by J. M. Miller
I could smell the fire before I could hear it humming from somewhere inside the cavern. The glow of it brightened with each new step on the uneven black rocks inside. I kept slow and quiet, not knowing if she would be alone, and after the other day, not fully trusting that this wasn’t more than a simple meeting she wanted to handle away from chateau ears. The potency of the fire’s stench increased. I sniffed the air hesitantly. It was … wrong. There was no comfort in the smoky scent. I sniffed again and realized why it had been off-putting. It smelled of every time someone had touched me and anytime I’d purposely struck someone else with my bare hands.
Burning flesh.
My heartbeat raged as my feet began to run, not caring about being quiet, entering the cavern in a whirl of noise and chaos as I had on Prince’s Night. But this time I knew something bad had already happened. As soon as the walls opened wider, I scanned the area, my eyes shifting frantically. It had looked similar to that night—an enormous fire to the side, cracked walls slick with the cascading water of the Vitae River. And then, on the island in the middle of the lake, I spotted a heap. Soft smoke lifted from whatever it might be. Whoever.
No.
I pushed my legs hard, stepping closer and closer, until I tripped and dove down onto the loose rocks. Realizing I’d hit something hard, I rolled over and noticed the motionless bodies of the queen’s usual Guards, Bransley and Lato. I scrambled back to my feet, ignoring the slack expressions on their faces, the blood coating my gloves, my cloak, my leathers. If they were dead then …
I sprinted the long stretch of land leading to the island then leaped over the water, falling to my knees immediately and looking over the scorched body and face of Queen Havilah. Her crown lay in the dirt above her mass of burnt hair. What remained of her dress was tattered and singed into clusters of melted fabric.
“No, no. Queen Havilah,” I said, slipping my hand, my arm beneath her head, the smell of her skin searing my nose, making me gag. Her flesh was a mix of her dark and white skin, charred crust, and blisters. Her beautiful skin. “Who did this?”
Her eyes opened to me, their whites and light brown color the only clear things left on her body. “Vala,” she whispered.
“Yes, yes. It’s me. I’m here.” I cradled her. Everything else faded away. My anger. My hurt. All the doubt and mistrust I’d felt during the last several days and all through the years, all slipped away as I held her. “Tell me who.”
Her head moved back and forth the tiniest bit. “Listen to me. Tell Caulden I love him and trust … him to do what’s right.”
“No, you can’t—” I said, my voice cracking, emotions stinging my eyes and nose as tears began to well.
“You,” she continued. “You need to know. You are not like us. Or anything else. I found you here years ago. I heard your cry. Strong and fierce, and sad. And I saw you burn. After so many years, your life above ended. Your new life began, in a beautiful fire unlike any I’d ever seen.”
“What are you saying? You saw who bore me?”
“No. No one bore you.” Her eyes closed as she breathed deeply. “You were reborn, Vala bird. You are her. The lonely one. The one they called Alesrah.”
I felt the first tear roll onto my cheek, burning and steaming into nothing. “Don’t move. Just lie still. Someone will come help …” I glanced around the cavern, so empty. The fire continued to hum in the corner, its flames licking high up the wall. Someone had been here. Started the fire. Did this to her. “Tell me who.”
“I want you to know.” Her voice cracked like mine had, and I watched tears gather in the corners of her eyes. “I did care. Wystin would have adored you. Would have known how to take care of you. Like Saireen had. Better than I. I’ve failed you, Vala. I never found the answers, the reason you had come. Never knew what happened. Only that you gave us life. You fed the Vitae, and it fed us a better life. That was why I did what I did. It doesn’t excuse my actions … I know … But I thought keeping you here … not telling you the truth … was the only way to protect you. To keep you safe.”
“Your Majesty. No. I just need to find help. Please, just don’t,” I said frantically, scanning the cavern again, seeing nothing. No one. Tremors rocked through my body, my heart, churning my stomach.
“I only meant to save you. To protect Caulden. Never meant … to hurt you. Please forgive me.” Her body seized then convulsed in my arms.
“Queen Havilah, please.” I didn’t know what to think, to feel. How could I believe her words? She was dying, and it was my fault. She was here to talk to me and someone did this to her. Burned her.
“Vala. Listen. Be careful of them. Protect him. I know I don’t deserve … to ask. I owe you my life for Caulden’s. Please take care of our people like you always have. Guardian goddess.”
Convulsions took hold of me. I tried to hold her steady, but I had no control. The sorrow was debilitating. “I will,” I said, knowing it was what she needed to hear. This was her end. “Caulden loves you. I do too. And I forgive you.”
The corners of her blistered lips twitched into a smile. “Thank you. And I love you, beautiful Alesrah. You are my queen, my mourning flower.”
As soon as her eyes closed and her lips went slack, tears streaked down my cheeks, singeing my sadness into my skin. I placed a shaky hand to her chest, feeling as her last breath escaped in a quiet sigh.
