In Love by Design (The Adventures of Anabel Axelrod)

by Ellen, Tracy

  “Please, please, please, Bel! I’ll go crazy worrying.”

  “Ha! More like you’ll drive me crazy with your worrying.” I shrugged. “Okay, but you asked for it. John hooked up with my ex-cousin almost three weeks ago.”

  Pam blinked. “You mean Candy MacKenzie of the big…?” Her hands made enormous circling motions out in the air over her small chest.

  “Yes.”

  She blinked again. “You mean hooked up hooked up?”

  “Yes.”

  “Oh.” She said slowly, hands stilling. “I heard him say it was because he was freaked and scared? By realizing he loved me?”

  “So he said. You heard him.”

  “You don’t believe him?” Pam asked, her hands moving anxiously in those enormous circling motions again.

  I nudged her to quit. “It doesn’t matter what I believe. What do you believe?”

  “I believe I hate it when you do that to me!” Pam retorted crossly, hands on her hips.

  I laughed and patted her shoulder. “I’d hate it too, but this is your life, Pam. Only you can decide if you believe him, or in him.”

  “I really hate when you’re right,” Pam muttered, pacing the bathroom.

  There’s no good reply to that, only a lot of snarky ones, so I said, “Let’s get out of here before someone from the banquet comes in.” I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and shuddered. “Holy crap, my hair!” Getting out my small comb, I went swiftly to work. “I do have one piece of advice that you can take for whatever it’s worth, Pammie-poo.”

  “Goody, tell me! I love your advice! What it is it?” Pam asked eagerly, stopping her pacing to come up beside me.

  “Make him suffer and work for it. Make him really, really suffer for this one and you probably won’t have to ever again.” I took her thin shoulders and gave her a little shake. “This sounds like a commercial, but you’re worth it, Pam. You deserve to be treated like a queen, so make damn sure he never forgets it!”

  She shot a fist in the air and yelled, “Yes! I can do that! Hell, my husband’s been in St. Paul fucking young male prostitutes that look like a dead boy for years, so how bad is it that my new boyfriend screwed a giant-titted, scary woman one time against that?”

  “Well, there you go,” I agreed, amicably. Not quite what I had in mind for Pam to comprehend her own worth, but it was a start.

  Instead of driving a wailing woman home to Northfield, Pam chattered brightly about how she was going to make John suffer. I don’t think Pam and I are on the same page when it comes to making men suffer, but for a woman that just started having sex, she’s pretty inventive.

  By unspoken mutual consent we didn’t hash over Luke’s revenge on Carter, or poor Tommy Sorensen’s death. I’m not sure of Pam’s reasons, other than being totally wrapped up in her new love and done with her old life with the Ogelbachen’s, but I didn’t want to talk about it with anybody except Luke. Despite Luke having just told one hundred and fifty people, it still seemed to be too painful and too personal a topic for me to discuss casually with friends.

  When we first got to the apartment, Pam followed me around everywhere during the security check and talked nonstop about John Smith, although he may forever be Joe Johnson in Pam’s mind.

  Suddenly, she stopped talking in mid-sentence about rubber bands and penises to exclaim, “I’m so sorry! I haven’t asked one thing about you! How are you doing after Luke...I mean, I wasn’t sure what you meant at the end when you told Luke that he would have to live with his choice. Were you dumping him or what?” Her voice dropped and she said, “Finding out that he used you…”

  I burst out laughing, interrupting her sympathizing. “I’m sorry, it’s just that I’ve known how tricky and manipulative Luke was from the very beginning, Pam, and it’s what I love most about him.” She looked totally perplexed and I laughed again. “What can I say? The man’s always thinking and that turns me on more than anything.”

  “You don’t care how he was planning to use you? Yes, he was really sweet to say all those cute things about you being his hope and whatnot, but Luke still told everybody he was intending to use you. That’s more than cold.”

