Tug

by KJ Bell

  When I enter the kitchen, Maria sends me a look of concern. I slip my arm around her waist and kiss the side of her head.

  She smiles and asks, “Del texted me. Are you okay?”

  I pull her hand and take her outside to the front yard, where we won’t be overheard. We sit on the grass. I pull at the blades nervously. “I found him there when I picked up Javier. Harrison is who Del was entertaining.”

  “Why didn’t you tell Liv?”

  “I wanted Harrison to do it.”

  “Because you don’t want to hurt her.”

  “Yes. Why should he fuck up and I have to be the one to break her heart?”

  She interlocks our fingers, her touch soothing. “She’d forgive you.”

  “Maybe, but now he has to tell her.”

  “It might be easier coming from you.”

  “I can’t. This is going to kill her.”

  “Okay, it’s your choice.”

  Liv storms out of the front door. “Tug, can you take to me to pick up Harrison?”

  “What? Why?”

  “He went out for ice, and got in a car accident. The asshole who hit him didn’t even stop. He had his car towed but needs a ride back, and I’ve been drinking.”

  That fucking loser. He comes up with story after story and Liv believes them all.

  “Tell him to take a cab!”

  “No! Come on, Tug. Please.”

  Her whining isn’t about to persuade me. If I go, I may end up in jail for murder.

  “You aren’t drunk. Go get him.”

  Maria turns to me and quietly says, “Think about what you’re saying. If she gets pulled over, the local policia will keep her for as long as they want.”

  “I can’t do it,” I whisper. “If I have to be in a car with him, I’ll lose it.”

  Maria looks over at Liv. “You know what, I’ll drive you.” She turns her head back to me. “Your brother is leaving, and you should spend some time with him.”

  “Oh, God, thank you,” Liv says with relief.

  “It’s fine.” Maria smiles at me. “Give me your keys.”

  Without hesitation, I hand her my keys. I watch them walk away and second guess myself. When she and Liv reach my car, I yell, “Wait, Liv. I need to tell you something.”

  “Not now, Tug. Harrison needs me.”

  “He must really like you,” Liv says, her tone light and playful.

  “What makes you think that?” I ask.

  “Because he let you drive his Porsche. No one is allowed to drive his baby.”

  “It’s just a car.”

  She laughs. “Tell Tug that.”

  “So, Harrison went for ice, huh?”

  “Yep.” I can tell by the tone of her voice that she thinks he’s full of shit.

  “Okay.”

  “He’s a good guy. Being with me has been hard for him. He was there when my mother shot herself. I didn’t expect us to end up together, but he took care of me afterward. I was so lost, and he kind of saved me.”

  “Being someone’s savior sounds like a lot of pressure for a guy.”

  “It was. It is. I guess I’m still a little lost, and we fight quite a bit. He thinks I should be over it already.”

  I wish I could tell her that what he’s really doing is justifying his own behavior by manipulating her into believing she’s doing something wrong in the relationship, but it isn’t my place to interfere.

  “Losing a mother isn’t something you get over easily. No matter what she did, she was still your mom.”

  “Exactly.” Liv stays silent for a while, staring out the passenger side window. “Right before she pulled the trigger, she said, ‘I love you, Liv’ — not Aidan, not Brady, me. I still have nightmares.”

  “And Harrison doesn’t understand?”

  “I don’t know. I think he’s so angry with her that he wants me to be, too, and I was at first, but the more time goes by, I want to remember the good times, like her singing to me when she tucked me in at night, or helping with homework. She was a good mom. Despite everything horrible she did, I still love her.”

  “There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  She rubs her legs, and smiles at me. “Are you close to your mom?”

  “I was. She died of cancer.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Thank you.”

  Listening to Liv makes me furious with Harrison. He couldn’t offer her a dignified breakup. I see now why Tug is nervous about delivering the news.

  Harrison sits on the curb in front of the gas station, waiting for us. We get out of the car, and Liv throws her arms around his neck. “Oh, baby, are you hurt?”

