A Fight in Silence

by Melanie Metzenthin

  I’d never have thought I could make myself more useful as a psychiatrist at the Front than at the main military hospital. I haven’t yet seen any cases of shell shock here and that’s probably because we’re not forced to crawl through the trenches in constant fear of gas attacks and being buried alive. No, the dangers here go by the name of bombs, grenades, tanks and gunfire. And then, of course, there’s the constant worry about our loved ones at home, where we can’t protect them.

  Don’t be concerned about me – nobody attacks a field hospital. As soon as we’re in Tobruk, I’ll send you photos.

  With my love

  Richard

  Nobody attacks a field hospital. How dearly Paula wanted to believe that – and that nobody would bomb a children’s hospital either. But three days after Richard’s letter came, her worst fears were realised. This time the aircraft struck by daylight and specifically bombarded residential areas. Three homes went up in flames only one street away, but far worse for Paula was the gigantic column of fire rising from the direction of the children’s hospital. The news spread in no time. The hospital had received a direct hit.

  Fear gripped Paula. As soon as the all-clear sounded, she told Emilia to hurry to Aunt Margit’s house while she herself got out her bike and set off for the children’s hospital.

  The fire brigade were already there. Apart from the fire itself, she saw little damage.

  ‘Where are the children?’ she cried. ‘My son’s here!’

  ‘Ask over there,’ replied the fireman, pointing towards the hospital gardens, where a group of nurses tried to calm anxious parents.

  ‘Frau Doctor Hellmer!’

  Paula turned towards the voice. ‘Sister Elfriede?’

  ‘You’ll be here for Georg. Nothing to worry about – they’re all safe. After the first attack we evacuated all the children to a number of shelters. There were a couple of minor injuries from flying glass. The children’s hospital has taken over some of the old pavilions at Langenhorn asylum, so we’re moving the children there.’

  At first she felt only relief that the children were safe, but then Paula registered fully what Sister Elfriede had said. ‘Langenhorn? Under Dr Krüger?’

  ‘Yes, but the treatment will be as it is here. Some of our staff are being allocated to Langenhorn while the hospital is repaired.’

  ‘Are you going too?’

  Sister Elfriede nodded.

  ‘Then please keep an eye on Georg. My husband and Dr Krüger clashed over a number of matters and I’m afraid that could interfere with Georg’s treatment.’

  ‘I’m sure Dr Krüger doesn’t have time to wage a vendetta against an innocent child.’

  ‘I pray you’re right. But please take great care of him in any case. If anything strikes you as odd, please phone me immediately.’

  ‘Of course.’ Sister Elfriede took a notebook and pencil from her uniform pocket to write down Paula’s number.

  ‘Do you know where Georg and Horst are now?’

  ‘They’re probably already on the way to Langenhorn. You can visit tomorrow afternoon.’

  ‘Thank you, Sister Elfriede.’

  Georg and Horst had got through the bombardment without physical injuries, even though the glass wall separating the beds from the office had shattered into a thousand pieces, depositing fragments all over the bedspreads. Not so lucky was Dieter, the five-year-old in the bed next to Horst. He hadn’t noticed the cuts to his face and burst into tears as soon as Horst pointed them out. Perhaps the worst thing had been the nurses’ obvious panic as they frantically pulled the children from their beds and hurried them in nightclothes and slippers to shelters nearby, when, as a rule, they were not allowed even to get out of bed. During air raids they normally stayed put, secure in the knowledge that the flak rockets would protect them and that hospitals were never attacked.

  ‘I’d never have thought our flak would let all this through,’ said Horst to Georg as they waited it out in the air-raid shelter.

  ‘Must have been too many planes,’ Georg reasoned. ‘They just couldn’t hit everything.’

  ‘Blasted Tommies,’ cursed Horst. ‘Now they’re bombing hospitals, and that’s not allowed. It’s forbidden – my grandma told me.’

  ‘I want to shoot them all down,’ said Georg, ‘but we can’t be flak auxiliaries till we’re fourteen.’

