The Blind Wish

by Amber Lough

  He grunted, the iron moaned, and then the gravel beside me crunched beneath his weight. Then his hands were on my shoulders and I jumped. He laughed quietly.

  We slipped in through the doors, which were fortunately unlocked, and I heard a faint whistle from his lips.

  “We don’t have time to admire the pretty flowers, Atish,” I teased, and I pulled him across the great hall and to the corridor I thought would lead to the stairs.

  “Do you know which way to go?” he whispered.

  “No.”

  We wandered for the next few minutes, and I began to panic. Soon we’d be fully visible, and we had to get to Yashar’s room before the guards could see us.

  Finally, we found a circling set of stairs at the back of the palace. “This has to be it,” I said. “Come on.”

  We ran as quietly as we could. The stairs were narrow, and I prayed no one was coming down, because it wouldn’t matter if I was invisible or not—there would be nowhere to hide.

  When we reached the top and found the door, it was unguarded.

  “This doesn’t feel right,” Atish whispered in my ear. “He should be guarded.”

  I didn’t wait. I couldn’t wait. Yashar was right behind that door, and I didn’t even bother to knock.

  I pressed the door open and stopped. Yashar sat in the center of a stone room on a three-legged stool, facing us. He had his head hanging down, but he lifted it, slowly.

  “Hello, Zayele.”

  I ran to his side and fell on my knees. “I’m so sorry you’re here, Yashar. You’re all alone. And it’s so…bare.” The walls were gray stone, and the single bed was as sad as a lonely lamb in a field of rocks.

  “A blind man doesn’t need decoration.”

  “Yashar,” I chided, “don’t talk like that. You’re not blind. You’re just…scarred. Also you’re not a man yet.”

  “That’s something you never understood,” he said.

  “What? That you’re not a man?”

  “That I’m blind, and there’s nothing that can change it.”

  “But you can see something. Light. And whatever it is you see now. Now that I…”

  He reached down and gripped the sides of his stool. “Do you want to know what it is I see, Zayele?” He didn’t sound like an eleven-year-old boy anymore, and hot tears came to me unbidden.

  “What?” I croaked, wiping at my cheeks.

  “Those shadows you made me see? We think they mean something.”

  “Like what?” Atish asked.

  “Who’s ‘we’?” I asked at the same time.

  “Melchior and I. He’s my tutor. He’s going to help me figure out what it all means.”

  I swallowed back a sudden bitter taste in my mouth. “Yashar,” I began.

  Yashar held up a hand. “He told me you’d come soon. They’ve had the guards gone for the whole day. He said if a boy came with you, I was supposed to tell him.”

  “Yashar—”

  “But I won’t.” He dropped his head again, and my heart broke for him. “I don’t want you to get in trouble. Again. So go, please.”

  “Are you—”

  “I like it here. I’m protected from the other jinn, and I get to see you, in a way, when you’re down there in your garden.”

  I didn’t have the heart to tell him it wasn’t much of a garden. “Yashar, I’m sorry I changed you. I wish I could have done better. When I’m finished with my training, when I’m better at focusing, I will try again.”

  “No. Don’t ever wish on me again. Please.”

  Atish touched my elbow. “We should go.”

  “What will you do now?” I asked Yashar.

  “Melchior is training me, and someday I will help him.”

  “With the magi?”

  He shook his head. “With the Shaitan. Now go. The guards are coming back soon.”

  Atish tugged me out of the room, and we ran down the stairs, down the corridor, and halfway across the petal-covered great hall before I heard someone say, “We knew you’d come.”

  It was Melchior.

  I WAS STILL sitting on the bench, watching the moon climb higher in the sky, when Kamal returned to his room. I caught my breath and sat perfectly still. I didn’t know whether I should transport back or stay in this fragrant garden, waiting for him to find me.

