And We Call It Love

by Vink, Amanda;

  connecting in my brain. A thought surfaces: Zari, this is not success. This is not what’s right. And if you stay with him, one day he will kill you.

  I Start to Run

  like my life depends on it. I can hear Dion behind me. His voice becomes more distant the faster I run. My legs pound on concrete. My lungs fill with air and they hurt and even still I push on.

  Where Have You Been?

  Mom wants to know. She’s red-faced and angry. Dion called. He was worried sick about you. So, what do you have to say for yourself? I don’t answer. I stomp up the stairs and close my door, muffling my mother’s complaints.

  And I Go to My Dresser

  and I go to my notebook and I go to my insides which have been kept locked up tight hidden from the light but ready to take flight.

  The Next Three Hours

  I spend filling up my entire notebook with truth, and something inside me goes back to where it feels right.

  Mom Looks Amazing

  in her diamond-shaped graduation cap. She keeps practicing moving the tassel from one side to the other. Wilson says: You can’t do it until they tell you to. She just laughs. My mom, the college grad.

  I Have Really Exciting News

  Mom says after the ceremony when we’re walking to the car. I have a job interview next week with the botanical gardens. We both scream.

  This Is When

  I notice Zari waiting a few steps away. You came! I fly into her arms. I heard she broke up with Dion last week. She turns to my mom, says, You look so beautiful. Mom smiles, says, I’m so glad you could come. Why don’t you come to our house for a party?

  Irving Mallory Is at the Graduation

  sitting with the other professors. And he looks cold and calculating and like nothing my best friend needs. Zari sees him, and I say, Come on. Let’s leave.

  Zari and I Walk

  There’s so much to catch up on. She doesn’t talk about Dion, and I don’t push. What she does say is that she’s writing again. That she’s dropped out of the internship, that her parents will have to understand. We link arms, and she says, I’m sorry I haven’t been such a good friend. I hope you know how much I love you.

  At the Forest Line

  we both go left. The world has returned to green, the flowers to blue and yellow and white. It feels so good to have my friend back.

  Listen to This

  I say. I extend an earbud, which she takes and puts in her ear. The one in mine wants to fall out, so I hold it there. Everything looks new and full of life, a promise of new beginnings. I’m looking down, trying not to trip on roots that stick up like bow ties.

  Earbuds In

  we’re drowning out the world. So we don’t hear him creep up from behind. So we don’t see him before he’s there. So we don’t feel his presence until it’s too late.

  What Are You Doing?

  Clare asks, and at first I don’t know why she’s saying that. Until I notice Dion— Zari, I’m sorry, he says. For a second, I feel my heart break for him, but then I see Clare, and I realize we have to get away. Dion’s expression turns angry right before my eyes, before he lunges. Something hits my head and the world spins.

  His Fingers

  go for my neck. He makes another jump, but I’m faster. Except my foot catches an upturned tree root, and I go down.

  The Forest Has Become

  a maze of dark cutout shapes against a brilliant orange sunset. The two figures in front of me move and I try to piece my mind together.

  My Head Clears

  I see Dion over Clare, his hands in a tight grip around her neck. I pull myself up and throw my body weight against his— we both hit the ground.

  It’s a Long Way

  down. The world is spinning. My head meets the ground. When I try to get up, pain shoots through my arm, and it feels detached from my body.

  Dion Throws Me

  off his back, and we both lose our balance. I land next to Clare. Let’s go, I say, and she struggles to pull herself up. As we’re leaving, Dion grabs my arms, yanking me back toward him. I throw my weight off balance, and he falls. His head smashes on the ground.

  Silence

  is what’s left, and the only thing to fill that space is our shallow breathing. You okay? Clare asks. It strikes me as funny, since she’s asking me. So I laugh, out of terror and relief and a swarm of emotions, mostly disbelief. We need to call the police, I say.

  Mom

  is already at the hospital by the time we get there. Her eyes are full of tears, and her face is pinched with worry. She tries to ask if I’m alright, but she has no words. I’m okay, I struggle to say. Mostly, I am. Dion was also taken away in an ambulance, handcuffed to the stretcher. Mom puts her arms around me, careful of my arm.

  Wilson Is Also Waiting

  and I’m not questioning why someone like him would be with someone like me. I’m just grateful he is.

  The Thing Is

  I finally don’t care that Zari’s parents are also waiting and will see me. Because we will have to create a network of protection for Zari. We will always have to have each other’s backs. It’s more than money and it’s more than success. I sink down into that feeling, utterly drained and in pain. And also very, totally happy.

  And Even Happier

  when I see Zari’s parents hold her tight. Her mom has tears in her eyes, saying, You are more important to us than anything. Are you alright? Zari looks at me. Mom, Dad— Clare probably just saved my life.

  It’s a Weird Moment

  Could go either way. But Ms. Coleman wipes her tears and smiles. Then she looks me in the eye and says, Thank you.

  The Apple Trees

  in the front yard are growing and blooming. There’s even a half dozen apples, and Mom is going to show us how to make apple pie.

  That Is

  when she gets home from her new job— a plant expert at the botanical gardens.

  The Plan

  is to make a nest egg and then look for a new place. Mom says we might eventually even buy a house. Can you imagine? Things are looking up.

  Love Is (Revised)

  your best friend putting WAY too much sugar in your pie so that when you taste it, the bits stick on your teeth. Love is like an invisible string, and no matter where you go or what you do or how long it is between talks, it never breaks.

  Before the War

  my family and I considered our lives normal. That’s not to say that we considered our lives abnormal after the war. It’s just that before the war, life was as normal and stable as any normal and stable (messed up!) American family could possibly be.