“What made you decide to give up having kids?” she asked him.
“Because I love you more than any child, and I’d rather be with you. I wanted to be sure that I was okay about giving that up, and I am. I understand why you don’t want them, and I’m fine with it.” He had come to all the right conclusions, the ones she had hoped to hear, but he had arrived a little late.
“It’s strange how life works. I’ve been doing a lot of thinking too. I came to kind of a crossroads in March when I had to make a big decision, one of those life-changing moments when what you decide will affect the rest of your life. And I landed in the opposite place you did. I wish you had told me about Megan, by the way. It might have helped. I made all my decisions based on the assumption that you were back with her for good. It would have been nice to know you ended it with her after three days.” It would have spared her a lot of pain and suffering, but he hadn’t called. He hadn’t been ready for her yet, and maybe it was for the best, she realized now. Because she had made the right choice for herself, not for them, or him.
“I’m sorry,” he said humbly. “So what decision did you make in March?” A chill ran down his spine as he wondered if she was involved with someone else now, someone she loved more than him, maybe someone her own age who was more mature. He thought she looked more beautiful than ever, and wondered if that was why. “Are you involved with someone now, in a serious way?” His heart nearly stopped while he waited for the answer, and she nodded. He closed his eyes for a moment when she did. “I was such a fool,” he said softly, and then looked at her again with deep regret.
“Maybe I was too. I expected you to know all the answers immediately, because I thought I did. We both had some growing up to do. You were smarter than I was about that. And I’m not involved with someone the way you think I am, although it’s very serious and very long term. Forever actually. I came to a different conclusion than you did about having babies. I decided that I want to have another child.” She looked peaceful as she said it.
He looked shocked. “When did you decide that?” She waited an eternity before she answered, while he could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He looked at her, and she looked no different, except even lovelier than before, and all he wanted was to take her in his arms.
“I decided it when I found out I was pregnant with your baby, a little boy.” He looked like he’d been shot out of a cannon as he stared at her.
“Why didn’t you tell me? When did that happen?”
“In January apparently. I found out at the end of February. I thought you were with Megan, and had made your decision, so I decided not to tell you until the baby was born. I always planned to tell you then. But I didn’t want to impose on you, or intrude while I was pregnant.” He looked like he was going to cry when she said it, and he moved closer to where she sat.
“Does Salima know?” He was horrified that he had known nothing about it, and hadn’t been there for her.
“Not yet. I’ll have to tell her soon, though, probably by next month. She knows how much I love you. She’ll be okay with it. I haven’t told anyone until you right now. I decided it was a gift, and I accepted the gift. That’s what I decided in March.”
“How could you not tell me and do this all by yourself?” There was accusation in his voice as well as guilt. What if she had never told him? He would have been deprived of his son, and her.
“You didn’t need to know before he was born if you were with Megan, or whoever else. You can have visitation and see him whenever you want. He’s your son too.” As he sat next to her, he put a gentle hand on her white shirt, and felt the baby move. He looked at Blaise with tears in his eyes.
“I don’t deserve you, but I love you so much. When are you having him?”
“End of September, beginning of October. I’ll call you the minute he comes,” she promised, and Simon looked heartbroken as he sat next to her.
“Is it over for you, with us, I mean?”
“In some ways, it’s just beginning, with him. We have a lot of years ahead of us to share this child. If nothing else, we can be friends, and should be for his sake.” She was at peace about it.
“I want more than that, Blaise. I want what we had before”—he sounded determined as he said it—“even if I was an idiot and didn’t deserve you, probably still don’t, and maybe never will.” He looked at her humbly and she shook her head and smiled.
“I’m not sure I deserved you.” She smiled. “I’m too old for you, too settled in my life. I know what I want and who I am, you reminded me of that, to never forget who I am. I did forget, for a long time, with Andrew, and even with you. All I wanted was to be with you, at any price. I wanted to forget how old I was, how young you are, the difference in our ages, where we were in our lives. You left because you wanted Megan. You thought you wanted someone your own age, and you were right. You don’t need someone like me.”
