by J. M. Miller
“According to the legend, Alesrah, seeing what Izaris had become and his plans to slaughter everyone and take all the lands for himself, raged against him. She found a way to free herself of his hold, and as soon as she was free, she flew to the tallest peak and sacrificed herself, ending her life cycle by first crying her lament song then burning. That song was said to be what had stripped magic from the world, what killed Izaris, the Disir, and what also killed many innocent fae and creatures unable to withstand the force of magic leaving their being. That cry ended the war and possibly created the impassable border between our lands. But it also ended our way of life in Vaenen. And with no further signs from the Disir, it killed spirituality in all the lands as well. While there are some who believe Alesrah did the right thing, that the world would have been much worse had Izaris lived on, others aren’t able to believe that as easily. They feel that Alesrah holds the larger fault.”
“They think the world would have been better with a ruler who slaughtered on a whim, took everything for himself?” I commented, shocked at the thought of what would have been left had Izaris not been killed.
“You have to understand that, until recently, Vaenen hadn’t seen magic in many years, and we had to live knowing and feeling that we were lesser than we once were, that a different life had been ripped from us in a single moment, along with the lives of many ancestors. That isn’t something easily lived with.”
I nodded at that, unsure how to feel or what to say. This was so much history that I knew nothing about. Xavyn’s history. And maybe my own.
“As with anything, there are many more stories, many other beliefs. But that legend is the basis of all the others, and the reason so many fae loathe the idea of her. Also why not many live near Izaris’s old castle in Windlan. Alesrah’s Lake and the ember that grow there aren’t considered sacred or rare as they are here on Garlin. Most fae don’t want to be anywhere near them.”
“Are you saying that Sacred Lake is like Alesrah’s? That it’s another place where she …”
“Died. Yes, I think that’s exactly it. I can’t see another explanation. The phoenix was immortal, but it is said that she had many life cycles of birth and death. Sacred Lake could be another place she chose. But after scouring that place today, I’m still not sure what Islain’s queen might be after. I did think of something curious, though. Because of the barrier between our lands, we’ve been separated, unaware of what was happening on the other side for all these years. With all that has happened recently, it is apparent that Islain’s queen knows more than most humans. How can she? That’s one question. But the more pressing question is why. She’s hunting something as we thought.”
“I’ve told you everything they’ve said while I’m near, and it’s all been about the water. Do you think it’s only about that?”
He shrugged and lounged back into the seat. “Or I could be missing something. Elige doesn’t give me many details.” He paused with a long breath, scanning the room. “I need to tell you something. The reason I was sent here … I wasn’t fully honest before.” I waited, the blood in my veins pumping faster with each silent moment. “I did come for information, but I was also tasked to kill your prince. Knowing that this trip was also about a possible marriage arrangement, my killing the prince would have caused a good amount of chaos on the island. That would have disrupted the visiting queen and princess’ plans, possibly speeding up their decisions, making them take risks that could accidentally show their true intentions … But I hesitated that night … after I saw you fight, saw you defending him …”
My breath caught as his words sliced through my thoughts, my mind instantly scouring all previous conversations with him, double-checking his intentions, his motives. It felt as though the walls were closing in. “Why are you telling me this now?”
He stared at me, unmoving, not blinking. “I needed to be honest with you. Your trust matters to me. Without it, my chances of leaving this island alive aren’t so great. So, you’re holding my life, Vala.”
I inhaled a full breath to steady myself. While unsettling, I welcomed his honesty. Part of me wondered if it was simply because I had to accept it all now. I was in too deep. Even if I chose to betray him, forget everything I’d learned over the past days and decide to stay here forever, they would inevitably learn of my treachery. And that wouldn’t go unpunished. “You’re holding mine too,” I admitted. And though the thought of someone else controlling my fate should have been paralyzing, I stared across the table at him, watching the lantern’s soft flicker of light move over his calm face, and most of the worry drained from me. I could trust him.
“Thank you. And I promise to be gentle,” he replied, his lips tugging into a full grin, lifting his cheeks, squinting his eyes.
I dropped my gaze to the table and smiled, his words, his stare, causing a stir inside I wasn’t prepared for. “What now?”
“I suppose we have to wait. Queen Meirin and the princess might accidentally leak their intentions.”
“You can’t leave this house. It’s too risky.”
“Is that an invitation to stay?” The light made his smirk look sinister.
“I’m so glad you are able to joke about our fates so easily.”
“I’m not taking this lightly.” He stood and stepped to the edge of the table, reaching a hand out for me to grab. I looked up at him and laid my palm into his, trusting. He led me to my feet, then, one at a time, slid my gloves from my hands. “I know how serious this is.” After he dropped the gloves to the table, he picked up my hands again. I stared at the contact, unsure of what would happen. But our skin was the same, rough to touch and warm, and neither of us burned. “Every day I stay in this house is another day I risk your life. I’m well aware of that. So we won’t stay much longer.” I dared to look up, knowing as soon as I did I would be caught with his stare. Closer, I saw how his eyes had become mine again, only they appeared to have a boldness within them that I lacked in that moment. It was attractive, more so than I would have imagined. My heart quickened. “You decide. If they stay closed off after what happened today, if you feel they won’t let another word slip, then we leave.”