“Ahh!” I wailed to the darkness, the cavern echoing the grief, the pain, back to me. The queen was dead. Life had left her inside my arms … and I couldn’t help her. I cried for so long, calling out again and again as the dawning light shone gently into the cavern’s entrance, the rays highlighting the fog and smoke as they mixed in the air, dancing to my lament. I couldn’t move. There was a part of me that wanted to go alert the captain, but my body refused to leave hers behind, if even for a small time. I wouldn’t leave her alone.
When my sobs began to dwindle, I heard voices calling. They were muffled and far away until one broke through clear and harsh.
“Vala!”
I lifted my head, seeing the captain standing before me, hunched over, a look of utter shock and sadness in his steely eyes. “She …” my voice hurt. Dry and scratchy and raw.
“What did you do, Vala?” Captain Baun spat in a whisper.
I looked from his face to the queen’s face still cradled in my arms. “I found her here. I tried …”
He reached down suddenly and jerked my arm back, pulling me away, sprawling me onto the ground. My body was a waste of spent energy. “What happened?” He dropped to his knees.
“That looks plain to see,” someone said from behind the captain. Leint’s voice.
I rolled to my side, lifting my eyes to the group of people standing on the strip of ground leading back to the cavern’s entrance. My eyes met Haidee’s before she jumped the gap of water and came to my side. “Vala. What happened? We heard something … a cry …”
Captain Baun grabbed the crown then slid his hands beneath the queen and lifted her into his arms as he stood. One of her arms hung out of his grasp, swinging limply.
Haidee’s hands wrapped around my arms, pulling me to stand. My eyes tracked the queen’s body, watching as he took her away.
“Bring her,” Captain Baun shouted over his shoulder.
And soon it wasn’t Haidee’s soft touch at my side to guide me. Firm hands gripped my arms on both sides, yanking carelessly, pulling forcefully. I didn’t care. My eyes stayed on the captain’s back, watching her arm swing as we traveled the long route, on foot and then on horseback, passing the Trials course where all activity had ceased, until we finally arrived at the chateau. She was home.
TWENTY-FIVE
The smell. I couldn’t escape the smell. It was worse than anything I’d experienced. I wanted to reach up inside and scrape it from my brain, or purposely dunk my face into a basin of water with one quick inhale to flush it away. But I couldn’t. My gloved hands were tied at my back, my ankles bound around my boots, as I lay
on the dirt floor of the chateau’s prison chamber. My sword and daggers were gone. My cloak. My mask. In all my life, I’d never felt cold. Not really. Garlin’s temperate climate was one reason, my naturally warm skin the other. Things had changed. There was nothing that could have warded off the cold that had settled inside, feeding on what was left of my emotions.
The trip to the chateau had been a blur of quiet whispers, the ten or so Guards that had come to the lake all talking, following closely behind, no one daring to pass Captain Baun as he carried her in his arms and then on horseback. I was led along, locked in a hostile grip most of the time. But I couldn’t take my eyes from the queen.
Between the times of tears and restless points of sleep, my thoughts wandered. I thought about everyone else’s thoughts, knowing they were of my guilt. And I wondered even more what Queen Havilah had been talking about. If I should believe it to be true or dismiss it all as the last, disorientated words of a woman dying a painful death. I cringed, seeing her eyes flash in my mind. I would never lose the sight of her eyes, the determination in them to tell me all she needed to say before letting go.
And still, I had no idea who would have killed her. Xavyn wouldn’t … I didn’t think. But since he’d disappeared and hadn’t returned, I was doubting everything about him. Even the promise he’d made to not harm anyone. The other logical possibilities were other assassins or Queen Meirin. Getting rid of the prince’s mother would make her life easier. Why, though, would she risk it? She was about to acquire Garlin by her daughter’s marriage or by force. The cost of being caught ending the queen’s life would kill all chances at an easy transition.
I shimmied to a sitting position, leaning my shoulder against the stone wall of my cell, and looked at the empty cells surrounding me. Alone again. I could hear some voices from the courtyard. I wondered what the captain had told Caulden. I needed to talk to him about everything that had happened at the lake, tell him what his mother had said about him, about them, about me.
Alesrah.
Even if it were true, how could I explain that to anyone? They’d think I was insane, think I did in fact kill the queen, and possibly keep me in this cell forever if they didn’t take my life on the spot for ending hers.
The door’s hinges squelched and I looked through the barred opening of my cell.
Captain Baun stepped inside, his feet scuffing along the floor—something he’d never done. His face was drawn, eyes bloodshot and puffed. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d ever seen him cry. “Tell me what happened.”
I cleared my scratchy throat. “That was where we were to meet.” My voice cracked, hoarse and sore. “Before dawn. As she had requested yesterday. When I arrived, I smelled fire, but I knew something was wrong. I realized that the smell … I realized what it was and ran inside. That’s when I tripped over … her Guards.”
“And?” he prompted.
“I saw her,” I replied, no longer seeing him. I was far away, looking over her again, watching her eyes close, feeling her last breath beneath my hand. “Her body … had been burned.”
“You’re claiming no involvement? You were there, Vala. You were found holding the queen. There was no one else. Guards searched the area when we arrived, before we left.”
“I can’t—I don’t know who. I asked her. I asked but she didn’t tell me. She was hurting, and I couldn’t help her.”