“I loved her the way you loved Andrew, even though he was wrong for you. You got taken in by him. Megan fooled me. She has no integrity, no soul, no heart. You are everything I want and I’ve been looking for all my life, and I don’t give a damn how old you are. You’re young enough to be having my baby, so don’t give me that.” And with that, he took her in his arms and kissed her, and her head swam as he did. She wanted to forget all the reasons why it didn’t seem right to her anymore, but she wasn’t sure she could.
“Besides, your mother would kill you,” she said after they kissed, and he laughed.
“I don’t care what she thinks. After pretending to be so bohemian all her life, she turns out to be a lot more bourgeois than she thinks. You and I love each other. That’s all. No time. No years. No age. It worked when we were together. And now we have a baby. Blaise, give us a chance. Please. It won’t be perfect. Nothing ever is. But let’s try, for all three of our sakes, and even Salima. I didn’t even know about the baby, and I came here today to tell you how much I love you, on the off, crazy, wonderful chance that you still love me too and are nuts enough to try again.”
“I do love you,” she said, smiling at him. “I never stopped, especially once I knew about the baby.”
“Well, then?”
“And what happens when some young girl comes along in two or ten or twenty years, and you fall in love with her?”
“You’re the only woman I want. Now and in twenty years. Fifty years. I didn’t come back for the baby I didn’t even know about. I came back for you.” She didn’t answer him, and he kissed her again, and she could feel all the hurt of the past four months slipping away from her and disappearing into the mist. He pulled her to her feet then and put his arms around her. “I love you. I will always love you. No matter how old you are.” What he was saying was what she had wanted to hear, what she had hoped he would come back to say, even when she told him to leave. It was what she had wanted from Andrew, and Harry before that. And Simon was the only man who had ever said it, and been there for the right reasons. He was there for her, not the trappings, or the stardom, or her job. He only wanted her.
“You know we’re crazy if we do this. I’m fifteen years older than you are. When I’m fifty, you’ll be thirty-five. When I’m sixty, you’ll be forty-five and still gorgeous.”
“It’s okay, I may have been an idiot for the past four months, but I can count. And I don’t give a damn about what anyone thinks or says, except you and Salima. To hell with everyone else. I’ve never found anyone like you, and I know I never will again. I’m not willing to give that up.”
“Neither am I,” she said softly, as she looked up at him and smiled. They were there because they loved each other truly and profoundly, and she knew that now, and so did he. There were no doubts, no questions that needed to be answered. There were just the two of them, solidly on their path. He was smiling at her, and he had never been so sure of anything in his life, and so was she.
Chapter 18
Simon, Blaise, and Salima went to Bordeaux to visit his uncle and co
usins in July. They had a wonderful time and they stopped in Paris on the way back. Salima had never been there before, and they took her everywhere, and she loved it. They walked all over Paris, went to Notre Dame and Sacre Coeur, the Louvre, Versailles, ate lunch in bistros and walked through the Tuileries Gardens and Bois de Boulogne and went shopping. And Salima slept in her own room at the Ritz. They didn’t take Becky. It was a family trip, and she went home to New Hampshire for three weeks while they were away.
Blaise had told Salima about the baby in June, and she was wonderful about it and promised to help. She was thrilled when Simon came back. And just before they left for Europe, she got accepted to Juilliard. She and Simon both had new adventures to look forward to in September, and the baby right after that. The network was fine about the pregnancy, and wanted Blaise to take at least four weeks off after the birth, and she negotiated them down to three. She had already hired a baby nurse who was going to sleep in the room next to Becky’s, and she had offered to help with Salima too. But Salima didn’t need a lot of help, and she would be busy at school. And she and Simon argued about a guide dog on the plane on the way back. They were an even match. And he was with Blaise too. After the trip, he had promised to teach them both French, and teach Salima to cook. They each brought something to the table, their special talents and gifts.
August whizzed by, with a heat wave that made Blaise uncomfortable as she got bigger. She was determined to work as hard as ever and continued taping interviews. She even impressed Zack with her energy and determination, despite her pregnancy. She finally admitted to it on air during one of her morning segments, and the network was flooded with gifts for the baby, which really touched her.
Simon, Blaise, and Salima rented a house in the Hamptons and went out every weekend. And some weeks, Becky and Salima stayed there and had a ball. And Becky was off on Saturdays and Sundays, which gave her time to spend with a new boyfriend she had met while they were in Europe. He was a struggling artist and a very nice guy, and Salima liked him too.
