Always a Rainbow

by Gloria Bevan

  In the gloom she couldn’t glimpse his expression, but the note of uncertainty was back in his voice. “Damned if I know what to believe.” After a moment he added uncertainly, “but you don’t know everything. There could have been special circumstances that altered the whole picture. They say there are two sides to every story, don’t they?”

  Angela was silent.

  “You don’t go along with that, do you?” His tone quickened. “What if I were to tell you—”

  “Brian! I thought you were never coming down here!” Jill came hurrying along the flare-lit path towards them. Except for a quick angry glance she ignored Angela’s presence. “Everyone’s here, quite a crowd really. Sue’s brought her relations along with her. I was just on my way up to the house to find out what was keeping you.” She linked her fingers in his and they strolled away together. As she moved on towards the firelight Angela mused wryly that she was becoming accustomed to being ignored in these threesomes, first Mark and Susan, now Brian and Jill.

  As she neared the barbecue area she could see groups moving around, silhouetted against the leaping flames illuminating tall flax and tea-trees. Sea-grass mats were spread on the grass and sausages, chops and steaks sizzled on table-height barbecues. An old carpet square was provided for dancing and music echoed softly from hidden hi-fi speakers. Tables loaded with bottles and glasses sparkled in the firelight. Another table held bowls of various salads and dishes of butter-drenched corncobs. Piles of paper plates and napkins made eating pleasant. You had to hand it to Susan, Angela admitted reluctantly, when it came to helping with an outdoor function, even though the other girl did overdo the organising angle. All the same, she thought hotly, Susan had no right to act as though she were already mistress here, not yet.

  “Oh, Twenty, I’ve been hoping to find you. I want someone to run an errand for me.” Susan’s schoolmarmish tones sparked a dangerous reaction in Angela. The contemptuous gaze raked Angela’s slim figure. “I didn’t recognise you in that get-up. Run along to the car, will you, and get me a bag of tomatoes I left on the back seat. Hurry now!”

  Angela’s eyes sparkled angrily as she faced Susan. Over the turmoil and resentment filling her mind she said quietly and clearly, “You get it.”

  Susan’s lips tightened. “Of all the—” She broke off, for Mark, apparently unaware of what had been said, was moving out of the shadows towards them. Susan was smiling now the special smile she seemed to keep just for him. “Hi, Mark! Come and meet some cousins of mine. I’ve told them so much about you!” They moved away and the awkward moment was forgotten. Angela was left standing alone.

  “It’s you! It’s really you at last!” She turned to face John’s excited smile. He was regarding her with delight, clasping both her hands in his with warm appreciation. “Angie, you look just wonderful!”

  She felt a pang of guilt at his obvious pleasure in the meeting when she had all but forgotten him during the last few days. “How did you get here?” she asked.

  He grinned, still clasping her hands in his. “Got a lift over with Sue. I’m with the gang shearing on a station a few miles from her home and last night I got a ring on the phone from her letting me in about the barbecue tonight. How lucky can a guy get? Sue said she was bringing an extra car and there was swags of room and I was welcome to come along. Boy, did I jump at the offer!”

  “Sue asked you?” Angela was surprised. “That was nice of her, seeing she had so many other friends to bring.” Perhaps after all she had misjudged the other girl. Evidently she could show some thought for others.

  When it suits her, jeered the dark goblin in her mind. You must have noticed the way she looks at you whenever she can bring herself to speak to you. And Mark ... she can’t bear him to have eyes for any other girl, even when that girl happens to be the shearers’ cook! Inviting John to the barbecue tonight and making sure of his arrival there would solve any problems Susan might have in that direction. She pushed the suspicions aside and brought her mind back to John’s eager tones. “It seems forever since I’ve seen you. I’ve been counting the days. Honestly, I began to think this week would never end!”

  “So now you’ll be moving on to another shed?”