  ‘The war’ll be over by then.’

  At Langenhorn they had adjacent beds, like before.

  ‘Didn’t your papa used to treat the lunatics here?’ asked Horst.

  Georg nodded.

  ‘And d’you think there’re still lunatics here?’

  Georg shrugged.

  ‘Shall we go and find some?’ suggested Horst. ‘I’ve never seen a real lunatic before. Have you?’

  ‘No. And we’re supposed to stay in bed,’ said Georg firmly.

  ‘Hey, come on – let’s see if we can find the lunatics.’ Horst got out of bed, gingerly at first, and peeped through the door of the observation room. ‘The coast is clear – nobody there. Come on!’

  Georg’s weakened state made him hesitate at first, but he didn’t want to be left behind so he followed Horst. The door leading to the garden was open but nobody was outside. ‘No lunatics here at all,’ he said.

  ‘Maybe they’ve been sent to the Front as well?’ Horst wondered.

  ‘Lunatics can’t be soldiers,’ retorted Georg.

  ‘So why’s your father at the Front if there are no lunatics there?’

  ‘He does operations there, and if anyone new goes mad, then he does the treatment.’

  ‘And do many go mad there?’

  ‘Don’t know.’

  ‘What are you two doing here?’ A nurse had spotted them in the garden. ‘You’re supposed to stay in bed until you’re better!’

  ‘We, er, we were looking for the toilet,’ fibbed Horst.

  ‘You’re not allowed to get up yet at all, and if you must go, young man, you ring the bell, if you don’t mind!’

  ‘Yes, but I can’t always do it in the bedpan. I wanted a proper toilet.’

  ‘And you thought you’d find one in the garden?’

  ‘We went the wrong way,’ said Horst. ‘It’s quite confusing here. And anyway, we thought there were lunatics here.’

  ‘Lunatics?’

  ‘Yes, there always used to be. His father gave them treatment ’cos he’s a psy— . . . psych— . . . mad-doctor.’ Horst gestured towards Georg.

  ‘Something wrong, Nurse Susanne?’ A tall man in a white coat came towards them.

  ‘I think these two wanted to see some lunatics.’

  ‘Lunatics?’ The doctor raised his eyebrows in surprise. ‘You wanted to see real lunatics?’ He gave Horst a hard look, then Georg.

  ‘Will you show us some?’ asked Horst.

  ‘There are no lunatics here, just two naughty boys.’

  ‘Dr Krüger, what shall I do with the pair of them?’ asked the nurse.

  ‘Send them both to bed.’

  But Horst didn’t let it drop. ‘Georg’s papa used to look after the lunatics here.’

  ‘Georg?’ Krüger repeated the name, then stared at Georg once more. ‘Tell me, boy, is your full name Georg Hellmer?’

  Georg had no difficulty lip-reading the doctor’s words and was aware of something malicious in the man’s eyes, something he didn’t like.

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Take this one back to his bed, nurse. I’m going to have a little chat with Georg.’

  Chapter 41

  Georg felt very unsure as he followed Dr Krüger into the examination room of the ward. There was a couch, a weighing machine, a white medicine cupboard – which reminded Georg of the kitchen cupboard at home, except that was oak – a writing desk and two chairs. Not one single picture decorated the sterile white walls, not even one of Hitler. The only wall decoration was a height scale for measuring the patients.

  His father had never told him much about his work and, unlike Emili
a, he had never been able to listen in on any of his parents’ conversations. But he remembered all too well his mother’s concern as she repeatedly impressed upon him that he was never to tell anyone that he was completely deaf. Why this was such a problem he really didn’t know, as he had never felt in any way rejected for his deafness. Yet this Dr Krüger scared him in a way he couldn’t explain.

  The doctor sat down at his desk and gestured at the chair in front of it.

  ‘So you’re Dr Hellmer’s son,’ said Krüger. Georg was glad the man was facing him as this meant he could lip-read without any trouble. It was bad when people turned away without realising but carried on talking.