  “Intending?” I murmured, biting my lip to quit laughing. “Luke tries to use me every chance he gets!” I thought about our first date and couldn’t keep the smile off my face. “I love how he tried to use me when we met. I hope he never stops using me.” Smiling happily at my next thought, I said, “He is one ruthless man. I have a boyfriend that will stop at nothing to protect me or avenge me.” I sighed over what I needed to do where Luke was concerned, regardless of how I felt. “Pammie, if the day ever comes that Luke stops trying to use me--that will be the day this conversation is about a sad Anabel and I’ll need all the sympathy I can get.”

  “Oh.” Her brow creased. “So you weren’t dumping him for telling everyone about me?”

  “Geez Louise, no. I can’t ever dump Luke. He made me swear to God. He’s very needy.”

  “Oh. Luke’s needy?” Her eyes were huge and kept darting away, no doubt thinking about war-god Luke at the podium and how controlled and cruel he acted. Her voice was nervous when she asked, “You mean you can be forced to stay with him against your will somehow?”

  “Yeah, he is needy,” I affirmed absently while I thought about the best way to put it to Pam. “No, he can’t force me to be his girlfriend, although he’d try. If Luke should ever be so stupid that he makes an unrecoverable choice that I can’t live with or that he can’t fix, I won’t stop loving him or break up with him. He’ll just be dead to me. It will be like I’m a widow, except my man won’t really be dead. I’ll just never have another boyfriend because he is it for me.” I smiled at Pam. “See, pretty simple!”

  “Pretty weird, you mean.” Pam’s forehead wrinkled. “Bel, doesn’t that sound just like an old school Catholic marriage, only without being married? You’ll be the little moping wife that’s never free while Luke’s out making more stupid choices.” Then she asked about the most important thing on her mind these days, “What about sex for you?”

  I stared at her and then exclaimed, “Pam, you are exactly right! See, you don’t need me telling you what to do in a relationship with John because you know what you’re doing, girl!” I started laughing and said, “I told you that Luke’s incredibly tricky! He was brought up Lutheran, too.” Shaking my head, I marveled, “Well imagine that, he came close to turning me into a little moping, pitiful Catholic wife. God, he’s good!”

  Sparky blasted pyrotechnics and Pam said “Ooh” and then “Aah” in time with the burst of colorful sparkles.

  “Showoff!” I accused softly, looking down at the ring.

  Dragging her eyes away from my loud ring with a puzzled look at what she just saw, Pam faced me again. After a moment to remember her train of thought, she demanded, “And the sex?”

  I smile slowly. “Oh, this abandoned Catholic wife won’t be sitting home moping and not getting any. The decade is over when I need a boyfriend to have sex!”

  Pam grinned in relief. “Goody! You had me scared there for a minute.”

  We were making the vodka shots when Pam checked her phone and gleefully reported the tally. “And that makes the fifth unanswered text from Joe! Causing suffering is fun, I had no idea. Are you going to make Luke suffer?”

  I looked up from the Absolut vodka bottle in my hand. “Oh, yes. Didn’t I tell you? Don’t worry; there will be suffering for his choice.”

  “No you didn’t tell me, but thank you! I hope you do something really terrible to make him suffer because he was really an asshole to me.”

  Pam started getting a little choked up and I steered her into the living room. I wanted to nip this little pity party right in the bud. Luke had been an asshole, but he’s my asshole and Pam may as well get used to it.

  I clicked on the TV and agreed cheerfully, “He was really mean, but think about it for a second. If it wasn’t for Luke being who he is, then you wouldn’t b
e the happy woman you are soon going to be with his best friend. You owe him gratitude for your happiness, Pam, not your anger or hatred. If he hadn’t forced John to seduce your butt, then you wouldn’t have met your Tarzan. Yes, its true Luke held you up for some temporary humiliation. But wasn’t it in front of people that you don’t even like much, and wouldn’t they be hearing that you left Carter for John-Joe and were popping out little brown babies, anyway?” I waited a beat until she stopped her stunned laughter and asked, “Or maybe you’d rather have your current life with those people than be with John and I was reading you wrong?”

  “Good God, no!” She responded, appalled. “I don’t have to thank Luke, though, do I?”

  Now I was appalled. “Holy Crap, no!”

  Luke has to pay for messing with my friend in his revenge games. I signed on for his tricks, my friends and family didn’t. However, this seemed like a perfect time for a little deal making.

