Crimson Return

by Daelynn Quinn

  “Please, sit down,” says General Granby. I sink into the loveseat, which swallows me into a soft cocoon. Glenn sits next to me, clearly unwilling to leave me alone for any period of time. Granby pulls one of the wooden chairs over to face me and sits with his elbows resting on his knees.

  General Granby places one hand gently on my knee and asks, “Are you okay, Pollen? Are you hurt?”

  “Just a little shaken,” I say. “But I’m okay.” Shaken is an appropriate word at this point. It’s not cold at all in the building, but my entire body is shivering. I could lie to myself and assume that it’s my wet hair and clothes causing the chills, but deep down I know the temperature has nothing to do with it.

  “I’m sorry this happened to you,” says Granby with a sincere look of concern in his eyes. My heart breaks, thinking about my father. As tough as he was on me, he had this same tenderness in his eyes whenever he could sense that I was hurting. Granby turns to look at Glenn, “I need you to tell me what happened.”

  “I’ll tell you,” I say, trying to straighten my body to sit up in the loveseat, but it just sinks back down. “We were in Arena Five. I went out ahead of Glenn. The guy caught me by surprise and took me from behind. I could feel the gun on the back of my head as he led me away from the complex. I was able to get away from him but he caught up with me and pinned me on the ground. By that time Glenn had found me and . . . took care of him.”

  The image of that man haunts my mind. One eye spattered with blue paint from my bullet. The other a black hole, framed with brilliant carmine blood. Try as I might, I can’t release that vision from my head.

  “His body’s a little over a hundred yards in. Next to an elm with a hollowed trunk,” Glenn adds.

  “I know where that is. You’re sure he’s dead?” Granby asks.

  “I shot him in the eye with his own gun. He’s not going anywhere.” Glenn confirms.

  Static sounds from the walkie-talkie on Granby’s hip. A voice comes over the radio, but I can’t make out what is being said. Granby puts it to his mouth and says, “Ten-four. Be right there.”

  Granby stands and walks behind his desk, where he opens a drawer and pulls a handgun, checking that it is loaded. “Pollen, you stay here as long as you need to. Glenn, stay with her. I’ll be back.” Granby leaves and shuts the door behind him.

  The room fills with a shroud of uneasy silence. Glenn is trying to maintain his distance emotionally and be respectful, while still remaining close enough to console me.

  My emotions turn to anger—anger with Marcus for abandoning me today and allowing me to go out on my own. Today, he put himself first. He put his friends first. And look what happened. His friends were more important than my safety. I can’t even bear to think of him right now, so I focus on Glenn. He’s the one who was with me today. He’s the one who saved my life. He really is a good friend. The doubt that clouded my vision begins to clear. I do trust Glenn.

  “Thank you Glenn,” I say, cutting the veil of tension that separates us.

  “It’s nothing,” he says. “In fact, I think I enjoyed pulling the trigger. Payback, you know?”

  “I’m not thanking you just for saving me, but for being there. If you hadn’t shown up at the armory when you did, I would have found a way to go out on my own. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”

  “Pollen, you know I would never let anything bad happen to you,” Glenn says.

  I flash him a look of discernment, reminding him of our past at Crimson. “Oh, really?”

  He lowers his head shamefully, “You know I wasn’t myself then, at Crimson. I was wrong and I admit that. When the virus hit, and everyone started dying I got scared. Everyone was dying and I didn’t know what to do. I only cared about myself and my own survival. I was selfish. But I’ve grown up, Polly. When I saw you and Evie there on the floor in the solitary level, with Damon’s gun pointed at your head, it just clicked. You ignited a spark in me that day and I realized that my life means nothing. It doesn’t matter if I live or die anymore. What matters is that you and Evie are the only people I know that are still alive, and I intend to keep it that way.”

  “That day at Crimson,” I say, “when you shoved me out the door—”

  “I was following orders. They’re extremely strict about who the Enforcers are allowed to associate with. Since I was a new recruit, I didn’t want to get into trouble with them. I tried to find you later, to explain. But every time I saw you, you were with him.”

  “With Marcus,” I state.

