Empty Without You
Page 9
Washington
Hick dearest, It seems years since we sat & read & read & were alone to-gether. I loved every minute & I am going to live on it during these next few weeks.
Well, we landed peacefully at Greensboro [North Carolina] to be told we could go no further & our pilot transferred to the mail plane & took the mail through. We all lunched to-gether first & saw the little mail plane come in which he was to take on up & I got a feeling of what a lonely epic this flying the mail all alone is! Then I went to a hotel for three hours & was discovered but I wasn’t bothered. The train landed me here at 1:40 a.m. but I slept curled up most of the way. I sent you a wire [from] Greensboro & another on arrival here where I found your wire. Also the last letter was here which gave me a thrill!
This day has been busy. Press, subsistence farmstead, lunch Mr. [Harold] Ickes,18 dedication of new wing in Home for Incurables.19 Several for tea & now a big family group—Mrs. Collier who never talked to a newspaper woman! & her children. A little dinner of 68 & I must now go & see Louis [Howe] & I hope Anna will come in so I can see her for a minute before dinner.
Dear one, take care of yourself & remember I love you—
Devotedly,
E.R.
January 23rd
Hotel Colquitt
Moultrie, Georgia
Dearest:
I’ve just come in from a conference with the county relief administration that left me gasping. She told me about a Negro girl that gave birth to a child at 9 o’clock the other morning—and at 4 o’clock that afternoon, when she went there with a doctor in response to a call for help, the cord had not been severed yet. Did you ever hear anything much more awful than that? The baby died, but the mother lived.
She’s quite a person, the relief administrator here. She got an idea for a project for better educated women that is a honey. It would consist in placing them in grocery stores where food orders are cashed to advise the women what to buy, and I’m not so sure that it wouldn’t be the solution for a problem that has been bothering relief people all along. Remember Mary Bittner up in New York and her beloved diets that she couldn’t “sell” to the people on relief? Her chief difficulty was a proper—or workable—contact with the women. The case worker couldn’t do it. People on relief are apt to be too antagonistic—not apt to be, but are—toward the case worker, for that. These would really be “shoppers” in the groceries. I wonder if it wouldn’t work. Something of the sort is needed very badly in these rural communities, where, as she says, the people are “eating their way into pellagra.”20
Tomorrow morning she’s taking me out into the country to visit the homes of some of the farm tenants and laborers, white and black, to see how they live. Then I’m to see some of the more prominent farmers and business men and leave for Tallahassee about 4 o’clock.
I’ve been rather lazy today, I’m afraid. Left a call for 5 o’clock, intending to leave Thomaston [Georgia] at 7. It was foggy and rainy at 5, however, and I was terribly tired. So I went back to bed and slept until 6:45. Sent off a lot of money orders and a wire to you and finally got away about 9. Hoofed along the road. It was warm, sunny, lazy weather, and, anyway, I was afraid to drive very fast on account of the damned stock in the roads. Had to come to a dead stop twice—once for a calf and once for two very small piglets. Lunched on doughnuts while driving.
I was distressed this morning when I got your wire and realized what a terribly long day you’d had. I hope it didn’t destroy all the good effects of the weekend. Well, even so, you got home sooner than if you’d made the whole trip by rail. But you must have been terribly tired.
Darling, I do love you so!
H
January 24th
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick dearest, It was good to get your letter to-day & to find you had got over the first wrench [of being apart] well. I always have a lost feeling & then the infinite succession of things takes hold & though I’m not always interested at least I am numb!
I’ll look forward to seeing Gay Shepperson & I enclose a note from Alice Davis21 which may interest you & will show you that you make an unforgettable impression on people! To-day I’ve worked for my living, mail all a.m., an interesting time on Puerto Rico & several other things with your boss. The final conclusion is that relief should be stopped & public health go in there [Puerto Rico] on TB [tuberculosis] etc. but the problem is economic & he wants me to go & return, then they’ll call a meeting of sugar owners etc. & dramatise [sic] the whole situation. Imagine you’ll go down to get data for that meeting! Anna said to-day she might want to go with us. I’d rather go alone with you but I can’t hurt her feelings & we do have fun to-gether but I may suggest she take Betsey.22 What would you think of that? Also she said she wanted to take the children to Nevada next summer so I will be free while F.D.R. is away.
