by J. M. Miller
“Coward,” I said, scowling at him. Just as he looked up, another wave of water hit me, coating me, shredding me. I screamed again, this time letting the anger pour from my soul. Queen Havilah wanted me to protect him? Protect them? These people in front of me were too blind to see the truth. “Coward!” I screamed. “Your mother loved you. She told me to tell you how much. She told me she trusted you to do what was right!”
“Don’t listen to her,” Queen Meirin said, leaning in front of Anja to command Caulden’s attention.
“She said she owed me for protecting you. She knew. All this time she knew.” The last words came softer as sorrow struck again.
“No more!” Caulden shouted, standing abruptly and wiping a hand across his face to dry the tears glistening on his cheeks. “Captain, take her back in. No one is to touch her. I can’t deal with this right now.” His eyes flitted to me only once and then he was ascending the stairs.
Guards followed behind him as well as Princess Anja. Leint released Haidee and hurried to catch up.
Haidee took a single step toward me, but the captain blocked her path and said, “Go to your detail. This is your last warning.”
Her eyes shifted to me before she turned around and followed the rest.
“You are something, aren’t you?” Queen Meirin said from my side, her guards closer than usual. I hadn’t even noticed her approach. “I wonder …”
Captain Baun passed closely behind the queen, eyeing her on his way to one of the troughs, where Orimph still stood with an empty bucket in his hand. “You can go back …”
His words faded as the queen moved even closer to the post and spoke again. “What did she tell you that was so important, Vala? Did it have anything to do with a feather?” She squinted and a little smile formed on her stained lips—their color as red as blood. “Come now, this is something that could help you. Like we talked about in the gardens, I had every intention of taking you along with us, no matter what Havilah wanted. Such a shame that this happened.” Her head, piled high with golden hair, shook a little. “But nothing, even this, is permanent. If you tell me what she said, if you know where something is, I can certainly make things easier for you.”
I stared past her, unable to look at her face. Despite what was happening, she was rooting for information. My stomach twisted, nausea building as my body began to settle following another assault of emotional stress. Her guards stood patiently behind her, hands loose at their sides, waiting, waiting, like I had been so accustomed to. I didn’t think much of them. I didn’t even know their names because Queen Meirin had never addressed them in my company. But they were bigger than the princess’ guards, broader, with larger muscles hidden beneath their leather armor. None of which had caught my attention. It was the subtle smell of singed flesh that alerted me, making my eyes scour them. And then I saw the closest one’s hands. He had them tucked, curling them inward protectively. But he kept flexing his fingers as if something was wrong. When they opened the next time, I saw the burns, the blisters.
“Just think about it, Vala,” Queen Meirin said as Captain Baun’s footsteps came closer from behind.
I looked up at her then, not strong enough to hide the rage that was probably so plain on my face. “I will think about it. I’ll think about her death all night, and every day until forever. I made promises to her, and I’m making one more. Whoever actually killed her will pay.”
Her eyes flashed with understanding. I had my confirmation.
“Your Majesty,” Captain Baun said. “I’m taking her now. I’m certain dinner will be served soon. The staff would be more than happy to bring your food to your rooms if you’d prefer.”
“Yes,” she replied, her eyes blinking once before she tore her gaze from me. “I suppose I should go in.” The fabric of her dress twirled as she turned and walked toward the steps.
“She did it, Captain. Her guards have burnt hands. You probably didn’t notice, or didn’t care to look,” I said to him in a snarl.
He lifted his hands to mine and unhooked me from the post but didn’t reply.
I let my arms fall, feeling the blood rush, nausea hitting my stomach again. “I thought you’d be different. I always worried about Caulden. He always backed down. But you … I thought you’d at least get the facts before labeling the monster everyone else sees, and using my weakness against me so easily.”
“You think this was an easy decision?” he asked, grabbing my arm again and pulling me forward up the stone steps. “You think I wanted to see my queen dead today and have to watch you suffer for doing it?”
My feet struggled to keep his pace. “She asked me to protect him. To protect everyone. She said I wasn’t like anyone. Said she remembered when I was born.”
His head snapped sideways for a moment as he continued his lengthy strides.
We both kept silent while moving through the chateau. Too many ears. Do as I ask, and tell no one. I have much to explain to you, and it can’t be done in the chateau. “Her guards,” I said when we arrived at the prison chamber. “Queen Meirin’s guards had to have overheard the queen’s plan to meet with me. That’s how they knew.”
“Vala—”
“No,” I interrupted. “You may not owe me a goddessdamned thing. But you loved her.”
He flinched at my words then closed the door and left without a second glance.
My thoughts ran through the day, over and over. Each time, the guilt pointing at Queen Meirin was undeniable. Her words were also difficult to ignore, especially when I thought of Queen Havilah’s. One kept asking about a feather. And the other called me a bird. The queen bird. Alesrah.
TWENTY-SIX
You were reborn, Vala bird. You are her. The lonely one.
Those words. I awoke repeating them, having dreamed of them all night, lying upon the dirt floor in my prison chamber cell. Was I what—who—she said I was?
