His American Classic (Part 1)

by G J Morgan

  It was at that exact moment all the lights went, every single one. I very nearly laughed, in fact I think I did. The house turned to complete black, nothing but the flicker of a million scented candles and the smell of burning meat.

  27

  Max pulled a face, chewing and chewing, swallowing like it was a relief.

  “Sorry again, Max. I didn’t realise how long it had been in the oven.”

  Max put down his fork and pushed his plate away, even though there was still half a dinner he’d hardly touched.

  “And you’re sure you have no beer?”

  “Sorry, all out.”

  “Nothing at all?”

  “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”

  “I didn’t know I’d come to a kids’ party. You bringing out a piñata next?” he said, picking at his teeth. “I’m gonna take a leak,” he said, taking a torch with him.

  Believe it or not I did try and fix the light situation, spent half an hour on my knees in a dark cupboard trying to work out the circuit board. When Max arrived, I asked if he could take a look, a job a man could fix in a blink. Though Max wasn’t in the mood to help, said electrics wasn’t his forte, which I was sure was a lie having watched him pretty much rewire his own games room.

  “Your house smells of candyfloss, by the way.” Max did up his fly. “And not in a good way.”

  “Sorry, Lucky I’m addicted to candles hey,” I smiled, pointing at all the shadows and darkness.

  Max started to walk around, picking things up, putting them down.

  “You like it? Cute isn’t it.”

  “It’s got more steps than the Trinità dei Monti. What is that?”

  “That’s an Aga.”

  “A what?” He walked over to it.

  “It’s like an oven with no dials. You wanna sit down? I’ve got peach cobbler if you are still hungry.”

  “No, I’m not hungry. You eat it, looks like you need to eat more. You’ve lost weight again, Lilly, and it looks rather disagreeable. Gaunt doesn’t suit you. I’ve told you this before. Are you sure you haven’t any beer? Liquor? This is one big place. I’m sure there is some somewhere. What was it you used to say, Lilly? If you’re not drinking, you’re not playing.”

  “Sorry, no playing tonight. Besides, you’ve had enough. I’m surprised you even drove.”

  “I drive better drunk, believe it or not.” He was opening cupboards, inspecting my mail.

  “Shall we go through to the front room, then? I’ve got the fire going, we should be able to see a lot more through there.”

  Max neither agreed nor disagreed. He followed me through to the next room, our torches aimed at our feet so as not to trip on any steps on the way.

  “How was Maddy and Ross’s wedding? I bet France was beautiful.”

  “France was, the French weren’t.”

  “What about your speech?”

  “I can’t remember. I didn’t offend anyone as far as I know.”

  “I wish I could’ve been there. I’ve never been to Paris.”

  Max sat himself down on the couch, rubbed his eyes like he was in pain.

  “Are you OK, Max?”

  “Tired. I’ve had an horrendous week. And driving here was hardly a day at the races.”

  “Because of me and you, I take it? All the shit in the press?”

  “No, my problem right now is investors, fucking bane of my life having to beg to those pricks. No one dares gamble any more. They just want safe bets.”

  “What’s wrong with a safe bet?”

  Max sniffed. “Safe bets aren’t fun to make and they ain’t fun to watch either.”

  “I take it mine and your antics have made you less of a sellable commodity?”

  He laughed.

  “Why’s that funny?”

  “Sometimes I forget how naive you are.”

  “Look, I invited you here to talk, not be mean, thought we needed to work out a way of how to deal with all this attention.”

  “Don’t worry, I’m dealing with it, honey.”

  “By drinking yourself to death. Do you even have a plan where we go from here, or is your plan just to carry on making friends with the bottom of a whiskey bottle?”

  “You want to hear my plan, Lilly? Let’s give them their fucking interview. Me and you, let them fire all the questions at us.”

  “And tell them what? Everything?”

  “If they ask the right question then I don’t see why not.”

  “That is ridiculous. Why would you want to do that? We don’t have to justify ourselves to people.”

  “Because it sells, Lilly. It makes money, makes things happen, makes boardrooms sign cheques.”

  “You serious, Max?”

  “Deadly serious. Controversy carries a lot more weight than credibility and talent. That’s the one thing I’ve learnt from all the shit me and you have been through this past few months. Why do you think I drink, Lilly? I drink because the fact of the matter is, I’m famous by association, not for all the years I’ve trained and studied. I’m famous because I make headlines. We make headlines.”

