The Rabbit Great And Terrible

by Chereta, Nelson

  The light from the spell faded and Waldo wiped his hands. The blisters were gone and the skin on the man’s feet looked smooth and unmarred.

  “There, it’s done. Who’s next?”

  The man bowed to him three or four times before leaving. “Thank you! May the gods bless and keep you!”

  “Yes, yes, next person.”

  From behind Waldo Melissa spoke. “You are most welcome if you truly wish to thank us then all Waldo and I ask is that you tell people about what he did for you. That is the only payment we ask.”

  Waldo looked over his shoulder to send her a sour expression.

  “I will! I’ll tell everyone, I promise!” The man walked off with a spring in his step. In his place stepped a woman with a blunt chin who was coughing.

  When Waldo had stopped to treat that first boy, it hadn’t been done out of kindness or some sense of altruism. Waldo would have found the very idea offensive. He’d helped because he’d been bored with handing out bread, and the idea of talking to a bunch of mundanes about their problems sounded like an even greater waste of time. It had been a while since he’d needed to heal anyone, and it was a good idea to at least keep in practice. So, he’d thought to heal one person.

  Waldo got to his feet and placed his hands on her. “Ivaros et morbum febrem.” Light began to glow about his hands.

  Waldo didn’t dislike using healing magic, it had always been his Talent, and for a long time the only magic he was competent in. His issue was how embarrassing this was. Where he was from healing magic was not something to flaunt. When a person needed to be treated it was done in private, and then usually forgotten. It was certainly never done right out in the open where the whole world could see! An entire crowd of dirty peasants was watching, as well as Melissa.

  He glanced back over his shoulder at her. She was staring intently, a look of pride and admiration on her face. It reminded him of the way Alice would look at him sometimes. People referred to healing as white magic, and among White Mages, it was the most honored and respected of all the Talents.

  “Every Councilor in the Order of Mist is a healer,” Melissa had told him. “And only a few are as gifted as you are! Once you join the Order, you’ll be one of its leaders in a few short years!”

  That her Order was led by healers was just more proof that ALL White Mages were insane!

  As humiliating as all this was, there was always a certain satisfaction in healing people. Waldo was an excellent healer, even Walter had admitted that much. It was only natural to enjoy doing something you were good at. Waldo would have just preferred doing it where everyone couldn’t see. Getting paid would have also made it more tolerable.

  As Waldo was healing the woman’s cough, a group of more than thirty men came walking up the Silver Road to where he and Melissa were. They stood and waited respectfully until Waldo finished treating her. When he faced them, Waldo saw a familiar individual up at the front. As one, the entire crowd put their hands behind their heads and spoke.

  “The love of the Rabbit unto you.”

  Waldo was absolutely delighted. He made the same gesture. “And unto you as well.”

  Melissa stood by watching all this in confusion.

  “Derren,” Waldo said. “I see you’ve been busy spreading the word about the Great Rabbit.”

  “I have, Master Rabbit,” Derren said. “The people in the Rats Nest feel that the Gods of the Realm have abandoned them, and are ready to embrace a more caring god. And given how many feel about White Mages, they are happy to convert to your faith.”

  “Wait,” Melissa stepped forward. “Convert to his faith?”

  “Yes, to the god of Avalon and the White Mages.”

  “What?!”

  Derren turned to her and placed his hands behind his head like a pair of rabbit ears. “The love of the Rabbit unto you.”

  Melissa stood there blinking back at him.

  Derren glanced over at Waldo. “Did I do it wrong?”

  “No,” Waldo assured him. “You did it perfectly.”

  “Then why-”

  “The ways of Avalon are strange and enigmatic,” Waldo told him. “You must not question them. If a White Mage does not return your greeting, or even if they pretend to be completely ignorant of our divine herbivore lord, just know there is a reason for it. The important thing to remember is that the clergy is always right! You must place your complete and total faith in them. Even if what they tell you makes absolutely no sense, or contradicts the basic principles of the faith, trust that your religious leaders know better than what you do what the god wants. The absolutely best way to demonstrate your faith is to do whatever the clergy tells you without question.”

  “Yes, master,” Derren said nodding.

  Melissa gaped at Waldo. “What are you talking about?”

  “You see?” Waldo said to Derren. “Strange and enigmatic. If you want to follow Kookoocachoo, you must accept that his ways are not your ways.”

  Derren again nodded. “Master Rabbit, me and the other disciples have been spreading the word and growing the herd. Many are flocking to join in the worship of the Great Rabbit, but most of them are facing hard times. Some are going to starve this winter. Is there anything that can be done for them?”

  “Avalon,” Melissa said. “Will do what we can to help the people here. But we can only do so much. Unless your queen takes a more active role in caring for your people, I am afraid things will remain as they are.”