  “No, I’m fine, not even a scratch. The car, not so much.” He smiles with his large dimples, and bats his lashes. I know this guy well, with his looks used on countless women, he thinks he’s special.

  “Thank God. Where is it?” Liv asks.

  “I had it towed to a body shop. They’ll call when it’s ready, but they said it would be a few days.”

  Oh, he’s slick. The lie fell out of his mouth way too easily, and the devious side of me is nudging me to call him out.

  “Oh, Harrison, do you know Maria?”

  “Yes, uh, kinda. Hello, Maria.”

  I nod and get inside Tug’s car. Liv starts to get in the back seat, but Harrison tells her not to. “Sit in front with Maria. I can squeeze in the back.”

  Liv thanks him. Spineless coward. He wants to sit in the back because he knows I’m on to what a total loser he is. Liv deserves so much better than Harrison. I drive, and as I take the left turn toward my apartment complex, I feel Harrison shifting in the seat. His car is definitely still at Del’s.

  “Where are we going?” Liv asks.

  “Oh, I just need to stop at my place and grab a change of clothes for Javier, in case he wants to swim.”

  “Cool,” Liv says.

  “I’m sure Drew has something he can wear,” Harrison offers.

  “We’re here now. It will only take a second,” I saying, rolling slowly past Del’s building to get to mine. My hope is that if I drive slowly enough, Liv will see his car, because I don’t exactly want to have to tell her Harrison is a lying cheater any more than Tug does. When she leans forward, I hold my breath.

  “Harrison, that’s your car,” she shouts into the window.

  “No, it probably just looks like it.”

  I slam on the brakes and turn my head to glare at him. “Really? You’re going to keep this going?”

  “Stay out if it!”

  Liv pulls the handle, but the door doesn’t open. “Unlock the door. Let me out.”

  I hit the button and release the lock. Liv jumps out, and Harrison crawls out after her. I get out and walk slowly to her. Her hands are on her slim hips just above her hot-pink sarong. She keeps her eyes on the car for what feels like hours. Her long hair blows over her face and she doesn’t remove it.

  “Liv,” Harrison says calmly.

  “Don’t fucking talk to me!”

  She spins and marches toward me, fury in her eyes. “How could you?”

  “I’m sorry, but I thought you needed to know.”

  “I spilled my guts to you on the ride over, and the entire time you planned to expose the fact you were fucking my boyfriend. I told Tug you were a whore!”

  “What? No, Liv. I’m not fucking him.” Liv’s features soften slightly. I say, “If you have any balls at all, it’s confession time, Harrison.”

  “You bastard. I knew things weren’t great between us, but I never thought you’d do this.”

  Harrison throws a hand up, fisting it in the air.

  “Not great? Things have been horrible! We haven’t had sex in over six months.”

  Her jaw shifts back and forth and she stares at him. I hurt for her. Neither of them speaks. All the married men from the club used the same weak excuse. Their wives wouldn’t have sex with them. I think they weren’t worthy of their wives love, any more than Harrison i
s deserving of Liv’s.

  Liv shifts on her feet, and then speaks. “Whatever I did doesn’t make this okay!”

  “I’m sorry, baby. It was just sex.”

  God, he’s a classic cheating idiot. Is there a handbook they all read from that teaches cheaters to say, ‘It was just sex,’ or ‘I was drunk.’? My personal favorite is, ‘I thought she was you.’

  “Who is she?” Liv demands, her words strained.

  “No one.”

  “Tell me, or Maria will.”

  “A girl from the club we took Brady to.”

  “A hooker? You paid someone to cheat on me?”

  “Liv, I … she made me feel good, like I mattered. I haven’t felt wanted in a really long time.”

  Unbelievable! Classic cheater line number seven! I hope Liv doesn’t fall for it.

  “That’s a lame excuse,” she says, and I want to pat her on the back, but I refrain. “All you had to do was leave.”

  “I couldn’t. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “Well, now, you have. Have fun with your whore. I’m sure she’ll make you feel better.” She looks at me as she walks to the car. “Maria, can you take me home?”