  “You want to be a legend, Max. That is what you have always wanted.”

  “Based on my work, not on who I chose to fuck and fight with.”

  “I don’t get it, Max. The truth, the abortion, the drugs, it wouldn’t paint you in a good light. Is that what you really want?”

  “I don’t know what I want right now.”

  “The truth would ruin your career. Turn you into public enemy number one.”

  “People live off such titles.”

  “God, you sound like Sally.”

  “Sally knows business. She always has.”

  “Well, I’m sorry I don’t share both your views that self-destruction is something to be proud of.”

  “Oh, don’t play the innocent, Lilly. You bring controversy on yourself. You play the game better than I ever have.”

  “Not deliberately.”

  “Then what is your plan, Lilly, hold hands and make up? Don’t you know how a good story should pan out? We need a few more lows before we give them their happy ending.”

  “Is there an alternative?”

  “I’m gonna find some beer and go outside, that’s my alternative suggestion. It’s too hot in here with that fire and these fucking candle fumes.”

  “There isn’t any beer, Max.”

  “I’m sobering up, Lilly. You should know that I’m nicer when I’m drunk than when I’m sober.”

  “We could watch a movie? Just like we used to. I’ve got one I know you’ll love. Might take your mind of off things.”

  “No thanks. I’m not one for pyjama parties.”

  “Come on, I’ll take you outside.” I grabbed a jumper from off the back of the couch. “The fresh air might clear your head, Max, stop you being an arsehole.” I put the torch to my face. “I’m scared to close my eyes. I’m scared to open them,” I said in my best Blair Witch impression.

  Even Max laughed, his first smile since he arrived.

  “With the number of fucking steps in this house, a corner of the room is probably the safest place to be.”

  * * *

  We walked across the grass.

  “Unbelievable.” I said.

  “What?”

  “The storm has stopped. I had a barbecue planned.”

  “Still pretty windy out here. I doubt a fire would stay lit for long.”

  We both walked out into the centre of the garden, lit only by the candle flames that survived the weather. We both sat together on the bench facing the walled stream.

  “I like storms,” I said, eyes to the sky, taking a deep breath. “Everything settles after a good storm. Do you like the lawn? I mowed it today, not that you can see all the effort I put in
.”

  “Haven’t you got gardeners?”

  “I’m self-reliant, Max.”

  “So it seems.”

  “I need to be. There’s no one around here I can rely on.”

  “Including me?”

  “Including you, yes.”

  “That’s not fair. One thing I’ve always been is dependable.”

  “You’re right, Max. I can always relay on you to fuck things up, can’t I?”

  “I assure you it’s never intentional.”

  “I don’t think anyone fucks up intentionally so don’t use that as an attribute.”

  “And what attributes do you want from a man these days?”

  “What question is that?”

  “The kind drunk men ask.”

  “I don’t know, Max. What do you want me to say? Tall, dark and handsome, family man, gentle but firm, rugged, passionate, driven, strong.”

  “I’m all of those things.”

  “You’re tall. You’re not gentle, certainly not a family man.”

  “Gentle but firm, what does that even mean? Men aren’t Dobermans. Is this what you want in a man? A well-behaved dog?”

  “Course it’s not, Max. I’m being trivial.”

  “Then what is it you want?”

  “I just want to be happy.”

  “Happy?” Max smiled. “How fucking Disney.”

  “Yes, happy. I don’t care if that’s alone or beside someone. Alone sounds easier.”

  “And what would make you happy? Did I make you happy?”

  “I don’t want to play this shit. Can we go back inside? I’m cold.”

  “Play what?”

  “Do you even want to be with me? You flirt like you want to, you tell me you love me one week, that you want to be with me again.”

  “And you made it quite clear in London that was not going to happen.”

  “I kissed you, Max. Of course I want you, but not on your terms.”

  “What you want changes like this fucking weather.”

  “Because I never know what Max I will get. The real Max, or the one like tonight, who turns up half cut and acting like a fucking retard. That is why we shouldn’t be together. No couple could survive this.”

  “I agree.”

  “You agree. Good, then we go our separate ways now. Ride this storm, protect our necks, move on, meet new partners, have different lives. We don’t have to be enemies, Max, we can both have happy lives without resenting the one who gets there first.”

  “It’s not that simple, I’m afraid.”

  “Why can’t it be?”