  “Or,” Waldo said. “You can tell all the members of the herd to beg, borrow, and steal every coin they can and bet it all on Belle of Tarsus to win the queen’s birthday tournament.”

  “What?” Melissa gasped. “You can’t tell people to wager on a blood sport! That tournament is nothing but an excuse to commit murder.”

  “Yes, it is. And it’s just awful. Murder is bad. But,” Waldo said. “Since the tournament is still going to happen regardless, and Belle is going to win it. The Great Rabbit would definitely want the members of his herd to profit from it.”

  “No one should ever profit from murder!” Melissa said.

  “Now that’s just being naïve,” Waldo said.

  Derren looked between them. “Ah… you are both White Mages and you are each telling me to do the opposite. Who am I supposed to listen to?”

  “Whose advice do you want to listen to?” Waldo asked.

  “Yours,” Derren said. “I’d rather take a chance than do nothing.”

  “Then you have your answer,” Waldo said. “Obviously, Kookoocachoo imparted some of his wisdom on you. Clearly, this is the god’s will.”

  Derren’s eyes widened and he nodded excitedly. “Thank you, Master! I understand now!”

  Derren bowed to him and to Melissa and turned to leave. The entire mob that had arrived with him left as well and he was eagerly explaining things to them as they went.

  “What was all that?” Melissa demanded.

  “That was me trying to help people,” Waldo said. “Isn’t that the whole point of what you wanted to do today with the bread and the healing and telling everyone how wonderful Avalon is?”

  “Your idea of helping is to tell people to risk what little they have on a game where men murder each other for the entertainment of the masses?”

  “Yes. I sense you have a problem with that.”

  “First,” Melissa said with her face turning red. “Anything connected to these games is utterly immoral, and that includes your own involvement. But even leaving that completely aside, your ogre is not certain to win.”

  “I’ll have to disagree with you there. Belle is very sure she’ll win.”

  “Why do you refer to it as a ‘she’ when we both know it’s a male?”

  “It makes Belle happy, and I try my best to be good to her.”

  Melissa shook her head. “Varca isn’t just a simple human gladiator. He is much more.”

  “Wait a minute,” Waldo gasped. “You know Varca is a minotaur!”

  �
�Is that what he is? Well, that’s interesting. And no, I didn’t know his specific race, only that he was some sort of Great Monster. My order has known for years, after all, it only requires casting a basic detection spell. If I hadn’t already met your barmaid and known which of your servants was the ogre, I would have cast one to find out. Be glad the local guild here is so lax or they’d have known as well. I suspect they wouldn’t be pleased about it.”

  She doesn’t realize Alice is a succubus, Waldo thought. That’s probably for the best. “If you knew the truth why didn’t you tell everyone?”

  “We tried, the queen specifically asked us not to.”

  “So, the queen knows too?” He was surprised when Melissa shook her head.

  “No, her advisor told her it was a lie and she chose to believe him. The previous ambassador offered to remove the illusion and prove it. But that would mean violating their precious law and might have done more harm than good. Torikai is very important to our plans, it was decided not to risk a major diplomatic incident.”

  “Important to your plans in what way?”

  “The point is, your ogre is far from certain to win.” Melissa ignored his question.

  “If you knew the truth, why didn’t you tell me.”

  Melissa grinned. “I did say you weren’t as smart as you thought.”

  “Alice tells me that, or something close, every other day. Why didn’t you tell me Varca was a Great Monster?”

  “And why exactly would I do that?” She asked. “Do you think I want you to profit from having that beast in your service? Or from your involvement in this disgusting tournament? The one and only positive I can see in it is that at least one abomination is guaranteed to perish. The only better outcome is having them kill each other.”

  “Well Belle expects to win, and I have faith in her.”

  “I don’t care who wins, they are both equally vile creatures who should not be walking the earth. I do however care about those poor people you told to gamble on the outcome. How could you do that?”

  “Simple. When Belle wins all the followers who bet on her will have enough money to at least survive the winter. Some may even win a small fortune. And in their minds, they’ll owe it all to the Great Rabbit. Not only will their faith in him be absolute, but I am sure word will spread and many will want to follow him.”

  “And what happens if the minotaur wins?”

  Waldo shrugged. “If I lose Belle I’m not going to care about a bunch of mundanes. And if I did care I could always say it wasn’t the god’s fault. That it happened because the followers were all sinful. As far as I can tell that’s how it usually works. The god gets the credit for everything that’s good, the followers get the blame for everything that’s bad.”

  “That is a cynical and self-serving view! You are completely and utterly selfish!”

  “Thank you.”

