by Amelia Gates
I ground my teeth. “You say that like you’ve been through this before.”
She sighed and went back to her nervous cleaning. “Daisy,” she whispered, “when you’re with someone for as long as I have been with your dad, you learn things about them. Things you don’t like. Things you never thought possible.” She gave me a strange, faraway sort of look that stole just about the last of my breath. “And a lot can be forgiven when you understand where it comes from.”
I scoffed, stunned. “Forgiven? You can’t forgive that! Mom, he hit you!”
“Am I bleeding? Am I bruised? No.” Her eyes flashed defiantly at me and her face hardened, her lips pulled into a thin line. “And he’s never hit you, not since you were ten, and never more than a spanking. He’s a good man, Daisy. He just has trouble controlling his temper sometimes. There is nothing more to it than that.”
I wish I could say that I fought with her for hours and eventually talked sense into her, but I can’t. I was so stunned and sickened by the whole thing that I barely lasted another five minutes before storming off to my room to cry.
The whole episode had shaken me to my core, forcing me to question not only my mom’s sanity, but my own.
How long had this been going on?
How had I not seen it before?
Suspected, sure, but I should have known for sure. I should have done something. Asked her if this kind of thing was going on before I had to see it for myself. She was right, they’d been together for ages. So long that I’m sure dust has covered the memory of just how and when they met.
When was the first time he put his hands on her? And how many times has he reddened her face with the full width of his palm. I felt like I was going to be sick. My stomach churned, threatening to turn inside out. Anger didn’t even begin to explain what I was feeling.
I slinked my way into the bathroom and grabbed my toothbrush like it was a weapon. The three minutes it took to brush my teeth felt like an eternity. So many thoughts pummeled my mind that my brain felt thoroughly exhausted by the time I made it to my room. I shrugged my way out of my jeans and pulled on an old t-shirt before hiding between the discomfort of my sheets.
As I cried myself to sleep that night, there was only one thing that I was certain of. There was no way in hell I was going to tell my dad about Kash. Not in public, not in private, not at all. My instincts had been right on the money.
Vindication never felt so shitty.
Chapter 22
Lizzie’s sudden appearance at the library the day before had been my first lucky break in years. She knew just about everybody and if she didn’t know them, she sure knew how to find them. She’d been Hunter’s grassroots network back in the day, and I knew she played some part in getting my ass released, even if I didn’t know exactly what part that was.
She hadn’t known a Dayle Jenkins by name, but she had heard rumors about some older guy selling to teenagers and was willing to look into it for me. Well, not right away. She’d had to tear into me first, which I could accept. She was Daisy’s best friend, after all, and I had been a bit of an ass. Plus, Lizzie had been one for the gossip and she was decidedly pissed that the juiciest gossip since my lockup was one that missed her. Especially since it involved her best friend. I didn’t understand where she was coming from. As for me, I didn’t care too much about the going ons of other people’s lives. I had too much of my own shit to work through. But I wasn’t going to tell Lizzie all that. If I needed her help, which I did, I needed to at least pretend to understand where she was coming from.
I went to the library after work again, hoping to smooth things over with Daisy for good. This seemed to be the rhythm of our life lately. I piss her off, she flips me the bird. It was getting tiresome. Even more so because unlike regular couples, I couldn’t just kiss her whenever the hell I pleased. So makeup sex, that was certainly off the table. Apologies first, sex when we could sneak our way into somewhere out of the public eye and also somewhere that was neither her place nor mine. It was frustrating to say the least.
When I stepped into the library, she seemed happy enough to see me, though she shot enough warning glances in the older librarian’s direction that I didn’t dare talk to her until after closing time. Even then, I kept my distance until she waved me over.
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” she said before I could say anything. “I know you’re hurt and angry and I know you might not understand entirely, but I’m doing this as quickly and as safely as possible. I need a little more time, but things are starting to look up and I have a plan.”
