My Almost

by Kelsey Cheyenne

  I let out a shaky breath I didn’t even realize I was holding. Why did he need to scare me? He had to know how I would take his text since he’s from Tennessee, meaning there was a distinct possibility he might move back there. Jackass. He’s probably laughing at my freak out.

  At least now I can understand why he’s been extra stressed. I hope I can help him relieve some of it. He has two weeks to pack up and hightail it out of his apartment. We’ll both be busy, which means I won’t see him until he’s in his new place.

  A slight sense of nostalgia overcomes me. I’m dorky enough to want to say goodbye to his apartment. It’s the place we first slept together, where I fell in love with him, and got to know him. I want to take a piece of that place with me everywhere I go.

  At the very least I could offer to help him pack, but it’s not realistic. I work this coming weekend with no chance to go home. I’m bummed, but soon we’ll be able to make memories in his new place.

  As the week passes, my conversations with Aiden are few and far between. I assume he’s busy packing and moving and working and with school, but again, he can’t take thirty seconds to check in with me? I see when he’s on Skype but he doesn’t answer any of my messages.

  Friday rolls around and I work until close. I work with Sadie and our new Manager in Training, Adam. It’s a good time and for a few hours I forget about the fact Aiden hasn’t talked to me for almost a week. Adam’s hilarious and Sadie has become one of my fast friends.

  It’s still not on the same level as my last store, but I’m not miserable here. That counts for something, right? I’m adapting. That’s the best I can do.

  As the night ends, Sadie lets Adam close the store and take the money to the bank. “I’m gonna head out,” she tells us. The three of us don’t all need to drop the money off, but now I have to go with Adam alone. He’s outgoing enough to carry the conversation, since I’m an awkward little weirdo, but it’s still strange being alone with him, or anyone, for the first time.

  He drops the deposit in the bank’s slot. The bank is one on the opposite end of the mall from where most of us park, which is inconvenient. Instead of turning around to head back through the mall to the other parking lot, he makes way out the double doors in front of us.

  “See ya later,” I call and spin around. It’s a little creepy walking through this big mall alone.

  “Where are you going?” He’s new, so I refrain from rolling my eyes.

  “My car’s in the other lot.” I shrug and keep walking.

  “Want me to give you a ride?” I halt my steps but I’m not sure I should accept his offer. Once again I’m in a situation where I’m not supposed to let this happen or become friends with him. Or he could be a serial killer, and this is his opportunity to kidnap me.

  He’s offering me a ride to my car so I don’t have to walk alone, which is nice and safer than walking back by myself. Plus, I never followed the rules before, why start now?

  “Sure.” I follow him into the lot and hop into his silver Beamer.

  He starts the car and I recognize the music playing. He holds up his hands in mock defense as I’m trying not to laugh. “You can’t judge me. I swear it’s not like, a store playlist, I just like some of the songs they play. Don’t go spreading rumors saying I have a work playlist or something.”

  I nod, pressing my lips together. “Scout’s honor.” The playlist blares a song which is on a constant loop during work and I think he’s a bit of a nerd for having a work playlist in his car, despite what he claims.

  The car smells like heavy cologne as if he sprays it on himself inside his vehicle before going anywhere. It’s nauseating and giving me a headache, but he’s nice enough to offer me a ride, so I try to ignore it.

  The parking lot around this mall is massive, which means it seems to take forever to get to my car. A second song plays and it’s another song from the store and I can’t help the bubble of laughter that erupts.

  “Oh, but it’s not a work playlist, right? Suuuuure.” I roll my eyes and laugh, throwing my head back against the headrest.

  “Whatever,” he mumbles, smiling, and then belts out the lyrics along with the song. I tap to the beat and it’s a mistake. “See, you like the song too. It’s catchy.” Now he’s laughing, and we’re parked beside my car and I’m not moving.

  “Oh, please. I know all the words and the beats because it’s constantly playing.” I turn to grab the door handle, rolling my eyes. “Thanks for the lift.”

  “Anytime.” I glance over at him. His blue eyes appear darker than normal and a lazy, cute smile plays on his pink, pouty lips.

