The Rabbit Great And Terrible

by Chereta, Nelson

  Attending the winter solstice celebrations had been among the few occasions he’d been allowed to leave the castle and go into Alter. He could remember fondly sitting beside mother in the very first row of the section reserved for his family. The branch members would be in the stone benches behind them. And while Waldo didn’t take pleasure in watching men die, not like his mother did, he did enjoy the spectacle itself. He enjoyed the ceremony and the sense of community among not only his family, but of all the Dark Mages.

  Plus, seeing the final guy running away from a bunch of hungry zombies was sort of funny.

  Ayden led them under the wooden stands. Waldo could look up and see the feet and legs of people in the open space between benches. They were walking on the dirt ground, and there were rats skittering along the shadows. In one of the support beams someone had carved the image of a fat cock in front of a face with a gaping mouth. Scratched in below the face was, ‘Miren’s lunch.’ Waldo found the location a bit lacking.

  “Have you ever seen gladiators fight, Master Rabbit? If not, you are in for quite a treat!” Ayden said, his steps quick and light. “There’s nothing like it in all the world!”

  “I have never seen gladiators,” Waldo said. “But I’ve watched men kill each other for sport.” Besides the winter solstice he’d also seen plenty of matches at home, his mother often made slaves fight each other to the death. It was a form of family entertainment; more interesting than jugglers or poetry readings less so than a play or performance by the sex slaves.

  “That’s a surprise. I know how White Mages feel about blood sport.”

  “Oh, we love it, can’t get enough of it. In my country people fight each other all the time for fun. You can hardly go to the privy without passing a couple people having a knife fight.”

  Ayden’s eyes widened. “If that’s true then why do White Mages always condemn the games?”

  “Because we’re the absolute worst hypocrites. Also, we’re plotting to take over the world.”

  Beside him Alice sighed and began to rub her temples.

  Ayden chuckled. “You have an excellent sense of humor.”

  “Glad you think so.”

  “So long as you keep an open mind I do promise you will enjoy yourself, at least until the final match.”

  “That’s when Belle will be fighting?”

  Ayden nodded, making the feathers on his head dance. “I always save the best for last. Keeps the fans in their seats until the very end. We’ll have eleven matches tonight, a full evening’s worth of entertainment plus. On an ordinary night we would only have ten, but tonight is special!”

  “You’re assuming Belle is going to lose,” Waldo said.

  “Asger is a veteran gladiator and most skilled. He has survived the pits for many years. Except for Varca he is easily the finest warrior in this city.”

  But only human, Waldo thought. “Belle may surprise you.”

  Ayden’s smile stretched from ear to ear. “I don’t doubt there will be surprises. They are always entertaining, though not always welcome.”

  Someone had scratched, ‘Gareth licks my balls.’ “This place doesn’t have quite the sense of grandeur I was expecting.” Waldo said.

  Ayden chuckled. “Grandeur isn’t for the likes of us, Master Rabbit. That’s for the Arena and the queen. You won’t find any kings or lords or high priests sitting in the stands here. No, our fans are commoners, small people leading small lives. They don’t come here for splendor or spectacle, they come here for excitement! For a show! For blood! They pay their money to see men fighting for their lives! For a thrill they can’t get anywhere else!”

  “That’s horrible!” Alice said. “How can you sleep at night?”

  “On a feather bed between two pretty maids.”

  Alice narrowed her eyes.

  “Your wife lacks your sense of humor, Master Rabbit.”

  Waldo shrugged. “Most do.”

  “I’m a showman, an entertainer, I just give the people what they want.”

  “You make men kill each other and profit from it,” Alice said.

  “That’s right. My establishment holds five thousand and there are never any empty seats. I put on matches every single week and the crowds come. They pay a copper mark each to watch and cheer and bet, and they always come back for more! I always put on a great show for my customers!”

  “It’s not a show to the people who die!”

  “No, just to the ones who fill my purse.”

  “So, everyone who comes here has to pay to get in?” Waldo asked.

  Ayden waved a hand at him. “Everyone save my guests, which tonight includes only the two of you and one other.”

  “I saw someone giving away free ticket to the queen’s tournament.”

  “Well the Arena is only open four days a year, and each time it’s a big event that draws high born visitors. The queen is always in attendance and there is always a big prize for the champion. The best seats are dear, they’ll go for one, two, or even three silver marks each.”

  “Then why were they giving away free tickets?” Waldo asked.

  “The Arena seats sixty thousand, and there aren’t that many people who can afford those prices. Even with all our wealthy guests I doubt more than a few thousand pay to get in. But her majesty would probably feel a little embarrassed if the Arena were nine tenths empty during her birthday tournament. So, she gives all the unsold tickets away to her beloved subjects.” Ayden tapped the side of his nose with a finger. “She does it out of love and mercy. Everything she does is always out of love and mercy.”

  “Including letting her people go hungry?”

