Caleb shrugs. “No one’s really here. And we’re divided up like a middle school dance, thanks to—”
He clamps his lips shut, but I know what he was going to say.
Thanks to me and Ava drawing a line in the sand, straight down the middle of our friend group.
Hayden marches up to Caleb, thrusting her finger in his face. “They better not make a mess of this place.”
“Don’t worry your Joanna-Gaines-farmhouse-loving heart, no one will touch your décor.” He taps his finger against some greenery currently poking out of a small glass vase on the dining table. “I’ll lead everyone outside.”
“Will they fit?” she asks.
“I’ll make them. And hey, at least they brought snacks.” He points at the haul of chips and dips currently being dumped onto the kitchen counter by our new guests.
“Who the hell is Joanna Gaines?” I ask Caleb, once Hayden leaves us to go organize all the snacks and drinks the guys brought with them.
“Some home designer chick. Her husband is cool.” Caleb makes a face. “I kind of hate that I know who they are. Blame Gracie.”
My heart pangs, which is so fucking annoying. But I know what that’s like. To care about something you otherwise wouldn’t give a shit about. And the only reason you care is because your girl shared it with you. Like a makeup brand or one of those romcom movies on Netflix that makes you roll your eyes, but secretly you enjoy watching. Especially because it makes your girl so damn happy to watch it with you.
Share it with you.
“I need another drink,” I mutter before I polish off the one I’m currently clutching. Then I head for the kitchen counter, grabbing a fresh beer and downing most of that while chatting with the guys who just showed up.
Eventually we start doing shots and I’m leading the pack, drinking way too much, encouraging them to drink along with me, shouting my approval when they throw back shot after shot. Soon enough, I’m stumbling. Rambling. Shooting dirty looks toward the dining table, my skin practically vibrating because I can feel her presence. We’re sharing the same space, the same fucking air, and we’re not talking or touching or even looking at each other.
And it’s killing me.
Unable to take it any longer, I leave the group while they’re mid-shot, but I don’t think any of them notice. I push my way through the crowd, my focus on one thing and one thing only.
Ava.
People call my name, but I ignore them. Caleb grabs at my arm as I walk past him, but I pull out of his grip. Tony sends me a warning look when I’m looming behind the group of women huddled around my ex-girlfriend and I glare right back at him. He doesn’t intimidate me.
I have every right to speak to her.
They don’t notice me at first. They’re involved in some sort of deep conversation, their heads bent close together as they speak in low tones. I can’t hear exactly what they’re saying, and I sort of don’t care.
I clear my throat.
They don’t react. It’s like they don’t even hear me. Resting my hands on my hips, I watch them, my focus zeroing in on the familiar blonde hair, willing her to feel my gaze.
Within seconds, she’s lifting her head, her startled eyes meeting mine, her mouth forming a little O, clearly in shock. We watch each other, the other three women talking animatedly, their voices rising, oblivious to what’s happening between Ava and me. How we’re communicating with each other, without saying a word.
Why did you leave me? I ask her for what feels like the thousandth time.
Why did you banish me from your life so easily? she says back to me, the hurt reflected on her face.
Fuck that, I’m hurt too. We both are. It’s pretty clear we’re miserable without each other.
But I can’t just let her back in so easily either. Right?
Finally, Jocelyn glances over her shoulder, doing a double take when she notices me. She nudges Gracie, who also glances back at me, her expression composed since she had a warning.
“Eli,” she says, sitting up straighter. “You need something?”
“Yes,” I croak. I wave a hand in Ava’s direction. I need her, is what I almost say.
But I don’t.
“Can we talk?” is what I ask Ava instead, my gaze fixed on her and no one else.
She watches me, so many emotions flitting across her beautiful face. I can read her like a book, and I know she wants to tell me no. More like she probably wants to tell me to fuck off, and I suppose I deserve that. I did her dirty, and I probably don’t deserve her forgiveness.