“You don’t have to apologize,” I said. “I’m the one who’s sorry. It doesn’t really click with me that your dad could be scary. He seems like a big pile of drunken potatoes to me. You do whatever you need to do to feel safe. Which is sort of why I’m here—what do you want to do?”
She smiled, but there was a tiredness around her eyes that worried me.
“I want you to come over tomorrow night,” she said. “Come in through my window.”
I frowned. “I thought your dad was laid off. Isn’t that risky right now?”
She shook her head. “He signed up with the staffing agency. They got him a gig for Friday, which means he’ll be back in his rut by that night. Assuming he even comes home at all—he and my mom got in a fight yesterday and he spent the night in his truck. Came home to shower, change, and give my mom the news, then took off again.”
I whistled. “Wow. Must have been some fight.”
She shrugged and looked over my shoulder, her eyes glazing over a little bit. “Oh, you know, just one of those things.” She blinked and shook her head, then her smile was back. All of those actions told me that it surely wasn’t ‘just one of those things. She brushed a lock of hair away from her face and smiled again. “The point is, today isn’t safe but tomorrow definitely should be. And I miss you.”
God, I wanted to touch her. Just wrap her up in my arms and squeeze and never let go. “Of course you do,” I said, grinning.
She rolled her eyes, but her smile stayed. “Oh whatever, like you don’t miss me too.”
So much it hurt, every damn second. “Ah, maybe a little.”
She saw right through me, and I loved it. Tossing me a sassy look over her shoulder, she led me into the little alcove that Lizzie caught us in the day before. I followed, glancing around for any more surprise visitors. The coast was clear—a fact which I barely registered before Daisy was in my arms and on my mouth.
I wish I knew what kind of flower she smelled like because I wanted to plant a million of them in the alley behind the motel under my window. It was sweet and airy and earthy all at once, hitting me in the head and heart and crotch as I breathed it in, making me want nothing more than to lay her down on Egyptian cotton and worship her body. But we didn’t have all that so I pushed her against the bookshelf, further out of view and claimed her mouth with everything I had. My hands slipped between her thighs and I pressed my fingers to her, forcing her clit to crave more than it was getting. Before I could slip a finger into her wetness, Daisy pulled back. She was breathless, her cheeks flushed like we’d gone the entire way.
“You’re gonna drive me mad and all the way into trouble, Kash Lawson.”
“Say it again,” I told her, “but this time, make it sound like a promise.”
Daisy laughed and tried to smooth her hair back in place. God, she was beautiful. Way too beautiful. She ended our meeting in a flurry of whispered promises and imagery to hold us over until Friday night—or whet our appetites until then. It was a damn good thing, too, because everything else had hit maximum suckiness.
Chapter 23
The Roadkill Crew had a short, miserable day on Friday. Only two out of the dozen of us had found new jobs, and the “Good Luck” dessert the office bought for us was carrot cake. Who does that?
Leroy was likewise short and miserable, having burned through his week’s supply before the weekend.
“So call your gu
y,” I told him. “What’s the problem?”
He shook his head. “It don’t work like that, Kash. He don’t got a number, nobody knows where he lives. He shows up once a week, that’s it. Then you gotta stock up ‘cause he don’t change his delivery schedule for nobody.”
I narrowed my eyes at Leroy. “Seems like a crap way to do business. He delivers here on Tuesdays?”
Leroy shifted his eyes from side to side. “Shit. Where’d you hear that? People be talkin’?”
“I figured it out myself,” I said dryly. “How does it work? He just walks in here with a sack full of candy, or what?”
Leroy shook his head. “You figured that out, you can figure this out. I’m not saying another word, you’re gonna get yourself killed messing with this guy.”
“You’re gonna get yourself killed messing with his products. This whole office stinks like someone lit a dishwasher on fire.”
“Eh, beggars and choosers,” Leroy said with a shrug. “Only person I know never cut like that was Hunter. Man, I miss that shit, I tell you. But don’t do that. Ain’t worth your life, you hear? But if you decide to, you best let me know first.”