  I get out as a third song starts, another tune from work, and I shake my head, slamming the door behind me.

  I drive back to campus and by the time I get back in my room it’s almost ten thirty. I’m beat and I have to open tomorrow morning with Sadie. In less than twelve hours I’ll be back at the mall. I should’ve just slept in the store.

  I have my headphones in and my laptop streaming Netflix. My phone is on my desk beside my bed and my roommates are already sleeping. I’m dozing off to the sounds of Ross telling Rachel they were ON A BREAK when the room lights up from my phone.

  I pull out my headphones and the vibration is loud against my desk. It’s after eleven and Aiden is calling me.

  “Hang on,” I whisper into the phone in lieu of saying hello. I take my phone and tiptoe out of the room and down the hall to the bathroom. Our dorm has private bathrooms with two doors on each side leading toward a secluded toilet and shower. The honors dorm has its perks.

  “Hey,” I say into the phone when I get into a stall. I lock the door behind me so I don’t wake or disturb anyone else. I’m full of bliss as I prepare to talk to my man.

  On the other end of the phone, loud music is playing. Rihanna’s We Found Love (Hopeless Place) blares through the speakers and I’m having a hard time hearing what Aiden is trying to say to me.

  “Where are you? Why aren’t you here?” He’s loud and slurring. It’s obvious he’s drunk. The fucked up part of my brain is flattered he drunk-dialed me and didn’t go searching for another girl who was closer and more available to him.

  “I’m at school.” He knows this, but I remind him considering he’s not himself at the moment.

  “Come over.” I wish I could. God, why does he tempt me this way? He knows I work this weekend. There’s no way I’m driving all the way out there only to head back super early in the morning. Plus, knowing us, we’ll be up all night having sex and I need sleep. I’m barely functioning as is.

  “You know I can’t.” My voice cracks. He’s begging me to come over and I’m letting him down.

  “Chelsea, get over here now. I need you.” My throat swells with emotion. I don’t want to let him down, but there’s no way I can see him tonight.

  “What about tomorrow night? I can come see you after work.” I’m desperate, praying he’ll understand and agree.

  “It has to be tonight.”

  “Why?” The words are getting harder for me to say. It’s as if my tongue is swelling in my mouth. It’s heavy, uncooperative.

  “If you don’t come over tonight, I’m done with you.” The first tear falls. My eyes begin the ever-familiar burn.

  “I can’t,” I cry out, the dam breaking.

  “I mean it. I’ll never talk to you again.” He’s drunk, yet his voice is dangerously serious. I wish that fucking music would stop thumping in the background. I’ll never be able to listen to this song again.

  “Why are you doing this to me?” My voice breaks into the receiver before I sob into my t-shirt, leaving wet stains behind in splotches.

  “I’ll never forgive you for this,” he tells me and I’m lying on the bathroom floor broken, pathetic. I’ve done so much for him and this is how he repays me? This is how he ends things, with a drunken conversation over the phone?

  “I don’t deserve this.” I tell him, but I’m not even sure he can understand me through m
y blubbering. The line goes silent and I think he left to find somewhere quieter to talk through this. “I love you, Aiden, stop this, please.” The phone slips out of my hand and clatters against the ground. The call was already disconnected.

  He didn’t leave the party or club to talk to me. He didn’t hear me out or even care about my life or my schedule. He cares about himself and getting laid.

  There’s no doubt in my mind he’ll still get laid tonight and the thought retches through me. I burst over to the toilet and heave. Dry heaves wrack my body in painful spurts and I sob against the toilet, the cool porcelain chilling my sweaty forehead.

  Maybe the toilet has nothing to do with it. Maybe the hardening of my heart, the ice swallowing up the beating organ and pushing frost through my veins is numbing me from the inside out. Maybe that’s what’s actually chilling me.

  I sit down beside the toilet, allowing my head to loll to the side and against the wall of the stall. I stare down at my phone. He’s going to text me. Any minute now he’ll apologize and we’ll work through this. He’s drunk. He wasn’t in his right mind.

