Empty Without You
Page 11
Darling, I love you & I have just marked five days off on the calendar. May seems so far away5 & yet I know I’m going to be busy & so are you & it will pass but dear one when I sit here just before dinner I wish the door might open & let you in. I wonder if always I’m not going to feel that a day is incomplete which we don’t start & end it to-gether? Well, I don’t on paper anyway. So much, much love & bless you dearest one.
Devotedly,
E.R.
The second paragraph of this letter refers to an incident that occurred in Alabama a few days earlier. Thad Holt, the director of the state’s relief programs, had read the Time magazine article about Lorena. So when she walked into his office, Holt shook her hand enthusiastically and gushed that it was a real honor to meet Mrs. Roosevelt’s “fast friend.” Lorena exploded. She said it was foolish for a person to believe everything he read, and then she turned and stalked out of the office. Holt ran after her, but Lorena kept walking.
Easter Sunday
[April 1]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Dearest, A telegram & two letters from you to-day. They came just after I had sent my wire to you, you see it has been a very blessed Easter & I have hoped all day you were happy too. Tommy came over early & we went to the 7:30 service in Arlington6—it didn’t rain but oh! it was cold. We came back & sat in front of the fire on footstools in my room till our feet warmed up & by that time breakfast was ready. Afterwards Tommy & I worked till John & I went to church. It was a long service & I couldn’t hear the sermon so I sat & thought about you & prayed I might make you happy & care in the way which would make me plan & foresee enough so as to never make the one I love unhappy. I think my real trouble is not that I don’t care enough, but that for so many years I’ve let my work engulf me so as to have no time to think & now when I should know how to shake it, it has become my master! Darling, do try not to get so tired. This is a long trip with no breaks & if you go on as you have begun you will be worn out. I’m being good, please be good too!
I can just see how annoyed you were with that Thad Holt for emphasizing your friendship with me, but it was natural. They probably think if they didn’t know, you’d mind, if they only knew! Well, I’m glad you don’t mind being Mrs. Doak’s friend anyway but she must remain obscure!
I took Louis for a two hour drive with the top of my car down. It was sunny & so different from the early morning. I was hot & we drove to Great Falls on the Virginia side.7 We’ll take a picnic there sometime it has real possibilities if you could walk a little. Louis wanted to get out but 10 yards was about all his legs would stand. At 6 Isabella & Jackie [Greenway],8 Anna, John [Boettiger], Sisty, Buzzie & I are having supper & then when the kids go to bed Anna who went off at 9 to ride with John & has been gone all day I think will go back & dine with him. Her Father’s being away she feels free!9
I’ve wanted you badly all day but dear one I hope for May 11th & I’m going to do the best I can till then & try to be free for you & for my own joy!
A world of love,
E.R.
[April 4]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Dearest Hick, This has been a busy day & no letter from you but I’m just hoping to find several in Columbus.10 I do feel lost with no news! Worked & took Louis driving & had a talk with your boss [Harry Hopkins] this a.m. He’s worried about white collar people & his own staff the country over for he feels they are discouraged & that bothers him. He’s got a new plan brought about by you in part to open separate offices for the proffessional [sic] group & loan them money on a relief basis, it is still nebulous but his mind is working.
Elliott wants you to call his house in Fort Worth when you arrive & he is most anxious to see you.
He brought the news that F.D.R. had been in bed with a cold ever since he got on the boat except for getting up to greet the Governor General in Nassau.11 He had quite a fever & ached & they were all worried stiff but Elliott said he was better yesterday & a wire came from James to-night saying “all better everyone happy.”
Dearest, I miss you & wish you were here I want to put my arms around you & feel yours around me. More love than I can express in a letter is flying on waves of thought to you—
Devotedly,
E.R.
[April 6]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick darling, I think this may catch you in New Orleans so I am sending it off just to say “I love you.” I’ve been very much ‘Mrs. R.’ all day!12 I loved your wire this a.m. & it brought you nearer. To-morrow I shall wire you.