  Glenn nods. “You know how I am. Dr. Nesbith says I have unresolved abandonment issues.”

  “You’re seeing the shrink?” I stifle a laugh.

  “Yeah,” Glenn smiles. “Granby wanted me to be analyzed before allowing me to take up arms. Dr. Nesbith recommended that I continue seeing him for a while.”

  “You said abandonment issues,” I remark.

  “Remember what I told you about my mother?”

  “She died when you were three.” Glenn never spoke of his mother. He only gave up that information when I got upset with him for not introducing me to her. He was raised by his father alone, who was rarely around.

  “She didn’t die. She took off with some other guy. Abandoned us.” My jaw drops suddenly.

  “Glenn, we’ve known each other for five and a half years and you’re just telling me this now?”

  “I’m sorry, Pollen. It’s always been hard for me to deal with. It’s easier for me to cope if I just think she’s dead.”

  “Wow,” I whisper. “Now it’s beginning to make sense—why you’ve always been irrationally jealous.”

  “Yeah. And it’s done nothing but create a monster in me. I only hope that one day I can regain your trust again.”

  “You already have,” I sigh, looking into his single eye. For a moment, I am back with Glenn on an autumn night, staring up at the stars, dreaming of our future together. This is the Glenn I remember.

  What am I doing? I can’t start having feelings for Glenn again. I’m with Marcus. Marcus is my future. We’re meant for each other. Yes, I’m angry with him, but that will pass, as it always does. But the serenity in Glenn’s single hazel eye is pulling me in. I need to get out of here before I say or do something stupid.

  “I’m going to go back to the apartment and wait for Marcus,” I say as I try unsuccessfully to stand from the loveseat. Glenn has to hoist me up since every attempt seems to suck me deeper into the cushion like quicksand.

  Upon standing the power shuts off, blackening the room except for some yellow emergency lights in the corners of the ceiling. I freeze. A voice announces over the intercom, “Attention Ceborec residents. Due to a system power failure, facility lockdown has been initiated. Secure areas have been sealed for the protection of officers and classified materials. Please remain in your current location for the remainder of the lockdown. Thank you for your patience.”

  Glenn and I instinctively rush to the door and try to open it, to no avail. Long after I give up, Glenn continues to kick and barrel the door with his shoulder.

  “Don’t bother, Glenn,” I say. “We’re stuck here for now. It’s okay.”

  “I know you’re worried about Evie,” Glenn says spinning toward me.

  “I am. But she’s with Timber. I know she’s alright.”

  “And you trust her with Evie?” Glenn eyes me suspiciously.

  “I do. She’s great with Evie. In fact, I trust her with my own life,” I assert. “Why, is there any reason I shouldn’t?”

  “No,” says Glenn. “I just know how protective you are of your niece. If you trust Timber, she’s in good hands. You always were a good judge of character. What about Marcus?” he asks with a slight air of jealousy.

  I turn away from Glenn, trying to hide my frustration, even though the darkness disguises it well enough. “What about Marcus?” I ask tersely.

  “I’m sure you’re itching to get back to him. Especially after what you’ve been through.”
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  “He’s the last person I want to see after what I’ve been through. If it weren’t for him, none of this would have happened. I only went to the outdoor arena because I was furious with him. I needed to be alone—to work out my aggression. You know how I am.”

  “Yes, I know,” says Glenn. “What did he do?”

  “He chose to cavort with his buddies from work over training with me. And he had the nerve to criticize the way I handle Evie’s care.” My voice begins to break as I try to stifle my emotions.

  I flinch as Glenn places his hands on my shoulders and lightly kisses my forehead. “Sorry,” he says. “That was probably inappropriate.”

  “It’s okay,” I say as I lean in to accept his arms around me. I close my eyes as I lean in to his body. He could be Marcus for all I know. The darkness masks his face and I picture Marcus and me standing together, embracing each other. The way things should be; without the distance that sprouted between us last night.

  Glenn releases me and walks behind General Granby’s desk, opening drawers and peering inside. My eyes have adjusted to the darkness, and under the golden emergency lights the room glows with mysterious intimacy.