  ‘Yes,’ said Georg, concentrating on the best possible enunciation.

  ‘Where is your father now?’

  ‘In Africa.’

  ‘The Africa Corps. Interesting. He’s been lucky there too.’ There was that nasty smile again. ‘You speak astonishingly well.’

  Georg said nothing.

  ‘For a child born deaf.’

  Georg still said nothing. An icy chill ran down his spine.

  ‘Your father used to try and tell me you were only hard of hearing.’

  ‘I am hard of hearing,’ confirmed Georg. ‘That’s why I need to see people’s lips.’

  ‘You have a twin sister, is that so?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Can she hear normally?’

  ‘Yes.’

  Krüger folded his hands and rested his chin on them, partly covering his lips.

  ‘Definitely . . . deaf . . . liar.’ Georg made out these three words.

  Krüger lowered his hands.

  ‘Nothing to say?’

  ‘I didn’t fully understand you then,’ retorted Georg. ‘I didn’t see your lips. I heard only the words “definitely”, “deaf” and “liar”.’

  ‘You’re a remarkable boy, Georg. As gifted a liar as your father. I intend to examine you more thoroughly over the next few days. This seems to me to be a very interesting case of hereditary deafness.’

  ‘How can anyone inherit deafness?’ asked Georg, looking puzzled. ‘You only inherit things from dead people. When someone deaf dies, they can’t leave it to anyone. And I’ve never inherited anything from anyone.’

  For a moment or two Krüger seemed nonplussed. ‘You’re very quick-witted for a nine-year-old. Just like your father, which is not necessarily a good thing.’ He stood up. ‘I’ll take you back to the observation room.’

  ‘What on earth did he want with you?’ asked Horst as soon as his friend came back.

  ‘He asked me about my father and kept wanting me to say I was deaf, but Mama told me nobody here is to know that so I told him I’m just hard of hearing.’

  ‘I won’t say anything,’ promised Horst. ‘There’s something strange about that doctor.’

  ‘Yes, very strange. I don’t think he likes my father and so he doesn’t like me either. He said he wanted to examine me some more.’

  ‘That sounds uncomfortable.’

  ‘Yes,’ said Georg, fighting back the fear.

  The next day Paula came to visit her son and heard about his encounter with Krüger. Georg’s fear was apparent and her own anxiety became almost overwhelming. She tried not to let him see she felt the same, however, and promised that nothing would happen to him.

  ‘I’ll talk to the doctor. He’s an old colleague of your father’s. He’ll listen to me, and there’ll be no unnecessary examinations, I promise,’ she said, although she wasn’t sure how far she could really keep that promise.

  After she’d spent as long as possible with Georg, she sought out Krüger’s office. His secretary tried in vain to keep her out. She was no match for an anxious mother.

  Dr Krüger took it all very calmly. ‘Frau Doctor Hellmer, I’m delighted to meet you.’ His courtesy was exaggerated. ‘Please do have a seat. What did you want to discuss with me?’

  Paula accepted the seat offered and sat down on the other side of his desk. ‘My son has told me you are planning to examine him further. As his mother, I’d like to know what this is about.’

  ‘It’s about treating his condition.’

  ‘The diphtheria is already receiving suitable treatment. I know what I’m saying here as I worked as a doctor on the infection ward of the children’s hospital for a whole year.’

  ‘Yes, I know, Frau Doctor Hellmer.’

  ‘Oh yes, I forgot – my husband told me how much pleasure you take in finding out about your colleagues’ private lives.’ Paula couldn’t conceal her bitterness.

  Krüger noticed the anger in her voice. ‘Do you really think that’s the right way to speak to me, Frau Doctor Hellmer? After all, you want something from me, don’t you?’

  ‘You’re right,’ conceded Paula. ‘I want to appeal to you as a professional. I know that you and my husband had serious differences, but Georg is an innocent child. He doesn’t deserve to be drawn into this conflict.’ She paused for breath. ‘Besides, doesn’t it give you enough satisfaction to know that my husband has been at the Front for the last fifteen months and in that whole time has spent only seven days with his family?’

