A Little Sugar, A Lot of Love: With cupcakes, coffee and karma

by Halton, Linn B

  It’s strange how, when you’re in a relationship, you automatically assume everyone feels the same way you do about the person you’re with. When family and friends feel uncomfortable, then maybe that’s a warning to be heeded. I could have saved myself a whole lot of grief, if only I had stepped back for one moment and used my head. The same applies to Sweet Occasions, but admitting that is hard to do. My head now tells me that things are running smoothly since the changeover. I have to thank Steve for that. I rarely see him outside of work and have no idea what’s going on in his personal life any more.

  It’s time for me to pick up the pieces of my own life and begin moving forward. I can’t exist on silly daydreams and fancying a guy who pops into my life a couple of times a year. Besides, Adam lives a fair distance away from the part of the world I call home. Hard as it is for me to admit, his only tie here is to his grandmother.

  I don’t mention anything to Hazel, although when Adam calls in he will, no doubt, ask for me. It’s almost the one year anniversary of the day he first walked into the shop. The thought brings a warm glow to my cheeks, as I remember him stripping off his shirt. So much has happened in the last twelve months that it’s hard to comprehend where my life is now. I’m still getting used to new freedoms and a real sense of relief that catches me from time to time.

  They do say everything happens for a reason. Maybe Adam and I were destined to meet, simply to share our problems. Everyone longs for a listening ear at some point in their lives and it’s always easier talking to a stranger. Maybe I need to let go now and step back into that stranger mode. I think I’d rather not know how his life might be moving forward. That hurts a teeny bit, if I’m honest with myself. It also serves to remind me that I need to get out more and start living a real life of my own.

  Hazel and Jenny have invited me around for a meal. They want me to make up a foursome with one of their single, male friends. The whole idea is way too contrived for my liking, but a kind gesture that would be rude to refuse. Instead, I try to gain a little time by saying that I’m not ready to rejoin the dating world. Hazel rejects that out of hand. She says that the longer I mope around, the harder it will be to take that first step. I guess I’m lucky that there are people in my life who want me to find happiness. At the moment, that does mean a great deal to me. So, I’m left without a choice and find myself committed to meeting this guy on Friday night.

  Adam

  Maybe Things Are Moving Along

  It’s great to be out for an evening, but the venue isn’t the best. This noisy wine bar is packed and I hate sitting on these ridiculously high stools.

  ‘How’s the love-life going?’ Tom knocks back his whisky chaser. He places the empty glass back down, next to the beer in front of him.

  ‘Good. Leonie is a lovely lady. She has a busy and successful career, which she loves. There haven’t really been any significant others in her life, so far. She offered to look after Lily tonight. They’re organising Lily’s bedroom, then I think a chick flick and takeaway was on the agenda.’

  Tom grimaces. ‘Be careful there. You don’t want to end up with a Kelly mark-two. I know the idea of having a female around for Lily must be appealing, but this isn’t only about your daughter’s future. It has to work on every level.’

  I know what he’s hinting at. Leonie and I haven’t slept together yet, and that’s the next step. But it’s a big one.

  ‘It’s fine.’ I put my empty shot glass back down and follow it with a slug of beer. The fire hits my stomach and the cold beer slides down with ease. ‘I need a bit of organising. So does Lily. She’s growing up fast and it is nice for her to have another female in the house. It’s hard to keep up with her social calendar at the moment. There’s always a sleepover, a dance class, or a school thing going on and I feel like her personal taxi service at times. Leonie seems content to go with the flow and she’s been hanging out with us more and more, recently.’

  ‘That sounds promising. But just wait until Lily’s a couple of years older, like my two. I’m glad of an excuse to get out of the house these days. They think all I’m here for is to put my hand in my pocket, or take them somewhere. Kids, eh?’

  The pounding beat of the music is incessant and annoying. I indicate that I’m drinking up and heading out. Tom gives me a thumbs-up and downs the rest of his drink.

  The night air is refreshing and sobering. A couple of drinks and I’m happy. Long gone are the days of partying into the early hours. The sky above is a strange shade of grey, almost luminescent. It has certainly warmed up a bit after the hard frost we had this morning.