  Minutes pass and I need to get off the floor. I walk back to my room, closing the door behind me with a muted click and locking it. I crawl back into my bed, hitting my head on the top bunk because tonight can’t get any worse anyway.

  Don’t do this. Please. I’m sorry.

  I can beg him for forgiveness. I can grovel and cry and show up on his doorstep begging for mercy. He still wants me, or he wouldn’t have called me tonight telling me to come over.

  Or… worse… maybe this was his easy out and he’ll blame the inebriation but he meant every word. Isn’t that how the saying goes—the drunken mind speaks the sober thoughts, or something along those lines?

  I would do anything to see him tonight. Hell, I’m still debating driving over an hour to see him. I don’t want to lose him. I can’t.

  But the tiny part of my subconscious that has even the smallest ounce of pride keeps me from going. He’s drunk, and he’s with friends, and he might not even be home. He’ll probably pass out right away anyway so it would be all for naught. He might already be in his new apartment, meaning the drive there would be pointless since he’s not talking to me.

  I deserve better than this. It should be my new mantra.

  But I also deserve love which is what Aiden gives me. Which fact do I let win out in this situation? Do I keep fighting or give up? Do I love or do I lose?

  Do I lose either way?

  23

  Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner

  Aiden doesn’t talk to me the next day. I send him an unnecessary amount of pathetic, groveling texts and they all go unanswered. He must’ve been serious about being done with me. I just wish he didn’t end things the way he had.

  I show up to work with a throbbing headache and red, swollen eyes. “You look like shit. Go a little too hard last night?” My boss notes, chuckling at her own observation.

  I’m tempted to lie and say yeah, I’m hung over, like a normal college student would be. Sadie knows about Aiden and our relationship, or relationshit, as I’ve been calling it, which means I have no reason to lie to her.

  “God, he’s a colossal asshole, isn’t he?” Sadie’s on my side. Girl power—we gotta stick together. “Do you want me to call him and rip him a new one? He deserves it. We could—”

  “No, I mean, he does deserve it, but I don’t want to start anything.” I mask the real reason I want to leave Aiden alone. I’m planning to talk to Seth about transferring back to my old store. If I do, I could see Aiden more often, and I could win him back.

  I thought transferring stores would be our solution, but I never considered it’d be our downfall.

  Today is my chance to talk to Seth, but I want to be a respectable employee and do it in person. I get done at four today and my old manager works until five, which gives me an hour to get from here to there to talk to him. I’ll have to haul ass but it’ll be worth it.

  The store is busy, meaning the work day flies by. People are already getting early preparations for the holiday season which helps increase traffic. Now is the difficult part, having to drive an hour to get to my old store when I only have an hour on the clock. If I miss Seth today, my efforts will be pointless and I won’t be able to explain myself.

  I run out of the store without even uttering a goodbye to any of my coworkers. I race down the closest escalator, taking it like stairs and almost tripping as I get to the bottom. Security probably thinks I’m a thief on the loose, but I don’t care. I’m on a mission.

  A woman holds the mall doors open for me to protect herself from getting trampled since I’m sure I seem like a crazy lady. Any other day I would return the favor, holding open the door for the incoming mother and her daughter, but I don’t have time to be polite. Sorry.

  I run to my car and drive away as fast as I can. The parking lots around this mall can be a nightmare, but I think God is looking out for me today. I don’t hit any traffic and the light that always stays red for ages turns green as soon as I pull up.

  The race is on. It’s like I’m on a game show and my life depends on this final challenge, this race against the clock. I hit a few slow spots along the way but I’m driving like a neurotic racecar driver, so people let me pass them.

  With two minutes to spare, I pull into my old mall’s parking lot. Unless Seth snuck out a few minutes early I should catch him.

  I run down the side entrance even though I’m not allowed to use it anymore since I’m no longer an employee here. I don’t care though, this is too important, and this entrance is the closest one to the store.

  My eyes dart to the stockroom doors as I burst into the store. Shit. Reid and freaking Aiden are standing shoulder to shoulder laughing and my stomach drops. I was hoping to avoid my ex-fling today.