Mail till 3:30 & when I had a regular succession of Dorothy Dix interviews.23 The [Albert] Einsteins arrived & are priceless, so German & so simple with many wise gentle German qualities.24
Darling I love you deeply, I never want to hurt you. You are dearer to me than you can guess—I kiss your photograph & wish every blessing for you.
A world of love,
E.R.
In this letter, Eleanor mentions Molly Dewson, the driving force behind the Women’s Division of the Democratic National Committee. Eleanor had known Molly and her life partner Polly Porter since the early 1920s, as they lived in the apartment across the hall from Nan Cook and Marion Dickerman in Greenwich Village. Eleanor also had vacationed with Molly and Polly in their summer cottage in Maine. The final line in this letter provides an example of ER being caustic in her assessment of her godmother’s character.
January 25th
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick dearest, I’ve missed you all day probably because I got no letter & you’ve been so much in my thoughts. I do love you so dearly—
Elliott appeared about 11 a.m. He looks well & happy but I’ve not seen him alone & don’t expect we’ll get down to anything beyond being glad to see each other. Funny world! He & two friends are all having dinner upstairs, no proper clothes & want to sleep! A bit like you!25
I had Molly Dewson to lunch, then work till tea & more people to tea & the Pattersons came.26 I have them & Laura Delano27 over the week end & it weighs a bit heavy on me as I have a fairly heavy schedule!
Now I must dress, dear one I long for you but wherever you are my love is reaching out to you.
Sleep sweetly & goodnight, a world of love,
E.R.
My poor old colored laundress of years ago came to see me to-day. She’s been on relief & the rate is pathetic. I’ve got to try & help her but she is old & it will be hard. Cousin Susie is worried about finances. I wonder how they’d like to change places.
January 26th
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Dearest Hick, Your Tuesday letter & report came to-day & that is the best report yet! How you can write!
That grocery store idea is rather good.
This has been some day! I hurried everyone this morning & left at 10:35 for Warrenton28 with Elinor Morgenthau, Agnes Leach29 & Laura Delano. We got there at 11:30. Had all the county workers there & we had an interesting 3/4 of an hour discussion. They are making surveys in all states of the rural life in one or more counties, 1st present conditions, 2d plans for renovation & improvement of existing houses, barns, etc., 3d replacement of houses & complete rehabilitation when necessary. Cost by counties etc. I got a lot of dope & got home & to Mrs. [Ilo] Wallace30 for lunch at 1:25. A little late but we had driven 80 miles an hour most of the way! 3 o’clock I was in your boss [Harry Hopkins]’ office & we settled school lunches [for Arthurdale]. 4 o’clock took all guests to F’s press conference, 4:30 received the Soviet ambassador & his wife, they are nice but she only speaks french [sic], 4:40 drove with Elliott & his friends to the airport, 5 had this large household
to tea, 6:15-7:15 read mail & wrote. Isabella [Selmes Greenway] brought the Emmets31 to dine, they sail for Holland the 7th, 9 movies but I had a meeting with Mr. [M.L.] Wilson32 & Mr. [Clarence] Pickett33 & 8 colored leaders. It lasted till midnight but it was a good thing I believe. They won me to their point of view in the long run. Remind me to tell you all about it next time that we are to-gether.
Now dearest one I must sign mail & go to bed. I am getting tired again but I still have some sleep to fall back on & so many happy memories! I love you deeply, tenderly darling & I would like to put my arms around you. Goodnight, sleep well, dream sweetly very dear one,
E.R.
The restless tone that dominates this letter gives a sense of Lorena’s emotional instability during this period.