“Go drink your Snake Venom or whatever you got in the fridge and take a nap, Leroy. You’re contradicting yourself.”
Leroy didn’t argue, which I knew wouldn’t last. As soon as the shakes set in, he’d be the walking embodiment of a headache. I didn’t want to dwell on it, though. In two hours, I would be crawling in Daisy’s window, ready to make up for an entire week of deprivation. I would sooner fight her dad myself than go through that again.
I called Lizzie before I left, but she hadn’t turned up much. Rumors were thick, but facts were few. Dayle had a car, but it was registered to the post office’s address. He hadn’t held down a real job in five years, but he had no accounts in collections. He was a ghost. Good trick in a town this size.
“Thanks,” I told her. “I really appreciate it.”
“Oh, it’s my pleasure,” she purred. “I love to watch stories unfold. Speaking of which—what’s going on with you and Daisy? You going public yet?”
“What? No, of course not. You told me yourself it was too dangerous.”
“Did I?” She sounded disconcertingly innocent. “Hm, maybe I did. But that was before Daisy and I cooked up the plan to take the wind out of dear old daddy’s sails. She didn’t tell you? Damn, there I go again. But yeah, I was expecting her to call me yesterday to give me the all clear to tell the whole world about you two, but she didn’t.”
“Huh, weird. You’d think she’d jump at the chance to be the center of a lurid rumor,” I said, dripping sarcasm.
“Laugh all you want, big boy. But check on her for me, okay? I have a bad feeling, and I wouldn’t be a good reporter if I didn’t listen to my gut.”
I promised I would. It was a promise I’d forgotten by the time I made it to Daisy’s house. The closer I got to her window, the more my head was full of the various things I wanted to do with her. A bed offered up so many more opportunities than a truck did.
I felt like a damn kid sneaking up to her window like that, heart racing, sweat dripping. Cock already hard as steel. Her window was wide open and she lay on her bed, reading. I couldn’t believe she was so calm.
I hung back a minute to wipe my sweaty palms on my pants, and I was glad of it. Just as I was raising my hands to form my bird call, her Dad walked in. He said something I couldn’t hear. Feeling like a stalker, I crept closer.
“Come on, Daisy, don’t be like that,” he was whining. “You know I’d never hurt you or your mom.”
“Really? Never? So I hallucinated, is what you’re telling me.”
I had never heard a colder tone in her voice. It chilled me to my core, and I thanked my lucky stars I had never done anything to evoke that rage in her.
“No, that’s not—look. I love your mom, I do, but—you know as well as I do that her nagging hits a nerve. You’ve lost your temper at her, don’t lie to yourself.”
“I’ve never gone that far. I would never go that far.”
He sighed heavily and started speaking to her in a tone generally reserved for small children. “I know it’s tough to stomach, sweetie, but your mom isn’t innocent here. You don’t know how it is for me, being stuck at home. All I want to do is provide for my family, you understand? When I can’t do that, it wrecks me. Your mom knows that. She pushed me to it, Daisy. Besides, I already apologized to her.”
“Oh, well obviously that makes it all better. Takes away everything you did, too. I guess some people really do believe in forgive and forget.”
Her sarcasm was so heavy it made me wince. Her dad missed it somehow.
“Glad you see it that way. I love you, Daisy. Goodnight.”
She didn’t answer. If he expected her to, he was stupider than he seemed. The part that bothered me most was that he’d sounded completely sober, which meant that he wasn’t going to pass out any time soon. I didn’t want to leave and have her think I stood her up, but I didn’t think it would do either of us any good to have me stuck out here for hours. Lady’s choice, I decided. I raised my hands and formed my bird call.
She swore under her breath and hurried to the window. “Kash?”
“Right here,” I said quietly. “Things aren’t going to plan, huh?”
She shook her head and sighed. “I guess he had an easy day at his new job. He’s all pensive and wanting to talk and shit. That’s the third time he’s cornered me tonight.”
