.

  Besides, I wasn’t sure I wanted to leave.

  I’d miss being around Jake. I already felt closer to him than the rest of my family, and I’d started to build a friendship with Raye, the cousin I’d just found out about as well.

  Leaving meant leaving all of that.

  Leaving also meant I’d never see Mila again.

  Granted, the chance of that was slim to none, but I told myself I could still go by her office or her house. I could even call her, if I wanted to. Not that I’d worked up the nerve.

  The past two weeks, I’d all but isolated myself.

  I’d barely even talked to Jake and Michelle, and I knew it was bothering them.

  I’d deal with that, fix it. Come up with something to tell Jake, too, because I had no doubt he’d want to know what had happened with the job.

  But all of those were things I told myself I’d deal with on another day. Tomorrow, or maybe next week.

  I just needed more time to resettle myself.

  Or so I insisted.

  Jake wasn’t inclined to give me that time.

  I’d only been asleep about five hours when he called the next day, and I woke up bleary-eyed and stared at the phone on the nightstand as it continued to ring.

  I shoved my head under my pillow and willed the phone to stop.

  It did.

  Only to start ringing again about thirty seconds later.

  That pattern kept up for the next two minutes, and finally, I grabbed the phone and snarled into it, “What?”

  Jake’s good-humored laugh came across the line. “Good morning to you, too, sunshine.”

  “Fuck off,” I said, closing my eyes against the light that seemed to find its way into my little apartment no matter what I did. “I’m tired, Jake. I’ve got to be into work later on this evening too.”

  “Yeah, yeah…I know. Don’t forget I’m still waiting for an explanation as to why you quit the last job.”

  I rolled my eyes. I should just tell him the truth right then and there – I hadn’t quit. I’d been fired.

  But I didn’t want to listen to the disappointment I feared would show in Jake’s voice. He’d gone out of the way for me, helping me get that job and what had I done but screw it up?

  Pushing the thoughts aside, I focused on the call. “What are you calling about? You clearly wanted to talk to me.”

  “Yeah, well, if you’d bothered to answer any of my other calls, or even a text, you’d know. Michelle and I want to talk to you. When can you come over for dinner?”

  “I work nights now, Jake,” I pointed out.

  “Yeah, but you don’t go in until ten. You told me that in one of those one-minute phone calls you’ve bothered to give me over the past week. You can show up around six for dinner, can’t you?”

  It was pathetic how badly I wanted to lie to get out of it. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see Jake.

  I just wasn’t ready to face anybody after my epic screw-ups.

  “Look, you can either show up on your own, or I’ll come to that shoebox where you’re living and drag you out,” Jake said after my silence continued.

  I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. “I can come over tonight. I’m still getting used to these night shift hours so don’t expect me to be the best, or most awake, guest you’ve ever had.”

  “Yeah, yeah.” Jake sounded satisfied. “Our place at six then. You better show up.”

  He disconnected the call, and I laid on my narrow bed, staring up at the ceiling for long, long moments. Finally, I rolled back onto my belly and shoved my head under the pillow, determined to get another couple hours’ of sleep.

  I got to Jake and Michelle’s door a few minutes past six.

  I’d overslept.

  Hoping he wouldn’t razz me over a couple of minutes, I knocked on the door.

  Michelle answered it, and she ushered me inside with a quick hug and smile. “I hear you’re working a new job…night shift?”

  I nodded.

  “That must suck.” She made a face, her nose wrinkling just a little.

  “I’m getting used to it.”

  She led me into the kitchen where Jake was standing guard over the stove. The scent of meat hit my nose. “Please tell me those are burgers you’ve got going over there.”

  “Hit the nail on the head,” Jake said cheerfully. He cast me a glance over his shoulder. “You’re late.”

  “Jake, hush,” Michelle said, tapping him on his shoulder. She turned and smiled at me. “Want a beer?”

  I accepted and sat down at the kitchen island where they ate most of their meals. “Need help with anything?” I offered as I twisted the top off my bottle.

  “No.” Michelle grinned at me. “Jake handles a lot of the cooking these days. I think he enjoys it. So, I leave him to it.”

  We chatted about a little bit of everything as Jake finished up the burgers. Michelle pulled out a salad and Jake scooped steaming fries from a pot on the stove.

  “Nice healthy meal,” Jake said with a grin.

  “There’s a salad,” Michelle responded with a sniff.

  I watched the two of them as we settled down to eat. They fit together insanely well. I couldn’t deny a rub of envy, but I shoved it aside. I was happy for Jake. Really happy.

  He didn’t have to know that watching him with his girlfriend made me think that much more about Mila.

  Not that we’d had anything close to what Jake and Michelle had.

  But I realized now that part of me had been…hoping. Hoping for what, I didn’t know. But hoping for something.

  “How is the new job going?” Jake asked, drawing my attention away from the brood I’d been about to sink into.

  I shrugged. “Boring. Easy.”

  “What happened to the last job?” Michelle asked, her head tilted to the side in interest. “Weren’t you doing bodyguard work or something like that?”

  “Or something,” I said, trying not to let anything show in my voice. “My services were no longer required. It was just a short-term job anyway.”
>
  Jake eyed me, and I could tell he had questions, but he kept silent about them.

  As dinner came to a close, Jake and Michelle started acting…weird. They shared secretive little looks and kept leaning over to whisper to each other.

  Once, Jake caught her mouth in a quick kiss, and when they didn’t come up for air for a few seconds, I cleared my throat. “I can head out if you guys need some time to yourselves,” I offered in a wry voice as Jake shot a look at me.

  “No.” Michelle blushed and got up from the island, carrying her plate over to the sink. “There’s something we wanted to tell you. We told Raye a couple days ago. We, um, tried to invite both of you for dinner so we could tell you both at the same time, but you said you couldn’t get away and…well, I was so excited…”

  “You’re rambling,” Jake said, getting up and crossing to her.

  I watched as he cupped her face in his hand then lowered his head, kissing her.

  That was when I looked away.

  It was too intimate a moment for me to be sharing, but they didn’t seem to mind.

  “You can look now,” Jake said, his voice full of amusement. “It’s safe.”

  I shot him a dark look.

  He shrugged. “I can’t help it. Michelle can’t keep her hands off me,” he said, grinning widely.

  Michelle jabbed him in the ribs. “You’re the one who can’t keep his hands to himself these days,” she replied in a huff.

  “Yeah, well, that’s because you’re so damned beautiful.” Jake bent over her again.

  I cleared my throat. “Should I go?”

  “No!” they both replied at once.

  Michelle wiggled out from between Jake and the counter and joined me back at the island.

  “Like I said,” she told me, beaming. “We’ve got news.”

  Jake came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She leaned back against him, and Jake kissed her temple before looking at me. He put his hand on her belly. “We’re going to have a baby,” he said.

  I blinked.

  Involuntarily, my eyes dropped to Michelle’s flat belly where Jake’s hand rested, then immediately looked back up.