“I thought you were supposed to make up time in the air,” she said, looking anxious.
“Yes, but we’re fighting headwinds today.” Blaise felt like she was fighting all of Air France, headwinds, and the universe. It had been a nightmare so far, of contradictions, delays, and lies, which were standard fare these days for flying on all airlines in every part of the world. It wasn’t unique to Air France.
She went back to sleep then under the blanket, and felt the gentle roundness of her stomach. She would be five months pregnant in a few days, and she was wearing loose shirts and tops that covered the slight bulge. Unless you looked very carefully, it really didn’t show yet, but she knew it would soon. She had managed to conceal Salima until she was six months pregnant, but after that the cat was out of the bag. She had been a young network star then, just starting out, and people thought it was cute, even her producers. She had been twenty-seven years old. She didn’t know how cute anyone would think it was at forty-seven and unmarried. She suspected that Zack would be less than amused, particularly if it caused a problem for them. Blaise intended to see that it didn’t, but she was concerned. It could even start Zack on a bad roll again, looking for another Susie Quentin. Or worse, another Blaise McCarthy. But there was nothing she could do—she would have to take a few weeks off to have the baby. She smoothed her shirt over her belly, and lay in her seat, “praying” the plane toward New York. So far they were on time, and the only thing that could delay them further now was if they had to circle the airport in New York instead of land, due to storms or traffic.
She had tea and a light meal before they landed—it was foie gras, smoked salmon, cheese, and champagne. She skipped the champagne and ate the cheese and foie gras, and twenty minutes before they landed, the flight attendants put everything away and asked them to bring up their seats. Blaise went to brush her hair and suddenly realized that she was going to have to wear the dark blue linen slacks and white shirt she had on, and sandals, to the recital in New York. She wouldn’t have time to go home and change. She quickly brushed her teeth, combed her hair, and put on makeup, and she looked very chic and impeccable when she went back to her seat. Even in casual clothes, she looked like a star. But she was chic for the French Riviera, not New York. At least Salima didn’t care, as long as she was there for the performance, and she prayed God she would be.
It was 5:01 in New York when they landed, and there was an Air France VIP escort waiting for her. They took her off the plane first and literally ran with her to immigration, and stayed with her while she waited for her bags. A porter and the VIP person took her to customs, and she said she had nothing to declare. It was 5:29 when she left customs and raced outside to the curb. Mark had arranged a town car for her since Tully was with Salima, and Blaise texted her as soon as she got in the car, or tried to, only to discover that her cell phone was dead. So Salima had no idea that her mother had landed and was in the car. She tried to call her from the car phone, but Salima’s phone was off.
The driver wove her expertly through traffic, and it was six forty-five when they approached Lincoln Center in rush-hour traffic, where Salima would be singing at Alice Tully Hall. Blaise got out and literally ran across the plaza, to the theater, and produced the ticket she had fortunately put in her purse in Nice. She was so glad she had it with her. Lucianna had arranged a front-row seat for her, as well as seats for Becky and Mark. Blaise was out of breath when she took her place between them, and Mark looked relieved when she got there and beamed. Blaise glanced up at the empty stage, with the grand piano on it. There were two other students performing after Salima, and she was scheduled to go on first. Blaise had just made it by the skin of her teeth, but she suddenly realized that this was the first time she ever had. And she had never tried this hard to come home. Something had changed. Suddenly not being there for Salima seemed wrong, and moving heaven and earth to be there for her was right. And Blaise certainly had.
The audience took their places and the stage manager turned down the lights, as Blaise held her breath, and a moment later Salima walked onto the stage with Lucianna, who left her front and center, close to the edge of the stage. She was wearing a sad, worried look, and Blaise realized that Salima still didn’t know her mother was there. And with a sudden surprising gesture, Blaise left her seat, took two steps toward the stage, and said just loudly enough for Salima to hear, “I’m here,” and suddenly Salima beamed. She had heard her. And a moment later the performance began. She sang like an angel, the crowd applauded thunderously when she took her bow, and Lucianna led her proudly off the stage into the wings. The thrill of victory was on Salima’s face, and Blaise hadn’t stopped crying while she sang. It had been the most beautiful night of her life.
