His Heart (HIS Series Book 7)

by Sheila Kell

  Oblivious to her distress, he loaded her suitcase in the trunk of the rental car, a nice sedan that didn’t fit the style of the man she’d once known. She’d expected something like a 4-wheel drive pickup. Then again, it was from a rental agency; he might not have had much choice. Or, he could be a completely different person now.

  Even though he’d just driven to her from Water Valley and she knew the way, Matt set up the GPS in the car to her dad’s address before they left her sanctuary. The only place she’d felt safe in a long time. A chill crept down her spine. That vicious, despicable, violent—she couldn’t even find the right word for him—man hurt her dad to draw her out. She knew that. And she was playing right into his hands. She hoped Matt was as good as he professed to be.

  Her mind went unwillingly back to that horrible night eight years ago. While Travis Ripley had raped her, he’d promised to kill her. She’d taken it as the ravings of a lunatic. Had his brother taken up the promise? Why hadn’t she brought her gun? She’d definitely feel safer with it. Maybe Matt had an extra.

  “Do you have more than one gun?” she blurted out, breaking the uncomfortable silence that had weighed between them.

  He glanced over at her with an incredulous look, like she’d asked the world’s stupidest question. “Of course.”

  She wasn’t even going to follow that up with where he hid them. “I want one,” she stated matter-of-factly.

  He shook his head emphatically. “No.”

  “Why not? You know I’m a good shot. I’ve been shooting since I was ten years old.” What Mississippi country girl hadn’t?

  “First, I’m not giving up one of my weapons. Second, you won’t need it. You’ll have me and the others protecting you.”

  She crossed her arms over her chest and almost pouted. “Then turn around. I’ll get my .38 from under my pillow.”

  The car swerved for a moment before it righted itself back between the lines. “You sleep with a .38 under your pillow?” He said it more as a question than the statement it was.

  Wondering whether this was some type of trick question, she hesitantly said, “Yes.”

  Matt’s fingers tightened on the steering wheel, and his knuckles began to turn white. She wondered if she’d done that to him. It was odd. They were acting as if nothing had happened to their relationship so long ago. They weren’t acting like they were in love or anything, but they were talking like normal people who hadn’t had their worlds torn apart. Maybe she should apologize to him now when he might listen.

  “Why the hell do you feel the need to sleep with a weapon under your pillow?” he growled.

  She shrugged off his question, answering only with, “I live out in the middle of nowhere. It’s just to make me feel safe. No other reason.” There. That should end it. He didn’t need to know she never felt truly safe out there on her own.

  Too many fears held her back from doing what needed to be done. It was why her organization was still so small. But she wanted the organization to grow and had to overcome all that held her back from pushing for more money, for seeking out the big donors for her type of organization and making it a priority instead of waiting until it was needed.

  That worry of being alone with a man had to stop. Thank God she didn’t feel that with Matt, or this would’ve been one uncomfortable ride. She almost snorted out loud. Who was she kidding? It was an uncomfortable ride.

  Seemingly satisfied with her answer, he asked, “Tell me about Helping Paws.”

  That was something she enjoyed talking about. Pride filled her, and her body relaxed.

  She told him how she’d learned about organizations that did this, although she didn’t tell him she was at a meeting for people with PTSD. She’d just “met” Brent Timms. She’d talked about all the training she’d done and how she’d worked to finish her business degree online so it would help her. Then she got to how the land with the home and barn had been donated.

  “Someone just gave you all of that?” he asked in astonishment.

  A happy smile split her face. “Someone did. While getting it adapted for our use, I found four puppies to begin with and immediately fostered them out.”

  “Why foster?”

  She explained the need for basic social skills and the length of time spent before they returned to the organization. The ease of talking with Matt about her passion surprised her. It seemed so natural, like an end of the day conversation between a couple who’d been together for a long time.

  “It takes about two years to train them?” he exclaimed in a bewildered question.