  His face fell. “Don’t remind me.” He added very low, “I’d give anything to be around now that I’ve met you. And I’ve signed that damned contract that keeps me on the move for another month! But after that—say you won’t forget me,” he pleaded, “even if I can’t see you often. That’s the only thing that makes it worthwhile all the rush and hard work and heat of the sheds. I mean, the thought that when it’s all over I can get .back to my own land, my own girl.” The young bearded face was all at once anxious and intent. “Angie, tell me if there’s a chance for me, because—”

  In an attempt to divert the conversation into less personal channels she said lightly, “But I thought it was the money you were doing all this hard work for, not me.”

  “It is, it is,” gently he carried her fingers to his lips, “but what’s a home without the girl I can’t get out of my mind?”

  “A girl you’ve only known for a few weeks?” she teased. “What’s time got to do with it? When you meet one girl in a million, get to know her—”

  “You don’t really know me—”

  “Angie—”

  “It’s my being a cook,” she said demurely, “it’s giving you ideas.”

  “Ideas, hopes, the lot!” His tone deepened. “Meeting you, knowing you, means everything in the world to me, Angie.” He drew her out of the circle of firelight and into the shadows. “Say you’re glad to see me.”

  Laughing, she looked up into the dark-bearded face of this mathematics master-turned-farmer who was growing far too fond of her. Something in the intentness of his look touched her. “Of course I am.”

  “Don’t say it like that,” his tone was threaded with urgency, “say it as though you meant it.”

  “But—” She hesitated. He was nice, sincere, the type of man who would love one woman all his life long. Why couldn’t she care for him in a way that mattered? But she had weakly allowed herself to fall in love with the wrong person. “John,” she said gently, “if you’re thinking—” She broke off, aware of Mark striding purposefully towards her, a wineglass held in his hand. “For you. Twenty!”

  “Thank you.” There was a look in his eyes she couldn’t interpret.

  The next moment he was intercepted by one of the shepherds from the station and Angela’s dreaming gaze continued to rest on Mark’s erect figure.

  Why, she wondered, did she so often surprise his gaze on her? Even while he was apparently engrossed in conversation with a group or dancing with Sue. Keeping an eye on her, making certain that the untrustworthy station cook wasn’t up to more intrigues? Probably, she thought drearily, in his mind he suspected her of trying to drag John into her matrimonial net, whereas if he only knew...

  “No use looking at him,” John’s teasing accents cut across her thoughts, “not with Sue around. From what I hear on the grapevine those two will be making a match of it any day now.”

  Angela couldn’t understand why the words should hurt so much, almost like physical pain tearing through her. It was the truth, wasn’t it? The thought made her determined to prove to John, to herself, and most of all to Mark that the boss’s love-life was of no particular concern to her. Her opportunity came the next moment as all at once dance music pulsed around them and she was acutely aware of Mark turning towards her. Before he could speak, however, some devil of resentment made her look up at John, surprising him with the brilliance of her smile. “They’re dancing,” she said quickly. “Shall we—”

  For answer he took her hand and they merged into the groups already swaying to the infectious beat of a popular number.

  From a corner of her eye she was aware of Mark swinging around on his heel to move in the direction of a group of young farmers gathered at the poolside. Her quick glance went to Susan and she realised that the other girl to
o was eyeing Mark. Angela wondered if Susan had witnessed the little scene where the boss had found himself turned down as a dance partner by the shearers’ cook. As the hours wore on Mark did not again approach her, although she was only too well aware that he and Susan danced often together.

  If only the setting wasn’t so beautiful, she mused over the ache in her heart, for it was a night made for romance. The soft dark sky blazed with a shower of stars and blowing flares threw into relief great fluffy hibiscus blossoms and thickly-growing flax. Across the firelight would pass a gay tangerine or crimson shirt or a brilliantly patterned patio frock would gleam for a moment before merging into the shadows. Yet to Angela, dancing, laughing, chatting, the scene held the curious unreality of a play she happened to be viewing. Would the sizzling food have had some taste, the picture come alive had she waited for Mark to claim his dance earlier in the evening? He must have seen her deliberate withdrawal and formed his own conclusions. But what else could he expect from her? Never giving her a chance to explain her true position here, deliberately believing the worst of her, and on top of all that kissing her when the impulse happened to take him. There was just no understanding him.

