Forever Mine

by Jennifer Mikels

  “Who is he going to be?”

  “Zorro. And know what?”

  Jack loved the enthusiasm that never failed to enter Austin’s voice. “What?”

  “’Cause I’m going trick-or-treating when it’s dark, Mom got a Princess Zelia costume, and she’ll wear it when she goes with me.”

  Jack wished he could see that. He’d been doing a lot of wishing lately.

  “Mom and me can’t come for Thanksgiving,”

  His son’s news didn’t please him. This would have been their first holiday together.

  “We’re going to Uncle David’s house,” Austin went on.

  “Uncle David?” Jack didn’t like the sound of this, not one bit. “Austin, is your mom there?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I need to talk to her.”

  “Will you talk to me again?”

  This whole situation was harder than he was letting on. “Austin, you and I are buddies.” He wished the boy was within arm’s reach. “Buddies always talk to each other. So get your mom and I’ll tell her to call you to the phone when we’re done.”

  “Okay.” Jack heard the pleasure in the boy’s voice before he yelled. “Mom!”

  Grimacing, he pulled the receiver away from his ear. His son had hearty lungs. His son. Sometimes he felt as if he’d made this all up. It occurred to him one night after talking to Austin that he’d never expected to say those words, to have a son or daughter.

  “Austin said you wanted to talk to me,” Abby said in a questioning tone.

  Jack didn’t waste words. “Who’s Uncle David?” he asked, not recalling Laura mentioning anyone by that name.

  “My boss.” Abby offered an explanation without a second thought. As Austin’s father, he deserved to know where his son would be on the holiday. “He and his wife have an open house for anyone who doesn’t have family for the holiday.”

  But she did. He didn’t remind her of the obvious. A protest about not being with Austin for Thanksgiving nearly came out. With effort, he held it silent. If she wasn’t ready to see him again, pushing her wouldn’t do any good. “Nice.”

  “You’d like him.” She frowned. Now, why had she said that?

  “How are you doing?”

  She coiled the telephone cord around a finger. “Fine.” Had they come to the stage of only passing polite pleasantries. “And you?”

  “Missing you, Abby.” Confused. He’d meant what he’d said. He was settling down; he wanted to marry her; he wanted to give their son a real home. And she wouldn’t believe in him.

  Oh, Jack. She’d always be weak to him, she knew in that instant. Feeling Austin’s stare, she made sure she didn’t overreact. “Austin wants to talk to you.”

  Jack sat back on the edge of a chair and scowled at the phone. He’d gone slow, sending flowers, talking to her whenever he was waiting for Austin to take the phone. Hell, nothing was working. And if it were any other woman, he might believe she was playing hard to get or simply being stubborn. But Abby was too honest for one and too agreeable to do the other. She was resisting him because in her heart she believed that was best for everyone.

  “Dad, are you listening?”

  Jack jerked himself to attention. “I’m sorry, pal. What did you say?”

  “My Cub Scout troop is having a spaghetti dinner for our dads. That means only dads can come. So do you want to go?”

  “When exactly is it?” Jack asked. From Abby, Austin got a date. As he rattled it off, Jack winced. It was on a Monday night in October. The Friday to Sunday before the dinner, he was scheduled to purchase several horses in Montana.

  “Can you come?”

  “I’ll try to come.”

  Austin whooped his pleasure. “I knew you would.”

  “Austin, I’ll try,” Jack repeated.

  “Mom, he’d said he’d come.” Austin grinned widely, hanging up the phone.

  Sitting on the sofa, she set her pencil and crossword puzzle on the coffee table. Why was Jack agreeing to come? Annoyance stirred within her. He would hardly fly to Boston for one night to go to a Cub Scout dinner.

  “Mom, are we going back to the ranch at Christmastime?”

  Still fretting over the promise Jack had made, she turned a frown on Austin. “Why would you ask that?”

  “Because Jason’s dad lives in Colorado,” he said about a friend at school, “and every Christmas he goes there to see him. And I wondered if I would do that, too.”

  Abby had to ask. “You liked it at the ranch, didn’t you?”

