Fallen Flame

by J. M. Miller

  “Not that way,” Captain Baun said, letting Meirin’s body fall. “There’s another way, here. I’ll take you.” He moved around the stone pillars and pushed in on the wall at the back, sliding a door open.

  Xavyn pulled my hand, leading me forward while I glanced back over my shoulder at the lone light shining upon the lone mourning flower, happy that our queen had been avenged.

  TWENTY-NINE

  We followed without question. The pathway dropped underground into a short and narrow tunnel with barely space for the captain to walk without hunching over or getting stuck. It had to have been an alternate exit for the queen in the event of an attack. I’d never known of it. I wondered if it had been the way she traveled when she was to meet me at Sacred Lake.

  Not long after, the tunnel started to climb. Xavyn’s hand still held mine, his grip tight and secure on my newly reformed skin. The captain shoved hard against a wooden door, pushing it open to a view of a few tree trunks and the sky and fog beyond, a tinge of light beginning to seep into the darkness.

  “Where are we?” Xavyn asked, surveying our surroundings.

  I pointed to the north. “There’s the wall and the top of the conservatory. Farther down the hill is Florisa’s Cove.”

  He nodded, looking east.

  “I’m sorry this exit is so far from port,” the captain said. His face tilted a bit down to look at me. “I’ll tell the prince everything when I return. He deserves to know the truth. All of it.”

  “Be cautious of the princess. And of Leint,” I said, still uncertain of his statements, his actions.

  “I will,” he said with a nod. “I wish I knew what she meant … about the feather.”

  “I do too,” I agreed. “But wherever I go, I will search for more answers. I’ll also send word here to you whenever I can. You’ll stay, right? Even if the prince weds Anja and travels to Islain?”

  “That’s my intent.”

  “Good.” I smiled up at him, staring at his face to memorize it, as if I’d forget. “I’m sure the queen would have wanted you to stay, to protect Garlin and its people.”

  “I’m sorry, Vala. I hope one day you can forgive me for what I’ve done,” he said suddenly. “I was weakened by the loss of her and I couldn’t see around my grief. But even that will never be a good enough reason for betraying your trust.” His hands lifted as if to touch my arms, but he gently hooked a few plaits hanging at the side of my face instead then released them. A tender gesture, one a father might bestow upon a daughter.

  I nodded. “I think I understand how and why. I feel it too, but I’m sure your love for her far exceeds my own.”

  “Yes, well …” he said, wiping his eyes. “She meant a lot to me. I’m not sure what Garlin will be without her.”

  After a moment, I looked toward the horizon. “We should go, and you should get back. Thank you, Captain, for everything you’ve taught me. I’ll always remember.”

  “There’s something else I want you to know, Vala. I don’t know what Havilah told you … After seeing your skin, I suspect whatever it was that it’s all true. But she did keep these secrets from me too, at least some of them.” He paused and wiped beneath his eyes. “Those years ago, my detail was King Wystin. He was an honorable man as I’m sure you’ve heard many times through the years. Queen Havilah used to travel to the Sacred Lake often. It was one of her favorite places, and she often spent many hours there. One day, there was a terrible but beautiful cry that spread over the island followed immediately by a quake. We had no idea what it was, but, being heard and felt across the island, it scared everyone alive at the time. I went to alert the king in the library, afraid magic had returned and possibly the dragons that had once terrorized the main land. But when I entered, I found him dead, his body slumped over his desk. He had shown no prior signs of illness, so the chateau physician thought his heart had failed. When the queen returned, she had a baby with her, wrapped and crying. As soon as she learned of Wystin’s death, she shut down for some time, never explaining where you had come from. We gave you to Saireen that night, knowing she would care for you as she cared for most other things in the chateau, including the infant prince.”