  His footsteps stopped at the curtain, and he sighed. “If you’re there, don’t say anything. Just stay and share these stars with me.” The curtain rustled, but it didn’t retract. “Not that they’re all that bright tonight. The moon is full, which overpowers them. But they’re there, just as they’re there while the sun is up.” He paused for a long time, but I didn’t move a muscle. “I’ve been staying inside at night, just in case you’re out there in my garden.”

  Heat spread through my chest and down my arms. He had been talking to me, just in case I was there.

  “I’m starting to really regret the promise I made to my father about not seeing you. I miss you. Ibrahim is a very poor substitution.” His fingers wrapped around the edge of the curtain. “But I cannot go back on my word.”

  I sighed, and it was too loud.

  “Najwa? Are you really there?”

  For a moment, I let the question hang in the air. Should I let him know? Would he be angry I’d returned before he asked me to?

  “It’s me.”

  His knuckles tightened on the curtain. “This is the most frustrating moment of my life.”

  “I’m sorry I came back already,” I began. The air was suddenly too sweet, too heavy. “But I had to. I was ordered to.”

  “I’m glad you’re here, but don’t they understand it’s not yet safe for you?”

  “They’re more worried about Ibrahim than they are about any danger to me.”

  Kamal sighed, long and shallow. “Ibrahim has always been like that. He isn’t very adaptable, and he doesn’t like it whenever someone…I don’t know, changes things. And that’s exactly what has happened since he returned. He needs time to adjust. And until then, he’s like a rabid jackal.”

  I stood up and went to the curtain and pushed against it until I found his arm. He stiffened. “Kamal, did you tell your father that you wouldn’t see me?”

  “Yes.” His hands reached around the sides and trailed down my back, sending goose bumps all over my skin. “I shouldn’t have ever agreed to that foolish idea.”

  “Did you say you wouldn’t talk to me?”

  “No.”

  “Shahtabi,” I whispered, quiet enough that he couldn’t hear. When it was done, I pulled aside the curtain.

  “No, Najwa,” he warned, clamping his eyes shut.

  “You still can’t see me.”

  A mischievous grin slid up the side of his mouth and he opened his eyes. “I see. I mean, I understand. I guess I didn’t promise I wouldn’t touch you,” he said quietly.

  “We don’t have long, because I’ve already made this wish tonight. I’m a little weak, and I have to save my wishpower to get home. Still, we have a little while before the wish fades.”

  “If I don’t close my eyes, my brain doesn’t know what to think, because it keeps telling me that you aren’t there. But you are. You’re right…here,” he said, pulling me close. I nestled my nose in the crook of his neck and breathed him in. He smelled like the feast still, all mint, garlic, and game.

  His lips pressed on the top of my head. “I should be angry with you, you know.” I nodded. His face scratched my cheek. “But I can’t be. I’m glad you’re back, even if I can’t see you.”

  I lifted my chin, aching for him to kiss me. He kissed my cheek, and then took my face in his hands and pressed his lips against mine. I was almost lost in it, when I remembered.

  “Kamal, I’m…I’m here on orders. I have to return with something to tell them.”

  “All you need to know is that I’m handling it. There may be a few men in the Court of Honor who are not pleased with me as vizier, but that doesn’t mean everyone is upset.”<
br />
  “Like Jafar.”

  “Right. Jafar and some of the others seem glad I’m vizier. I think they’re just relieved to have someone they already know. Someone who thinks for himself.”

  “Do you?” I asked. “Earlier, it sounded like you were more worried about what the people all think, more worried about keeping up Hashim’s illusion, than you were about doing what is right.” He pulled back slightly, and his eyes reopened. Even I was surprised at my words. They had come pouring out of my mouth, knotted into little bows of frustration.

  I was starting to sound more like my sister.

  “I was caught off guard,” he explained. “I didn’t expect Ibrahim to show up right then.”

  “But isn’t that when our true selves are most visible? When we’re caught ‘off guard’?”

  He pinched the bridge of his nose and nodded. “I’m not sure I want to know what you think of me now.”

  “I think you’re going to be the best vizier yet.”