This day began with Girl Scouts at 8:30 & then a few words to a State Grange meeting, then conferences til 12. [Royal] Copeland so dull!13 Tommy & I had lunch to-gether in our living room, 1:15 radio, then conference with a speech from [Postmaster General Jim] Farley & E.R. who suddenly felt like being herself & not like the first lady said several things the first lady shouldn’t have said. So goodnight & bless you dear one.
A world of love,
E.R.
April 9th
Hotel Monteleone
New Orleans
Dearest:
This will be just a note to tell you I love you. I’ve had a long and busy day, it’s after 10, and I’m getting up at 5 to start for Texas. I think I’ll make Houston by tomorrow night alright.
I ended a long day of conferences—pretty gloomy conferences, for New Orleans is apparently, from the commercial standpoint, just a charming corpse—with dinner at Arnaud’s,14 and, it being my last real meal in New Orleans, I made it a memorable one: two gin fizzes, some kind of a marvelous shrimp concoction known as shrimps Arnaud, pompano baked in a paper bag, potatoes soufflé, a pint of sauterne, crepes Suzette (I think I’ll never order them anywhere else!) and black coffee. You never tasted such food! What a town for a glutton!
Dined with Maude Barret, state social work director, and she told me some marvelous stories. The best was about one of her parish directors, out in the state, when they were recruiting boys for the CCC camps a year ago.15 The director had been told, among other things, that no boys with flat feet would be accepted. There was no doctor to examine her boys’ feet. So she lined them up in a vacant store, bare footed, and had them step into a pan of water and out onto the dry floor, so she could herself eliminate those who were flat-footed and spare them the disappointment of going to camp and then being sent home. Isn’t that a peach?
I must go to bed. Darling, I love you, devotedly. And I’ll wire you from Houston tomorrow night.
H
April 11th
Sam Houston Hotel
Houston, Texas
Dear You:
This is a pretty gloomy report [enclosed with this letter]. Well, it has been a day. It wound up with dinner with some social workers who are handling unattached people, including single women on a basis which you will see from the report is terribly low. Most of the young ones, she said, supplement their relief by having lovers or practicing prostitution. Those who have lovers, she said, probably would anyway. But about those who have become prostitutes we both wonder.
One of the male social workers put on old clothes one night and went down & had himself put through the transient set-up, to see how transients were treated. Several girls solicited him as he walked along the streets.
“‘I can’t. I have no money.’
“‘Oh, that’s all right,’ she said wearily. ‘It only costs a dime.’”
Well, it’s 1:30 a.m., and I have some packing to do before I go to bed. Got your wire tonight and sent you another one.
Oh, my dear, love me a lot! I need it!
H
[April 15]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick darling, I’ve had such a house full to-day that even the fact that they were growing less didn’t seem to alleviate my sense of crowding! It was good to get in & find your two letters & one report even tho’ it was so gloomy. I shan’t
show it to Franklin! What a mess Texas always is politically. I hope somewhere you can find things more cheerful!
Jimmy & Betsey left to-night, Marion [Dickerman] & the [Joseph P.] Kennedys.16 I’m just oppressed by my calendar the next two weeks & fussing about things I can’t help & I shouldn’t be writing you for I’m in the mood when I should be alone, also it is 2 a.m. So dear one goodnight, forgive me I’m an ungrateful wretch, instead of being glad you are somewhere on this continent I feel rebellious because you are not here! Anyway, I love you dearly & I’ll be very happy to see you on [the] 11th of May! A kiss to you,
E.R.
This letter contains the first mention of Eleanor and Lorena’s plans to reprise their summer vacation of the previous July, though they had not yet decided on a destination.