  “What are you doing?” I ask. “You can’t go through Granby’s things.”

  “Looking for something to calm our nerves,” he says as he pulls out a handful of tiny bottles from one of the drawers. “These should do the job.”

  I glare at Glenn with disbelief. I can’t believe he’s just going to take those as if Granby wouldn’t notice.

  “What? Who knows how long we’ll be in here,” Glenn retorts. “Besides, he’s the one who told us to stay, remember?”

  That’s a good point. Last time they had a lockdown here it was for no less than three hours. I’m sure Granby won’t mind if we nab a few drinks. Besides, my nerves could use a little numbing right now.

  “Okay, but just one,” I clarify.

  Glenn opens a bottle and hands it to me. It’s too dark to read the label, so I’ll just have to take a swig and hope it’s palatable. As I draw the bottle to my lips I feel like a giant of my childhood fairy tales, living in the clouds and consuming the stolen goods of the tiny humans who live below.

  I fight the innate urge to spit out the repulsive liquid fire in my mouth. I can’t say for sure what it is, since I’m not well schooled in hard liquor, but it’s definitely not a sweet, fruity, girlie drink. It continues to burn my insides, as it blazes a fiery trail down my throat. But the moment it hits my stomach, the warmth spreads and softens the tension throughout my whole body. I fight the gag reflex and take another swig. Each repulsive sip seems to build upon that serenity. Before I know it, the bottle is empty and I’m asking Glenn for another.

  Glenn and I have submerged back into the depths of the cushy loveseat, with no hope of getting out on our own. As the liquor takes over our bodies, our inhibitions seamlessly slide away and we find ourselves reminiscing about the past and giggling over every word that exits our mouths. I even dare to lay my legs across his lap in an attempt to lie back on the loveseat and relax.

  “Seriously, Glenn,” I say, “thank you. I needed this. I feel so much better now.”

  Glenn massages his warm hand over my thigh, a sensation that sends tingles crawling up my skin higher and higher. “Good, I don’t like to see you upset,” he says, keeping his hand on my leg. My mind is screaming at me “take his hand off your leg!” but my body is resisting, as if his touch is a piece of sticky tape, keeping me from shattering into a million tiny pieces. I reach my hand out, but rather than push his hand away, I find myself holding it in place, not letting him go.

  I finish the last swig of my bottle and toss the empty shell on the floor. “Any more?” I ask.

  “Sorry, babe. This is the last one,” says Glenn as he takes his final swig. Before my brain can even register what I’m about to do, I’m on top of Glenn, straddling him with my thighs, and placing my mouth over his to suck out the last sip of fiery madness from his mouth. But I don’t let go after I swallow the last drops. My mouth is a suction cup, refusing to be withdrawn. Glenn doesn’t fight it either. He wraps his arms around me, pressing my body into his and sneaks his moist, muscular tongue between my lips.

  I must be out of my mind. Here I am, back with Glenn after I swore it was long over between us. My body simply can’t fight it anymore. I guess if you go through enough stress, it can do crazy things to you. The alcohol doesn’t help either. Nor does the vision of Marcus that filters over Glenn’s outline in the darkness.

  He flips me over onto the loveseat, laying atop me and groping to remove my clothes as he sucks on my lower lip. It’s wet, sloppy, messy. But I don’t care. All rational thought has vanished and I have succumbed to the need of my physical form. I look up at him but all I see are Marcus’s features. His strong jaw, his rusty long hair, his sapphire blue eyes. Am I with Glenn or Marcus?

  My consciousness comes and goes. At times, I don’t even know where I am, whether I am awake or dreaming. All I know is that I can’t put up a resistance to anything right now. My body is as rigid as a rag doll. I’ve never felt so weak in my entire life.

  Suddenly, daggers strike my head when the power is turned back on and the light from the lamp is glaring right into my eyes. My back is arched over the arm of the loveseat, my body completely exposed. Glenn’s cheek rests on my chest. He’s passed out.

  What have I done? Shame is too light a word to describe my feelings. I hate myself. No, I detest myself.

  With a sense of urgency I push Glenn off me, and his limp body crashes to the floor, awakening him from his deep sleep. I scramble to find my clothes, trying to cover my intimate parts from Glenn’s sight.