  It was almost dawn when at last farewells were said and guests began to drift away towards cars, trucks and Land Rovers. John, who had been trying for a long time to get Angela to himself, at last caught her close. “You’ll be here for a while at Waikare, won’t you?” His voice was low and tender. “I always get this awful thought that you might be just a dream, that you’ll slip away somewhere and I’ll never find you again.” His arm tightened around her. “You’ll wait until I come back?”

  But Angela was more aware of Mark, who had sauntered towards them, a silent witness to the conversation. Why couldn’t he stay with his Sue, who was obviously waiting at the open door of her car to bid him goodnight? Instead of always being around at the most inconvenient moments. Did he appear like this just to annoy her or was he checking up on her once again? She threw him an angry glance, but at something in his face the resentment died away and there was only the awareness of him ... and the hopeless longing. She forced herself to look up at John. “Don’t worry. I’ll be around for a few more weeks yet. Doris wrote from the south to ask if I’d help her out by staying a while longer.”

  “She did?” John’s face was alight, his dark eyes shining with relief. “That’s the best news I’ve had for weeks. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

  Conscious of Mark’s nearness, she scarcely knew what she was saying. “You didn’t ask me.”

  “I hate leaving you like this,” John muttered in a low tone. “Seems as if I’m never going to get you to myself, but I guess this is it—” He bent to give her a quick kiss, but Angela’s lips were unresponsive. She was too aware of Mark and his no doubt mocking expression. Another victim? he’d be thinking. She and Martha must have laid their plans well.

  She drew herself away and smiled gaily. “Goodbye. I’ll see you some time!”

  A man’s voice called, “John, are you coming! Where the devil is he?” And John with a last lingering glance towards Angela tore himself away and hurried towards the car where a crowd was already seated.

  Only then did Mark saunter towards the cluster of vehicles on the pathway. Why must he watch her all the time? she wondered once again. She was nothing to him, the pain stabbed without warning, she only wished she were.

  Pink streaks mingled with the molten gold of sunrise as the men at Waikare went to the house to change into working clothes.

  Angela, feeling all at once deflated and weary, changed too, then went into the kitchen where she made fresh coffee and slipped bread into the automatic toaster. The men would be in later for breakfast. Perhaps it was as well she would be kept busy this morning, for she couldn’t seem to prevent her thoughts from straying endlessly to Mark. She regretted now not having had that dance with him. To dance with Mark under the stars ... but at the time she’d been so anxious to prove to him that she much preferred John’s company. If only that were true!

  CHAPTER NINE

  The days flew by, uneventful on the surface yet coloured with the ever-changing pattern of life on a vast station. Very soon now Jill would be leaving to begin nursing training in the city. Angela sensed that the girl’s excitement for preparing for a new life was clouded by being forced to leave Brian. Torn both ways as she was, there were times when it seemed Jill all but forgot her hostile attitude towards Angela.

  In two weeks Doris would be returning to the homestead to take up her duties here once again, and then ... At this point Angela’s thought invariably came to a dead stop. Was it because a future without even sight of Mark was too painful to contemplate?

  But absorbed in her problems as she was she couldn’t help but be aware of the subject filling the minds of the men at the station. At dinner that evening the conversation as usual turned in the direction of the annual rodeo to be held in a neighbouring area at the weekend. Mind and heart alerted always to Mark, Angela gathered that he had been a consistently successful competitor in varies events for some years. Her heart plunged. What if she were watching him ride and he were injured? The next moment she pulled herself up sharply, reminding herself that Mark was accustomed to taking part in the events, and the dangerous bulldogging and steer-roping held no terrors for him. It was only she who was afraid for him and thank heaven he knew nothing of that! Unexpectedly Brian, who had up till now taken no part in the conversation, said, “Just for a change I’ll give the bulldogging a go this time!”

  Mark’s penetrating blue stare raked the pale young face. “A bit premature for that sort of thing, aren’t you?”