  I was about to say more, but he threaded his fingers in my hair and pulled my face closer. Then he leaned down and brought his lips to hover right above mine. But he did not bring them any lower. I could feel the warmth of them, but that was all he would give me.

  He sighed and shook his head. “You’re going to bring me to ruin right here, in my garden,” he said. “Every breeze that blows brings your scent to me. Every bird that sings calls out your name to me. Every dream that appears brings your face to me.”

  “What is that from?” He could not have come up with those words so quickly on his own.

  “Layla and Majnun. The story of two lovers who were torn apart by their families.”

  “Let’s hope we don’t have the same fate,” I said. And just then, Kamal’s door opened and hit the wall. I pulled away from Kamal and retreated into the garden while Ibrahim marched into the room.

  Kamal whirled around. “What are you doing here?”

  Ibrahim held out his fist and uncurled his fingers. There in the center of his callused hand was a diamond that had been in my hair. “Your jinni was here. Spying on us.”

  “That’s just a diamond,” Kamal said. “It could have come from anywhere. And besides, I didn’t see her. Did you?”

  Ibrahim shook his head. “No one saw her, but we don’t need to. They can go anywhere they please now that the wards are down.” The truth was that the wards had been reinstated, but they were not at the same strength as they had been before Zayele destroyed them. Jinn could not transfer directly into the palace, but they could enter through the Lamp. No one seemed to notice that I could still transfer in without using the Lamp, though.

  “I think you’re imagining things,” Kamal said. “They’re not malicious. And, as I said, that stone could have come from anywhere.”

  “It’s a diamond, Kamal. They don’t fall off trees. And if I remember correctly, she had dozens of them strung into her hair. She’s a temptress, and she’s using you and your ‘gift’ from Father to undermine all we’ve worked for.”

  Kamal crossed his arms. “First, she’s not a temptress. Second, what are we working for, exactly? Where has all this fighting gotten us? Is there something we need from them that they won’t give us if we just ask for it?”

  Ibrahim tossed the diamond onto the floor. It skidded across the stone and stopped at my toe. My invisible but solid toe. “I can see I’ll get nowhere with you tonight. But tomorrow, after prayers, meet me at the stables. We’ll discuss this ‘peace treaty’ while we go for a ride. If we’re outside in the open, there will be no shadows for anyone to lurk in.” Then he turned on his heels and stormed out of the room, not bothering to shut the door behind him.

  I bent down and retrieved my diamond. It was the size of a lemon seed, and just as smooth. “I’m sorry, Kamal,” I whispered.

  “It doesn’t matter. He can’t prove it’s yours. But I suggest you go home, and stay there until I call for you. Tell your master that I will send for you. In fact, if you return before I call, I will…I will consider it a breach of our negotiations.”

  He had to say that. At least, that’s what I told myself. His request hadn’t been listened to before, and now he had to be firm. Either way, the harshness stung a little, even when I was just smoke and flame, falling down, down through the layers of sand and oil and rock.

  ATISH AND I turned around to find Melchior sitting on the Diwan’s dais. He was leaning to the side, resting his head on one hand as though he was disappointed.

  “As I said, I knew you’d come for Yashar. He didn’t want to leave with you, though, did he?”

  I forced down every angry word that flashed in my mind. “Actually, I didn’t come to free him. I only wanted to see how he was doing. This could have been arranged if you’d—”

  “Silence! You were told to leave him alone. He needs total isolation in this weakened state. He cannot be with anyone who cannot control her emotions, her fears, or her impulsive nature. And that means you above all, Zayele.”

  “He is not your newest project!”

  “He is not yours either,” he spat. Then he seemed to shimmer with anger and fire, and pointed at the doors. “Now get out of here, both of you, before you cause more harm.”

  The doors blew open and we were thrown through them and onto the crushed rock outside. I picked myself up and brushed off all the bits and shards. I was going home.

  —

  I knew it was a bad idea, but the second it crossed my mind, I could not give it up. My mother, my adoptive mother, didn’t know where her son had gone.

