Fallen Flame

by J. M. Miller

  “Tell us, Captain, what is the plan for this setup?” Queen Meirin said, beckoning him to her with a wave of her hand and a suggestive lick along her stained lips.

  “Well,” he replied, walking to her hesitantly. She grabbed hold of his arm when he was within reach, startling him and just about everyone else. “I—the Guards will test in different stations, some are individual assessments, others are against opponents.” He tried his best to not look affected when Queen Meirin dragged her eyes up and down his body.

  I watched the exchange curiously, knowing that she wasn’t attracted to him based on what she had said the other day. But when I happened to glance at Queen Havilah, I knew exactly what the reason was. If Queen Havilah’s eyes had been blades, they would have sliced everyone between them in half and then tortured her in ways I couldn’t even fathom. Queen Meirin was purposely stirring trouble.

  “Only the best will escort the prince … to your lovely kingdom,” he added with a small cough. His eyes remained focused on the course as a pink tinge covered his cheeks.

  “I bet it will test the best pretty thoroughly,” Princess Anja said sweetly, her hands still gripping Caulden’s arm, one rubbing gently over his sleeve. Her face turned a bit toward us and she winked at me before I could avert my eyes. “With how skilled Vala is, though, I doubt she will encounter any problems.”

  Even the horses seemed to stop breathing after her comment. The air was so still, so quiet. No one spoke.

  “What?” the princess prompted with a tug on Caulden’s arm. “You dare think your best Guard will have trouble with this course?”

  “No, that’s not … She won’t be partaking.”

  “What? You’ve spoken of her as if she could take on all of this island with only a sword and yet you wouldn’t want her to accompany us. She would be a great asset—”

  “She’s not permitted,” Queen Havilah interrupted before Anja could go further.

  “Oh. I’m sorry, I simply thought you’d want her with us after telling me of her skills and insisting on her protecting me.” Anja’s voice was a saccharine whisper to Caulden.

  I supposed these were the charms she had mentioned to me, her strategy to grant my wish to run the Trials. My mouth went dry as I stared at Queen Havilah’s face. I’d never seen her so angry. And why? Did she feel threatened by the others’ questions and judgments or was she just expressing her frustration with me once again?

  “You bring up a good point, princess,” Caulden spoke and my knees threatened to buckle. “I do want the best to accompany me, and I think that Vala should be given the opportunity to run this course.”

  “No,” Queen Havilah said, her tone flat, but her entire body projecting enough aggravation that most our Guards took a cautious step back. “Vala’s capabilities are not the issue here, her infractions are. She is not participating in this course. She will not be leaving this island whenever you depart.”

  My body shook at her words, fury and heartache mixing into uncontrollable frustration. It was the first time I’d heard her comment on the subject of my fate. After Captain Baun delivered the bad news in the library, I’d wanted to believe that it could have been a mistake, maybe a quick decision based upon a minor error on Prince’s Night. But with the harshness of her voice, the anger inside so potent it caused the last words to waver, I knew she intended to keep me here forever. There would be nothing I or anyone else could do or say to change that.

  Caulden’s eyes flitted to me. I felt them, the weight of their pity, but I kept my face down, eyes honed on the ground. I would not break. Not here. Not here. “Mother, if this is about what happened at the lake, I—”

  “Enough!” she yelled at him, the thunderous echo traveling far down the slope. One hand instantly shot to her chest, the other smoothing her dress at her waist. She was collecting herself, her emotions, finding order again. “This is not the place for this discussion.” She turned to the captain. “We’re done here. Everything looks fine. Sign off on whatever else you need to.” And with that, she mounted her horse and took off. A few Guards followed quickly.

  “Well, that was rather entertaining,” Queen Meirin said, mounting her own horse.

  “I apologize for that. Entirely my fault,” Caulden commented to no one in particular. “She was right that it was a topic better addressed elsewhere.”

  “Yes, well, sometimes we need to air it all out,” Queen Meirin replied with a small smile. “Anja, shall we?”

  “Hold on a moment,” Anja replied.

  “Vala,” Caulden said, both he and the princess walking toward me. Haidee stepped aside, giving them enough space to invade mine.

  I lifted my eyes to them … to him. Because whether or not the queen kept me here, my life was still for him.