By midday, I wondered if Caulden planned to keep me in a cell forever. It was as if everyone had forgotten, but I knew that was farthest from the truth. The whole chateau was in mourning now. Preparations for the queen’s burial had undoubtedly begun. I was of little importance.
Orimph came in a while later with a bit of water and bread, which I ate so quickly my stomach threatened to return it all even faster. “Time to go,” he said when I’d finished, his low voice so contrary to his large body.
He fastened my arms and led me out to the courtyard. I had hopes that the captain would have helped in some way, saved me from being strapped to the post for a second time. But nothing had changed except the time of day. The sun was angled in the sky, sitting somewhere between midday and sunset, most its rays diffusing into the fog as usual.
Orimph walked me to the post and secured me this time. Captain Baun was nowhere to be seen. A few Guards were stationed at doors or at the edge of the courtyard by the gate. That was all. No one else. As Orimph lifted my bound wrists, my arms protested the position, still achy from the night before.
More time passed. Captain Baun emerged from the chateau alone a little while later, when the sun neared the top of the bailey, casting lengthy shadows onto the ground.
“How is he?” I asked.
He stopped in front of me and looked at his boots. “He’s been in her conservatory all night and all day. I’ve checked on him, but he’s denied most communication.”
I sighed, dropping my gaze to the ground too. “Thank you.”
“I wanted you to know that I looked into your suspicions. They are wearing gloves today.”
“Did you ask them to remove them?”
He shook his head and glanced around the courtyard. “If I do that without cause or consent from the prince, I could be severely punished. But they did appear to be newer sets.”
“Where is she today?”
“They’ve stayed in their rooms, mostly.”
“There’s something else I need to say.” I had no idea when I’d get another chance, whether he’d ever believe my truth or
if I’d die for another woman’s crime. I had to tell him. “In the gardens the other day, the queen talked about birds and how she collects feathers. I asked her about pheasants. She confirmed that they live near the palace and that the feathers are often used for their archers, not in the east as Leint had said. I didn’t tell you that day because I had just talked to the queen about our meeting and … I needed time to consider the information. Could they have been behind Caulden’s attack and wanted him dead before the greeting? What would be the point?”
His scarred brows furrowed. “The point would be to pin it on someone else while getting the prince out of the way.”
“Or he could have been a distraction,” I said, thinking about their search.
“A distraction?”
“They came here for something else. Queen Meirin even asked me last night to tell her what Queen Havilah said, if I knew where anything was.” I caught movement in the corner of my eye, down the pathway by the entry gate, but I pressed on. “I had to tell you. They are here for something more. And now that she’s gone …”
“Captain!” Leint’s voice called across the yard.
Captain Baun turned to watch Leint’s progress, who wasn’t striding the yard alone. He tugged someone along beside him, a canvas bag draped over the person’s head and their hands tied behind their back. When he reached the captain, who had taken a few steps to meet him, he lifted the bag, and I found myself staring at Xavyn. I almost gasped. He hadn’t left.
In human form, he blinked rapidly at the sunlight, holding a squint while his eyes adjusted, his dark brown hair sticking up on end from the bag being pulled away. There was a brief moment of calm where he didn’t see me, and I wondered how he would react when he did—would his eyes shy away with guilt, or would they show me something else. When his eyes focused, I knew immediately he was genuine, that he hadn’t left or crawled off somewhere to hide. Those eyes shot open and his body tensed and lurched forward, his movements at the sight of me reflexive and instant, his mind not processing the situation before reacting. His muscles relaxed and he looked away just as quickly, realizing he was being scrutinized.
Leint shoved him to his knees and tossed Xavyn’s sword to the ground. “Doesn’t he look familiar?”
Captain Baun leaned back, taking him in with a mixture of elation and awe on his face. “Where did you find him?” he asked, then waved another Guard down. “Go notify the prince that Xavyn has been caught!”
“That part is curious,” Leint said and turned his eyes on me. “When you sent me to search Vala’s house yesterday, I spotted a jug of wine from Wyntor Vineyard, which made me question Vala’s recent behavior. Even though I didn’t see anything else, I decided to return during my off time today. I just caught him leaving her house, traveling in this direction.” The thought of him or anyone picking through Saireen’s house made me want to scream.
“Vala?” the captain said, eyeing me. “Do you know anything about this?”
His view of me was already unsteady. There was no way I could lie about my involvement with Xavyn without him seeing right through it. I pressed my lips together in frustration, unable to think of anything that could free us from this situation.
A splash of water struck me, and I roared as pain flashed through me again.
“Tell me the truth, Vala!”
I opened my eyes to Xavyn thrashing inside of Leint’s grip and grunting with heavy breaths. His anger had taken over, abandoning any hope of deception. His eyes were murderous. “No,” I replied, watching the smile widen on Leint’s smug face while the searing water tore at my skin.
“What is this?” Prince Caulden moved swiftly down the stone steps shortly after, wearing exactly the same tunic and pants he’d worn the previous day. His face was drawn, the deep tawny skin below his eyes darker than I’d ever seen. Haidee followed closely behind, her frantic eyes darting from person to person in the courtyard.
“Highness,” Captain Baun addressed with a bow. “Leint found him leaving Vala’s house moments ago.