  Plopping down on the carpet in front of the television, he propped his elbow on the floor and braced his jaw on his knuckles. “Sure.”

  “To live there, you’d have to leave your school and friends.”

  Head down, he colored in his coloring book. “But Dad would be there. And you’d be there. We’d be a family.”

  Abby noticed his eyebrows had veed. How simple he made it all sound. She felt weak, willing. There was nothing more she would like to do than pack their suitcases, go back, take a chance. But how could she?

  “You would be there, wouldn’t you?”

  Emotions close to the surface, Abby sought a diversion from a discussion she wasn’t ready to have with him. On a short laugh, she pounced off the sofa cushion to him.

  “Mom,” he protested on a laughing wail while wiggling beneath her tickling fingers.

  Just because he still let her do it, she tugged him close and gave him a wet kiss on the cheek.

  “Mom!” he wailed again.

  “Mom,” she mimicked, and laughing, rolled him with her.

  “Oh my gosh,” he said suddenly, craning his neck to look toward the window.

  Abby stilled with him in her arms. “What?”

  “Look, Mom.” His voice lifted with delight. “It’s snowing.”

  She laughed at the sight of the large, white flakes and scrambled to a stand, pulling him up with her. “Let’s go.”

  Chapter Thirteen

  A bright orange glow broke the horizon. Jack stared for a moment at the rainbow of morning colors streaking the sky while cool, dry air chilled his face. Sounds of the ranch surrounded him—the snorting of horses, the earthy words of ranch hands, the bellowing of cattle. “It’s snowing in Boston,” he said, joining Sam by the corral fence.

  Sam narrowed his eyes at the glare of the setting sun. “Bet Austin is enjoying himself.” He regarded the ranch van leaving with guests for the airport.

  “It was deep enough for them to make a snowman,” Jack told him.

  “I’ll be back.” He was already moving away to say goodbye to guests.

  Snow. Snowmen. Halloween parties. Trick-or-treating. Every time Jack talked to Austin, he wished he was there.

  “I told one of the guests about the snow in Boston,” Sam said with his return. “He’s from there.”

  “Did he moan?”

  Sam cracked a smile. “He moaned. You know, if Austin moved here, he would miss the snow,” he said, picking up on their previous conversation.

  “I’d take him north so he could enjoy it.” Jack leaned forward, draping his arms over the corral fence to watch Guy coaxing a skittish colt to accept a halter. “But chances of him ever living here aren’t great.”

  “I thought you had persuasive powers,” Sam teased.

  Jack made fun of himself. “All the stories about me are myths.”

  “I doubt that. But—” A solemn, troubled expression pulled down his father’s face. “I gather you’re not having any luck convincing Abby they belong here, are you?”

  What he was thinking came through loud and clear as Sam scowled and looked away. Jack placed a hand on his father’s shoulder. “Dad, it’s not your fault. We talked out everything that went wrong. She admitted she loved me.”

  He swung a look of surprise back at him. “Then why...?”

  She doesn’t trust me. “She insists I’m too much of a free spirit for them.” He couldn’t blame her. He’d lived a life that had r
evolved only around himself, around the next rodeo, another win. Was it any wonder that she had doubts he would be good for Austin, that she’d been hesitant to let him into Austin’s life?

  “But you aren’t anymore.” Sam nudged back his Stetson and scratched his head. “Didn’t you tell her that you weren’t going to rodeo?”

  “Told her.”

  “She didn’t believe you?”

  Jack wound up the rope he’d been holding. “Didn’t believe me,” he admitted. He’d seriously thought about planting himself on her doorstep until she realized he wasn’t going away this time, and until he convinced her that she couldn’t live without him.

  “What are you going to do about that?” Sam asked gruffly. “Her aunt wants Abby and the boy here. Me, too.”

  “Well, I’d sort of be glad, too, you know.” Jack grinned at him. “If you have any ideas, let me know.”

  The week of the Cub Scout dinner, Boston was draped in white from a sudden and early winter storm. The temperature had plummeted and the heavy snowfall had bottled traffic. A gusting wind swirled around Abby when she trudged through snow after work.

