by Amelia Gates
He narrowed his eyes at me, but he was still smiling. Then, without answering, he shrugged and turned back to the computer to type the codes in.
“I dunno,” he said after a while, “some smart chick I used to know told me that it was a bad idea.”
I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him. “Really? Really. I tell you it’s a bad idea and you fight with me, but some ‘smart chick’ says it and now all of a sudden—”
He looked at me pointedly and sighed. “Daisy. Damn, you are in a crap mood.” He slid his chair back and stood up, opening his arms for a hug. “Come here, honey.”
“No, this isn’t—wait, who was the smart girl?”
He let his arms fall and chuckled. “You, dummy.”
I balled my hands into fists and plopped them on my hips. “Dummy? So first I’m smart, now I’m dumb, how ‘bout you pick—”
I couldn’t finish my argument because he kissed me, pressed his lips so tightly against mine that nothing, not even air, could pass between us. All the tension I’d felt for the last few days melted away under the warmth of his mouth, no matter how much I fought to keep it.
I was still mad at him, damn it. Okay, maybe I wasn’t that mad. At least he admitted that I was right. He didn’t apologize, though. But he did call me smart, and his mouth was very good and very warm and very—
“Excuse me! Daisy, would you like us to close down the library so you can continue your tryst in private, or would you rather take it home without pay?” Mary’s voice was as steely as her eyes and I jumped away from Kash as if he were made of lava.
“I’m sorry,” Kash said before I could say anything. “That was my fault. She was just doing her job, I promise. I got so excited that she solved my problem that I just couldn’t help myself. I’ll be good now, scout’s honor.”
I looked away before I could crack up or break down. Kash was never any kind of scout, for one thing. And where did he get off apologizing to my boss for kissing me before he’d even apologized to me for being an idiot?
“See that you do,” Mary said icily. “Daisy, if you’ve solved his…problem…I suggest you get back to the stacks. This place is a mess.” She stalked away without so much as a backward glance, letting the memory of her icy glare of shame do the dirty work for her.
“Meet me outside after work,” Kash whispered. “I need to talk to you, and it can’t wait.”
It better be an apology that can’t wait, I thought. But the butterflies in my belly undermined my attempt at maintaining my irritation, and I found myself anxiously awaiting the moment the doors locked so I could throw myself into his arms again. Two days apart was two days too long, as I was reminded every weekend. Somehow, I’d convinced myself that it would be easier if it was something I’d chosen.
I waited until the parking lot was empty of all but one battered green truck. Heart in my throat, I tidied up all the things that needed tidying up before reaching for the keys to lock up the library.
Kash was waiting for me in the little alcove by the door, hidden from the road by a big overgrown shrub. He had one leg kicked back on the wall and a sultry smile on his sinfully gorgeous face. I turned my nose up and regarded him icily because that was exactly what he deserved. For kissing me the way he did. For not apologizing. For making it so damn easy to fall for him all over again. So hard and so fast and way too effortlessly.
“What did you need to say to me?”
The smile on Kash’s face faded and he opened his hands toward me, gesturing me into his arms. I walked over to him stiffly and stood between his arms with my own arms crossed. He nudged my cheek with his nose and dropped a quick kiss on it. Damn him and his adorableness.
“Two things,” he said. “First, I’m sorry. Very sorry. So, so, so, very sorry. It was a stupid idea, Daisy. Okay? I was in my head and frustrated and all that. I know, I should have never even entertained the idea. Should have shut it out before it rooted - faster than I’ve ever shut anything out.”
I slid a sideways glance at him. Jesus, he was infuriating. In all the good ways and the bad ways. “Are you just saying that so I’ll kiss you again? Or do you really mean it?”
“What? No!” But he was nodding, his eyes twinkling mischievously. “Both. The last one. I mean, I am sorry, but-”
I was seconds away from reminding him that the worst kinds of apologies were the ones followed by a ‘but’. Instead, I pursed my lips. “Then save it.”