“Vala?” Caulden’s attention had turned fully to me.
It was my turn to ignore him, shifting my focus first to Haidee then to Princess Anja, who was slowly descending the stone steps clad in a purple dress with ornate accents of lace and stitching around its bodice. Too cheerful. Too pretty.
“Vala!” Prince Caulden yelled, taking a step closer to me. “You will tell me the truth.”
“Why? So I can be punished because it’s a truth you refuse to accept?”
His mouth opened and he took a step back, shocked by my disobedience. What had he expected?
Orimph slung another bucket of water at me, the splash knocking my head forward into a bow. My loose plaits swung forward, whipping water everywhere and curtaining my face. I laughed then—pain, grief, and bitterness escaping in a crazy mix of despair and amusement—staring at the mud below my boots as if it could be my last sight.
“Take this Xavyn to a cell then meet me in the dining hall. We’ll question him later after we discuss the burial procession arrangements. Leave her here for now,” the prince said, wiping a bit of water from his forehead then turning and walking toward the chateau. Princess Anja grabbed his arm. He let her. Haidee followed them hesitantly, glancing back at me every other step.
Captain Baun and Leint dragged Xavyn by his bound arms, not allowing him to get to his feet. Xavyn stole a look over his shoulder to me then stopped struggling.
When everyone had gone, I watched my tears fall freely to the mud and silently whispered, “I’m sorry, Your Majesty.”
-|————
Haidee appeared with the dusk, using the shadows of the early evening to avoid the eyes of a few Guards, who were hauling and laying kindling and wood not far from my post. It wasn’t a pyre for the queen. It would be a fire for … something else.
“Vala,” she whispered, standing close, using my body to camouflage her own.
“Haidee,” I replied, my voice rough from a dry throat.
“You need to talk to him. He’s … going to do something. I’m not sure I can stop it.”
“I don’t want you risking your life.”
“I can’t stand and watch what is happening to you. I’m sorry for not stopping what has already occurred,” she said, her hand gently pulling a few of my plaits away from my face.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who is sorry. To you and to Queen Havilah. I promised her I’d still take care of him, this island. That’s not going to happen now. I can’t change his mind. I thought the captain believed what I told him—that Queen Meirin’s guards have burnt hands, that she’s looking for something, that she asked me what Queen Havilah told me.”
Haidee inhaled sharply. “She had the queen killed?”
“Yes. And she will pay in one way or another.”
She was quiet for a moment. “Even if you get free, you can’t stay.”
“I’m leaving with Xavyn. At least, that was the plan before this happened. I don’t belong here, Haidee. And the queen … she told me she’s known all along. She said I’m not like people, but I’m also not like the others. She called me Alesrah and Vala bird. Said she’d seen my death and rebirth.”
“Do you think it’s real?”
“She was … dying. I’m not sure what to believe. But Queen Meirin’s inquiries of a possible rare feather, it makes me wonder what can be real.”
“I want to help. I want to go with you.”
“No,” I said, shaking my head between my arms. “You can’t get caught helping me. You have to stay with Caulden since I can’t, make sure he is all right after everything. The queen would have wanted you with him.”
“I have to try to help in some way. Maybe I can be a distraction in the prison, help Xavyn then he can help you.”
“I won’t flee until I end her,” I said, expressing the only thing of which I was certain. I would not leave the island while Queen Meirin still breathed.
“I know
where she is,” Haidee murmured. “Since Caulden has been in talks in the dining hall, she’s been in the conservatory.”
I tugged on my suspended arms, trying to bring them back to life. “She’s searching. She thinks something is hidden in there.”
“Do you think there is?”
“No. Queen Havilah would have told me if it were something that important.”
“She’ll have to work in sections, and it’ll take her a while. She’ll be in there all night, or at least until Caulden returns.”
“Maybe I’ll get there before he does,” I said, planning what needed to be done. If I had my way, she would not see the morning. “You need to go. Try your best to help Xavyn. But stay away after that, Haidee. In order to protect Caulden, whatever else happens tonight, do not be seen helping us. Afterward … don’t trust Leint. And keep talking to the captain. He’ll need to hear the truth after I’m gone, even if it comes in small doses.”
“I will,” she agreed, squeezing the shirt covering my arm.
“I hope we see each other one day again, Haidee. I always thought of you as a sister.”
“And I you.” Her voice wavered. “Good luck, Vala.”
She was gone before the Guards finished laying the wood.
TWENTY-SEVEN
I had lost consciousness. My head was heavy and sleep had come easily despite having my arms tied high. When I awoke, two Guards stood between me and the positioned fire wood. They were igniting the bottom, their silhouettes dark against the quivering light of the infant flames. I scanned the rest of the darkened courtyard, readying myself, hoping for something to happen and expecting nothing. I had to be prepared for either. I had trust, though, that Haidee would be able to help Xavyn in some way.
I whispered to myself for a while, talking over the humming of the fire as it grew so close beside me, reciting everything that had happened within the last couple of days while planning what could happen from here on. Queen Havilah. Queen Meirin. Prince Caulden. Princess Anja. Haidee. The captain. Leint. Xavyn. All the players. All their roles.