  For a short time on Monday afternoon, the day of the dinner, the airport had shut down, delaying planes. Wondering if Jack was still in Montana, she called her aunt while Austin was changing into his Cub Scout uniform.

  “It’s ninety, and unseasonably warm,” her aunt told her after Abby lamented about the cold. “Jack is in Montana,” she said, even though Abby hadn’t asked.

  What she wanted to know was if Jack had said anything about flying to Boston instead of to Phoenix, but she believed if he’d said anything, her aunt would have mentioned it.

  So, after the phone call, Abby decided to prepare Austin for the possibility that Jack wouldn’t come. “He had to go to Montana on business,” she said to him while he was buttoning his shirt. She sounded like her mother.

  Abby sat on the edge of Austin’s bed. It was funny how something in the past sparked a memory. She recalled the night of a school play. She’d been ten, thrilled to have the lead part as Dorothy in an abbreviated version of The Wizard of Oz. When her father hadn’t shown up, her mother had said similar words to her. “He had to go to work. His music is important to him,” she’d said, sending Abby a disapproving look for expecting too much.

  “He’ll come, Mom,” Austin said simply, snapping her from the memory.

  Hadn’t she been just as sure about her father until her mother had said that? Moving to the bedroom window, she watched light snowflakes dancing in the air. Fortunately, tonight’s dinner was being held at a church hall a block from their apartment building. Taking control of the situation, Abby had talked to David, her boss, about his going with Austin. Only she’d yet to mention the idea to Austin.

  Her mood drooping for her son, and with no dinner to make, she needed something to keep her busy. In the kitchen, she whipped up a batch of brownies, then placed the pan in the oven.

  The chocolate smell of brownies permeated the kitchen. Sitting at the table, she played catch-up, reading the morning edition of the newspaper. She tried to concentrate on the crossword puzzle, read her horoscope, but she clock-watched. Seven o’clock came. Five minutes passed. Then ten.

  From the other room, she heard Austin humming the theme song of his favorite television program. “It’s snowing again, Mom,” he said as he came into the kitchen to stand by the window.

  He was dressed in his blue Cub Scout uniform. “Yes, I saw.” She had to prepare him. “Austin, it’s possible your dad won’t get here. The weather is so bad,” she said as an excuse.

  “He’ll come.” He turned a disgruntled scowl on her for even expressing doubt. “He promised.”

  He’s never liked making promises, she wanted to say, but she kept silent. How could she do anything to weaken such faith? Wasn’t that what Jack had told her she needed? And wasn’t this exactly the kind of moment that she’d hoped to protect her son from? “Austin, we’ll be late if we don’t leave.”

  His eyes shifted toward the window. He looked torn, wanting to stay and wait for Jack, yet knowing he had to go now or miss the fun.

  With the ping of the oven bell, Abby removed the brownie pan and set it on a rack to cool. “I’ll call David, and he’ll meet you—”

  Shrugging into his parka, Austin shook his head. “I’ll sit at Mr. Randall’s table,” he said about the scout leader.

  “Austin, David said he’d come.” She’d been appreciative that her boss and his wife had understood the problem she had. Though he’d already raised his own family, he’d been readily willing to help her.

  It was clear that Austin would accept no substitute. He shot a look at her, one that told her no. It was a look she’d seen on Jack’s face when annoyed. How often as their son grew toward manhood would she see a gesture or a look that reminded her of his father?

  Abby said no more. While he zipped his blue parka, she pulled on boots, then slid on her jacket. In silence, they trudged through the snow. As snowflakes rushed down on them, Abby shoved gloved hands into her pockets. Near the church, they had to detour half a block because of knee-high snowdrifts.

  Stepping ahead of Abby, Austin opened the door that led into the church hall. Her heart ached for him. Wasn’t this what she’d longed to avoid? She’d never wanted him to feel the emptiness of waiting for a parent who never showed up. “I’ll come back for you,” she said.

  Head down, he nodded while sliding out of his jacket.

  Abby scanned the room of males. “There’s Mr.—”

  “Mom!” He shoved his jacket at her. “Mom, Dad’s here!”