“Enough. I don’t know why you would—”
“I didn’t!” I screamed, the tone as rough as a rusty blade, tearing through my throat.
He opened the bars, stepped inside with his dagger drawn, and sliced through the ropes at my ankles. “I don’t get to decide. You’ll explain everything to the prince. Get up.”
His anger, his hurt, was like another wave of cold, making my body shake as he stood me up and gripped my arm to pull me along. I had no idea what awaited me, but speaking with Caulden was essential. He would know that I didn’t do what was thought of me. I wouldn’t kill his mother, the woman who afforded me position, gave me a place that many others wouldn’t. The captain led me upstairs and then out into the courtyard, where several faces immediately turned toward me. The only thing I saw, though, was the tall wooden post that had been erected at the center of the yard in front of the stone entry steps, the setting sun’s hazy light illuminating it like a beacon. Flanking the post were two deep troughs filled with water. Behind one, Orimph, the prison guard, stood holding an empty bucket.
Captain Baun marched me forward down the steps. I clenched my fists behind my back as I focused on the eyes that tracked our movements. Chairs had been brought out, situated at the bottom of the steps. Prince Caulden. Princess Anja. Queen Meirin. The three were seated. Only a few Guards stood off to the side. There were no council members. No mass amount of people. No one else knew yet. For now, it looked as though Caulden wanted information from me, in a more formal, torturous manner.
While everyone else’s eyes were pinned on me, his remained forward, staring blankly at the post. Some strands of his lengthy black hair had fallen over his face and he hadn’t bothered to push them away. Rays of the sunset strong enough to break through the early evening fog also highlighted the red blotches of his face. His pain was clear to see and it broke me, buckling my knees. I fell on the final step. Unable to catch myself, the side of my face and shoulder crashed into the dirt. The captain let me fall only to yank me back to my feet again. I looked at the chairs, seeing the widened eyes of Queen Meirin and Princess Anja as they gawked at my fully exposed face for the first time. The yellow and blue colors of their dresses were blinding, too bright, too collected for this broken day made with pieces of death and dirt and smoke.
I returned my focus to Caulden, staring at his downward gaze while Captain Baun removed my ties only to back me against the post and fasten them to an iron hook above my head. I wanted to scream, to cry, but I couldn’t find the words.
“Why did you do it?” Finally, Caulden looked at me, his eyes as vacant as his voice.
I inhaled frantically and shook my head, his calmness sending me into a panic. “No. No. Caulden—”
“Don’t—” the captain started, but the prince lifted his hand.
“Your Highness,” I corrected myself, the words shaking on my lips. “I found her. I wouldn’t.”
“After what happened at the course the other day, I’m not sure I can believe that.”
The only time I’d seen him since that had been at dinner. We never had a chance to speak about her, about his hand. “I wouldn’t. You know I wouldn’t. She asked me to meet her this morning. She had things she wanted to tell me.”
“Things she wanted to tell you?”
“None of that matters,” Queen Meirin interrupted. “She’s trying to distract you. We already know Havilah wanted to meet you. The captain informed the prince of that earlier. It explains why she was there, not why you burned her alive.”
Caulden blanched in his seat.
“I didn’t do it. My skin—I don’t do that.”
“We saw what happened at the course,” Queen Meirin spat.
I glanced at the bandage on Caulden’s hands. “No, that’s not the same. I can’t burn clothing. His Highness knows. Haidee knows,” I said, looking over at Haidee, her position closest to the chairs, her eyes shifting between me and the prince. “A fire was used.”
Neither spoke.
“You could have just as easily done that,” Queen Meirin said.
“What about the Guards?” I asked. “Did anyone look at my sword? Check the blade for blood?”
“Another could have been used and tossed over the cliff. None of this matters. You were alone, with blood all over you,” she replied.
The questions. Their eyes. My mind began to rage. How could he think I had done it? I thrashed, tugging at my suspended arms, my frustration taking control.
Water splashed across my body, ripping the breath from my lungs. “Ahh!” I released a ragged scream as the water attacked my skin, st
ripping my face, my neck, spreading down beneath my clothes.
I opened my eyes to the chairs, watching the queen and princess’ expressions change as my body released my outer skin, revealing to them what lay beneath.
“Stop this!” Haidee called out, lunging forward only to be grabbed by Leint. He pinned her arms behind her as she too thrashed and cried out. “Your Highness, you know as well as I that she didn’t—”
“That’s enough, Haidee,” Captain Baun yelled. “You will remain silent or Leint will lock you in a cell.”
The air began to bite at my flesh as it reformed. I gritted my teeth, working through the pain, and shook my head at Haidee. I didn’t want her punished for me. She didn’t deserve it.
“Well, she’s more different than we thought, isn’t she?” Queen Meirin murmured. “What is she really, I wonder. Where did she actually come from?”
Anja hadn’t spoken a peep the entire time, just watched with a curious gaze as she attempted to hold Caulden’s arm.
Caulden recoiled from her touch, keeping his eyes on my feet. He couldn’t even look at me. All these years together had meant nothing. All he saw tethered in front of him was a monster, not the girl he grew with, who had vowed her own life for his and his mother’s. He didn’t believe me.