  ‘I think they’re right, we’re going to get some snow – look at that sky.’ Tom turns up his collar as we walk towards the taxi rank.

  ‘How’s Wendy?’

  ‘Good. I don’t know how she manages to juggle everything, but she does. The girls don’t always make her life easy, but she’s firm when she needs to be. I pretty much do as I’m told and try to stay out of trouble.’

  I laugh; Tom’s life would fall apart without Wendy. She’s another Grace, her family come first in everything she does.

  ‘You’re lucky there. I don’t know what she sees in you.’

  ‘Hey, what can I say? I know how to keep a good woman happy.’

  As we walk I think about Leonie. Is she from the same mould as Wendy? The last six weeks have flown. She has stepped into our lives without any fuss and she doesn’t seem to be demanding. When she offered to look after Lily tonight, she said it would be fun. I was pleased, of course, and if our relationship is going to move forward it’s important they bond. However, I’m holding back and I don’t know why. Maybe Leonie is trying a little too hard. It’s a concern, but I can’t wrap Lily up in cotton wool and keep Leonie away from her, on the off chance that something goes wrong. I suppose I should be grateful my girlfriend wants to spend time with my daughter. What more can a single dad ask for?

  ‘It is good to see you dating again. The way things are going, it looks like it could be the start of something more permanent. Make sure you’re really happy before taking that next step, Adam. Don’t rush things if you have any doubts.’

  Tom’s a good friend. I know he’s worried I’m going to get burnt again. As the first snowflakes begin to fall, I glance up into the still greyness above.

  ‘It’s only just beginning and I don’t know where it’s going. Leonie is staying over for the first time tonight and I’ll be sleeping on the sofa. I want to take it slowly and I’ve told her that. It doesn’t seem fair on Lily to rush into something that affects her, too. I don’t want her witnessing yet another break-up if it doesn’t work out. I hope that Lily thinks of Leonie as a new friend, rather than as my girlfriend.’

  ‘Wise move. Leonie likes kids, then?’

  ‘I know what you’re thinking. Yes, I’m sure a part of the attraction is that we are a ready-made family and that’s something Leonie admits she’s missed out on, so far.’

  ‘Does she want kids of her own? It’s one thing taking on someone else’s child, but another to have your own.’

  It’s a fair enough question and it has been on my mind too.

  ‘To be honest, I have no idea. If we move on to the next level, that’s going to be the big question. Do I see myself with more than one kid? Not at the moment. It would have to be the perfect relationship for me to even contemplate that. I know how hard it is making things work after a split when a child is involved. Any woman coming into my life on a permanent basis will have to love Lily as much as I do.’

  Tom’s right to point out the pitfalls, but I’ve already gone through all of this in my head. At the moment, I have to worry about whether what I have is actually a commitment problem. Charlotte has hinted that Leonie is very keen to become more involved. However, the week I don’t have Lily, I’m away most of the time. So far, there hasn’t been a chance for me to ask Leonie if she’d like to stay the night. I wonder if I’m actually making excuses here and I’m simply too scared
to admit that to myself. Is it stalling tactics? Am I trying to postpone moving forward, because it all starts to get really intense if everything between us does begin to gel?

  I’m thinking of asking Leonie if she’d like to come with me when I go to visit Grandma Grace. Kelly is taking Lily to Disneyland Paris for four days and I thought I’d use that as an excuse to pop down to check on her. I’ve ordered one of Sweet Occasions’ Christmas cakes.

  The plan this Christmas is for Grace to spend three days with Lily and me. If she’s up to it, I’ll drive down to collect her on Christmas Eve. It will be the first time that I’ve had Lily over the holiday period. I must admit, I’m excited at the prospect. Christmas isn’t the same since the split with Kelly. Even spending time with friends, or Grandma Grace, is hollow because Lily is constantly on my mind.

  It’s quite a step for me to introduce a new girlfriend to Grace, but a part of me knows that it will also make her happy. If it goes well and things continue, then Leonie may well be spending Christmas day with us all, too.