  The princess glanced between us, biting her lips nervously. “I’m sorry, Vala. It was the wrong time to push the issue.” I wasn’t sure if it was an act or a simple admission of fault. Either way didn’t matter much.

  “No, Anja, this is no fault of yours. It’s mine,” Caulden said. “Vala, I want you to know that I still want you with me. I will talk to her again. I will change her mind.”

  I was a Guard, I reminded myself, shoving everything away. The pain. The hurt. I served one purpose. One person. “Yes, Highness.” I bowed my head back down.

  “Don’t,” he said and reached for my hand to draw my attention. But his hand didn’t grab my glove as intended. His fingers wrapped around the sliver of space that had gapped between my gloves and my arm guards. “Ahh,” he said with a hiss and recoiled as if I’d struck him purposely.

  I wanted to react, to reach for him, to look at his hand, to apologize for what I’d done. Only, I hadn’t done anything. He had grabbed me. He knew what I was. And I wasn’t sure I should apologize for that anymore.

  “Caulden,” Anja said, her tone worried.

  I knew he was looking at me, and still I wouldn’t lift my eyes.

  “No, I’m all right. I’m all right. Let’s head back to the chateau. I think we all need some time to unwind before dinner.”

  “Caulden, please, come to my room when we get back so I can help,” Anja insisted.

  “Yes, I suppose that would be best,” he said, and they both walked to their horses.

  “I suppose I’ll go back to my rooms and enjoy the quiet also,” Queen Meirin said. “Captain?”

  Captain Baun had stood still the entire altercation, close to Meirin’s side, as if he’d been stunned. “Yes, Your Majesty,” he replied. He walked to his horse not far from me and Haidee and settled himself into the saddle. “Stay with your details. Vala …” His voice was calm, too calm. I listened without looking up, but nothing else was said as hooves clopped against the ground.

  “Vala,” Haidee called from atop her horse. “Let’s go.”

  I stared one more time at the eastern cliffs, feeling something shift again, knowing that change had already come, then followed Haidee’s lead.

  TWENTY-ONE

  No one had spoken to me for the rest of the day. Not even for simple orders. While Caulden had visited Anja’s room, Haidee attempted a conversation. But when Transton and Prins were told to stand in the hallway with us, she knew it wouldn’t happen. We were both left to our thoughts—her considering all the Xavyn information she wanted, while I steered away from the queen’s angry outburst and toward more misery like Caulden and Anja’s alone time behind closed doors. Dinner had been the quietest and quickest yet. Everyone retreated to their own rooms, skipping the evening pastries, feigning tired and placing blame on any lie they could come up with.

  By the time I opened the door to Saireen’s house, my boots felt as heavy as stone and my head as watery as the sea. All I wanted to do was sleep every hour before I had to report back, bury everything in the darkness of my mind. Forget. If even for a moment. Believe that my duty to protect the prince was again my only care in the world. Ignore everything else. But I realized that wouldn’t happen sooner than I’d wanted. />
  I closed the door, dropped my cloak and mask, and spotted a flame in the single lantern above the stone oven, flickering, making shadows dance along the walls. Someone had been inside. I pulled my dagger from my belt—the quarters too close to wield a sword—and stepped lightly from the sitting room into the kitchen, inspecting everything in the subtle light. A goblet half full of wine stood on the table, the carafe beside it empty.

  Xavyn. No one else aside from Haidee would dare enter my house uninvited.

  I placed the bag of neglected pastry tarts I’d nicked from the chateau beside the goblet then moved to the bedroom door and pushed it open with my boot. The room was completely dark, the light of the kitchen lantern not even reaching the doorway. I kept my dagger in hand but kept it lowered as I crept into the room. His boots were the first thing I had the pleasure of noticing, tripping over them and taking a dive toward the floor. I threw out my arms and caught myself on the bed, cringing as the bed trembled under my hands. It trembled again as a figure sprang upward and swung a blade to my throat.

  My breath sped up as fingers gripped the plaits gathered behind my head and the cool metal scratched the rough skin along the hollow of my neck. I lifted my hands in surrender, hoping he might feel the movement in the utter darkness.