Damn, alcohol is making me see all my faults. This sucks.
“Okay,” she finally says, her voice soft. She rises to her feet and my eyes eat her up in that sexy-even-though-it-shouldn’t-be dress. The V-neckline offers me a glimpse of her smooth skin along with a hint of cleavage. And the skirt is short enough to show off her long, slender legs.
I clench my hands into fists, restraining myself from reaching for her as she approaches me slowly. Carefully. As if she’s afraid I’m about to blow up all over her.
“Privately?” I ask, inclining my head toward hers.
Nodding, she tears her gaze from mine and starts walking. Like the fool I am, I fall into step behind her, following her down the hall as she leads me into a bedroom. I shut the door the moment the two of us are in there, leaning against it as she turns to face me.
“You’re drunk,” she declares.
Nothing like getting right to the point.
I lean my head back, staring up at the ceiling as I chuckle. My vision swims. “Maybe,” I say with a laugh, though I have no clue why I’m amused.
This isn’t funny.
A sigh leaves her and I level my head, so I’m staring straight at her once more. “What did you want to talk about, Eli?”
She sounds annoyed. No, more like…exasperated. I’m sure she is.
Well guess what? I am too.
“You and me,” I say, not holding back.
But that’s all I say. My mind is swirling with all sorts of thoughts and ideas. What could I say to her to fully express what I’ve been feeling these last six months or however the fuck long it’s been since we called it quits?
“What about us?” she asks, crossing her arms. Going into pure defensive mode.
I decide to be truthful. “How could you toss us aside so easily?”
She gapes at me, her mouth hanging open, her eyes blazing with anger. “What? I didn’t toss us aside. You’re the one who gave me a shitty ultimatum and when I made my choice, you told me not to bother you ever again.”
I shake my head. “I didn’t say it like that.”
“You so did. You implied it.” She starts pacing the room. Watching her walk back and forth in the small space is kind of making my head spin. “You told me if I left, we weren’t together anymore. You said that by me not coming home, it showed that I didn’t love you, which is such bullshit. I don’t operate like that Eli, and you know it.”
“Yeah, well, you were always doing other stuff and forgetting about me! The last time we actually saw each other in person was Valentine’s Day, and even then, you weren’t into it. You weren’t into me,” I say, my voice rising.
She stops pacing. “When have I never been into you? I devoted all of my time and attention to you, whenever I could, for the last four years of our lives! School and my sorority kept me busy, you know this, but I still made time for you.”
“Barely,” I say with a snort. “That shit kept you busy all the damn time! And if you weren’t busy, you were always so tired. Yawning in my ear and shit. Like I bored you.”
That hurt too. I truly believed Ava was my number one fan.
“Right, but it’s okay for football to eat up all of your time? So much of it that all I can settle for are the little scraps of a few hours here and a bye week there? And I’m supposed to be grateful for that?” She stomps her way toward me, standing close enough that I catch her familiar scent. It sends a rush of l
ust through me and I remind myself to keep my shit together.
But damn, an angry Ava has always been a huge turn-on for me. I’m surprised I didn’t pick fights with her more often. My girl angry is the hottest thing alive.
“Your double standards are complete bullshit.” She stabs her finger into my chest, right at heart level. “So are your ultimatums.”
“You not putting me first is bullshit,” I retort. “It’s like you never gave a shit about me anymore. You were too wrapped up in your own life and there was no more room for me in it.”
“You’re too demanding!” she tosses at me.
“And you never gave a shit about me enough,” I throw back at her.
We glare at each other, our accelerated breaths the only sound filling the room.
This is not how I expected the conversation to go.
“It’s always me, me, me,” she says, her voice scratchy. “That’s all you ever care about. Yourself. What do I get out of it? What are you doing for me? It hasn’t been about us for a while, Eli. It’s always you. Swear to God, you’re the most selfish person I know. I used to think your arrogance was kind of cute. Even sexy. But now, I-I hate it.”