  Katie

  Mr Wrong Is All Right

  I can’t decide what to wear. After changing my outfit at least a dozen times, I’m feeling extremely stressed. Isn’t dating supposed to be fun? This sure feels more like purgatory. I settle on jeans and a comfortable black and white top, wondering whether it even matters in the grand scheme of things. I don’t know anything at all about this guy. Only that Hazel and Jenny think it’s a good idea. Really?

  When I eventually find myself knocking on their door, I’m already twenty minutes late. Talk about making an entrance! Hazel leads me straight into the sitting room so that I can make my apologies.

  ‘I’m very sorry I’m late. The phone rang just as I was about to leave.’ It didn’t, I was sitting in a chair next to the phone, trying to get up the courage to ring and say I wasn’t feeling well. Only the fact that I hate lying to anyone stopped me from doing it. I figure at least this lie has less impact.

  ‘Well, you’re here now. This is Chris. Chris, this is Katie.’ Jenny does the introduction and I step forward to shake Chris’s hand. It’s a firm handshake, which is a good start, I suppose. He’s tall, about six-foot, and he looks friendly. He flashes me a big smile and I’m dazzled by his ultra-white teeth. He’s a pretty boy, so what’s the catch?

  ‘It’s great to meet you, Katie. What do you think of these girls, hey? Aren’t they the best?’

  ‘Yes, great.’ Am I being unfair, or does he sound distinctly cheesy? Maybe he’s nervous. I know I am, so I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt.

  ‘Go through to the conservatory. I don’t know about you, but I could murder a glass of wine.’ Hazel, bless her, ushers us through. I catch her giving Jenny a strange look behind Chris’s back.

  As we settle down, wine is dispensed and nibbles are circulated. It’s an awkward case of juggling glasses and plates. I put my plate and glass down on the coffee table, in case I drop something.

  There’s a little banter between Hazel and Jenny, before Hazel brings Chris into the conversation.

  ‘Chris, why don’t you tell Katie, what you do for a living?’

  This feels like wading upstream against a current. No one feels comfortable and I wish I’d made that phone call.

  ‘I sell drugs,’ he smirks. Hazel and Jenny fall about laughing, watching intently for my reaction.

  I start laughing. It’s forced and there are a few too many, ‘Ha! Ha’s’ in there. However, Chris seems content to have made me laugh.

  ‘All prescription drugs, I assure you. I’m a Business Development Manager for a pharmaceutical and biotech company. I attend trade shows, as well as managing the regional sales team. If you ever take a headache tablet, it’s probably one of ours.’

  He looks like he enjoys his job, I wouldn’t say he’s smug exactly, but he’s confidence personified.

  ‘Sounds interesting.’ I pick up my glass and take a large gulp of wine. This is not the best start.

  ‘It keeps me busy and I get to travel to some great places. The prospects are good, but it has a downside.’ He mimics a sad face.

  ‘No time to date,’ Jenny throws in.

  ‘Oh.’ How tragic.

  I can see Hazel is concerned that I’ve already lost interest.

  ‘Come on, guys, let’s cut to the chase. Chris, you go first. Three sentences that sum you up and remember, you’re out to impress.’

  I groan inwardly, but then when I think about it, it’s actually a very clever idea. Not much time to think, so honesty will hopefully rule. Chris looks a bit hesitant and thinks for a moment, then he’s off and running.

  ‘I make in excess of fifty thousand pounds a year and my career is very important to me. I love the sea: whether that’s sailing, surfing, or scuba diving, and I hate football and rugby. I’m a black belt in Taekwondo; love reading biographies and have only had one semi-serious relationship with a trainee doctor.’

  I almost start laughing again, but for real this time. That tells me that money and status are important to him. He enjoys outdoor pursuits that are way above what most working-class people can afford. The fact that the last thing he mentioned was his relationship indicates where it comes on his scale of important things in his life.

  ‘You’re next, Katie.’ Jenny looks at me eagerly, clearly quite impressed by Chris’s offering.

  ‘Umm … I’ve only had one serious, long-term relationship and I’m finding it hard to adjust to life as a singleton. My cake shop isn’t doing too well, because I run it with my heart and not my head. I’m renting a small house while I sort out the mess I’m in and decide what’s next.’