[April 16]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick dear one, Two letters & the New Orleans report to-day & dearest I am glad you haven’t had any more publicity. It would hurt terribly & make work very hard, we must be careful this summer & keep it out of the papers when we are off to-gether. No, I am always glad you were assigned to me in 1932 & I am glad if you feel the same way for I sometimes think Europe & Prinz would be easier & pleasanter [sic] but you are seeing your own country in a unique way & Europe & Asia & the rest of the world will perhaps come later!17
To-day has been a better day, more interesting I guess for it has been just as busy & yet I am less weary in mind & body. We are funny, I think I was worried because they told me how annoyed Fjr. was with me because he never comes home & yet I know one can never do anything for one’s children & decided years ago not to try!
Press conference this morning, then 2 women from the South to lunch who have been active in the anti-lynching society & have a new angle with their problem. They fear no harm [to] themselves but harm to the negro if there is much agitation & say the poor whites are so badly off that they are jealous of the negro & of their supremacy.
Then Mary Anderson18 & a group working on domestic employment, then I ran over to see Mary Miller19 in the hospital, drove Louis for 20 minutes, received the Turkish Ambassador, 2 women from Boston & 1 from Louisiana & one from Missouri at tea & Rose Schneiderman20 who wants the working women to present my portrait to the White House! I put off the decision for a year! It may not have to be done!
Now I have ten minutes to dress for dinner!
A world of love dear one,
E.R.
This brief letter contains one of Eleanor’s strongest statements regarding her dream of someday sharing a home with Lorena.
[April 18]
49 East 65th Street
New York
My dearest one, I got in early & then came at 8:30 to breakfast & I looked at all the new models.21 One corner cupboard I long to have for our camp or cottage or house, which is it to be? I’ve always thought of it as in the country but I don’t think we ever decided on the variety of abode nor the furniture. We probably won’t argue!
Now I am off to the train. Dear one, do you realize if you get home the 11th it is only 3 weeks from Friday? I can hardly wait.
A world of love & bless you,
E.R.
[April 19]
THE WHITE HOUSE
Washington
Hick darling, I found your two letters from Austin [Texas] of the 14th & 15th when I got in this morning, read them & ached at your writing when you were so tired on Saturday night & rejoiced at the restful Sunday.
I’m so glad, dear, the separations get easier. I don’t think I’ve been very good this time but that is purely myself, & you know me well enough to know I will have moods, don’t you? Remember you must never worry about my being depressed or cross for it is just a passing mood with me & it never tears me the way it does you!
Well, this a.m. I again dressed for riding, got delayed & up at Ft. Myers22 1 hour later just as it began to pour! However, I drove up & back & haven’t had a bad day. Ruby [Black] brought her Father from Texas & sister & brother-in-law. I liked the old man. He’s 87 & after lunch I took him in to shake hands with F.D.R. Then mail & at four I went down to see Buzzie’s [birthday] party begin & the marionette’s [sic] did Peter Rabbit in an enchanting way! I forgot to say that I had an interesting talk with Walter White23 from 12:30 to 1 on the anti-lynching bill. At five I took old Harriet May Mills24 who’s staying here & went to the West Va. congressional reception & a New Hampshire one at Mrs. [Frances Parkinson] Keyes getting home at 7. Mrs. K. has some nice collections of maps, crucifixes[,] fans & dolls in foreign costume & for her lecture she has the real costumes to display on mannikens [sic], rather clever, it makes your trips pay. We must [use] our brains to do what we want & make it pay for itself!
I am sorely tempted to take a radio contract, $3,000 a week & picked up wherever I am!25 Tommy & I have worked all evening & F.D.R. has 80 publishers still downstairs firing questions at him! Dear one, a heart full of me would like to fly to you to-night.
Devotedly,
E.R.
When Lorena’s travel schedule took her to Fort Worth, Texas, she stopped to see Elliott Roosevelt and his wife Ruth. Eleanor was eager to receive Lorena’s report, as the first lady had met her new daughter-in-law only briefly and had not been supportive of Elliott remarrying so soon after he had divorced his first wife, Betty. The exuberant tone of this letter also demonstrates how Lorena’s attitude toward life, although generally melancholy during this period, could sometimes soar to the point of ecstasy.
April 19th
The Texas
Fort Worth, Texas
Dear You:
Well, I had lunch with the kids today. And, as I wired you tonight, a nice time.