Blaise found her backstage afterward, and Salima threw herself into her arms.
“You came! You did it! I didn’t think you would.”
“I damn near had to hijack a plane to do it. I nearly assaulted a ticket agent in Nice in the first-class lounge. I got here two minutes before you walked onstage.”
“Thank you for telling me you were here,” she said to her mother. “My performance wouldn’t have been the same if I didn’t know you were. I did it all for you, Mom.” And as she said it, Blaise started crying again. She was so proud of her, and so was Lucianna. And Salima went back to take another bow at the end.
Blaise took Salima, Mark, and Becky to Harry’s Cipriani afterward, and Lucianna joined them a little while later. Salima said she was ravenous, she had eaten very little all day, she’d been so nervous. And Blaise told her again how beautiful it had been. Lucianna had had the performance videotaped, and Blaise couldn’t wait to see it again.
And on the way to the restaurant, Salima had texted Simon to tell him how well it had gone. She stood outside the restaurant for a minute to listen to his text, and he told her that he was proud of her too, and he wanted her to send him one of the CDs. She texted him back and promised she would. And she told him that her mom had been there, and made it just in time.
The white silk dress they had gotten for the recital looked beautiful on Salima, and Becky had bought a new dress too, at Barneys, and Blaise laughed about what a mess she was, in shirt and slacks and gold sandals, wrinkled beyond belief after eight hours on the plane.
“I don’t care if you showed up naked, Mom. I’m so happy you were there.” Salima beamed.
“Me too,” Blaise said, as they held hands. Blaise leaned over and kissed her then. She had never been prouder in her life, of Salima for her accomplishments, hard work, and outstanding performance, and of herself for finally showing up when it counted. For once, network news had taken a backseat to her family, and Salima had come first. It was the happiest night of Salima’s life, and Blaise’s too. And as she sat smiling at Salima, Blaise felt the baby move for the first time.
Chapter 17
Salima was coasting on the excitement of her recital all weekend. Lucianna called to tell her again how fantastic she had been. Blaise sent Lucianna two dozen red roses to thank her, and two dozen pink ones to Salima, and all of them were in high spirits. They went to the park on Saturday, and out to dinner in the West Village, at a noisy new place Salima had heard about that was full of young people. And the three of them celebrated all over again. And on Sunday, Salima and Becky went out, to the park for a concert, and Blaise finally got some time to unpack from her trip. There were clothes lying all over her room and she looked disheveled in a big white shirt, bare feet, and jeans, with her bright red hair flying loose after she’d washed it that morning. She was trying to make order out of chaos when the doorbell rang, right after they left. She thought it was Salima and Becky, having forgotten something and left their key in the apartment, since the doorman didn’t call from downstairs to announce a guest.
Blaise pulled the front door open with a smile, expecting to see the girls. “Forget your key, ladies?” she teased them, and found herself looking at Simon in khaki slacks and a white shirt, with a b
lazer over his arm. She had no idea what to say when she saw him. It was like opening a door and seeing a ghost. And he could see it on her face, as she went suddenly pale.
“Oh … I’m sorry … I thought it was the girls. What are you doing here, and why didn’t they announce you downstairs?” Blaise said. She wasn’t angry, just surprised, and she was so stunned, she didn’t invite him to come in. They just stood there in the doorway, staring at each other, and Blaise felt a wave of emotion wash over her, which she tried to conceal. But Simon had seen a glimpse of it in her eyes.
“I guess the doorman still thinks I live here, or likes me or something.…” Simon looked at her with gentle eyes. “Are you busy, or can I come in?” he asked cautiously, not sure if she would let him.
“Sorry, yes … to both … I’m busy, and you can come in. I just got back from France on Friday. I was unpacking.” And she was still awash with the good feelings of Friday night.