  Obviously my little summary hasn’t gone down quite so well. All three faces looking back at me appear to be rather appalled.

  ‘It’s not quite as bad as that,’ Hazel jumps in.

  ‘Oh, I think it’s a pretty fair assessment of my situation, Hazel. No point in pretending I have everything figured out. After all, who in their right mind would walk out of a failing relationship and walk straight into a business partnership with their ex?’

  Chris looks shocked. Whether that’s because of my honesty, or the fact that my life is in such a mess, I’m not sure.

  ‘Rather chaotic, I should imagine,’ he replies. I think he’s trying to sound upbeat, but his voice sounds distinctly unimpressed. I catch Hazel shooting a glance at Jenny, who rolls her eyes.

  ‘Do you have any hobbies?’ Chris asks, clearly floundering for some sort of common ground.

  ‘Well, if you count poring over financial spreadsheets to get the red figure at the bottom to turn blue, then I suppose that’s my main hobby at the moment. I love reading, I’m a great Jane Austen fan,’ I add. I’m hoping he’ll be impressed, but I might as well have said I love reading about zombies. It’s his turn to take a large gulp of wine and he absentmindedly rearranges some of the nibbles on his plate.

  Thankfully, Jenny breaks the silence. ‘I bet scuba diving is fun, Chris.’

  ‘I love it. I try to schedule at least four trips each year and I’ve been to some really awesome places. My job is quite pressured at times, so holidays are very important to me.’

  This is beginning to feel like an extremely painful interview and I know I’m next in line for a question.

  I can see Jenny looking quite pointedly at Hazel, who is floundering to think of something to ask me. The seconds stretch into minutes and I decide I might as well throw something out there.

  ‘I used to enjoy gardening, but the house I’m in at the moment only has a tiny triangle of lawn. It also has two small flowerbeds. I do consider myself to have green fingers, though, and I haven’t killed off a plant, yet.’

  For an off-the-top-of-my-head comment I thought it was pretty safe, but Hazel and Jenny look exasperated.

  ‘Katie is a very talented cake designer, Chris. You wouldn’t believe the range of cupcakes that Sweet Occasions has on offer. People come from all over and now it has a business manager it’s doing re
ally well. Katie is being very modest. It’s all down to her vision and talent. This time next year Sweet Occasions cupcakes will probably be in every supermarket around the country.’

  I sit there dumbstruck. Chris seems to have perked up a bit and gives me a nod and a smile.

  Jenny passes around the canapés again and Chris refills his plate. I politely decline, looking at the clock on the shelf and wondering how soon I can excuse myself and leave.

  In fairness, the conversation does get a little more interesting. After an hour and a half it’s very clear there isn’t really much left to talk about that hasn’t already been covered. To my horror, when I announce I have to go, Chris stands up and says he’ll walk me to my car.

  I’m not sure who’s more relieved – Chris and I, as we make our escape, or Hazel and Jenny to be waving us off.

  Within twenty paces Chris and I exchange a look and, in unison, begin laughing.

  ‘Was that ghastly, or am I being overly critical?’ He breaks the ice, for which I’m grateful.

  ‘I’m so sorry. This was such a bad idea and I’m not normally so pathetic. Or maybe I am and tonight is the first time I’ve realised that.’ I’m feeling acutely embarrassed and I think he feels the same way.

  ‘Well, I sounded like a pompous twit, so I think we’re quits.’ He sounds both amused and relieved, at the same time. ‘I don’t suppose you’d like to go for a drink?’

  Now I have a real dilemma. I don’t want to be rude, especially after such an appalling experience. Maybe he isn’t as bad as I thought at first, and I probably came across as overtly trying to put him off. As I’m considering how to get out of this, he steps in to put me out of my misery.

  ‘No, sorry, scrap that as a bad idea. To be honest, I’m not looking to start up a new relationship at the moment and clearly you’re not ready. Friends mean well sometimes, but I’d say we don’t really have anything much in common. Am I reading this right?’

  Ironically, he’s impressed me more in the last few minutes than he has all evening. It’s bold of him to admit that tonight was a big mistake.