I push away from the door, standing so close to her my feet are practically on top of hers. “You think I’m selfish?”
She nods, her fiery gaze clashing with mine. “You’re also an egotistical ass.”
Taking a deep breath, I lower my head, until my lips hover above hers. “You never complained before.”
“I was blinded to your faults. Distance helped me see what was really going on, and what our relationship turned into.” She takes a step back, as if she needs the distance, and releases a shaky breath. “This conversation is getting us nowhere.”
It’s only making everything worse, if you ask me. “This conversation isn’t through and you know it.”
“I can smell the liquor on your breath. I’m not talking about this when you’re drunk.” She places her hands on my chest and gently shoves. I go toppling back, nearly falling on my ass. “Get some sleep, Eli. Call me when you’re sober—and not hungover either. I’ll talk to you again. But I have to be honest—I don’t know if this is going to work out for us.”
I’m fucking incredulous just listening to her. “Really? You’re going to give up on us that easily?”
“It’s never been easy! I’ve stood by your side for years. With every opportunity you’ve been handed or earned, I’ve cheered you on and supported you! I get one chance, one lousy chance at doing something that’s just for me, that will only take a few months out of my life, and you had a tantrum and threw our relationship away.” She snaps her fingers. “Just like that. Done.”
I blink, absorbing her words. The anger and disappointment fueling them. “I’m an asshole. You know this.”
“You’re an asshole to everyone else, but never me. You always took care of me.” She taps her chest for emphasis. “You’ve changed.”
“No, you’ve changed,” I tell her vehemently, shaking my head. I don’t want to hear her go on about my faults and where I fucked up when it comes to her. To us.
I know I fucked up. I try to own it, though I don’t want to say it out loud. Shouting those words into the universe just makes it all true, and I’m not in the mood to face it.
Not tonight.
“I can’t do this.” She drops her arms at her sides, frustration written all over her pretty face. “This conversation is over. Text me when you’re sober.”
Ava tries to walk past me, but I grab hold of her arm, stopping her. My touch is light. She could pull out of my grip easily, but she doesn’t. Electricity sparks between our skin the moment we connect and I wonder if she can feel it.
She has to.
“Don’t go,” I whisper. “Just—hear me out.”
I have no idea what to say to her next. Have no plan of action either. But this is the first time we’ve spoken in months. The first time we’ve been in each other’s presence and I just want to marinate in it for a little bit longer…
“Is there really anything else for us to discuss?” she asks, the disappointment heavy in her voice. “What’s done is done, Eli.”
“So that’s it. You’re just going to walk away from me again?”
She stares at me, her expression turning weary. “You’re exhausting.”
I shift forward, pulling her into me at the same time. She goes willingly, and I wonder if that’s because she wants to, or if it’s just habit. “You give up too easily.”
“I could say the same about you,” she returns, her breath catching when I gently squeeze her arm. Yep, she feels it. “I shouldn’t always have to prove my love for you. When was the last time you proved your love for me?”
Well, fuck.
When did I not prove my love for this girl? Where the hell has she been the last four years?
Clearly, she wasn’t paying attention.
Six
Ava
I’m so mad, I’m shaking. Can he feel it, from the way he’s gripping my arm? He’s so close, his body heat emanates toward me. And all that barely restrained anger contained in his body radiates too. His hazel eyes are greener tonight, as they blaze at me, and when I glance up, I catch him staring at my lips.
As if he’s thinking about kissing me.
I don’t want him to. If he does, I might not be able to stop him.
“Why does it have to be about proving our love to each other?” he finally asks, his voice low. Husky.
Sexy.
Shit.
I need to get out of here. Being alone in a room with a drunk, pissed-off Eli is not good. He’ll most likely try to pounce.
And I won’t be able to resist.
“It doesn’t,” I say. “You’re the one who always puts conditions on our relationship.”