  Would she think he’d fallen into the river? Would she wonder if he had had enough of the way they’d treated him—they had made him wash the women’s rags!—or would she have that knot in her stomach like the one I had been carrying with me ever since I’d taken him with me to the desert?

  Would she wonder if I had come back?

  That was what had given me the idea: I could go back at any moment. I could go to Zab and tell her where he was. I could tell her all that had happened.

  Atish walked me to my door, but we did not speak much along the way. I was grateful, because my mind was whirring with plans and worries, and it wouldn’t take much for him to figure out what they were. I couldn’t take him back to Zab. This was something I needed to do alone. I said goodbye before opening the door, and the moment he was out of sight, I stepped away from it.

  There was no one out in the open this time of night, thankfully. I closed my eyes and wished myself home.

  —

  I delivered myself to the same place I’d brought Shirin and Atish, when we’d come to find Yashar. From there, I climbed carefully down the narrow goat trail to the bank of the river. It was dark, but the moon was full and helped me find my way.

  With each step, an anxiety I hadn’t expected built up within me until, by the time I could see the village fires, my breathing was shallow and quick. A rush of thoughts flooded me. I should be there with my mother. I should be in the Cavern, pressuring Melchior to let Yashar go.

  I waited at the edge of the village, watching a beetle scurry over the broken rocks. It wasn’t until the beetle had disappeared from view that I realized I’d been sitting out in the open moonlight the whole time, easy for anyone to see.

  I started for the village then, hesitating between making myself invisible and walking in as though nothing had happened. What would be less frightening to my mother?

  But someone else made the first move. I was grabbed from behind. A man gripped my shoulder, tightly, and thrust me against the cliff wall. My face crashed into the rock, and I felt tiny bits of crystal bite into my cheek. I tried to turn around, but my head was held tight.

  “Who are you?” a gruff voice demanded. “Are you a jinni?”

  My stomach dropped. I had not dressed for Zab. I was still wearing the clothing I’d borrowed from Najwa, and in an effort to look more like a jinni and yet still feel like me, I’d worn a hijab littered with jewels. In all the stories we�
�d been told by the fire, the one that popped into my head now was of the jinni temptresses, and how they lured men into the shadows of the night.

  “It’s me.” It was hard to talk, because my mouth was pressed against the rock. “Zayele.”

  “Zayele is in Baghdad,” the voice said. It was strained, but I recognized him now: Afran, one of my father’s favorites.

  “No, I’m not. Afran, it’s me. I’m here to see my mother.”

  He pulled me away from the wall and took in my face. His eyes narrowed and he frowned before shaking his head. “You look the same, but you cannot be her. You’re a jinni.”

  I wrenched myself out of his arms and shook my head. A second later, he came at me again, grabbed me by the wrist, and dragged me away from the village.

  “Where are you taking me?” Afran was the most hot-tempered man in the village. Why could it not have been one of the many others, the men who were understanding and gentle? Why did it have to be Afran who had found me? I tried to pull my hand out of his, but the many years of working the herd had made him strong.

  “Away from my family,” he said. “You come here and change your shape, like a monster, to look like my cousin. But you are not my cousin.”

  He was going to kill me. I knew it like I knew that with the night came fear. It did not matter if I acted as humanly as possible—he did not believe I could be Zayele. And anyone who looked so much like her could only be a shape-changing jinni.

  He dragged me to the edge of the river.

  “What are you doing?” I asked, panic rising in my voice.

  “Jinn cannot swim,” he said. And without blinking, he pushed me into the water.

  I always think of useless things when I’m in trouble, and this time, I thought of the undergarments Yashar had dropped into the river and how I’d be joining them soon.

  I clawed at the water, but it was like climbing the air. It caught me, a storm of current and rocks, hitting and crashing and pulling me down.

  When my head bobbed at the surface, I gulped in some air and whispered, “Mashila.”

  It was supposed to transport me back to the Cavern, but it didn’t work. I was in the water and I could not turn to flame.