  My eyes stung while he spoke, tears welling for the women I knew so little about but owed so much. They may not have done things the best way, but they kept me safe, gave me a reason for being. “All I knew before was that Saireen found me on the road. I didn’t know that the queen had found me until she told me. She said she saw me burn, watched me be reborn. She didn’t have time to tell me much, only that she was sorry.”

  “I’m glad that she was able to tell you in the end. I’m sure it weighed heavily on her heart. She was good, and she loved Garlin more than anyone else could.”

  I blinked the tears out, tipping my face down to avoid their singe.

  “That cry that the island had heard when she had found you, I was reminded of it the other day when she died. There was a cry … it was the reason we traveled there and found you. From what I remember, it wasn’t as strong as the other those years ago, but it sounded the same. I thought you should know. Maybe it’s something else to research.”

  “Thank you,” I replied then wrapped my bare arms around his clothed body. I felt his chin rest on the top of my hair.

  “Thank you.”

  After a few moments, Xavyn cleared his throat. “We should get moving.”

  I released my hold of the captain and backed away.

  “Be careful at port. There will be many there.”

  “I’m glad my boat isn’t at port then,” Xavyn replied, staring out through the trees toward the chateau. “There’s a nice little cove near your Sacred Lake that seemed like the best place to stow her.”

  “That is good news. Either path should be clear. No one will expect you to shove off from the cliffside. They’ll have everyone searching the north.”

  “Good. Let’s hope it stays that way for some time.”

  “Take care, Vala. Xavyn, I’m sorry for hunting you,” the captain added with a sincere smile.

  I laughed at that, and Xavyn joined me with a shake of his head before saying, “I can’t really say it was nice meeting you, but I will say farewell and I hope your island sees better days.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You take care, too,” I said to the captain. “And tell Caulden …” What did I want to say? I was sure I’d said everything that could have been said, but it still felt as though I hadn’t said nearly enough. “Tell him I said goodbye and that maybe we’ll meet each other on better terms again one day.”

  He nodded once with understanding.

  I held the sword with a loose grip, smiling one more time his way before turning and walking east, toward the gentle light forming on the horizon.

  Xavyn caught up to my side. “Are you ready to find your answers?”

  “Yes.” I turned my head, watching the fog swirl in the dawning sky over the chateau I’d once called home. “I am.”

  THIRTY

  The sun had just crested the sea’s horizon when we arrived at the lake. It was a view I’d only ever seen once before from this spot, but that had been with blurry eyes that were not focused on the beauty of the sky, only the queen’s arm swinging freely from the captain’s hold.

  Standing at the entrance of the cavern, amongst the sprawling mourning flowers, I focused entirely on the beauty this time, channeling the sorrowful feeling of never seeing the view from the same place again. There was no noise in the peace of the morning. No busy servants readying the chateau for the day, no Guards training in the courtyard, no ship sails within view. I liked to think that she was here, in her once favorite place, showing me the beauty in the silence and the hues of the morning.

  “I heard you too,” Xavyn said, stepping away from the cliffside.

  “What?”

  “The other day,” he replied, approaching me. He had dropped the use of his energy sometime during our trek, his skin returning to his own. I stared at
him openly, the sight still so new and mesmerizing. His brilliant skin was almost too much for my eyes to handle. I wondered if it became brighter when the sun was higher, with less mist in the air. I wondered if my eyes would ever adjust, not sure I’d want them to. I looked at the lines in the skin of his arms, below the rolls of his blood and dirt covered sleeves. I looked over his face. All the contours I was already familiar with, comfortable with, seemed even more pronounced, more defined. And his hair, the mix of black and white was something out of dreams. I had seen older people with a mix, but it was always softer, blended throughout, each new year bringing a touch more white. But his wasn’t the same. It was harsh and stark and … beautiful.

  He stopped in front of me, and I blinked several times. A slow, alluring grin pulled on his lips as he noticed my ardent perusal, but instead of addressing it, he said again, “I heard you the other day.”