  “Chels! What’s up?” Reid greets me and I don’t even allow myself to focus on the fine piece of man standing in front of me.

  “Is Seth still here?”

  “Yeah, he’s—” he has his thumb pointed over his shoulder, but his words get cut off. My old manager appears through the stockroom doors, zipping up his jacket and ready to clock out. Thank fuck. I caught him.

  I exhale, relief coursing through me and I smile. My breathing is heavy from running around like a psycho and I think they’ll all a little scared of me. I’m good with that.

  Aiden’s face is comical and I wish I could take a picture of it and remember this moment forever. His eyes are wide, he’s starting at me like I’m a feral cat ready to pounce on my prey—him. He adjusts his glasses, a fidget he does when he’s nervous. I make him nervous. The power makes me a little high.

  “Seth, hey, sorry, I know you’re about to leave but, uh, can I talk to you for a second?” He looks at me as if I’m a little unstable too.

  My eyes are still red and raw from my night of crying, my hair is a tangled mess, and my adrenaline is pumping so much I can’t even stop moving.

  “Sure, do you want to go to my office, in private?” Looking to my left I notice Reid and Aiden watching me with curious gazes. Holy shit. I bet Aiden thinks I’m about to turn him in to our manager. That’s why he looks so nervous and he’s fidgeting. That’s why his hands are gripping a shoe with such force his knuckles have turned white.

  I throw him a rueful smile. While I want to make him sweat, he has to know I would never do that to him. I love him and don’t want to see him hurting plus I won’t get him back if I get him fired. What doesn’t he understand?

  “Uh, sure, well, it doesn’t matter if they hear. They’ll find out soon enough, anyway.” Okay, take a chill pill, Chelsea. Even I notice I sound a little bit crazy.

  Still, I follow Seth into the stockroom, but we don’t go back to his office. We stand in one of the aisles of shoes and I meet his stare. I take a deep breath.

  What if he says no? What if he doesn’t have the hours or the money to allow me to come back here? Why didn’t I think of this pos
sibility sooner? Although, it’s good I didn’t or I would’ve chickened out. This is what I want. I need to ask for it.

  I see Aiden and Reid peering in through the small window in the stockroom door. They crack the door to eavesdrop but I don’t care. I want him to know I’m here to stay.

  “I’d like to transfer back to this store. There’s nothing wrong with the other store and I like working with those people, but I’m more comfortable here. I’m home every weekend anyway, so it’s more economical for me to come back here than drive back and forth to Queen Silvercliff.” I exhale on a huff, relieved I got it all out.

  Seth is still squinting his eyes, probably wondering if I’m off my meds. “It’s because you miss working with Reid, isn’t it?” Of course he had to throw me under the bus. I laugh and shrug my shoulders. He’s not wrong. The eye-candy here is far superior to the staff at the other mall.

  “Yeah, we’d love to have you back. Have you told Sadie yet?” It’s a conversation I’m dreading. She’s become one of my good friends and I hate to quit on her for arbitrary reasons.

  “No, I wanted to make sure there was still a spot for me here. I’ll tell her Monday at work. I’ll give her two weeks to find a replacement if need be.” He nods.

  “I look forward to having you back. These guys cannot fold t-shirts.” I laugh as we walk out of the stockroom together.

  “What was that all about?” Reid sidles up next to me and I get goosebumps from the proximity. Will his hotness ever not affect me?

  “As if you weren’t listening.” I roll my eyes and Seth smirks at me. He loves making fun of my Reid obsession.

  “Chelsea’s coming back to work with us. She likes us better.” Seth smiles and winks at Reid, making me laugh. It’s natural. I missed this place and these guys. It’s good to be home.

  I don’t dare to look at Aiden though. I’m not prepared for what his reaction will be and I’m not sure I want a confrontation yet. Or maybe I do and that’s why I rushed down here today to talk to Seth in person.

  My new-old manager leaves and I hang back to talk to my friends. “Welcome back.” Aiden grumbles as he walks by me to the back. That could’ve gone better, but we’ll be working together now. Things can only go up from here.