  “What?” Abby searched a sea of faces, then she saw him. She saw him and still didn’t believe it, but her heart filled.

  Grinning, Jack strode toward them. As Austin leaped into his arms, he laughed at that and the stunned look on Abby’s face. He gave Austin a long hug while he soaked up the sight of Abby. He loved the way she looked. A snowflake clung to a dark eyelash. From the cold, a rosiness colored her cheeks. And her smile nearly buckled his knees.

  Too many empty hours had passed without both of them. He wanted to touch her, but wasn’t sure he could set pride aside again. More than once, he’d reached out for her and had been rejected.

  “Austin was so sure you’d be here.” Abby smiled, Austin’s delight rubbing off on her.

  “Uh-huh. I knew you’d come,” Austin piped in.

  “I almost didn’t make it on time. My connecting flight was delayed.” His eyes coursed over her hair, fiery beneath the light. Pulled away from her face, the coppery strands were held in place with a barrette at the nape of her neck.

  “When you didn’t come to the apartment—”

  “I knew I wouldn’t get here on time if I went to your apartment first. It’s good you gave the church address the other night when we talked.”

  She’d forgotten that she had and had assumed he wouldn’t show when he hadn’t arrived at the apartment.

  During the walk here, she’d thought about his trip to Montana. Then she thought about what he was going to make her have to deal with because he’d made a promise he couldn’t keep. She’d felt anger that she’d be the one who would have to comfort their son when Jack failed to show. She’d had no faith in him, Abby admitted.

  “You face is cold,” Jack said to Austin before setting him down.

  An urge moved through Abby to step closer, touch Jack’s cheek. He looked cold, too. The collar of his jacket was still raised, and snow dusted his shoulders and hair, indicating he’d arrived only minutes before them.

  “I don’t know how you stand this weather.” Through a blinding curtain of snow, Jack had seen cars buried to their tires in snowdrifts during the drive from the airport. When his cab had gotten stuck in one, he’d walked two blocks before he’d connected with another one.

  “Three layers of clothes in winter,” Abby said on a laugh. “I’m glad you got here.”

  “As soon as I arrived, I called your
place.” Jack gestured with his thumb behind him and toward the public telephones. “But you’d left.” God, but he’d missed her.

  “Mom, I’m going by Jason.” Austin indicated the boy waving at him. “Are you coming, Dad?”

  For a moment longer, he kept his eyes on Abby. “I’ll be there in a minute. Save me a seat at a table.”

  “I will.”

  Abby waited until Austin was out of hearing range. “Thank you for coming tonight, Jack.”

  “I don’t need a thank-you. He’s my son. Abby, nothing would keep me from Austin now that I know he’s mine. I meant it when I told you that I was staying in his life. And in yours.” A look of frustration knit his forehead. “Why don’t you believe me? Why did you think I wouldn’t come?”

  She couldn’t lie. “I thought you’d get busy with your own life. I thought once Austin was out of sight, you’d forget he exists.”

  “What?” Jack leveled a hard look at her. That hurt. Did she really believe he was so selfish, so insensitive? He could understand that she found it hard to believe he’d give up rodeo, but he’d never done anything to lead her to believe he’d be so thoughtless with Austin. “I don’t deserve that. I never gave you any reason to believe that. Did I?”

  Abby stared dumbfounded at him. “No.” No, he hadn’t, so why had she said that? Another man had done that, she reflected. He’d walked away without a look back and had left a little girl heartbroken.

  “I wouldn’t do that to him,” Jack said with a trace of anger edging his voice. “I meant it when I said that I planned to be here for him.”

  Confusion more than doubts overwhelmed her. What had she done? Those words hung in her mind.

  “Mom, we got to go for the food,” Austin insisted, suddenly beside them again.

  Silent, she felt unsteady from her own thoughts. Aware of Austin’s quizzical stare, she took her cue. He was eager to join the others, she knew, show off his dad, the cowboy. Though, except for his boots, Jack looked no different than the other fathers who were wearing Levi’s. “I should leave.” She shifted toward Austin, touching his back for a goodbye. “Have a good time.”

  Without looking back, troubled now, she walked to the exit.