The Senior (College Years Book 4)

by Monica Murphy

  “I’m going to be okay,” she says.

  “You’re damn right.”

  “We’re going to be okay?” She’s asking me. Needing the confirmation that we’re still going to stick together.

  The relief I feel at hearing her say that nearly sends me to my knees.

  “You’re damn right,” I repeat, leaning into her and brushing her mouth with mine. “I love you.”

  “I love you too,” she whispers. “I’m sorry it happened.”

  “Oh my God, it’s not your fault. Don’t ever think it was.” I kiss her again. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

  “That’s not your fault either.” Another kiss. “You should know I’m not going to San Diego.”

  My heart feels ready to fly right out of my chest at her words. “You staying here with me?”

  She nods, her expression hesitant. “You’re going to get drafted, Eli. And I want to go where you’re going. If you’ll have me.”

  “If I’ll have you?” I can’t help it. I start to chuckle. “Baby, I can’t do any of this without you. You’re coming with me, whether you like it or not.”

  Ava rests her hands on my chest, brushing her nose against mine. “I love it.”

  I crush her to me, trying to be careful. I don’t want to hurt her, but she plasters herself to me anyway. “I love you.”

  I stay there all day, spending as much time with Ava as I can, before I finally head home. I skipped practice—I called Coach and explained what happened, and he was cool with me missing it. After that call, I confessed to Ava I told the guys about her being pregnant and she wasn’t mad, but she did say that’s why she warned me not to mention it yet.

  Because of situations like ours.

  I sent a group text to the boys letting them know what happened, and they were cool, of course. Full of sympathy, saying all the right things. Even Caleb. I couldn’t tell them something like that to their faces. I might’ve broken down.

  So I took the easy route.

  It’s early in the evening and I’m reluctantly leaving the Callahan house, exiting through the garage when I hear a familiar voice call my name. I pause and turn to find Drew standing there, watching me.

  “Hey,” I tell him, shoving my hands in my front pockets. We’ve barely talked all day. He makes me nervous. Like he might want to kick my ass for putting his baby girl through so much trauma.

  Slowly he approaches me, his steps careful, his expression serious. “How are you?”

  I frown, tilting my head to the side. “What?”

  “I asked, how are you? How are you dealing with all of—this?” He waves a hand around, seeming at a loss of what to do.

  A ragged breath leaves me and I glance down at the ground for a moment, overwhelmed by his question. I’ve been so focused on Ava all day, it’s hitting me that no one has really asked how I’m doing.

  And that’s cool. I’m fine with it. Ava’s the one who’s been through so much.

  Not me.

  “I’m—I’m sad, but it’s okay.” I lift my head to find him watching me. “I’m just glad Ava’s all right.”

  “She is. She will be. She’s strong.” Drew’s smile is faint. “Like her mother.”

  “Yeah,” I croak, hating how tore up I suddenly feel. “I was really excited about the baby.”

  “Ava mentioned that.” Drew steps closer, settling his hand on my shoulder. “You’re going to make a great dad someday, Eli.”

  Oh damn. My eyes are stinging and I shake my head once, trying to rid myself of the urge to cry. I need to keep it together in front of this man and not sob like a wimp.

  “Thanks,” I tell him, my voice rough. “I hope you’re not—mad at me. For what happened.”

  “Why would I be mad at you? It’s not your fault,” Drew says, his voice low. “Just—take care of my daughter and love her as much as you possibly can, okay? That’s all I want.”

  I nod, unable to look at him, surprise coursing through me when he tugs me into his arms and gives me a hug. I hug him back, in shock.

  His words, his offer of comfort reassures me though. That he doesn’t hate me.

  That he loves me like I’m a member of his own family.

  And it feels good, to be okay with the Callahans again.

  Well, with the exception of Jake. I’ll have to work extra hard to win that guy over. Autumn might want to kick my ass too.

  It’s all right. I’ll figure it out.