  “One and a half to two years. These dogs can learn up to eighty-five tasks, and that doesn’t even include specializing them to their future handler so they are able to interrupt nightmares or other things that are distressing to the vet.” There’d been times when she wished she had a dog to interrupt her nightmares. Although now, her nightmare might be coming true. Ripley’s brother was after her. She shuddered inwardly at the thought.

  “Wow. I can’t wait to see your operation. It fascinates me.”

  “Me too,” she thought aloud.

  “When we return, we have to talk about safety there, though. Heck, Rick just allowed me to come to your office alone.”

  Somehow she guessed Rick was within earshot of her meeting with Matt. He’d never have left her completely alone. Then again, Tonya did just appear and had heard most everything. Not wanting to talk about herself, which was where the conversation was headed, she turned the tables. “Tell me about your family.”

  He paused for a moment before answering. Whether he had to think about it or whether he realized what she’d done didn’t matter; the focus was off her. “Let’s see. Dad just got remarried. That’s where I was before I visited Adam.”

  “Wow, it took him a long time to find someone, didn’t it?”

  A ghost of a smile lit his lips. “He’s really happy. Let’s see what else. Since you saw us last, Jesse lost his wife, but not before they had a little girl.” He turned to her. “You’ll love Reagan. She’s a little spitfire. He’s got his hands full with that one.”

  “Oh, Matt. I’m so sorry to hear he lost Jen.” She’d liked the woman, even though she’d only met her a few times while Caitlyn and Matt had been dating, since Jesse and Jen lived in Maryland, and she and Matt were going to college in Mississippi.

  “He found someone new. Kate was an FBI agent who he decided needed his protection.” This time, a smile did split his face. “Danger withstanding, that was hilarious watching them come together and fight it at the same time. Anyhow, they’re married now and adopted a teenage boy named Jason.”

  Married with kids. She guessed that should be the oldest Hamilton son. But, dammit, that should’ve been her. She mentally slapped herself. She’d called off the wedding. It was her own fault Matt had left. Her eyes slid to this hand on the steering wheel. No ring. That triggered elation shooting through her body.

  “AJ got married and has a son. Devon got married. Oh, and Emily and Jake got married to each other, and they have a little girl also.”

  “Yeah, I figured that would happen one day. Whenever he finally got his head out of the sand and saw what was before him.” It had been obvious Emily worshipped the ground Jake walked on, yet he rarely gave her the time of day.

  Matt chuckled. “It’s a long story.”

  “We’ve got a long ride.”

  “Oh, family secret here—Trent is actually our half brother, and he’s married now also with a kid.”

  Shock hit her. “What? Trent McKenzie? He’s your brother?”

  “Another long story. They all are. There’s a common thread though.”

  “What?” She really wanted to know the answer. So much had changed with the family, but it had been eight years. She couldn’t expect it to be the same.

  He turned to her and spoke before refocusing on the road. “They were protecting the women they eventually married.”

  She swallowed hard. What did that mean for
Matt protecting her?

  “YEAH, TRENT’S NOW a rancher in Montana,” Matt told Caitlyn as he finished his story about how they’d found out Trent was their brother and how he’d almost died—twice since they’d found out. It appeared becoming a Hamilton could be dangerous to one’s health, although that wasn’t the reason for any of the threats to Trent.

  She shook her head slowly. Amazing what the men and women had been through and what he insinuated by their falling in love during danger. The stories of his brothers and their wives were amazing, almost unreal. She felt more comfortable with the team that she hadn’t even met yet waiting for her. “You guys don’t play around, do you?”

  He shook his head. “Nope. You hungry?”

  It took her a moment to realize she was and to catch up with the change of topic. The time on her watch surprised her. They’d been talking for almost four hours. Wow, he’d made the time fly by with his family’s tales. Good. She wanted to see her dad. She’d never have moved so far away from him if she hadn’t been deeded that land for Helping Paws. Her initial thought had been to find some land near home. But who could turn away free when you worked on a shoestring budget?