“I hear Salima’s performance was a smash hit,” Simon said as he followed Blaise into the familiar hall and then into the living room where she led him. They had sat there before, though very rarely. It felt too formal to him. He preferred hanging out in the kitchen with her, her home office, or her bedroom. But he was an outsider now, he didn’t live there. Blaise tried not to think of it as they sat down. She had no idea why he’d come, except maybe to see Salima, which she couldn’t help thinking was presumptuous of him, without even calling first to ask if he could. It seemed unlike him. He was generally better behaved.
“She was fantastic,” Blaise said with a smile. “I suppose you’ve come to see her. She and Becky just went out. That’s why I thought you were them. I don’t think they’ll be back for a while.” She was treating him like a guest or an old friend, not a man she had once loved, and still did.
“I came to see you,” he said quietly. “And I apologize for not calling first. I was afraid if I did, you wouldn’t see me.” He was right, she wouldn’t have, she thought to herself, but she didn’t say it to him, she just nodded.
“When did you get back to New York?” she asked politely.
“Last night. We had commencement yesterday. I’m through at Caldwell. I wanted to see you in person. I apologize for my silence. I know it was wrong not to at least e-mail you. I just had to work things out, and it took time. I didn’t want to call you until I sorted it out. All of it,” he said, looking her in the eye. He was as direct and honest with her as he had always been.
“You don’t need to apologize, Simon,” she said softly, and looked away. “I knew it was over when you left. I guess it was foolish of me to think it could work with us. I know now it couldn’t, but it took me a while to realize it and accept it. I hope everything worked out well for you.” She was trying to be gracious, but she really didn’t want to hear the details about Megan. It would have hurt too much, even now. Especially now, with the baby.
“Things worked out the way they were meant to. I really questioned if I wanted to stay in this kind of work. Eric and I talked a lot about it. He thinks I have a gift, so I took the job at the Institute for Special Education for the fall. Eric thought it would be a good fit. He was great. It was really time for me to move on to something bigger. And I didn’t want to just take a job because of you. I had to do it for myself, and make sure this is the career I want. I know that now. I had some doubts about it for a while.” The school for the blind he was referring to was in New York.
“What else would you have done?” She was startled to hear that he had considered other lines of work, and would have given this one up. Eric was right. He had a gift. And Salima and countless others were proof of that. Even her singing studies were thanks to him. He had made both their lives better while he was there, even with his soufflés. She smiled at the memory of the time they’d shared, and their brief affair.
“I thought about opening a restaurant. Or working in one, if I couldn’t afford my own. I mean a great restaurant, like La Grenouille. I’ve never done anything with the training I have, except for friends.” He smiled at her. “I have a gift for that too, and I had a secret dream of being a chef. I’ve put that away for now, but at least I’m clear about it, and it doesn’t feel like a sacrifice. I’m excited about the new job. I outgrew Caldwell a while ago.”
“I thought so too,” she agreed, surprised by what he was saying. She had never realized that he was serious about being a chef. She thought he was just having fun. But he was very good at that too. He was a man of many talents.
“And I’ve always wanted to live in France and work in my uncle’s vineyards. I think the wine business is fascinating. I was thinking about moving to Bordeaux. But I decided not to do that either. Actually, my uncle was less enthused about it than I was. I worked for him for two summers in my teens, and I almost burned the place down once with fireworks. He was afraid I’d screw up his business and burn down the château.” He grinned and she laughed.
“Well, you certainly had some interesting options. And you can always do either of those later, the restaurant, and the family wine business. But it sounds like you made the right choice for now.” It hurt looking at him and making idle conversation. She hoped it didn’t show. He was as beautiful and appealing as ever.
“I hope so,” he said about his career decision, looking very young. The age difference between them seemed vast to Blaise now, and she felt foolish for ever thinking he’d want a life with her. He hadn’t even figured out what he wanted to be when he grew up, and was only just beginning to. He needed a woman his age to go in different directions and try things out with him. Her life was already established and not as fluid and flexible as his. “And I can always work as a sous chef somewhere on weekends if I want. It might be fun. And the family business isn’t going anywhere. My mother thought I’d hate living in Bordeaux. She couldn’t wait to leave when she was young. I’m going over this summer for a few weeks to visit family at the end of June.” She knew he spoke French fluently, which made it easy for him. It was a real advantage she didn’t have when she was there.