January 26th
The Angebilt
Orlando, Florida
Dear:
I wonder what is happening with you tonight. I feel restless, unable to settle down to anything. I must settle down very shortly, though, (in bed!) I’m getting up at 5, to get a good early start out to Lakeland and Avon Park, to get a lineup on the citrus situation. Discovered there was no use trying to get it in Orlando, so I’m leaving early, spending the day down there, and driving on into Tampa in the late afternoon. In the meantime, I’ve accomplished little today. I have an uneasy feeling that things aren’t going well in Florida, but I can’t put my finger on the trouble.
I did a crazy thing tonight. I had my dress off and was in my dressing gown when, glancing out the window, I was sure I saw Bluette34 parked in the street down in front of the hotel. In as much as she was supposed to be safely bedded down in a garage, I didn’t care for the idea. So I put on my dress and went down. It wasn’t Bluette at all, but a Pontiac—almost the same color, though, and with the same accessories, trunk rack, two tail lights, two spare tires in metal covers, two windshield wipers, and so on. I slunk back upstairs, feeling very foolish.
Oh. I don’t like Florida much, even though this part of it is beautiful. Too many Middlewestern voices. Too God damned many old people from “Ioway”—sitting in the sun. It’s just like Pasadena, and I loathe Pasadena. And I get bored with talk about the weather—forever comparing this climate with that of California.
Something has bitten me, six times and savagely on my left ankle. I don’t know when it happened—discovered it yesterday morning. Don’t know whether it was a mosquito, a flea, bed bug, or, maybe, a spider. If it was a flea or a bed bug, there must have been only one. No bites anywhere else, and I haven’t seen or felt anything. But there they are—six great big bites, and my ankle is swollen up. They are draining so much that I had to put a dressing on today. If they are any worse tomorrow, I’m going to see a doctor.
A week ago tonight, darling—we were very happy. But thinking of that has nothing to do with my being out of sorts tonight. I don’t know what is the matter. Heat, perhaps.
Good night, dear you. Sleep well and have sweet dreams!
H
The first lady ends this letter with a litany of the “little things” she misses and yearns for when she and Hick are separated. The items on Eleanor’s list—especially the feel of Lorena’s hair—suggest a good deal about the physical intimacy that the women shared when they were together.
January 27th
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick darling, Your letter of Wednesday is here with the report, which is good but not as interesting as the last one which was one of your very best!
How well I know that Florida landscape. I might like it with you, it may just be that I knew it best in my stormy years & the associations are not so pleasant.35
Oh! I’m so glad you think you can make it by the 20th.36 I’ll get home that morning or late the night before & we’ll go to that concert together & I’ll be all caught up on mail so we can spend the evening catching up & the next night, the 21st[,] there is a symphony concert, too!
I spoke at noon at the Pennsylvania Women’s lunch, then at 1:30 with Secretary [Harold] Ickes at the National Housing Conference. Went out to the Colonial Dames at 4 & dropped Laura [Delano] at a friend’s home & had Mrs. [Frances Parkinson] Keyes to tea.37
Mrs. K came in & said to the doorman “Oh! What do you do without Mr. Hoover?” With a startled look he replied “This president is doing very nicely Ma’am!” He had forgotten “Ike” & she “Herbert”—how short are human memories!38
Gee! what wouldn’t I give to talk to you & hear you now, oh, dear one, it is all the little things, tones in your voice, the feel of your hair, gestures, these are the things I think about & long for. I am trying not to think about your next trip. You will seem so far away.39
A world of love,
E.R.
January 29th
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick darling, I hope you are safely in Miami resting after your long drive. I notice your unrest & I doubt if it is the heat, politics have always as far back as ’28 been rotten in Florida & they may well be [involved] in the relief picture.
Meantime John [Boettiger] objects to Anna going away for as long as the Puerto Rico trip would take & when I told her I was flying she said she’d hate it so I don’t think she’ll go! She talked with me till 12:45 last night & she is fine & oh! I hope those children will be happy some day. Seeing Elliott made her restless & moody & want to get things settled [regarding her marriage] & John was sweet to her & very understanding.
Press conference this a.m., lunch, mail, received people 4:30-6 & now I must dress. We leave at 8:10 to go & dine with the Vice President [John Nance Garner] & I understand Will Rogers is to be there!