I nodded, words failing me.
“Now, you need sleep. I probably should also. I’d offer to stay out here, but I think it’s probably safer for me to be behind an extra door.”
I quirked an eyebrow, my focus still very much on our hands, the way his cradled mine.
“I’m good with the floor. It’s a step up from the ground and six feet better than a grave.” He smiled as he released my hands then added, “Call out when I can come in.”
So I readied myself for sleep even though my thoughts threatened to keep me awake for days. I’d found extra bedding Haidee had stashed beneath the bed and laid it all out onto the floor. Then, after I’d stripped down to my underclothes and situated myself beneath my own blankets, I called him.
Moments later, the door opened and closed, then what sounded like his boots clunked onto the floor. Other noises followed as he situated himself. And after a few deep breaths, he whispered into the darkness, “Thank you, Vala.”
It didn’t feel right to say that he was welcome. I was only doing what I felt in my heart was right. But I, too, was grateful to him, so I simply replied, “Thank you, Xavyn.”
TWENTY-TWO
Like most other mornings, the dawn had no trouble pushing its way through the threadbare drapery covering the tiny bedroom window. I opened my eyes to the gentle light and thought of Saireen standing beside it, her speckled russet skin glowing as she pulled the gray fabric back, looking outside to check on the many seedlings she had planted through the years that never reached maturity. She had cursed the goddessforsaken soil more times than I could count. If only she had known to use the water from the Vitae, from the lake …
I rolled over with a stretch, thinking about the day to come. I had to report to the princess soon, where I would find out if the day would repeat the silence of the last
or if I had a chance to garner information that Xavyn—we—needed before we decided to leave. I blinked at the window and drapery, suddenly knowing that it might be one of the last times I’d be in Saireen’s house, wanting to memorize it all—the loose threading of the drapery, the basket of wooden toys beside the bed, the feel of the pillow under my head. Because if I fled, there would be no coming back.
Xavyn had been so kind the previous night, his energy calming after the day I’d had, his reassurance soothing. He was holding my life, as I held his, and for some strange reason, I felt safe, safer than I’d ever expected. Despite being different, I’d always felt a certain level of safety in Garlin. I was a Guard. I could protect myself and others. But this went beyond all that normalcy. Maybe it was simply because I was more like him than human, or maybe it was having the ability to leave the island, to find where my true home was. No matter what the cause, it was nice to feel some form of safety while standing on the precipice of change. To not feel alone on the cliff.
I leaned over the bed to where he was sleeping and gasped, covering my mouth with my hand to silence my shock.
Sprawled on his back was not the same man I’d seen the previous night. The green woolen blanket I’d left out for him was draped over his bare torso, which was no longer charred and rough but smooth and fog white with nearly translucent lines peeking out from beneath the blanket. His arms were the same, lacking all color, veined with identical lined markings on both sides all the way to his hands. His head rested to the side on the pillow, eyes closed, lips slack. From the side I could see that his face held the same features as with the different sets of skin—broad nose, narrowed cheeks to a firm chin. His eyebrow was startlingly black against such bright skin. The tangle of hair that bunched above his head on the pillow also held stark contrasts, most strands of white with streaks of black. And his ear … It did crest into a soft point, angled toward the back.
I let my hand fall from my mouth and breathed in deeply, awed by his real appearance. There had been so much happening—my normal duties, spying on the queen and princess, thoughts of life and death, leaving or staying—that I hadn’t really taken the time to imagine what he truly looked like. I didn’t even know what to expect, except for the ears, since he’d admitted they weren’t round. But this … this was … powerful and enchanting. And simply looking at him was reassuring, knowing I wasn’t so different after all.
A snore escaped his mouth, disrupting my appraisal of him, and I held in a startled laugh. I really didn’t want to wake him, but, selfishly, I wanted to talk before I had to leave for the day. I also wanted to ask him more about his skin, the scars and markings.
A knock on the front door jolted me, my nerves springing me off the bed and onto my feet. The noise woke Xavyn too. He sat straight up, eyes wide—light gray eyes—staring at me. Another knock had me grabbing my gear, darting out of the bedroom, slamming the door, then throwing on my cloak before screaming at the oak door with as much anger as I could muster to hide my concern. “What?”
“It’s me,” Haidee replied.
Oh. Oh! I glanced back at the bedroom, hoping that Xavyn could stay quiet and also that Haidee didn’t need something from inside. “Good morning,” I said as I opened the door to her then turned, stripping off my cloak and beginning to pull on my leathers on the way to the kitchen.
“Is it?” she answered, instantly shooting my thoughts back to the events of the previous day.