“I just came back from the South of France, the Cannes Film Festival and the Monaco Grand Prix. It’s always crazy, but I love it there,” she said, keeping things light.
“What are you doing this summer?” he asked her. His eyes never left hers for an instant. And he looked as though he wanted to say something else, but didn’t dare.
“We’re trying to decide between Cape Cod, the Vineyard, and the Hamptons.” He nodded. They sounded like reasonable choices for her and Salima and a nice vacation for them.
“And Becky worked out well,” he confirmed. He could tell Salima liked her, from her texts, and she had reported that her mother did too.
“Very. She’s not exciting but she’s very sweet, and they’re like two kids together. I think Salima has taught her more than she’s taught Salima. But it seems to work. And she’s very responsible when I’m gone.” She didn’t say that it was nothing like when he was there. There was no point. Nothing in her life was the same without him, and wouldn’t be again, but she didn’t want to look back, only forward. They both had to move on, and he already had. And she had something important to look forward to now too. He had mentioned looking for an apartment in New York, and she assumed it was for him, Megan, and her three boys.
“Blaise, I wanted to tell you how sorry I am about how confused I was when I left—” She stopped him before he could say more.
“That’s all over, Simon. We don’t need to talk about it.” And she didn’t want to. Just seeing him was painful enough.
“After a while, I figured if I called, you’d hang up on me. And I didn’t want to write an e-mail. I wanted to come and see you and talk to you myself. But I couldn’t leave Caldwell till now. I got here last night, so I came to see you today.” He had walked around all morning before he did, trying to decide what to say to her, and how.
“It doesn’t matter,” she said gently.
“It does to me. It all matters. How
I left, what happened when I got there, you have a right to know.”
“You look happy,” she said, trying not to remember how much she’d loved him, or that his son was in her belly, which he didn’t know and couldn’t see, but she would tell him later, in four more months. “I’m fine too. You gave us enormous gifts while you were here, both of us. You gave Salima independence, which is an incredible gift. And what we shared was wonderful. But some things aren’t meant to last. What we had didn’t. Let’s leave it there. You have Megan, and a new job to look forward to. You have a lot of life ahead of you, and I’m happy as I am.” She was trying to convince both him and herself as she said it, and he shook his head with a pained expression. He could see in her eyes how much he had hurt her.
“I left Megan three days after I got back to Caldwell.” He was staring at her intensely as he said it. “And I found out everything I needed to know. I can’t be with a woman that dishonest, even if she did leave Jack for me in the end. I don’t think she did. She left him for herself, which was the right thing to do. But that doesn’t obligate me to spend my life with her. I couldn’t. I’d have been miserable with her. I knew it after the first dinner I had with her. Nothing happened with Megan, Blaise. I wasn’t clear about it until I saw her, and then it was crystal clear. I wasn’t in love with her anymore. I was in love with you, and I still am. You may not want me anymore, and I don’t blame you if you feel that way, after four months of silence. But I needed to know more than that. I wanted to come back to you with a job I’m excited about, to know that I could bring something to the table other than truffle pasta and cheese soufflé. And I needed to be sure about one other thing, and I am. I wanted to be sure that I don’t care about having children, so I wouldn’t regret it later. I don’t need to have babies. I’d rather be with Salima and you. I love you, Blaise.” She saw all the pain he’d been through, and it was mirrored by her own, but they had both come out of it better people, whatever happened now. “I love you, and I don’t expect you to take me back. I just wanted you to know it, and that I wasn’t wasting my time for these four months. I was quiet because I needed to know how I really felt, about everything. I grew up. Maybe too late for you, but I did. And if you’re happy now, I’m glad. I can’t imagine the pain I must have caused you for the past four months while I was growing up.” She sat looking at him for a long time, and she wasn’t sure what to say. They had each grown and moved on, and had wound up in a different place. It was ironic, and she smiled at him.
A Perfect Life: A Novel Page 24