  “I could eat. But, can we drive through? I want to get to Daddy as quickly as possible.”

  “I don’t drive and eat.”

  She laughed. “Since when? You always ate on the way to my place.”

  He flashed his grin at her. “I’ve got some sense now.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Oh, good Lord. Will you do it this time?”

  He glanced at her. “Eat in the car?” Nodding, he leaned across the seat close to her and whispered near her ear, “This time.”

  A delightful shiver raced across her body. She fought to get herself under control. Satisfied when she could think and speak coherently, she looked at signs from the highway for the upcoming exit. “McDonald’s?”

  “That’s fine.”

  Her body might tell her it was hungry, but she had little appetite or taste for anything in particular, so any old place would do.

  They made it through a drive-thru line that Matt constantly complained about how slow it moved and were back on the road. Immediately she scarfed down her fries while they were hot. She loved McDonald’s french fries. Her chicken sandwich was disappointing, but she ate as much as she could to keep her energy level up. If Matt expected trouble, she wanted to be prepared. Damn… she wished she had her gun.

  Once she put their trash in the McDonald’s bag and tossed it on the back floorboard, she started questioning again for two reasons. One, she didn’t want him asking questions of her, and two, she really was that curious.

  “What about you? What did you do after college, or did you and your brothers start your business then?” What she really wanted to know was if he married. It wasn’t her business, but she still wanted to know. He didn’t wear a ring, but not all men did nowadays.

  “No, we started HIS a few years back. It started with Jesse, Devon, and me, but Jesse had a grand idea all of us would be part of it, so we planned for it. Hell if he wasn’t right. One by one, everyone joined in, including Emily.”

  “You baby sister Emily? She runs around carrying a gun?” She shook her head in disbelief. “No. I can’t see it.”

  Matt laughed. “No. She’s a forensic accountant and is damned good at what she does. She’s a pro at finding embezzlement links.”

  “So you didn’t go pro?” She knew the answer, because she’d checked each of the NFL draft picks to see if he’d made it.

  “No,” he bit out.

  “Did you ever tell your family that coaches in the NFL had spoken with you?” Matt had wanted to keep it secret from his family that he’d been approached about playing professional football. At the time, he’d been waiting to see if Brad also got a visit, but when he didn’t, Matt had clammed up about the whole thing.

  “No. They don’t need to know. It’s done and over with,” he said tersely.

  Realizing she’d pushed too far on that topic, she went back to her original question. “What did you do after college?”

  “I joined the navy.” His matter-of-fact tone gave her the impression he couldn’t believe she’d think anything but that.

  “The navy?” She didn’t see the man she’d been about to marry being a military man. Definitely the man sitting beside her now, but not then. Of course, that meant they’d turned him into the man he was today. Still, she almost snickered at thinking he might have his name slapped on his butt. Did the navy even still do that to uniforms?

  “It gets worse.” He leaned across the seat and whispered, “I eventually became a SEAL.”

  Shocked didn’t even begin to describe what she felt. Matt a SEAL? Sweet, kind, caring Matt able to do what she heard SEALs did, like kill a guy with one finger? Not possible. He had to be pulling her leg. “Ha ha. Very funny.”

  He straightened in his seat. “I’m dead serious.”

  She stopped laughing. Wow. That brought the quality of her protector’s abilities up several notches. Several. Of course, there’d never been anything average about Matt. Why should she expect different now?

  Christ, she had a former Navy SEAL at her side. No wonder she felt safe in his presence. No way would Travis’s brother get near her. She settled back in the seat and sighed in relief. Yeah, he wouldn’t get past Matt.

  Thinking of Matt in an all-white dress uniform, cap and all, turned her on. The stirrings of desire—something that had disappeared eight years ago—were there. Just a little bit, but nonetheless there. Her stomach did a nervous flip. She didn’t know whether to appreciate the yearnings, or be worried they’d returned. There was too much between them for something like burning up the sheets again to happen.