  “Absolutely! Love and mercy for her own pockets! It costs her nothing to let someone sit inside the Arena for a few hours. Wheat is another matter.”

  “And you never give away free tickets yourself?”

  Ayden shook his head. “I’m not a ruler, just a humble businessman. A few empty seats wouldn’t bother me. But there’s no need, people love the games and I only charge one copper mark. Even most of the rats can afford that. It’s certainly cheaper than a loaf of bread these days.”

  “Wait a moment,” Alice said. “You have five thousand seats and charge one copper coin for each. So that means you only bring in five thousand copper coins each time. So, you’re only making two and half gold coins.”

  “Only?” Ayden snorted. “Not all of us get to marry a wealthy White Mage from Avalon. I’m sure to you that seems like a paltry sum. No doubt you spend more than that on shoes.”

  “Almost,” Waldo muttered.

  Alice jabbed a finger into his ribs.

  “But to most,” Ayden continued. “That is a huge amount, and I make it every week.”

  “I know it’s a lot of money,” Alice said. “But how could you afford to spend five gold coins to get Belle to fight here? Won’t you be taking a massive loss?”

  “Not at all,” Ayden proclaimed waving a hand through the air. “I didn’t pay it. You see, someone else wanted this particular match and gave me the money.”

  “Who?”

  “My other guest.”

  Their walk beneath the stands ended at a wooden stair case with a pair of guards. Ayden went up the stairs with Waldo and Alice following. As Waldo climbed the steps he could sense what was waiting. The stairway led to the back of a rostrum which overlooked the fighting pit. There was a massive blackboard at the back and a circular balcony that hung over the sands. On the platform itself there were three couches spread out in a ‘U’ with a single banquet table laden down with food and drink. Four pretty girls in dresses slit down the sides waited to serve. And lying back in one of the couches was a man in crimson and gold robes.

  “Master Rabbit,” the man said with a slight nod of his head. He did not bother to stand.

  “Master Leiznam,” Waldo returned the nod.

  “I’m glad you could join us, I’m sure this will be a wonderful evening.”

  For the first time Waldo began to
suspect it might not be.

  Chapter 27

  The Fighting Pit

  “You paid to have Belle fight here tonight?” Waldo asked.

  “Oh. You’ve spoiled the surprise,” Leiznam gave Ayden a mock shake of his head.

  Ayden bowed to the guildmaster. “My apologies, Master Leiznam. I didn’t know it was a secret.”

  Waldo turned to Ayden. “I thought this was going to be a regular fight.”

  Ayden plopped down on the head couch and waved to one of the girls. “It is, Master Rabbit. I would never lie to a White Mage of Avalon. And no matter how this evening turns out I pray you remember that. I also beg you to remember that I did tell you all matches are to the death.”

  One of the serving girls brought him a goblet of wine.

  “You also told me that Belle’s opponent would be human.”

  “He is,” Ayden took a sip of his wine. “I swear it by the Gods of the Realm, Asger is as human as you or I.”

  Alice came to his side. “So long as Belle is fighting a man I don’t have any worries.”

  “Wonderful!” Ayden raised his cup in salute. “Then you can enjoy this lovely evening without a care in the world!”

  Waldo shifted his attention to Leiznam. “Why would you give me five gold coins just to see Belle fight? You could have seen that tomorrow.”

  “You know how rich my guild is. Five gold marks is nothing.”

  “It still seems like quite a lot to pay for something you could have gotten for free.”

  “Perhaps I think the match will be worth it.” Leiznam motioned to the couch across from his. “Won’t you sit down and relax? These are the best seats in the house, much more comfortable than a cold wooden bench.”

  Alice placed a hand on his arm. “Darling, maybe we should.”

  Waldo was frowning, but sat down with her. One of the serving girls asked if he wanted anything. Waldo took a goblet of red wine while Alice had a bit of cheese brought to her. The stands were more than half full and people were still coming in. Those already seated were beginning to stomp their feet, clap, and shout for the action to start.

  “Unruly rats,” Leiznam muttered.

  “They’re not so bad,” Ayden said. “They’re just excited and can’t wait for the fun!”

  “They’re dirty, disgusting animals,” Leiznam said. “They’ve been attacking guards and wagons trying to deliver wheat to the docks. Stealing is as natural to them as breathing.”

  “Maybe if they weren’t so hungry they wouldn’t have to,” Alice said.

  “Are we supposed to feed people who don’t want to work?”

  “A lot of them do work,” Ayden pointed to the serving girls and to a pair of men standing below the large blackboard. “Every serving girl, stable hand, cook, and worker inside the wall comes from here.”

  Leiznam nodded. “The problem is there are too many of them. If we burned down nine tenths of the Rats Nests we would still have more than enough workers for our needs. If fire didn’t spread so easy I might suggest it. At least things will be a bit better come the spring with thousands of useless mouths gone.”