  Melissa scrubbed a hand over her face. “If all that weren’t bad enough, you’ve convinced people that your god is the god of the entire Order, if not of all Avalon! I can understand if you believe in this rabbit god, but if you are going to pretend to be a White Mage you can’t share your beliefs with others! You haven’t been taught yet, but we believe in The One We Follow. He is the patron and lord of Avalon and we are his Chosen People.” She pointed a finger at her own eyes. “We don’t share our beliefs with others, for he is ours alone to worship.”

  “What about the people who live in the Alliance countries?”

  “They can worship as they please. It’s enough that they follow and uphold our laws. As I said, we are his Chosen People, we alone are worthy of offering him worship and devotion. We teach them about Unity, Justice, and Peace. That is enough.”

  “Then I don’t see the problem.”

  “The problem is that some people now believe we worship this rabbit god of yours! The One We Follow might take offense!”

  “Oh, you don’t need to worry about that,” Waldo waved it away. “It turns out the gods don’t take offense that easily. They have surprisingly good senses of humor. Believe me, I know. My gods are always laughing at me.”

  “I don’t care if your rabbit god has a mocking nature!”

  “Oh, I wasn’t referring to him. The Great Rabbit’s not a real god. I just made him up.”

  “What?!”

  “I mean I presume he’s not real. I don’t claim to know every god in existence. But I made up all the stories I told Derren and the others.”

  “So, you tricked a bunch of innocent people into worshipping a god that doesn’t even exist?”

  “That’s right.”

  Melissa’s mouth hung open and she stared at him in horror. “So, on top of everything else you’re also a cult leader?!”

  “Yes, I had no idea it would grow so quickly! I only converted seven people. You really have to admire their devotion to the cause.”

  “That’s because they truly believe they are serving a god!”

  “I know,” he said, voice ringing with pride. “I made up some really delightful stories.”

  Melissa stared at him. “How could you do that?”

  Waldo shrugged. “I was bored.”

  XXX

  To Waldo’s relief, Melissa decided he’d done enough for one day. She warned him though they would be going out again tomorrow. She seemed more insistent than ever that she had to save him. As he returned to his quarters he could sense Alice was already there, while Belle was still training. He entered the room and shut the door behind him.

  “I’ve had the absolute worst day today!” He declared without even bothering to look over at Alice.

  “Really? Tell me about it, darling.”

  “Well, first Melissa came barging in here threatening me and demanding that I perform acts of madness for the public. She made me waste time handing out bread to people who are probably just going to end up starving anyway. Then I accidentally revealed to her I was a healer. That was a big mistake.”

  “Oh?”

  He nodded his head, still not looking at her. “She actually made me heal commoners, in public! Where people could see! It was humiliating! I spent hours doing the most embarrassing things where Melissa and others could see me!”

  “Oh, poor darling. That sounds just awful.”

  “It was! You have absolutely no idea what it’s like to have someone deliberately humiliate you like that!” He turned around to look at her. “It was utterly-” Waldo abruptly stopped as soon as he saw his wife. “Alice, why are you dressed like that?”

  Alice was wearing a cat costume. On top of her head were a pair of furry cat ears. Whiskers had been drawn on her cheeks with charcoal. On her hands were fur mittens that imitated paws. On her feet, were fur boots. She wore a black and white outfit that showed off her thighs and revealed a lot of cleavage. And attached to her rear was a long, furry tail.

  “The queen dressed all her maids up as pets and insisted I join in! I had to crawl about on all fours meowing! I had to play fight and tumble around with the other ‘pets.’ I had to rub up against her leg while she patted my head and stroked my back and told me I was a ‘good pussy!’ She even made me lap up a bowl of milk! I spent the entire day today pretending to be a cat while the queen watched!”

  Hearing that Waldo frowned. “So, you got to play dress up with the queen while I was being embarrassed? I hope you really appreciate how lucky you are.”

  When Alice started beating and kicking him he had no idea why.

  Chapter 18

  A Training Partner

  Melissa was on her knees, reciting her morning prayers.

  “There is but one path, those who abandon it are lost. There is but one justice, those who are wicked shall be punished. There is but one world, which belongs only to man, those of a different flesh shall be purged. There is but one true God, whose sacred name we shall know only in the hour of our deaths. The creator, the father, the mother, the protector, the judge, the punisher, the maker, and unmaker; the one who is all things
and all times, the one we must follow. I beseech thee, grant me mercy, for I am frail. Grant me strength, for I am weak. Grant me wisdom, for I am foolish.”

  She almost chuckled at the final line of the prayer. Foolish didn’t begin to describe the decisions she’d made since that fateful day in Middleton. She knew, knew that everything she felt for Waldo was a lie. The love she felt for him was as real as the ridiculous throne Madis sat on or the Gold Wall. Yet, despite that, she had lied to Minister Barrows and convinced him to extend a pardon to Waldo. She’d betrayed the Order and everything she believed in because she couldn’t bear the thought of losing him.