  “Vala,” Xavyn said, his voice cracking with sleep. He released a long breath of air and the fingers tangled in my hair loosened.

  “Can you drop your blade now?” As soon as he did, I got to my feet and added, “And get out of my bed.”

  “Yes. I’m sorry …” He cleared his throat. “I had nowhere else to go. That vineyard lord gave my description and people have started looking.”

  “I heard,” I replied. “Your late night behavior was suspicious to them.” Even though I was standing and he was no longer touching me, I found being in the darkness with him too … intimate. So I backtracked into the kitchen and poured myself some water to ease the embarrassment settling in after having felt the intimacy at all.

  “That’s what made him turn me in?” Jostling noises spilled from the room with his voice. “I thought it would have been all his missing wine.”

  “No, but I’m sure he is missing it like I’m missing mine.” I tapped the carafe, wondering how much was left in the barrel stowed under the storage table. He laughed, and I closed my eyes to the sound, letting it resonate, trying to capture it, feel it. I wished I could.

  “Don’t worry,” he said in a soft tone. “I brought you some of his. A full jug, next to the small barrel.”

  “You did not,” I murmured, removing a pastry tart from the bag and taking a seat.

  “Yes, I did.”

  “Do you even care if a jug of Wyntor wine—which is usually reserved for the chateau, lords and ladies, or export because it’s from our best vineyard—links me to that manor, which now could link me to you as well?” I asked with a huff. These were things I didn’t plan to deal with and was almost too tired to care about.

  “I’m sure you can take it to the chateau without anyone thinking twice about it. Besides, you should be out of here soon enough for it not to matter,” he said, stepping into the kitchen and stretching tall, having to spread his arms for more space. His undershirt lifted over his waist and the shadows and dim light danced over the human skin of his lower stomach.

  A rush of heat spread over me, and I quickly forced my devious eyes away from the sliver of his visible skin down to the table. To cover, I let out a little, bitter laugh at his statement.

  He took a seat at the table across from me and swirled the wine left inside the goblet. “Bad day?”

  “We were viewing the course for the Trials, and after the princess decided to subtly push the idea of my participation in them and potentially leaving the island, the day turned wretched. And I also happened to burn the prince when he tried to grab me.”

  “Why did he grab you?” His voice was flat, and his hand stopped swirling the goblet.

  “I think he was trying to apologize for the queen’s anger. I’d never seen her show such a vehement reaction. She’s usually so … calculated. That reaction stemming from something involving me was …”

  “Difficult to hear. To see?” he offered.

  I nodded then took a bite of the tart, needing to occupy my mouth with the goodness of dough and blackberry instead of allowing it to lash out. I pushed the bag toward him.

  “Anything else happen with Queen Meirin or the princess?” he asked, taking a tart and eating it in a single bite.

  “No. They witnessed what happened. Anja apologized to me for bringing it up while we were out there. But I think they were uncomfortable with the situation and possibly horrified by what had happened to Caulden’s hand, so no one bothered with me for the rest of the day. They went about the routine with even less interaction. No eye contact. No commands directly to me. I was even more of a ghost than usual.”

  “Sounds peaceful,” he said soberly then took a long drink of wine. “My day was more interesting. Would you like to hear about it?”

  “Do I really have a choice at this point? You’re wanted by the Guard. You’re in my house now, and I’m guessing you’ll remain here until you leave.”

  “Until we leave,” he corrected.

  “I just told you—”

  “I heard what you said,” he replied, pinching another tart between his fingers and picking it up. “But you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to.”

  “Really? I don’t sail. If I get caught disobeying and trying to stow away, Queen Havilah … she will probably have me killed.” I had no doubts about her feelings of me anymore.

  “You can come with me when I go.”

  “You’re serious?”

  “Dead serious. You’ve been so kind to me since I’ve been here, trying to kill me most of the time, I figure it’s the least I can do.”

  I rolled my eyes as he laughed again and popped the whole tart into his mouth.

  When he finished chewing, he said, “Seriously. I’d be honored if you joined me, Vala. I’ll take you wherever you’d like. I do have a boat. I didn’t want to tell you before in case you decided to sink it.”

  I ignored his taunt and shook my head as I considered the consequences. “If I get caught in Islain … I’m not sure I could face him.”