  I don’t really remember the drive home. And when I walk into my empty apartment, I wish I could’ve brought Ava with me. But she needs to rest, and she needs to stay at her parents’ house, in her own bed. She’s going to remain there for a while, until we get our shit straight and figure out what the hell we’re doing next.

  And where we’re going.

  Even though I’m tired, I’m somehow full of restless energy and I decide to clean my room. I make the bed and gather up the clothes strewn everywhere, tossing them in the hamper that’s in my closet. I throw away some old receipts then come across the box containing the ring I bought Ava yesterday and pop it open.

  A two-carat round diamond in a simple platinum setting. It’s beautiful, like Ava. I can’t wait to give it to her.

  Someday.

  Soon.

  I straighten up the disaster that is my desk, cramming shit in the drawers that are already full of miscellaneous crap. Gather up my notebook and textbooks and shove them in my backpack so I’m ready for school tomorrow. Come across a bag from the student store that’s stashed at the bottom of my backpack and I crack the bag open, momentarily forgetting what I bought there.

  Until I see the red fabric.

  I pull it out, staring at the tiny onesie, checking the size. Zero to three months.

  I hold it in my hands, trying to imagine a baby filling it.

  Man, that’s tiny.

  The tears start then. Flowing down my cheeks as I crumple the onesie in my hands and tell myself to man up. Don’t cry. I never cry. I have to be the strong one here. For Ava.

  For myself.

  But it’s no use. I’m sobbing like a baby, for the baby we lost. Remembering how scared I was, thinking for one terrible moment, that I lost Ava.

  I didn’t lose her though. I’ve still got her.

  I’ve still got my heart.

  My soul.

  My love.

  My princess.

  My Ava.

  Thirty-Eight

  Ava

  My chest is so tight, I feel like my rapidly beating heart is going to burst through it at any minute. I can’t tear my gaze off the field and my hands are clasped in front of my mouth, as if I’m praying. If I had fingernails, I’d be chewing on them right now.

  We have less than two minutes left in the fourth quarter of the Mountain West championship, and the Bulldogs are playing the game of their lives versus Boise State. The score is 31-27, Bulldogs. But currently, Boise has the ball.

  And it’s killing me.

  “They’ve got this.” This is from my brother Jake, who’s standing beside me. We’re all standing in front of the glass window of our box seats. My family. My friends whose boyfriends are all out there playing the game. Jackson and Ellie are here too.

  We’re all here, nervous and excited. The win is so close we can touch it.

  But then again, it’s not. It’s not close at all. One wrong move and Boise could take it. If they score right now, that’ll change everything. A touchdown puts them in the lead. A field goal?

  We’ll be ahead by one.

  One.

  “You really think so?” I ask him, my voice low. I need positive reinforcement right now, and I’m surprised to get it from Jake. Granted, all of his friends are out there so of course he’s going to support them.

  But my boyfriend? Yeah, probably not.

  It’s only been a couple of weeks since I had the miscarriage, and everyone is still treating me like I’m fragile. I sort of hate it. No one wants to talk about it either. Li
ke they’re all afraid I’m going to burst into tears and fall completely apart.

  “Yeah, I do.”

  I glance up at my big brother to find him watching the game, a USC beanie on his head because come on, this is Jake. Hannah is on the other side of Jake, chatting with our mom. They’re the only ones not completely traumatized and on edge because of this game and I envy their cool.

  My gaze trails Caleb as he darts across the field, ramming himself into an offensive player and taking him to the ground. I jump up and down, cheering loudly as Caleb gets up and glances around the stadium. I swear I can see his smile from here, but maybe I’m reading too much into it.

  “He’s played a great game,” Jake says.

  “He has.”

  “So has Eli.”

  I’m quiet, secretly pleased. Eli has played phenomenal tonight. For a guy who used to blame my magical vagina for ruining his game play, he sure has been doing great the last two weeks. First with the last playoff game and now tonight.

  Of course, he hasn’t touched my so-called magical vagina since I had the miscarriage, but we’ve been spending a lot of time together. Just because we lost a baby doesn’t mean we lost feelings for each other.