“That is such crap and you know it.”
I say nothing, because I know I’m right. He’s always had these expectations from our relationship, and half the time, I felt as if I couldn’t meet them. Especially once I went away for college.
That was the kiss of death for us. I see it now. With actual physical distance, we grew more detached. I firmly believed we’d survive just fine. Look at my sister and Ash. She was in Santa Barbara while Ash was here for the entirety of college. Four long years. And now they’re engaged and still madly in love. Maybe even more in love than they’ve ever been. I thought for sure Eli and I were solid. We could survive anything.
But Eli and I are not Autumn and Ash. They were stronger. Ash is definitely more mature than Eli. He’s not as selfish either.
I still love Eli, but I meant every word I said earlier. He is truly the most selfish human I know.
“Ava…” His voice drifts and he tugs me even closer, our bodies gently colliding. Heat explodes through my veins, making my skin warm and my body ultra-aware of our proximity. “I miss you.”
Those three words are worse than a kiss. They completely devastate me and I close my eyes so I can’t stare at his handsome face any longer. “Don’t,” I say weakly, my body swaying toward his.
It knows what it wants. My mind and my heart can’t control anything right now.
“Don’t what? Express my feelings? If I don’t, I’m going to explode. You should know, Ava. I’m still pissed, but I miss you like fucking crazy.”
My heart thumps wildly in my chest at his declaration. I miss him too, but I can’t say the words out loud. To do so would make me feel like I’m giving in.
I can’t do that. Not yet.
Maybe not ever.
“Do you miss me?” he asks.
He sounds like a scared boy afraid to hear the truth. But when I study his face, all I see is the man he’s become. Breathtakingly handsome with those pouty lips and the intense eyes. The sharp jaw covered in light scruff. He tilts his head to the side, waiting for my answer and I suck in a breath, ready to deny it.
Before I can utter a single word, his mouth lands on mine. Soft and stil
l, as if he’s asking a question.
Should I do this?
Do you want this?
I yield beneath his lips, mine parting slowly as he pulls away, only to deliver another devastating kiss, taking this one deeper.
Yes, I silently answer him.
I want this.
Within seconds, he’s got his arms around my waist and my back pressed against the door, his tongue in my mouth, circling my own. I respond like a woman starved, my arms curling around his neck, my fingers sinking into his hair. It’s been so long since we’ve done this. Since I’ve touched him. Kissed him.
It feels fresh and new, tingles spreading all over my skin like it’s the first time we’ve ever kissed. A groan sounds from deep in his chest and I answer with a whimper. He pushes against me and I can feel what I do to him. He’s already hard.
God, what are we doing? We broke up. We shouldn’t be kissing.
But I don’t stop. It’s as if I can’t. We just kiss and kiss, swallowing each other’s moans and heated breaths, our tongues twisting, Eli’s hands wandering. He catches the hem of my dress and slips his hand beneath it, his fingers lightly running along the outside of my thigh. Goosebumps follow in his wake, I can feel them, and a full body shiver steals over me.
Without hesitation, he grabs hold of me more firmly and next thing I know, he’s lifting, my legs automatically going around his hips, my dress bunched up around my waist. He wedges himself in between my thighs, his denim-covered erection nudging against the front of my panties, making me moan.
It’s like I can’t stop making noise. Can’t stop moving with him. Can’t stop kissing him. I gasp for air when he breaks the kiss to run his mouth along my neck, his tongue licking, his teeth nipping. I try to pull him in closer, as close as he can get, and he lifts his head, breathing heavily.
My eyes are still closed, but I can feel him watching me. Slowly, I lift my lids and find his gaze on me, his damp lips parted and swollen, the look in his eyes…
Still angry.
I frown.
“You can’t deny that,” he murmurs, his hand coming up to cup the side of my face. “What we feel for each other still. It’s there.”
The Senior (College Years Book 4) Page 5