  Max stood up. “You know what London taught me, Lilly, our little kiss for all to see? Taught me how much you impact my career, how important it is for me and you to stay in those headlines. The sad fact is, I need you, otherwise I’m off the boil. That is why I drink.”

  “You are being dramatic. You have a career without me. You had one before I ever came along.”

  “Lilly, before you I was a nobody. No studio would touch me.”

  “Max, you are selling yourself short.”

  “Lilly, we can’t stop now. Not when it just got interesting. Not while we have people’s attention.”

  “You can’t tell me what I can and can’t do. I’m sorry if this mucks up your plans.”

  He sniggered. “Of course I can. I’ve been telling you what to do since the day we met.”

  “You are evil, Max.”

  “I’m just an opportunist, that’s all.”

  “Well, I’m not taking part in whatever grand scheme you have been plotting. I will move on without you. See who I want. Fuck who I want.”

  “And who would fuck you right now, Lilly? You are damaged. You want someone to fix you, but no one is ever going to fix you or find a solution because you are beyond help. It’s inevitable that you will end up alone. An old, washed-up actress with nothing left but fucking gold and cancer. But you know what, taking that all into consideration, I’m still in love with you. Despite all your flaws and issues, I still see a future for us. That’s the mad thing in all this. I still want to be with you.”

  “You are fucking delusional. I want you to leave.”

  Max got up, started to walk off. “I won’t let anyone else have you, not for the short term. This Lilly and Max show is far too important right now. A lot rides on it.”

  “Is that a threat?”

  “No, just a statement of fact. I just hope you choose the easy way, the hard way is far too expensive and will end up with the same result, I assure you.”

  “Just go!” I screamed.

  “I’ll let myself out. But I do request you play long.”

  “Play along with what?”

  “Just do as I say. Trust me, it will be to your advantage. We’ll both come out if it on top if we do it my way. I’ll make us folklore if you let me handle this right. Be a good girl. Do as you are told. Not that you were ever too good at following direction. The only time you’ve ever done as you were told was when I made you have that fucking abortion you still cry so much about.”

  It was then I slapped him. Hard across his face.

  * * *

  I didn’t watch Max drive off, but I heard his tyres ripping up gravel and stone, his engine race across the bridge as I stumbled through the garden, sobbing and shaking. This was all too much. I screamed till it hurt, screamed till there was nothing left, my head tilted back, my eyes fixed to the sky. It was a scream a long time coming, built up over weeks and months, over lots of different reasons, though when I stopped, there was no release, my anger was not emptied. One deep breath and I was filled up with the same confusion, embarrassed by my past, a hatred for my future. I’d fallen short, everything in my life was going wrong and I had no way to fix it. I would just watch it all crumble around me, till anyone important had left, till I ended up broken beyond repair.

  I didn’t remember stumbling across towards the water’s edge, but I remembered the current, violent and fierce, black and unforgiving, loud like a roar, like it could take anything it wanted with it, like it could suck you under or spit you out. I looked over, it wasn’t a long way down, but high enough, if the fall didn’t do the trick then the water would. I wobbled on my feet, climbing onto the cobbled wall, the wind and spray pulling and pushing, holding me back, helping me fall.

  This is it, Lilly. They’d get what they wanted all along. They would finally have their headline. It just wouldn’t be pretty. The world would be able to clamber over my coffin, salivating over opinions and blame, dissected and discussing my mental state. I would become a ‘what if,’ a ‘what a shame,’ a ‘what a waste,’ I would die young and fast and pretty, better than the alternative, sorry Marla but that just wasn’t me, I’m too tired for that road and I wouldn’t have the energy even if I wanted to.

  I closed my eyes, pictured finality and already felt lighter, heard myself apologizing, to whom, I wasn’t sure, to myself, to everyone. It would be a comfort regardless, for them and me, they were used to my running away, this time my escape would be permanent. I felt myself counting down from five, my fist clenched, my teeth gritted. I knew what I was about to do, but had no idea what I was doing.

  5,4,3,2…

  The moment I felt my feet leave the wall there was no time for pain as bone hit rock, no gasps as my skin felt the waters sting, but still I heard my name.

  Lilly! Stop!

  As a hand grabbed mine.

  As I felt myself being dragged from water back to mud.

  Coughing. Breathing. Gasping.

  Felt myself being lifted. My head against his chest.

  Our clothes stuck together, wet and cold.

  A man out of breath, asking if I was OK.

  My eyes closed, as I let myself be saved.

  To be continued…

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