Kash stopped screwing around, his expression earnest now as he caught me around my waist and pulled me close to him.
“No, really. I am sorry,” he said. “Even if you never kissed me again, I’d still be sorry, and my idea still would have been stupid. You were right, I was wrong.”
I cocked my head at him, watching him suppress little sparks of impatience. I was waiting for it—the eye-roll, the C’mon Daisy, the extra-sensual embrace and neck nuzzle—his signature “stop being mad at me” moves I remembered so clearly. But none of it happened. The impatience slowly faded, and he just watched me, not begging or pleading, just waiting. He’d said his piece.
I smiled and nodded once. “Then all is forgiven.”
His eyes lit up, but his mouth didn’t have a chance to smile as I buried it under mine. With each second that went by, Kash melted more and more into me, holding me tight and matching his breath to mine.
The butterflies in my stomach caught fire and spread their wings, turning me on so hard and fast it was almost painful. I wanted to tear his clothes off right then and there and I almost did. My fingers had gathered under the band of his jeans and I pressed myself into him, feeling the effects of his arousal. There was no one around, no one to see us and no one to stop us. So close was I to begging him to take me on the hood of his truck when all of that changed. A car behind us honked. Just a little beep the first time. The second, though, was set to get our attention as the driver pressed his hand against the horn as though he had no intention of letting up.
I jumped back from Kash as if he’d electrocuted me and I whirled around to face the little parking lot beside the building. There, idling in the one spot on the whole property which had a view of my alcove, was Lizzie. My heart sank like a stone as she slid the car into park and stepped out. I looked at Kash helplessly, but all I saw on his face was a long-borne hurt. He looked away from me.
Fury powered Lizzie’s every move. She stalked across the grass, hair and mini-cape flying behind her like a fiery phoenix of vengeance. I stood frozen, feeling my whole world begin to crumble.
“You!” Lizzie pointed past me at Kash. There was venom in her voice and venom in her gaze as she tried to pierce him with her eyes.
“Me,” Kash said neutrally, unbothered. Like it was every day that women barked his name like he’d stolen their first born.
If anything, the casualness of his tone irked Lizzie on even more. She blew past me, not stopping until she was standing toe-to-toe with Kash, glaring into his eyes. “You got a death wish or something?”
Kash grinned. “Not lately.”
“Then just what the hell are you thinking, doing that where anybody can see you? And Daisy.” She whirled around and gave me big cartoon character eyes. “How could you?”
“I—what?” I hadn’t expected any of this and had no idea what to say to that.
She sighed. “Really? You didn’t even tell me, which I totally understand, let’s be honest, gossip of the century right now and I totally would have won the pool—”
“Wait, pool? Who’s betting on us?”
She ignored me. “—but to not tell me and then make out in public—at work, of all places—it’s like you’re trying to get caught. I’m hurt, honestly. Can you imagine what it would do to my reputation to be the last to know that my own best friend was hooking up with Danton’s most wanted? I would be ruined!” She put a dramatic hand to her forehead, but her eyes told me that she was dead serious about every bit of that.
“I’m sorry,” I said. “It was s
tupid. But please, please don’t tell anybody.”
She shrugged a shoulder. “I won’t. I can’t guarantee that nobody else will. It’s not a coincidence I’m here, you know. Mary called me to find out about Kash here, said he was accosting her library staff and wanted to know if it was worth calling the cops about. I covered for you two—I don’t know how Mary doesn’t know about you, Kash. Too much time in ancient books and not enough time online, is my guess—anyway, I told her that Kash was an old friend of yours and is utterly incorrigible, both of which are facts. But if she gets it into her head to start telling people about Daisy’s incorrigible friend, I don’t know what’s going to happen.”
Panic was setting in. As far as I knew, Mary wasn’t much of a gossip. She wasn’t much of a talker, either. But then again, how well did I really know her outside of work? I tried to think of something, anything I knew about her personal life, but kept coming up empty. I didn’t even know if she was married or had kids or anything. For all I knew she could run a Wednesday book club with her church friends and do nothing but gossip the whole time. In a town this size it was only a matter of time before word got back to Dad, and—
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked Kash, who had interrupted my internal spiral with a face like a kicked puppy.