  “The other day? To what day are you referring? When you should have been hiding in the safety of Saireen’s house?” I asked, my senses coming to me, needing to address some unanswered questions. “Where were you anyway? I thought I’d never see you again.”

  This time, his smile was with pressed lips. “You thought I’d left you? You didn’t trust me. Even after I told you I would be gentle with your life.”

  “I—well, I can’t say I’ve known you long at all. I wasn’t sure what to think about your disappearance. There was so much happening, so much I’d wanted to tell you that day. I was worried.”

  “Ah, I see. I should have maybe left you a note?”

  “Are you teasing me right now?”

  “No, I’m completely serious. I will leave a note next time I go stock the boat for our long journey and then move it for safety.”

  I could have shriveled inside of myself because of my foolishness, and judging by the smile turned into a wickedly handsome smirk upon his face, he knew. “I had no idea. I’m sorry.”

  He waved a hand. “I should have told you my plans.”

  I was lost for a moment, looking at him, the sun rising at his back. Then I realized he was staring at me too, his cool gray eyes appraising mine affectionately. The smile on his lips went slack with seriousness, and I remembered he hadn’t finished what he’d started to say. “You mentioned hearing me.”

  “Right,” he replied, shaking his head and looking at the ground. “I was in the boat, looking for somewhere to hide it, maybe halfway between here and the port.” His body turned a bit to face the sea. “I heard the cry like your captain had. I heard you … crying for her.”

  “Had it been me?” I asked, mostly to myself. How could I not realize?

  “He said he’d heard it before. And that coincides with what your queen had said about finding you, watching you burn those years ago. I’m willing to guess that’s also when we felt a change in Vaenen and Craw. It would make sense that magic might return when Alesrah died again.”

  “So you think this is true? That I could be what the queen says I am?”

  “Yes, I do.” He held a hand to his mouth and looked up at the sky, thinking. When he let his hand fall, he added, “It’s possible that Alesrah was reborn when she ended The Final War and stripped magic from the world. She could have lived another life cycle between, watching from above, then chose Garlin as the next place to die. And if it is true, things … might become more complicated from here.”

  “Reassuring,” I murmured.

  His hands grabbed hold of mine, his smooth fae skin not burning. “Either this is normal, or my skin holds a memory of yours,” he said when I looked up at him in shock. “About everything else … I will help you piece it all together.”

  “We can’t go to Islain after killing their queen. And if I am who Havilah said … aren’t I hated everywhere else?” The thought of being the one who had ended magic, killed so many, and stripped their lives …

  “That adds to the complicated part,” he said with a tiny smile. “But we’ll find answers. We’ll search the history. We know that Islain’s queen was looking for a feather. There are legends about Alesrah’s feathers, stories that they’d been lost or taken. If Islain’s queen knew something about them, she found the information from somewhere. Elige might know.”

  “Elige? You killed her raven so it wouldn’t return and show her what happened here. Do you really trust her enough to tell her?”

  “Not entirely. But there are other ways of finding out. We’ll just have to go in that direction.”

  “Are you certain that I will be able to cross the border between lands? I thought it was deadly.”

  “We’ll know when we get close, if you get sick. But I have a theory about why you’ll be able to.” After squeezing my fingers tenderly, one of his hands released mine and lifted to my face, his palm pressing just below my cheek. I leaned into his touch, welcoming his warmth, his gentleness. “I told you about Alesrah’s Lake in Vaenen, that the area is not a … revered place. I lived there for many years, swam in its water. If the stories are true, and the lands were separated by her, I think it’s the reason I can cross the border.”

  “What if I’m not her?”

  “I believe your queen was telling you the truth, and I think you believe it too. There’s something about you, Vala. I felt it from the beginning, a connection. I know part of it is because of my ability, feeling you, knowing more of you, inside and out. Your strengths, your weaknesses. I can feel you. I also know there’s something more, though, something familiar.” He tipped my face up, his fingers pushing back into the plaits of my hair. “You’ve been guarding people your entire life, maybe even long before this one. And from what I’ve seen in my time here, no one has done the same for you. I want to, if you’ll let me. Help you. Protect you. And maybe more.”