  I’d say our feelings for each other are even stronger.

  “He has, huh,” I finally say, my heart in my throat when the Boise kicker walks onto the field. “Oh God, they’re going to try for a field goal?”

  “They held them off. They couldn’t run it in,” Jake says, scooting closer to me. “Even if they make it, Bulldogs will still lead.”

  “By only a point,” I mutter.

  “Yeah, and then they have the ball.” He slings his arm around my shoulders and squeezes me. “Have some faith, baby sister. They could score again.”

  “God, I hope so.” I watch, my face contorted into a wince as I wait for that ball to sail into the air.

  The kicker sends it careening toward the goal posts, and at the last second it veers right.

  The kick was no good.

  We all start jumping up and down, cheering. The Boise offense slinks off the field, the kicker’s head bent and I can feel his disappointment.

  Whoops. Too bad. All I can do is scream and tackle hug my brother, who lifts me off my feet and sends me swinging as he spins me around.

  “Jacob, put your sister down,” Mom says.

  “Haven’t heard that in a while,” Jake says, laughing as he sets me on my feet. He glances over at her. “Come on, Mom. We’re just having fun.”

  “She’s still recovering.”

  “No, I’m not,” I protest. “I feel fine.”

  Mom sends me a skeptical look. “Really? It’s only been a few weeks.”

  “Yeah, and I’m good, Mom. Really.”

  I know she’s just worried about me, but the hovering is making me crazy. They’re all hovering. Mom, Dad. My friends. At first my boyfriend was all over me too, but when I reassured him that I was feeling stronger, he could only whistle in admiration and tell me that I’m his hero.

  Me. I’m Eli Bennett’s hero. What a concept.

  “As long as you’re sure.” I can hear the doubt in my mother’s voice.

  “I’m sure,” I say firmly, sending everyone a look when they all seem to glance over at me at the same time. “Seriously, you guys. I appreciate your concern, but it’s been a couple of weeks. I’m okay. Really.”

  There’s a roar from the stands and we all refocus on the field. The Bulldog offense is out there, just breaking out of a huddle as they go into position. My gaze finds the number one jersey and I whisper good luck to Eli in my mind, hoping he can hear me.

  Clearly, I’ve lost it. Now I think I can communicate with Eli through thought only.

  I didn’t need to wish him good luck. Every throw he makes is a good one—with the exception of the time he couldn’t seem to get rid of the ball, so he threw it away before he ended up getting sacked.

  But it’s the last ball he throws that is true perfection. It lands in Tony’s hands and he tucks it against his body, speeding toward the end zone. We’ve all gone completely still, watching as he dodges one defensive player. Then another. Literally spins out of the hold of yet another until he’s cruising into the end zone and scoring a touchdown.

  “That’s my man!” Hayden screams as she jumps up and down.

  We’re all screaming, my gaze stuck on Eli as he runs toward Tony and they bump chests. The kicker scores the extra point and there’s only a few seconds on the clock. Boise goes back onto the field and go through the motions, but the game is finished.

  The Bulldogs just won the Mountain West Conference Championship.

  I’m anxious as we all make our way onto the field. I don’t know if we’re all going to get out there, but I’m determined to find Eli and I know my friends feel the same. Hayden and Gracie are ahead of me and they both dash out onto the field in search of their boyfriends.

  I do the same, running around like a lost person, scanning the area for Eli. I’ve left my parents behind, and my brother, until I’m all by myself, spinning in a small circle, anxiety making my heart race as I try to spot my man.

  Ah, there he is. He’s talking to a female reporter, clutching his helmet in his hand, the smile on his face adorable as he speaks into her mic. Slowly I approach them, not wanting to interrupt or disturb them. But the moment Eli lifts his head and his gaze finds mine, he’s done.

  I smile at him.

  He smiles in return, asking the reporter if she got what she needed before he leaves her, jogging over to where I’m standing. He stops in front of me, leaving some distance between us and I wonder at that.