I was very much impressed with Elliott. He’s changed a good deal, I think, since I saw him last, which was back before the inauguration. Quieter, not so restless, much more mature.
As for Ruth—she really is a vast improvement over Betty, I should say. She’s the neatest sort of person and darned attractive—even when pregnant. There certainly is nothing sloppy about her, mentally or physically.
Elliott was called to the telephone before lunch, and she and I were left alone. The situation might have been darned awkward—I certainly felt flushed—but she turned to me with a smile and said, “Tell me, are they all as vigorous as Elliott?” Or something to that effect. Then she said very simply—I like the way she said it:
“They must be grand people. I hope I’ll get to know them sometime later.”
At lunch, which was a very excellent lunch, by the way, we discussed aviation, politics, and various phases of the recovery program. She certainly held up her end. I doubt if Betty could have. I think she really is quite a person, darling. I honestly liked her.
I liked the home, too. It’s just comfortable upper middle class. As a matter of fact, you get the feeling that Ruth and her mother actually keep house. They only have one maid, whom Elliott told me they pay $6 a week—good wages here—and a yard boy, who also waits on table. There was a kind of daintiness about the place that appealed to me.
She and Elliott are sweet together. Apparently very much in love. He’s sweet to her. So nice and solicitous. This girl is interesting. You don’t have to “talk down to her.” You get the impression of capability and steadiness. And I do have a lot of respect for a woman who keeps herself up when she’s going to have a baby. Ruth is just about as big as a house, but she looked attractive. She hadn’t let herself go.
They were amusing about the baby. Elliott said they had an unlisted phone because apparently a lot of people thought it was a “shotgun wedding.” There’d been a good deal of gossip in Fort Worth, and several times cranks called up the house. He said something about it’s being pretty close at that. Ruth added with a chuckle:
“Don’t forget, dear—we have three days of grace!”
Oh, yes, when we were alone, I said something about you. She said she thought you were a wonder and added:
“Elliott adores
her.”26
And I think he really does, dear. He seemed honestly concerned about your getting so tired and hating Washington, but said he thought the Puerto Rico trip had done you a lot of good, and I think he and Ruth are counting a good deal on your visiting them this summer.
I told Elliott I was really worried about the state of mind of people these days. He said he was, too.
“The trouble with Father,” he said (Please don’t repeat this to the president!) “is that he has too much of a tendency to compromise.”
I remarked that I thought he’d got by best right after he took office, when he was really tough. He said he thought so, too.
Darling, your Sunday night letter did sound low, although you seemed to be feeling better Monday night. I asked Elliott why F., Jr., was so annoyed with you. He said he wasn’t really, that it was mostly kidding.
Darling, I must go to bed. It’s 12:30, and I’ve got to get up at 6:30. Don’t work too hard, dear. Try to get some sleep. Oh, damn it, I wish I could be there when you feel as you did Sunday night and take you in my arms and hold you close. Well, I’ll try to make you happy every minute while I’m there in May—
Good night, sweet.
H
April 20th
The Texas
Fort Worth, Texas
Dearest:
The end of a busy day. I drove over to Dallas this morning, spent the day in conference with relief people and business men—finding the picture still pretty gloomy, I’m sorry to say—and drove back, arriving here about 7:30. Since then I’ve done a bit of reading, dined, done all my packing except the things I need tonight, and have gone through a big batch of stuff that arrived from the office. It’s now 10 o’clock, and as soon as I finish this I’m going to bed. I’m leaving at 6 tomorrow morning. Drive 273 miles to Big Spring.
Darling, I hate to sound so gloomy all the time, but I can’t see much chance for reducing our relief rolls in the next 90 days. Not even here in Texas, and Texas, I believe, is much better off than many other states. There is reemployment going on, but industry is not hiring people off the relief rolls. They are taking back their own people, most of whom—the best of them—managed to stay off the relief rolls, possibly because they were the last to lose their jobs. They were the last ones let out—and the first taken back.