  “You can thank me, not Luke, okay?”

  Pam’s shoulders relaxed and she hugged herself with a little squeal of happiness. “Sure, that would be fine. I really am grateful I met John.”

  “Speaking of brown babies, one way to get your revenge on Luke and show your gratitude to me would be appointing Luke the godfather to your future children. Think of the time he’ll have to spend plotting to protect them. Can you imagine someone ever trying to bully or hurt your kids with Luke on the sidelines at a game?” I smiled fondly. “Luke would destroy their family back three generations without blinking.”

  Pam blinked rapidly a few times, but her smile was growing.

  “Think about it. In the meantime…to suffering!” I held up my fist, and as Pam bumped it with her fist, I declared, “Nobody, not even the man I love more than books, gets to mess with my friends or family without somebody suffering!”

  Pam and I smiled. The rest of the night was spent having fun like girls should on a Saturday night, until Pam passed out.

  I changed out of my cocktail dress, but left on my favorite pretties. I’d already showered twice today, so I brushed my hair out and put it back with a skinny headband. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and rubbed my body with lotion smelling like almonds and raspberries. It would be chillier upstairs, so I put on a pink, long-sleeved T-shirt, gray leggings, and silver slippers with puffs of pink marabou on the top.

  Without turning on any lights and closing the hallway door behind me, I stumbled clumsily up the steep, narrow stairs to the attic storeroom. I was carrying my pillow, a yoga mat, my purse, and a backpack loaded with anything I might need for the next couple of hours.

  In the attic, I got situated in the corner near the open stair railing and the south wall. This gave me a good view of all the windows from the two directions of east and west, although any lights from the streets below dissipated before reaching this level and it was fairly dark. I’ve been up here several times since the shooting, but at night with the lights out, I was happy to stay at this end of the attic opposite from the turret room.

  I tried to read by the beam of a small flashlight, but my brain had different ideas.

  My brother and Anna know about the abduction, but I haven’t told either of them about Dickie’s murder. I don’t want to stress Anna, but Reggie needs to know to provide security around Mac’s tomorrow during the bridal shower. I can’t believe any of the thirty or so women coming to celebrate with Anna would out of the blue pay a British fixer to leave me for dead. I was thinking the security needs to be outside of Mac’s house. Reggie will know what to do and I’ll call him tomorrow morning, so that was dealt with for now.

  I checked my phone. There were no messages from Mia, Mac, Stella, Jazy, or Anna, so I assumed everything is status quo in their lives tonight, so no worries there. Tre and Crookie were probably canoodling at this very moment and I smiled at this thought. So, that was all good, too.

  Giving up on reading, I put aside my Kindle and turned off the flashlight. I’ve had no texts or calls from Luke, but I would have been surprised if I had. He knows I left with Pam. Luke knows what he chose to do.

  Fifteen minutes later, I heard a very faint thud off to my right near the windows facing east by the staircase. From those windows, it was a sheer drop of forty plus feet straight down to my back parking lot.

  I waited about ten feet away from the casement window. It was smoothly sliding up open in front of my eyes, gripped in the gloved hand of my very, very tricky boyfriend.

  It had driven me crazy trying to figure out how Luke had entered my apartment when it was locked. I finally solved the mystery when I went over every square inch of the apartment after he left Thanksgiving weekend. I had discovered the faintest scratches on the sill of this casement window and when I investigated further, around the old twist lock at the center.

  With his skills, I’d assumed rappelling up and down the forty feet would be nothing. Nor would picking the old lock on the window and on the attic door at the bottom of the stairs.

  Genghis wouldn’t waste his time groveling by text or phone. He thought he needed only to show up in my bedroom and all would be forgiven with an arch of that eyebrow and a flash of that grin.

  I agree. It might also take a flex of his bicep but he’s totally right, and that’s why I am greeting Luke up here.

  One powerful thigh hooked over the sill and he was leaning to duck his head under the raised window when I switched on the lights and said, “Why, it’s Batman! Have you come to visit our Northfield Central Headquarters? I’m sorry, but Batgirl can’t come out and play right now.”