People are never satisfied Hick dear, unless things are done for them. It is unfortunate that we have to do it, they like doing for themselves. Human beings are poor things, think how much discipline we need ourselves & don’t get too discouraged.
A spider undoubtedly bit you they are horrid & I only hope you had no further trouble. Dear, I would like to be with you all the time! I love you deeply & tenderly,
E.R.
In this letter, Eleanor talks about a range of feelings—including wanting to wrap her arms around Lorena and hoping to share a home and a life together at some point in the future, and then expressing jealousy of Lorena’s former same-sex relationship. The last sentence in the first paragraph is one of the most memorable that Eleanor would ever write about her relationship with Lorena.
[February 4]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick darling, I just talked to you, darling, it was so good to hear your voice. If I just could take you in my arms. Dear, I often feel rebellious too & yet I know we get more joy when we are to-gether than we would have if we had lived apart in the same city & could only meet for short periods now & then. Someday perhaps fate will be kind & let us arrange a life more to our liking [but] for the time being we are lucky to have what we have. Dearest, we are happy to-gether & strong relationships have to grow deep roots. We’re growing them now, partly because we are separated, the foliage & the flowers will come, somehow I’m sure of it. I dread the western trip40 & yet I’ll be glad when Ellie [Morse Dickinson] can be with you, tho’ I’ll dread that too just a little,41 but I know I’ve got to fit in gradually to your past & with your friends so there won’t be closed doors between us later on & some of this we’ll do this summer perhaps. I shall feel you are terribly far away & that makes me lonely but if you are happy I can bear that & be happy too. Love is a queer thing, it hurts but it gives one so much more in return!
Every day you are one day nearer, the 20th is only 2 weeks & 1 day off now!
A world of love & I do put my arms around you in my dreams dear one,
E.R.
As Eleanor wrote this letter, she was nearing the end of the annual series of special events arranged in observance of FDR’s birthday on January 30.
[February 8]
49 East 65th Street
New Y
ork City
Hick darling, I was glad the cold was better Wednesday but they do get such a hold on you & make you so miserable. I wish I could be with you.
I went to Arnold Constable42 & got two spring dresses, cheap but they don’t look as smart as Milgrim!43 Emma [Bugbee]44 drove me to the train. She may be sent to Puerto Rico if I go! Well, Ruby [Black] will have a companion & in a way it will be easier! Tommy & I worked hard all the way down & both [syndicate] articles are written.
Walter Lippman [sic]45 is just now conversing with F.D.R. I’m wondering whether they will get on better, they have never really liked each other.
This is our last reception & I feel like skipping it. I was busy & tired yesterday but I feel better. My heart is light too because I’m going to talk to you to-night, dearest. I can hardly wait. I love you—
Later. I just talked to you & dear it was a relief to hear your voice. I wish I were with you but someday we will go back to all the places we’ve enjoyed seeing & enjoy them to-gether. That is a tall order for I have a great many places abroad I want to show you. Bless you dear one. I wish I’d been there when you felt rotten & wanted me! All my love,
E.R.
February 9th
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick darling, Your report is grand! I’m still happy because I talked to you last night! I’ll call you in Raleigh Monday morning. I expect to get home Sunday but it will be one or two in the morning & I think I’d better wait till 8:30 or 9 to call you.
To-day has been an easy day, work till 11, Elinor Morgenthau met me & we walked to Galt’s46 where I bought a birthday present for Gus [Gennerich].47 His brother-in-law & nephew are here for his birthday to-morrow & I’ve asked them all to tea & we’ll have a cake! Home & we had a lunch for Molly Dewson,48 36 at table & a young colored singer afterwards who sang very well, then a woman from Baltimore & her 16 yr. old daughter, polio case, whom I’m going to try & get to Warm Springs. Tea from 4:40 to 6 & now dress for dinner & the Junior League dance to-night.
Darling, only 10 more days. Dear one I love you & the nicest part about my desk is looking at your picture & kissing it goodnight. Bless you, take care of yourself. You get too tired or you wouldn’t have a cold.