  “We won,” he says, sounding proud.

  “You won.” I sound just as proud. “You played a great game.”

  “You think so?” He sounds unsure, which is so unlike my Eli. He reaches beneath his uniform, tugging a necklace out so the #1 pendant glints in the stadium lights. “I wore this for luck like you told me to.”

  “Looks like it worked.” My gaze eats him up. I don’t know why he’s standing over there and I’m standing over here.

  “It did.” His smile fades, his gaze turning sincere. “Babe, I’m an idiot.”

  I’m frowning. “Why?”

  “I thought I couldn’t do this.” He waves a hand around the stadium. “If I had you in my life. I actually thought that at one point. Like you were a giant distraction I didn’t need.”

  I grimace at his words, hating how they make me feel.

  “But it’s not true. I was full of shit. I’m realizing I can’t do any of this, if I don’t have you in my life.” His hazel gaze meets mine, so serious. So full of emotion. “I love you, Ava. So fucking much. This would mean nothing if I didn’t have you in my life. I almost lost you.”

  The pain lessens, and I’m filled with happiness again as I go to him, resting my hands on his chest as I stare up at him. “You didn’t lose me. And you didn’t lose this game either. You’re a winner.”

  “In all things.” He wraps one arm around my waist, holding me to him. “In everything. Life can’t get much sweeter than this.”

  “Oh it can,” I tell him, rising up as he bends down to drop a kiss on my lips. “You have the draft coming up.”

  “And graduation,” he says.

  “And a new life to embark on.” I smile as he kisses me again.

  “With you by my side, right?”

  Our gazes meet. Lock. “Right.”

  “Love you, Callahan.”

  “I love you too, Bennett.”

  “We gonna make it?” He raises his brows then bursts out laughing when he sees the expression on my face. “We are, huh.”

  “We most definitely are.”

  Epilogue

  Ava

  Six months later

  “Eli, what in the world?” I come to a stop at the beautiful setting spread out before me on the deck of the house that Jackson purchased for Ellie for Christmas last year. The one they rented on Halloween
.

  He stops just behind me, his big hands resting on my bare shoulders. He told me to dress fancy and so I’m wearing a simple black strapless dress. When I saw myself in the mirror after I slipped it on, I realized it made me feel pretty. Prettier than I have felt in a long time.

  I felt even prettier because of the look on Eli’s face when he first saw me.

  “You like it?” he whispers close to my ear.

  There are candles on every available surface, every outdoor table on the deck, their gentle light flickering, seemingly becoming brighter as the sun slowly sets behind us. Accompanying the candles are low, sleek vases filled with perfectly blooming red roses. There’s a table prepared for two in the center near the railing, with red rose petals scattered all over the white tablecloth.

  “It’s so romantic.” I glance up at him, wondering what he’s got up his sleeve. Ever since he was drafted in April, he’s been on the go. Busy, busy, busy. Making plans. Meeting with his new coaches and staff. Obtaining an agent. Leaning on my father for advice, which he’s given freely. They’ve become closer since everything happened, and…I love it.

  Jake’s been leaning on Dad a lot as well. He was drafted too—in the first round. Eli in the third. Diego, in the sixth.

  They’re all in the big leagues now. I couldn’t be prouder of all three of them.

  “Come with me.” He moves to my side and takes my hand, leading me over to the table. I realize there’s a couple of people standing close to the house on the other side of the deck, which is near the kitchen. They look ready to serve us. “I had dinner catered.”

  “Just for us?”

  “Just for you.” He drops a kiss on my cheek before pulling my chair out for me.

  I settle into the chair, watching as he sits down across from me, devastatingly handsome in the black button-down shirt that fits him to perfection, emphasizing his broad chest and shoulders, and his muscular arms.

  That’s my man, I think as I blatantly admire him. He’s all mine.

  A woman dressed in black pants and a white shirt comes over, pouring us each a glass of champagne. I note the label, impressed with Eli’s choice, and a little worried because that must’ve cost a fortune.