  “Oh my god,” Glenn says rubbing his exposed eye. “What did we . . . Polly I’m so sorry.” The sincerity in his voice quells any resentment I hold towards him. This wasn’t his fault. Not entirely anyway. It was all me this time. I started it. I’m to blame. A blanket of shame envelops me and I can’t even find the words to respond.

  I throw my clothes back on and pick up the empty bottles while Glenn dresses. My head throbs with each pulse of my heartbeat and every time I bend over and stand back up I nearly collapse with dizziness. Glenn tries to help me stand, but I just push him away and lean against Granby’s desk. I can’t stand to be touched by him right now.

  Once the office is cleaned up and Glenn and I have straightened our clothing, we begin to exit the room. I stop him before he opens the door.

  “This was a mistake,” I say hardening my look into his eye.

  “I know,” Glenn replies.

  My head is still in a drunken whirlwind, but I’m sober enough to know what we must do. If Marcus finds out what happened it will destroy him. “Marcus can’t know,” I command. “Nobody can.”

  “This will stay between us,” Glenn assures. We have to lie. It’s our only option.

  Chapter 10

  The moment I open the door Marcus snatches me into his arms and squeezes me so tight I’m afraid he’ll choke the life out of me. “I heard what happened. I’m so sorry, Pollen. I swear I’ll never do that to you again,” he sobs. As he holds me, I can feel his muscles tense up; I imagine he’s giving Glenn the evil eye. I begged Glenn not to come, that it would only upset Marcus, but he wouldn’t listen. He refused to let me walk alone and insisted on escorting me up here himself.

  Marcus releases me and reaches his hand out to Glenn, who is still waiting in the corridor. A brief moment of terror strikes me when Glenn takes his hand and Marcus wraps his other arm around Glenn’s neck. But the anxiety fades when I see that Marcus is not attacking, but hugging Glenn.

  “Thank you,” says Marcus, fighting back the glistening tears that begin to flood his eyes. “Thank you for being there, Glenn. And for bringing her back to me.” My stomach churns with rueful torrents of despair. If only he knew.

  “Hey, no problem man,” says Glenn, lowering his gaze. “Take care of her, okay?” Glenn begins to leave, but Marcus st
ops him.

  “Glenn,” he seems to be struggling internally to compose himself. “I was wrong about you. What you and the others did to me in that room . . . I don’t think I will ever forget that. But, after today, after what you did for Pollen, I forgive you. I’m sorry for the way I treated you before. You’re always welcome here.” Glenn briefly nods and disappears down the corridor.

  Marcus turns back to me and embraces me in his bear hug again. The dampness on his face rubs against my cheeks forcing my own tears to develop and fall. But mine are different. Mine are tears of guilt. Tears of lies and deception. Tears of infidelity.

  “I was so worried. I could have lost you today,” says Marcus.

  I pull back, fearing that he will smell the stench of my betrayal. “I’m sorry,” I say. I should never have…” But my words trail of in a flood of tears.

  “It’s my fault. I should have been there. You have nothing to be sorry for,” says Marcus ignorantly. Yeah, right. Nothing to be sorry for? I have everything to be sorry for. I’ve done something he’ll never forgive.

  Marcus clamps my head in his hands and pulls my lips to his so hard our teeth collide. For the first time, I feel disgusted by his kiss. My stomach convulses with sickness caused by my own shameful actions. I abhor myself and don’t deserve him. How can I cheat on him and then come home and kiss him as if nothing happened?

  I allow Marcus to finish, so he doesn’t suspect anything, and then I turn away, unable to look into those penetrating eyes.

  “I need to take a shower,” I say quietly.

  “I’ll start it for you,” Marcus says, kissing me on the crown of my head before he goes into the bathroom.

  “Are you okay Pollen?” says Timber, startling me. I didn’t even realize she and Evie were sitting on the floor putting together a puzzle. Obviously Evie has no clue what has happened since she has barely even noticed me. That’s good. She doesn’t need to be frightened with that kind of information—another reason why I trust Timber and Marcus with her.