His jaw hardened and he looked away from me, shaking his head. “Just can’t see why it’s that big a deal, that’s all. No, I know, you’re scared of your dad. For some reason. I mean, you’re grown. But whatever. It couldn’t possibly be that you don’t want your reputation ruined, right?” He turned hard eyes to meet mine, every line of his face taut and defensive.
I opened my mouth to tell him once and for all that I didn’t give a shit about my reputation, but I hesitated. When I thought that he and I would be moving out of here with a quickness, I really didn’t care about my reputation. Now that we were stuck here for ten years, though, that accusation might hold more weight.
It only took a few seconds for me to decide that it wouldn’t matter what anybody else thought as long as I was with him, but those few seconds were enough for him to turn his back to me and walk away.
“Kash, wait!”
“Shout a little louder,” he said bitterly. “I think your reputation’s still intact.”
I wanted to chase after him, but Lizzie put a hand on my arm.
“Hold on,” she said. “Let me do this. You’re too close to it. He won’t hear you.” She squeezed my arm once then took off across the asphalt. “Hey, asshat!”
“Oh, that’ll go over well,” I groaned, burying my face in my hands.
When I dared to look up, I was surprised to see them talking nicely. I wrapped my arms around myself and squeezed, trying to read his expression from where I stood. It was pointless. His face was a mask of friendly politeness. It felt like they talked for a really long time. Thinking back on it though, I’m pretty sure it was only a couple of minutes. After a while Lizzie walked back toward me and Kash climbed into his truck—but not before blowing me a kiss.
Relief rolled down my spine and I blew one back at him, feeling giddy as a teenager. Lizzie smirked at me as she sauntered over.
“Well? How much do you love me?”
“So much,” I gushed. “What happened? What did you say? What did he say?”
She looped her arm through mine and guided me to her car. “Oh, you know—just told him he was being dumb. Told him to imagine that the biggest, baddest, meanest guy he went to prison with was now in charge of his room and board and that his entire life hinged on him keeping that guy happy. It seemed to click.”
“Ugh, thank you! I’ve been trying to explain it to him for months, he just never seemed to get—”
Lizzie’s jaw dropped and she stared at me. “Months? Months! How have you kept this a secret for months?!” She shook her head at me and stormed into her car, still shaking her head. Lizzie being Lizzie, I thought it would take her point one seconds to get over it. But, to my surprise, she started the car and backed out of the space, staring at me the whole time.
“We’re just—damn it, Lizzie, will you look at what you’re doing? You almost took out that garbage can. I wasn’t keeping this a secret because I was being a dick. Kash and I… We’re just careful. We meet in the woods and have dates in his truck and stuff.”
Lizzie made a face and stopped the car. “Gross. What are you, fourteen? Sneaking out to go neck in the woods with the older boy who drives, oooohhh. Ew.” She shot a glance at me then shook her head again. The poor thing would probably have whiplash by the time she got home. “Honey, I fought hard for you back there and I’ll do it again if you need me to, but just between you and me? I think Kash is right. This whole thing the two of you have going on is going to be common knowledge eventually. Secrets like this keep about as well as cottage cheese in a greenhouse.”
“It doesn’t have to keep forever,” I protested. “Just until we can save up to get an apartment or something. I mean, he’ll have to convince his PO, and I’ll have to make sure that mom’s taken care of, but it’s not like I’ll be far away no matter where I move to in this town, so I can always check on her. It’s just not a good idea for everyone to find out about me and Kash while I’m still living with my parent.”
She nodded a little more emphatically than she needed to. I walked over to her and plopped into the passenger seat. Much as it would do me good to walk home right now, it’d also do me good to not have to walk home right now.
“Mm-hm, mm-hm,” Lizzie tsked. And what happens if your dad hears it from one of his drinking buddies, or the cashier at the grocery store, or the gas station clerk? I assume you guys stop for gas occasionally.”