“Already better than yesterday.” I poured some water into a goblet and took a long drink, watching Haidee’s eyes scan the room. They stopped on the table where the two goblets from the night before still stood. “Drink?” I offered, continuing with the rest of my leather gear.
“No, thanks. I was asked to come check on you after what happened yesterday, also escort you to the chateau this morning.”
I finished with my armor then leaned against the chair, blocking her view of the goblets. “I’m all right. What about him? His hand was wrapped at dinner.”
“He says it’s fine.” Her observant eyes danced around the room. “But I have a difficult time believing that either of you are. At dinner, you looked—”
“Like a dutiful Guard?” I said.
“He’s concerned for you.”
I laughed lightly, unable to hold it in, and Haidee tilted her head in question. “I don’t see why anyone needs to be concerned. I’m only a Guard. Like you. The captain. Leint. We don’t need to have feelings.”
Haidee gaped, her full lips falling open for a moment until her mouth twisted into a scowl. “You know that’s not true. You grew up with him. You’re practically part of their family.”
“No, Haidee. I’m their Guard, not family. I’ll never be their family.”
“You are mother’s family. My family. I hope you haven’t forgotten that.” Her tone was sharp. “You seem to have forgotten everything else lately. Tell me, since we have some time to talk now, what is happening?”
“I’m still listening for information. Have you heard anything new? Anything about the lake?”
She tugged at the front of her leathers, composing herself. “Nothing of that sort, no. But on my way out this morning, I overheard other Guards saying that the Trials have been moved up.”
“To when?”
“They start tomorrow. With so many entering, it will take a couple of days. Someone wanted to start the process sooner than later. I guess we’ll hear more from the captain when we return.”
“Then he’s definitely leaving,” I murmured. The prince’s decision had been inevitable, and was likely more about protecting Garlin than the actual marriage agreement, but hearing that the plans had been set into motion cut through that last thread of hope tethered to Garlin’s fate. Deep down, though, I knew Garlin’s independence had vanished the moment the queen and princess’ ship had sailed into port.
“Yes. The dates are still undecided. Last night, he mentioned that he planned to speak with his mother again about your participating. I suppose he’ll have to do that right away, considering it’s now due to start tomorrow.”
I tapped my fingers around the goblet. “I need to tell him to stop. Queen Havilah won’t change her mind. Begging her will only make a worse impression on his new family, especially after what happened yesterday.” I stared down at my hands, remembering his shocked hiss as his flesh seared.
“You’re giving up? You’re not fighting for what you want? What you deserve? Because you deserve a chance, even more so than the rest of us,” Haidee said, the hardened stare of her wide, grassy-colored eyes boring into me. “There’s something you’re not telling me. Is this about Xavyn?”
“He won’t be here on Garlin for much longer,” I said honestly, answering before she could ask.
“That’s all you’re going to tell me now?” she asked with a scowl. “All right,” she added, then rushed to the bedroom and kicked it open before I could utter a warning. Xavyn stood a step behind the door’s swing area, the breeze of air close enough to cause the now brown hair on the top of his head to stir. His skin was no longer his own but human and fully clothed.
“Hello,” he said with an actual smile to greet her.
Haidee threw her arms into the air. “What are you thinking, Vala? Having him stay here? I can’t … You can’t …”
“Haidee, this is Xavyn,” I introduced, biting my lip and turning to pour two more goblets of water. “Xavyn, Haidee.”
“Pleasure.” His reply was almost a whisper compared to what Haidee’s had been.
Haidee’s boots pounded the floor as she rushed back to me. “What is happening here?” She grabbed my arm and spun me around, spilling water everywhere—her shirt, the floor, my bare hands. Her eyes widened as she blanched. My body seized at the sensation, dropping the carafe and goblet, sending splinters of glass and splashes of water shooting across the floor.
Water wrapped around my hands, digging into my skin and separating it, the burning, familiar pain ripping into me as i
t always had.
“Oh, Vala, I’m so sorry,” Haidee said, her shaking hands covering her mouth.
Xavyn was at my side in a single moment, now with skin like my own, gently taking my hands in his. I looked at him, shocked at first by his reaction, his choice to come to my side, then eased by his soothing touch and sympathetic eyes. The air took over, rebuilding the roughness that had been stripped from my tender red flesh. Still staring into his eyes, I blinked several times and offered him a small smile. “Thank you.” He offered his own smile in response. I slipped my hands from his and reluctantly shifted my eyes to Haidee, who was gaping again, this time at Xavyn’s appearance.
“It’s okay, Haidee. You never need to be sorry,” I said, looking down at her scarred hands. She glanced down too, remembering that time years before when she had grabbed me in anger, attempting to punish me for the burns Saireen had suffered. “I’m the one who should be sorry. Only ever to you and only because of Saireen, who was kind enough to take me in and love me when no one else would. But I will never again apologize for being who I am.” I crouched to the floor and began picking up the pieces.