  I slid my arms around his back and took a step closer, letting him know I wanted the same. There was a time when I’d wanted this feeling with Caulden, this building energy, this contentment. Apparently, that was little more than an attraction built upon a history. I’d known Caulden my entire life. Although he may have cared for me in some way, I was always an outsider, never an equal, never someone more than his Guard. Xavyn had known it all from the start, saw my differences and never treated them as such. He understood me, he felt me, and made me feel at ease. That wasn’t something I’d ever needed, but it was something I wanted. And I wanted it from him.

  His eyes searched mine, waiting. I reached a hand up to his face, as he had mine, and slid my fingers through strands of his short hair and touched his ear, wanting to explore, to feel him too. He turned his face with a smile, grabbing my hand and pressing a kiss to my palm before leaning in and kissing my lips.

  I could have stayed there forever in the dawn, in his arms with his mouth on mine, my body responding in ways I’d never dreamed as he held me tightly, our tongues meeting, our hearts beating, setting my soul ablaze. But I knew we had to go. So I left his arms feeling fuller than I’d ever had, seeing the same sense of emotion in his smile and his eyes as he watched me enter the cavern.

  I needed to say goodbye one last time.

  Standing on the edge of the waterline, I gazed at the small island where Havilah told me her final words and whispered my final farewell. The massive fire in the corner that had taken her life was burned down to a crumble, but there was a hum somewhere deep inside the fluffy mounds of ash. I dug into the airy pile, feeling the embers’ heat push against me before I drew back my hand and watched a flame catch and spread across my skin again. Though it was goodbye, I knew I’d hold her with me forever.

  Xavyn was perched on the edge of a boulder at the entrance, his legs dangling off, his hands cradling a mourning flower, waiting for me to emerge. He lifted his eyes from the flower and focused on me for my last few steps. “They’re connected to you, too,” he said, nodding to the flower. “Red and orange flames.”

  I stared at the petals spread out in his hands. You need to know. You are not like us. I was not human after all. You are my queen, my mourning f
lower.

  He slipped off the boulder and held the flower out, waiting for me to extend my palms. As soon as he placed it in my open hands, the petals lit up, the fire on my skin catching. We both watched as the flower continued to burn, showing no signs of wilting. I started to walk, stepping over the crest of the cavern’s entrance then turning back toward the island and bending to the mass of flowers at my feet. I lowered the one in my hands and tossed it onto another, watching my flame catch and spread over the ground, like a wave of fire, lighting it all.

  Through the morning fog, from far out at sea, they continued to burn.

  Acknowledgements

  As always, I need to thank my incredible family for always encouraging me to chase my dreams. I couldn’t do this without you.

  Big squishy hugs to Tonya Carey, Cari Schroder, Amanda Clark, and Debbie Durham, for offering your input at different stages of the process.

  Huge thanks to those who helped shape and package Fallen Flame: Aunt M, thanks for all your questions and notes. Kim Chance, your crit skills are the best. Jenni Moen, you are the badass. Amy Concepcion, I can never thank you enough. Megan Addison, you may be stuck with me. Regina Wamba, I am in constant awe of your cover brilliance. Emily Lawrence, please don’t hate me for my repetitive errors. Tiphs, I’m so grateful for your phenomenal map artistry. Stacey Blake, thank you for always making the paperback interior so special.

  To Ena and Amanda with Enticing Journey — You ladies are amazing! Thanks bunches for your hard work.

  To all the bloggers reading and reviewing and those participating in the release blitz — Thank you for sharing Fallen Flame with the book community. It means the world to me.

  Blowing mad kisses to That Translyvanian Chick, Iza, for being so awesome!

  To the Dreamers — Thanks for being a part of my reader group! I appreciate all your kindness and support.