  Krüger smiled at her in the most arrogant way. ‘Is that so?’ he said. ‘Your husband can consider himself lucky that we wanted to avoid any scandal and did nothing more than discharge him. He can cause less havoc at the Front than here.’

  ‘He only ever wanted to help people.’

  ‘He was guilty of deliberate insubordination and went against express instructions. There is no excuse for wilful falsification of an expert statement.’

  Paula managed to swallow her rebuke on the tip of her tongue. She knew that if she annoyed Krüger any further there could be fatal consequences, and not only for Georg.

  ‘My husband bears the consequences of what he did,’ she said, ‘and that’s for him alone to bear, Herr Doctor Krüger. Don’t drag my son into your conflict with my husband.’

  ‘Don’t worry, Frau Doctor Hellmer.’ There was that superior smile again. ‘I’m only doing my duty, and that includes comprehensive examination and treatment of all my patients. To all appearances, your son is deaf, although he speaks remarkably well for a child born deaf.’

  ‘My son was not born deaf! His hearing ability was severely impaired by a complication during the birth.’ Paula was vehement.

  ‘If your son really is only hard of hearing, then there may be ways in which his hearing ability can be improved. But if he is deaf, then it is our duty to report it in accordance with regulations. I’m sure you know that in cases of hereditary deafness we must take appropriate action.’

  ‘His twin sister is perfectly healthy. He does not present any hereditary disease. We have documents which provide evidence of the difficult circumstances of his birth. He was born after his sister and had first to be turned in the womb and then delivered by forceps. I had an eighteen-hour labour.’

  ‘Oh, but Frau Doctor Hellmer, we both know forceps delivery can’t cause hearing loss.’

  ‘His twin sister has perfectly normal hearing,’ repeated Paula. ‘It is out of the question that this is a hereditary condition.’

  ‘Well, perhaps it is a hereditary condition that only female relatives carry without developing it themselves. Have you any brothers or sisters, Frau Doctor Hellmer?’

  ‘I don’t know what that has to do with you.’

  ‘If you have no healthy male siblings, it is perfectly possible that deafness has been passed on, undiscovered for generations, by the women in your family and has now manifested itself for the first time in your son. All of this is worth looking into. It is possible that your daughter will also be subject to the Law for the Prevention of Progeny with Hereditary Diseases.’

  ‘You can’t be serious!’ cried out Paula.

  ‘I am perfectly serious, Frau Doctor Hellmer.’ His face was cold and without expression. ‘I serve Germany and the German people – something your husband will probably never understand.’

&
nbsp; ‘My husband is serving Germany out there, where he’s needed. He saves lives no matter where he is. How many lives have you saved, Herr Doctor Krüger?’

  ‘By rooting out and destroying hereditary disease, we are saving the entire racial corpus of the people. And now you will have to excuse me, as I still have a lot to do. If your son’s documentation fits with the truth, you will have nothing to fear. However, if my suspicion is confirmed and hereditary deafness is diagnosed, then the health police will be dealing with your daughter as well.’ He got to his feet. ‘I wish you a pleasant day, Frau Doctor Hellmer.’

  Chapter 42

  The conversation with Krüger left Paula stunned. In her desperation, she decided not to go straight home but to call on her father for help and advice.

  Frau Koch opened the door to her. Her own flat had been bombed a few weeks earlier, so Dr Engelhardt was now letting out Paula’s old room to her.

  ‘What on earth has happened? Come in, come in, Frau Hellmer – you look quite devastated.’

  ‘Well, yes, something devastating has happened all right.’

  ‘Richard . . .?’

  ‘No, no, don’t worry, nobody’s died,’ Paula quickly said to reassure her, then went to find her father in their front room to tell him everything.

  Dr Engelhardt was visibly shaken. He thought hard for a few moments before speaking. ‘Would it help if I confirm to him that your mother’s brother had normal hearing? There was no hereditary deafness on your mother’s side.’