  On the ride back to Brady’s, Liv turns to me, tears raining down her cheeks. “I’m such a moron. I should have known something was up. The last week he hasn’t touched me at all.”

  “No, you’re not a moron. He is.”

  “It’s funny, well, not really, but Harrison is the mature, responsible one. It’s always the ones no one ever believes would cheat, who cheat. Did you ever notice that?” I don’t answer, assuming she only needs to vent, and doesn’t expect an answer. For several miles she’s quiet, other than the occasional sob. “I’m sorry for what I said about you.”

  “Don’t. It isn’t necessary. I see why you thought it was me, and truthfully, I would have reacted the same way, only I probably would have slapped you before I freaked out on you.”

  She laughs and smacks her knee. “I thought about it, but I figured you’d kick my ass.”

  I laugh inwardly. If Liv only knew me back when. “There was a time I might have, but I’ve mellowed out.”

  Her lips twist. “It was Tug, huh?”

  “What?”

  “It was Tug who jacked up Harrison’s car.”

  I nod. “He found Harrison at Del’s when he went to pick up Javier. She was my sitter. He told Harrison to tell you. When he couldn’t find Harrison today, he came looking, and Harrison refused to come to the door.”

  Her fingers nervously play with the fabric of her sarong. “That’s what he was going to tell me when we were leaving?”

  “I think so.”

  “Poor Tug, I’m sure he thought I’d be upset with him. I usually am. Everyone always thinks he’s making trouble.”

  I chuckle. “That’s because he usually is.” Liv laughs. “He loves you and was worried about how you would take it.”

  “You know, surprisingly, I’m okay.”

  “Give yourself a few days for it to sink in, but if you need to talk, I’m here.”

  “Thanks. Tori’s been so busy with the wedding and Andrew, I feel like we never get to talk anymore.”

  “Life happens, but you two are obviously very close.”

  She nods. “We’ve been friends since birth, and I love her to pieces, but there’s room for one more.” I smile at her words. She sits quietly for a few minutes, clutching her stomach, and then shifts in her seat, facing me. “Can you do me a favor?”

  “Sure.”

  “Don’t say anything to anyone at the house, especially Brady.”

  “You’re not going to tell him?”

  She slowly shakes her head. “No. He leaves tomorrow, and I’m going to wait until he’s long out of town. Tug has nothing on Brady when it comes to controlling his temper, and I don’t want to ruin his last night at home with my drama.”

  I assure her I won’t say anything as we arrive back at the barbeque, and I spot Tug in front of the house, looking miserable.

  I’m still on the front steps when they pull into the driveway. I’ve decided to tell Liv everything, and then I’m going to beat the shit out of Harrison. I stand when Liv gets out of the car and notice Harrison isn’t with them. Liv runs toward me and throws her arms around my neck. “Thank you. I love you, Tuggy.”

  It’s the closest I’ve felt to anyone in my family in so long, and I feel like if I let go, the feelings will go away. “I’m so sorry, Liv, but I’m glad he told you.”

  She pulls back, a sad frown on her lips. “He didn’t.”

  “How’d you find out?”

  Her eyes move to Maria.

  “I was just stopping by my apartment to get Javier a change of clothes.”

  Liv kisses my cheek. “She was awesome. I’m going to leave you two, but don’t tell anyone, please. I’m not ready.”

  I nod and she goes inside, probably to her room to cry her eyes out. “Where is he?”

  “Don’t,” Maria warns, pulling the keys she was about to give me back.

  “You don’t understand. He’s been a part of our family, like a brother, and an uncle to Drew.”

  “I know, but beating him up, going after him, won’t solve anything.”

  I turn, rubbing my forehead with the ball of my palm. “I can’t sit here and do nothing.”

  “You can be here for your sister. She doesn’t want you to hurt him. Why do you think she didn’t tell Brady?”

  My head falls back and I laugh. “Because Brady would hang him from a tree by his fucking nuts.”

  “Exactly. You have to let her figure it out.”