  Brian’s face was no longer pale as a dark angry flush crept up his cheeks. “How do you mean?”

  Mark said evenly, “You know damn well what I mean! You’ve just collected one knock on the head—”

  “So why go looking for another? Is that what you’re getting at?” Brian’s usual mild tones were tinged with a stubborn determination. “If I can do it why not?”

  “Have you had a word with the doc about it?”

  “No, and I don’t intend to!” All at once Brian’s face wore the petulant look of a small boy who was determined to go his own way. Vaguely Angela wondered why the matter of an annual rodeo should be of such importance to him.

  Brian muttered beneath his breath, “A man can please himself, can’t he?”

  Mark’s lips twisted in a sardonic grin. “Okay, mate, it’s your funeral!”

  “But—bulldogging!” Jill was staring aghast towards Brian. “You don’t mean it, you can’t! Not after—”

  “You bet your life I mean it! Why not? Don’t you remember last year when I lasted three seconds longer than anyone else and finished up by breaking the record?”

  Jill muttered unhappily, “That was last year.”

  He threw her a dark look. “You’re just like all the rest of them around here. You think I can’t stick it out, don’t you? Well, you’re in for a big sunrise, the lot of you! I’m well again now and I’m darn well going to prove it!”

  Jill gave in with a bad grace. “You’re crazy!”

  When the meal came to an end Mark took Kevin out with him to look at one of the dogs who had been showing signs of lameness. Angela rose to clear the table and only then did she realise that Jill had waited until the others had left the room before once again raising her objections to Brian taking part in the bulldogging event.

  “That rodeo,” she groaned, “it would come at the weekend when I have to leave and go to town.” She eyed him imploringly. “Give it a miss this once, please, Brian, just for me?”

  He shifted impatiently, his small features set in a stubborn mould. “Why should I? I’m perfectly okay, fighting fit!”

  “Fit? For that sort of thing?”

  “You don’t have to be a muscle man to bring down a bull in the ring!”

  Jill said on a long sigh, “If only I could be there!”

  “Why? A
ll you want to do is to be on hand to pick up the pieces, isn’t that what you’re getting at?”

  Jill said impatiently, “You’re just being difficult! If you get yourself hurt all over again—”

  “I won’t!”

  As if regretting his curtness Brian sent her a wry grin. “And if I do I’ll call on you to patch me up again. How about that?”

  Jill gave a shaky smile and reached out to clasp his work-calloused hand. “I suppose I’ll have to settle for that.”

  “That’s better! I don’t know what you’re going on about. There’s nothing to it. Besides,” he hesitated, playing nervously with a fork, “I’ve got to compete this year.”

  “Got to?” Jill was eyeing him with a puzzled stare. “What’s so special about this year? I’ve never seen you so determined about anything! It’s not as if it matters one way or the other.”

  He said in a low strained tone, “it does you know.”

  Jill’s voice softened. “If you’ve got some crazy idea about proving something to yourself—”

  “Not to myself, love, someone else—”

  Jill said on a bewildered sigh, “If you’re thinking of me you don’t need to—”

  He didn’t answer and Angela, feeling embarrassed at witnessing what was fast becoming a lovers’ quarrel, rattled the china in the sink. She need not have troubled herself, however, for it was clear that the other two had forgotten she was in the room. She was just Twenty who happened to be around. She was becoming a habit with them all. Unconsciously she sighed. Especially with Mark.

  On the morning of the rodeo a general air of excitement pervaded the station. Even Angela, fathoms deep in heartache, and heartache there was no assuaging, couldn’t help but be aware of the atmosphere of high spirits flowing around her. For it seemed that everyone, whether in the capacity of onlooker or competitor in the various events, was bound for the rodeo grounds. Angela knew that she too should be looking forward to viewing the novel entertainment, but all she could think of was the fact that the rodeo grounds lay roughly halfway between Waikare and Susan’s home and no doubt Susan would be meeting Mark at the rodeo. Why was it she asked herself bleakly that she always spoiled everything by reminding herself of the other girl?