  “We’ll worry about that later. For now, know that you have freedom if you want it. They can’t keep you here if you want to leave.” His hand reached out to mine—his bare, mine gloved—scooping it up. I let him, not shying away from the contact I so desperately craved after such a horridly lonesome day.

  I sighed and looked up to meet his eyes, the brown color barely seen in the dim light, but the empathy plain in his furrowed brows. What did I really have to lose now? Caulden? He was never mine. He never would be. And Queen Havilah would probably welcome my traitorous actions just to have an excuse to end me. As much as I respected the captain, he’d always stand at her side, honor her decisions. That only left Haidee. Haidee …

  “Vala,” Xavyn said with a smile, lifting my hand a bit before setting it down again. “Let’s talk about my day, shall we?” I returned his smile with a nod. “That lake of yours …”

  “Beautiful, isn’t it?” I whispered, recalling Prince’s Night—the water streaming in from the cracks of the inky cavern walls, the way the fire’s light shone over the tiny island where Caulden was, pushing away thoughts of blood on my blade, the assassins’ bodies sprawled over the rocks.

  “Very,” he replied and took a drink from his goblet. “There was something that was familiar that night, but I was too focused on the prince and escaping you that I didn’t think much of it. Today, in the light, it hit me. Those flowers you spoke of before …”

  “Mourning flowers.”

  “You said the princess mentioned not having them in Islain?”

  “After seeing the one in Queen Havilah’s conservatory, yes. That’s when she told us she hadn’t seen them before. She instantly wanted to go where the
y grew, probably wanted one of her own due to their rarity and also because they’re Queen Havilah’s favorite.”

  “Oh?” he asked with a curious tilt of his head. After a moment, he continued, “What I realized as soon as I went back was that I’ve seen them before. Where I grew up, there’s a lake named after Alesrah. They grow there too. Many of them.”

  “In Vaenen?”

  “Yes, in the northern division of Windlan. The flowers … they’re the same as your mourning flowers, but their name is ember.”

  “Do you think they’re connected?” I asked, pulling another tart from the bag and biting it in half.

  He did the same but ate his whole, chewing it down quickly before speaking again. “I think they could be, yes. You are aware of the Disir?”

  “The three goddesses? Who once watched over our world?”

  “Yes. Many older books debate how the three came to be, but we know they were the goddesses we looked to, prayed to, and relied on. Herja, the mighty Valkyrie, was guardian of Vaenen and the fae. Verdandi, the Norn, was guardian of Craw and the witches and other dwellers. And then there was Alesrah, the Phoenix, guardian of the human lands. They kept an order between us, intervened whenever needed.”

  “We all know of the end, when magic was said to be erased from the world. But with no travel between the lands, humans don’t know what happened in the north. And Garlin knows even less since our ancestors—their ancestors,” I corrected myself, forgetting for a moment that I wasn’t human. “Their ancestors were fleeing here just as the end happened.”

  Xavyn nodded with pursed, contemplative lips and ran a hand through his thick tangle of hair. A ripple streaked across his face and suddenly his human skin was covered in mine. He stretched his arms and legs, rolled his neck, and adjusted his position in his seat. “Sorry. Holding onto the human thing seemed rather senseless right now.” A small smile formed on his now rough face. I smiled back but remained silent. “Growing up in the north, I learned a good deal about The Final War. Some from books, some from the land, some from other fae. There are fae who still pray to Herja, knowing that she, along with Izaris and the other two Disir, had died but never fully giving up hope that there would be a day when magic returned, and when the goddesses might return too. One legend claims that Izaris found his power by capturing a piece of each Disir. He’d enticed Herja with his good looks and the wars he created with his family. The battle call was something that enticed Herja, and he was able to strike his deal. It was said that Verdandi had been able to resist his charm, keeping herself well away from what was happening in Vaenen. Alesrah was a different story. She had kept her distance, watching and protecting from the skies as she usually had done. But he tricked her, luring her lonely heart with promises of love and companionship. She realized her mistake and was prepared to leave or fight. Only, it was too late. He trapped her. The war started soon after, and Izaris continued to gain strength from both Herja and Alesrah, stripping power from those he’d slain and cultivating that energy.