I dropped my head back against the seat and sighed hard. “He’d lose his shit.”
“Yep. It would embarrass him. How well does your dad respond to embarrassment, Daisy? And secrets? Especially secrets that involve you. Embarrassing secrets that involve you!”
I groaned into my hands. I wasn’t embarrassed by Kash and it hurt, deep in the pit of my heart and all the way back up to the top, it hurt. But she wasn’t wrong. If my dad found out from one of his colleagues or drinking buddies or the guy at the gas station, embarrassment would flood him like an active tsunami.
“That’s what I thought. So, scenario number two. You tell him, straight up. Just you, no Kash. You sit your father down and have an honest, adult conversation with him. Maybe take him out to lunch and tell him while you’re out in public. Then, even if you fight about it, he’ll feel like he’s on your side and that you respect him and junk. And he can’t overreact because… well, because he’s in public and he gives a damn what people will think about him yelling at you like a loose drunk. By the time you two get home, at least he would have had the chance to cool down.”
I gazed out the window without really seeing anything. “I do respect him and junk,” I said. “Mostly because he scares the hell out of me.”
“Like I said…that’s why the lunch. Take him out in public where he’ll be pressured to behave himself and not go all berserker. At least think about it, huh? I’ll even pay for the damn lunch.”
I promised her I’d think about it. By the time we got to my street, I was pretty sure I would do it. As she pulled around the circle to park in front of my trailer, I was positive that I would do it.
“I’ll take him to Bernie’s,” I said. “He likes their barbecue sauce.”
Lizzie grinned and winked at me and pulled forty dollars out of her purse. “That’s my girl! Here. Like I said, lunch is on me.”
“Put that away, I got it,” I said with a laugh. “Save it for drinks this weekend. I have a feeling I’m going to need them.”
“You got it,” she said and a grinned at me like a proud mother hen.
I straightened my shoulders and walked up to my house, feeling invincible and untouchable.
It was easy.
All I had to do was take my dad out to lunch. He wouldn’t turn down a free meal, w
ould he? Heck, maybe I could get mom out of the house too. It would be good for all of us.
I had a pep in my step as I made my way to the front door. Good reactions flooded my mind, though deep down, I’m pretty sure I knew the odds weren’t on my father accepting Kash and me easily. Still, until the day came, the least a girl could do was dream.
I stuck my key into the lock and hadn’t even gotten the door half open before my heart sank to the bottom of my stomach. My mom’s scream shattered my focus and all the confidence that went along with it. I burst through the door just as the back of my dad’s hand connected with her cheek. I slammed the door hard enough to make the entire damn house shake like the earth beneath it had been struck by Thor.
Pure, white rage took over my voice. “What the fuck?!”
Time froze. Mom stared at the floor, breathing hard. Dad turned around slowly and stared at me. My brain screamed at me to run, but my feet were stuck in place. Rage and terror churned through me until I shook, hands clenched into fists.
“David.” My mother’s voice sounded distant, eerily calm. So calm that I had to look at her. The look on her face didn’t match the tone of her voice. Not one little bit. “Get out,” she barked, her eyes still trained on my father.
I tensed, waiting for my father to explode on her again. Instead, he deflated. Shoulders hunched, he slithered past me, avoiding my eyes. With a flick of his hand, he snatched his keys off the counter. Windows rattled as he slammed the door behind him. The house was dead silent until his car crunched away over the gravel road, then mom let out a breath which bordered on a sob.
“Mom?”
She rubbed her cheek and started tidying up the room.
“Mom, what happened? Has he hit you before? Talk to me!”
She stopped to brush the hair out of her face and shot me an irritated look. “I’m fine. No, he doesn’t make a habit of it. He’s stressed out about money. I told him to go to the staffing agency and he lost his temper. He’ll be fine. He just needs to go for a drive and clear his head and he’ll see that I’m right. Then he’ll stop for a drink and everything will go back to normal.”