  I’ve amused Luke and shocked him a little here and there, maybe even surprised him once or twice, but this was the first time I have absolutely stunned him.

  Luke recovered quickly and turned his head to look at me standing a few feet away.

  Straddling the window with his head and torso on the inside, my Dark Prince arched an eyebrow and flashed his beguiling grin. “Princess, have I told you lately how much I love you?”

  I moaned but retorted, “Not unless you count that sickening sweet, manipulative drivel you spouted off to that crowd tonight that made me want to yak before you went off on your Carter Crusade, and then deliberately with malice of forethought, hurt my friend which I most certainly don’t. So no, you haven’t.”

  Luke’s eyes narrowed into slits of glinting green. “Anabel, you are without a doubt the most conniving, quick-witted, ball-busting, meanest girlfriend a man could ever wish to have and I love every fucking sexy inch of you. Now you have about thirty seconds to say whatever you want to say before I am off this window and ripping your clothes off.”

  “Thank you, that was much better. As lovely as that sounds, tonight is not about me. Your choices have deprived me of stripping naked for you in twenty seconds and I am so mad at you for this, I could scream. I cannot believe you would do this to me! Making sex impossible has got to be the lowest trick you could ever pull in that whole Mr. Tricky trick book of dirty moves, Luke Drake.”

  Luke’s voice was conversational, but his lips were cruel. “Ten seconds, Anabel, and then you are going to spread your legs and you are going to put that sweet ass up in the air while I fuck you from behind against that wall. I won’t stop fucking you until you scream my name so loud they’ll hear you at the Taco Oasis.”

  I yelled, “Really? My God, I want to do that with you so badly that I’m already wet, but this is what you’re choice forced me to do! I cannot believe how much I am suffering! Why are you doing this to me? I am not getting My Turn, I have not gotten sweet, gentle morning sex, I have not gotten slow, hot nap sex, I have not been tied up or been spanked,” I added incredulously, “and now I am not getting fucked against the wall, either?”

  I stunned Luke speechless for the second time when I pulled Rita up and pointed the gun at him dead center. “Yes, I’m well aware I’d better be ready to use this gun. Well I am, Luke, because you need to hear me loud and clear, and show me some respect. You hurt Pam, and you don’t get to mess
with my friends or family. You need to fix this, Luke. Don’t come back taunting me with promises of love and sex with you until you do, it only hurts me, too.”

  I’ve rarely seen Luke openly angry, and even more rarely out of control. Now I’ve seen him in a black rage twice in one evening and it was frightening from a few feet away, but I held my ground.

  “Fix it? How can I fix it, Anabel? It’s done!” He held his hands up to the sides of his head; his face twisted in angry frustration, as if he’s in pain or wanted to break something. “I’m sorry Pam was collateral damage for being married to the man that killed my friend! I’m sorry I hurt her poor little feelings when she didn’t honor her marriage vows and fucked John Smith!” He dropped his hands and yelled back, “I didn’t force her; I only tempted her and gave her a choice!”

  I reined in my temper and said quietly, “I don’t know how you can fix it, Luke. But deliberately setting out to ruin somebody innocent of any wrongdoing, all in the name of righting a wrong done to somebody else that you happened to care about, is bad. I care about Pam the way you cared about Tommy. You love me. Find a way to fix this for my friend, or don’t come back.”

  Luke looked down at his hands for a long moment, his chest heaving in deep breaths. He spoke softly without looking up. “I need you tonight, Anabel.”

  “I begged you publically, Luke. I needed you tonight, too.”

  It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done to stay put. Every particle of me wanted to run to Luke and hold him close. I wanted to cover him in kisses and comfort him with my body to help heal the years of damage that being consumed with revenge has cost his soul.

  But I didn’t take the gun off him and I nodded towards the window. “I love you but after tonight, I can’t be with you the way things stand. Please fix this. Now go.”

  “You are going to regret doing this, Anabel.” Granite-faced, Luke gazed at me a final time before disappearing.

  Waiting a few seconds to be sure he was gone, I went to the window and closed it. Leaning my forehead against the cold windowpane, I murmured shakily, “Only if doesn’t work, Luke, only if it doesn’t work.”