  “I won’t leave, but if he shows up here, I can’t promise anything.”

  Harrison didn’t show up, which is good for him, because my anger hasn’t subsided any and I would have probably ended up in jail after I put him in the hospital. We drive away from my brother’s house. Javier sleeps soundly in the back.

  “Stay at my place,” I say, caressing Maria’s knuckles with my fingertips.

  “I can’t. I have work tomorrow, and I have to check on Papa.”

  “Then I’ll stay with you.”

  She turns her head and lifts a brow. “You realize Javier sleeps in my room, and there is no chance of you getting laid.”

  “I never intended to.”

  “You lieeeee.”

  I do lie, but I don’t want to go home without her.

  Veronica comes out of the apartment when we arrive. She fills us in on how the day went. Franco sits in a rocker, watching television. Javier says hello to his grandpa and takes off down the hall.

  Franco points the remote at the television, his brows draw tightly together. “The reception is so bad I can hardly see anything.”

  “Papa, where are your glasses?” Maria ask him, and smiles at me, rolling her eyes. This must be a nightly ritual with them.

  “Oh.” He picks them up from the side table and slides them on. “Ah, a little better. I must have forgotten I took them off.”

  The television is at least thirty years old. I’m surprised it works at all and can’t imagine the reception is any better with glasses.

  “Papa, this is my friend, Tug.”

  “Tug?” he grumbles. “What kind of a name is Tug?”

  “It’s a nickname, sir. My name is Aidan.”

  “I like Tug better,” he mumbles.

  “So call me Tug. It’s nice to see you again.”

  “You mean, it’s nice to meet you,” he corrects me, and I don’t argue that we’ve already met, knowing he doesn’t remember.

  “Oh, right. It’s nice to meet you.”

  “Maria, I’m out of cigars again, and that kooky nurse wouldn’t get me any.”

  There are several resting on the table next to him.

  Maria rolls her eyes again. “Okay, Papa, I’ll get you some tomorrow.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I think it’s time to get you in bed,” Maria says, sliding her hand under his
arm.

  “Yeah, uh, okay.” She helps him get to his feet. He steadies a hand over the top of his walker and shoots me a look. “Who are you?”

  “This is my friend Tug, Papa, remember?”

  “Tug? What kind of a name is Tug?” he asks in the same rough voice he did the first time.

  “It’s a nickname, Papa. Come on to bed.”

  “All right, I got it.”

  Maria escorts him down the hall. As difficult as the situation is for Franco’s family, I can’t help but think it would be nice to forget certain parts of your life, the painful memories that cling to your soul, like a permanent stain. If I never remembered my mother, life would be less complicated. Trust would come easier for me. I struggle with the daily battle between the woman who swallowed the butt end of a forty-five and the cookie-baking brilliant woman who raised me. I’m not sure which version is easier to stomach: the one I adored and looked up to, or the one I despised who kept secrets. Maria keeps secrets from me. Will she stomp on my heart eventually to protect them? I had one of Gibson’s investigators to look into her to try and find out anything about Javier’s father, but nothing turned up. There is no name on the birth certificate. The only thing he discovered about Maria was that she and Franco left the Bay Area for Mexico three months after Javier was born.

  Her voice startles me. “Tug.”

  “What?”

  “Are you okay? I said your name a few times.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “You lieeeee.” Her smiles slides off her face when she sees my expression.

  “Tell me your secrets,” I request quietly.

  Her eyes pull sideways. “I don’t have any.”

  “You lieeeee,” I say, hoping teasing her will soften her enough to trust me.

  “I don’t have any I can share.”

  I have to be honest with her. “That bothers me a great deal.”

  “Hey, Mama. My teeth are brushed, and I’m ready for bed.” Javier hugs me tight. “Goodnight, Tug.”

  “Goodnight, buddy.”

  “I’ll be right back,” Maria whispers and takes Javier’s hand.

  I watch them walk away, my mind racing with thoughts of her leaving me eventually. I’m attached, and separation is going to hurt.