  Caitlyn still didn’t think she could actually do it. Have sex again. On the few dates she’d been on, she could barely stand to be kissed and couldn’t bear a man’s hands on her. However, so far, she’d been fine with Matt’s touch, and now she wanted him touching her, loving her. It was all very confusing. Yet, refreshing to know her healing had progressed.

  Even with the light connections they’d made—his touch, his whispering in her ear—the weight of the reason they’d split rested on her shoulders, and that weight seemed to permeate the atmosphere of the car. She couldn’t see or physically feel it, but she held back and so did he. She needed to clear the air, especially now that she realized she might still have sexual feelings for him. Then, if he forgave her for sending him away and something grew between them, they’d be free to pursue it. But would either of them? She’d settled into the fact she’d live her life out at Helping Paws alone, but always wishing she had Matt with her. Maybe that was why none of her dates made it.

  “Matt,” she said hesitantly before blurting out, “I’m sorry for blaming you.”

  MATT nearly slammed on the brakes in the middle of the highway, heedless of the traffic; Caitlyn had shocked him that much. Instead, he slowed the car and pulled to the corner of a gas station parking lot. After scanning the area, he turned to her with a pounding heart, praying she’d said what he thought. “Want to repeat that?”

  She fidgeted with the edge of her T-shirt that hadn’t been tucked into her jeans. “I said—” She cleared her throat. “—I’m sorry for blaming you. It wasn’t your fault.”

  It was what he’d been longing to hear for many years. So why didn’t he feel relief or a weight had been lifted? It made him feel more like shit than he already did. He hadn’t committed the crime, but if he’d been there, he’d have found a way to stop it. He didn’t care about Brad’s logic; he’d have found a way, even going up against a weapon in his drunken state. He’d rather have died protecting her than leaving her on her own as he had. That startling revelation hit him square in the chest, and he found it hard to breathe.

  As a navy SEAL, he’d known he was putting his life out there for someone else, an ever-changing group of people. But knowing he would be doing it for Caitlyn was almost overwhelming. Fe
elings were intertwined between them. It made it goddamn different.

  “Caitlyn, you were right to blame me. It was my fault you were all alone. I’m so very sorry.” Thank the fuck she brought up the topic. He hadn’t known how to apologize without bringing up a subject she might wish to ignore. He’d asked for her forgiveness eight years ago, but she hadn’t listened. Not that he’d felt he’d deserved anything from her.

  “There’s nothing to forgive, Matt. You may have been late, but I could’ve had someone wait with me. I didn’t. When it first happened, it was easy to lash out at you… to blame you. But,” she hurriedly added, “none of it was your fault. I’m sorry for what I said to you. I just wanted you to know.”

  The angry and hateful words she’d said after she’d been released from the hospital had stuck with him. I blame you for this. It’s your fault that bastard raped me. This happened because you weren’t there for me…. He’d deserved every one of them.

  He’d come not only to protect her, but also to hear her words of forgiveness. Just because he didn’t get the relief he’d hoped to have, didn’t mean he needed to reject her offer. It had to have taken a lot for her to issue absolution. He wanted to know how long she’d fretted over telling him she didn’t blame him and why she hadn’t tried to contact him and deliver that apology, but he wouldn’t ask. At least not now. Things were just repairing between them. He didn’t wish to fracture any new ground they’d laid together.

  “I accept your apology.” He swallowed past the lump in his throat. His body hummed with the possibility of a new beginning with Caitlyn. He turned back to the front of the car, put it in drive, and pulled back onto the highway. “But, know that I’ll never forgive myself.”

  She sat quietly and he wondered what her mind was pondering. There weren’t any more words needed to clear the air. They’d done it quite simply. Now he wanted to move forward with what they were facing. “Let me tell you about the security detail.”