  “Your happy innocent people are going to starve this winter?” Alice asked aghast.

  “You think they’ll be missed?” Leiznam asked in return.

  “By the people who loves them, yes! They’re living, breathing souls who matter every bit as much as you do!”

  Leiznam snorted a laugh. “Was she always like this, Master Rabbit? Or did you convert her?”

  “Alice has always had a very gentle and kind heart,” Waldo said. “But no one is perfect.”

  That earned him an elbow in his ribs.

  Waldo spilled a bit of his wine, but didn’t get any on his nice white robes. “There is a simple solution you know.”

  “Let me guess,” Leiznam said with disdain. “Her majesty should empty out her granaries and feed all the rats.”

  Waldo shook his head. “Certainly not, spending money on people who don’t provide you anything is a waste.”

  One of Leiznam’s eyebrows quirked. “Then why do you and Mistress Cornwall give people free bread?”

  “It’s one small part of our plot to take over the world.” Waldo said with satisfaction. He was just starting to realize that that excuse could cover a LOT of things.

  Leiznam frowned, but Ayden looked amused. “All right then,” Leiznam said. “What is your solution?”

  “It’s simple, really. You just take all the useless mouth and kill them.” Waldo took a finger and slashed it across his throat. “Then you reanimate their bodies and have a massive work force that won’t require food or pay and will work tirelessly for you until their bodies break down. You can use them to work mines or build roads or canals or be soldiers or any kind of brute labor. It’s a simple, cheap solution where everyone wins! Except for the people being massacred and turned into undead, but I think we’ve established you don’t care about them.”

  The two men stared at him.

  “What? You don’t think it’s sensible? I’m sure your guild doesn’t have any necromancers, but you can always hire some. If you send to Alteroth there’s an incredibly powerful family that specializes in it, Corpselikers or something like that. I’m sure if you pay well enough you could hire a few of them.”

  Ayden gave an uncertain laugh. “Your humor is quite something, Master Rabbit.”

  “I was being serious.”

  “Yes, I am sure you were,” Leiznam snapped. “Just like before with the dragons!”

  Waldo nodded.

  Alice sighed and nibbled on her cheese.

  XXX

  People continued to pour in and the empty seats filled. As they did so the horrible ball of fire left the sky completely and the last of the day light bled away. Guards lit a series of braziers that surrounded the wooden stadium and provided plenty of light. Having spent so much time within the Gold City Waldo found the lack of magical illumination pleasant.

  As the audience grew the stomping and the clapping fell into a steady rhythm; bam, bam, baaaaam, bam, bam, baaaaam. And with the steady beat the earlier shouts turned into a clear chant; ‘We want bloooood,’ ‘We want bloooood.’ The cry was steady and constant and growing louder as more and more people arrived.

  Waldo found the crowd’s excitement rubbing off on him. Back home, the families would cheer on the fighting once it began, and laugh as the last survivor ran around in circles trying to escape the zombies. But they were quiet beforehand. The fights were sacrifices to the Dark Powers after all, with solemn and religious overtones. Plus, there was always a certain element of danger when all the families gathered together. It was never wise to be too relaxed.

  The mundanes didn’t have any of those worries. They were free to revel in the excitement and thrill of approaching bloodshed. All through the stands he spotted mugs and wine skins. He saw flushed faces and mouths wide open, screaming at the top of their lungs. Waldo couldn’t remember seeing so much raw joy on so many faces before. The only thing that had ever come close were the festivities of the Summer Solstice with his family, and those had only involved a few hundred people, not thousands. How wonderfully savage and carefree they are! Waldo thought with just a tiny bit of jealousy. It had to be liberating to be poor and ordinary and not burdened with great responsibilities.

  Alice meanwhile looked at the crowd shaking her head. “How can they be so blood thirsty?”

  “They’re not so bad,” Ayden said leaning back in his couch. “They lead hard lives without much to look forward to. Most of them can barely manage to keep a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. Winter is coming and a lot of them are afraid they won’t see the spring. All they want is a little fun, a little excitement to take their minds off their troubles. To be entertained, even if it’s only for one night.”

  “And the only way to get that is to see people killed?” Alice asked.

  Ayden laughed and finished his wine. “Do you think they’d cheer like this for a play
or a horse race? Once you see you’ll understand, nothing in this world is as exciting as seeing men try to kill each other.” He rose to his feet and began walking to the balcony. Ayden gave a nod to the two men at the blackboard. They swiftly began chalking a message in thick, foot tall letters.

  The balcony hung out over the arena floor and was in the line of sight of every person there. When they saw Ayden step onto it, hands raised above his head, an eager smile on his face, the crowd stopped its chant and they jumped to their feet. They were yelling so loud Waldo couldn’t hear himself think. Rather than motion for quiet, Ayden balled his hands into fists and pumped them into the air. The crowd responded, screaming so that Waldo placed hands over his ears.