I reached up and took her hand, unable to resist touching her when she stood so close. “So—what do you want to do?”
She cocked her head, listening. “He’s grabbing a beer now. There’s some big fight on tonight that he’s got a bet down on. As soon as it starts he’ll be glued to his chair. Think you can wait ten minutes?”
“For you, I could wait ten years,” I said.
She blinked at me. “Romance without sarcasm? Who are you and what have you done with my boyfriend?”
I grinned at her. “You know what they say about absence and hearts and whatever. Blame it on sex deprivation.”
She giggled breathily, keeping her voice down. “Soon, my love. Stay there, I’ll be back.”
I waited with varying degrees of patience. Ten minutes seemed to stretch on forever. I heard her leave the room and come back, then settle onto her bed. Eventually, after about a million years, she came back to the window.
“I put some cinderblocks down there for you,” she whispered. “Be as quiet as you can, but don’t worry too much. The fight’s really loud.”
It wasn’t anything I hadn’t done before, but I was glad to have the cinderblocks. I was bigger than I used to be, but the window wasn’t. We discovered quickly that my shoulders were too broad to go straight through, and were quietly debating whether I should dive in like a swimmer or hoist myself up to go in diagonally. None of that seemed to work and I stepped back down, brainstorming how the hell I was going to make it into Daisy’s bed tonight. Determination is a hell of a thing, though. It was as prominent on Daisy’s face as it was on mine. She reached her hand through the window and I stepped on the cinderblocks again. A lot was set to go wrong, a man my size being tugged by a girl her size – I was halfway convinced that she’d be the one to end up outside the window and not me through it. God seemed to be on our side though, and with a few pulls and tugs I was between the walls of a room I’d entered so many times so many years ago. Not much had changed. The coloring on the walls, Daisy’s bed, the little bookshelf facing the back-wall, they were all the same. And so was the way my lips found Daisy’s.
I backed her against the bed only stopping when we were both horizontal, my body crushing hers with the weight of man and the weight of lust. Knowing that I didn’t have much time to waste and still nursing a boner that wanted nothing more than it wanted in her, I tugged my pants to my knees and hiked her dress up yonder. Daisy moaned a little, already wetter than the Pacific and oh, so ready for me.
I breathed her in, pulling back to kiss her lips more tenderly before I eased myself inside of her. It didn’t get to that, though. I had my cock in my hand when I heard a sound. Pulling my boxers back up and struggling, but not waiting to get my jeans all the way up, I was off of her quicker than lightning and rushing toward the window.
Creaking behind me told me that I wasn’t just imagining shit. Her door was opening. I froze, one arm braced against the inner wall, one foot awkwardly hooked over the windowsill, head jammed at an awkward angle—in other words, completely incapable of making a break for it before the door opener saw just exactly what was going on in here.
Daisy made a valiant effort to hide me, but there was just no way. Her slim frame could either hide my head and foot or my arm, but certainly not both. As it was, she only succeeded in blocking my view just enough to make me suffer a few extra seconds of uncertainty. I was frozen, head twisted to look over my shoulder at the shit show that was about become my life. Not that my life wasn’t a shit show already. When the parent stepped all the way into the room I was able to breathe again. It was her mother.
She stared at me like a deer in the headlights. I stared back like a frog in a blender. Nobody said a word for an entire minute, then she turned to Daisy.
“Just came to say goodnight,” she said. “And to let you know that your dad really does feel bad about what happened.”
“Oh. Okay.” Daisy’s voice was as neutral as her mother’s and I started wondering just what I was getting myself into.
Her mother hugged her, made eye contact with me, and left the room as if nothing was out of the ordinary at all. I started to relax, thinking that maybe we’d just gotten the woman’s blessing. I threw that thought out as soon as Daisy turned around and gaped at me with wide, horrified eyes and a face whiter than paper.
“Go,” she hissed between her teeth. She grabbed my foot and started pushing this way and that, trying to help shove me through the window. “Hurry, before she says something to him!”