Simon started his new job at the end of August, before Salima began at Juilliard. It was very exciting for him. The school was in the Bronx. The students were from age three to twenty-one, and Simon worked with the older ones, which was his strength, as he had demonstrated with Salima. The program was more extensive than what he had been able to do at Caldwell, and he showed Blaise and Salima around the second week he was there. He was ecstatic and he could hardly wait for the baby to come. His life was complete, with Salima and Blaise, their baby, and his new job.
The week after he started at the New York Institute for Special Education, Salima started at Juilliard. She had a wonderful adviser whose main job was to keep Salima from signing up for every class they offered. She signed up for a heavy course load, and Becky took her to school on the bus every day. And Salima used her white cane while she was there and didn’t care. All she could think of were the music classes she was taking, two of them with Lucianna, who was incredibly proud of her. She joined a church choir in Harlem for extra course credit, and she was so busy with classes and after-school activities that Simon and Blaise hardly saw her. And she had a thousand new things to tell them every night.
Blaise was still working at the network on her due date on the first of October, and she felt huge by then. The baby was a good size, and in the last days of her pregnancy, she looked like she was going to pop any minute.
Simon happened to be watching her morning segment before he left for school, on the baby’s scheduled due date. She was talking about a recent scandal in the Senate when he saw an odd expression cross her face. She maintained her concentration, but he had the sense that something was wrong, and called her immediately when she came off the air. She answered her cell phone as soon as she saw it was him.
“Are you okay?” he asked, feeling nervous, about to leave for school, but he wanted to be sure she was all right first. She had looked odd to him.
“I think so,” she said hesitantly. “My water broke while I was on the air. I was going to call the doctor in a minute. I’m glad you called.” And he was startled to realize she sounded scared. It was so unlike her that all he wanted to do was get to her and reassure her and take her in his arms.
“I’ll be right over,” he said immediately. He had already warned the school that they were expecting a baby any day, and they had been very nice about it.
“I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” Blaise said in a strained voice. “I don’t know what happened, but I’m having contractions every four minutes.” He tried not to panic when she said it, and made an effort to sound calmer than he felt, for her.
“That’s okay, sweetheart. Get Mark or Charlie to take you to the hospital with Tully. I’ll meet you there in ten minutes. Have Mark call the doctor. Right away!”
“Okay,” she said meekly. She was having trouble talking through a contraction, and Mark appeared as it was happening and was terrified at the look on her face as she handed her BlackBerry to him and Simon told him what to do.
“Call the doctor and bring her to the hospital immediately. She’s having the baby,” he told Mark with a calm he didn’t feel, as he ran out of the apartment, and Mark promised to get her to the hospital as fast as Tully could drive them there.
Everyone who saw her leave cheered as Mark and Charlie led her away, and Blaise waved and smiled wanly. She really had stayed until the last minute.
“Christ, were you planning to have it at your desk between meetings?” Charlie scolded her as they crossed the lobby and found Tully outside. But Blaise didn’t say a word. She was in too much pain. It had all happened so fast. And on his way to the hospital, Simon called Becky and told her to pick up Salima at Juilliard. She wanted to be there too, and after some hesitation, Blaise had agreed.
After that Simon got minute-by-minute reports from Mark in the car with her, while Tully drove through midtown morning traffic as fast as possible, praying he wouldn’t have to deliver the baby. Mark told Simon the doctor was on her way.
It took them twenty minutes to get to the hospital, and Simon was on the sidewalk waiting for them when Tully pulled up and Mark hopped out immediately, looking panicked.
“Get a doctor fast! She’s going to have it really soon!” Blaise could no longer walk or talk by then and looked relieved when Simon got in the car with her and gently helped her out. Mark had gotten a nurse with a wheelchair, who sized the situation up immediately and literally ran the wheelchair with Blaise in it into the building, saying only, “Let’s get you upstairs,” as Simon ran beside them and Blaise clutched his hand in a viselike grip.
“I love you,” she managed to say between contractions.
“I love you too,” Simon said, trying to reassure her. But everything was happening so fast it was hard to say anything. The doctor was waiting for them when the elevator opened at labor and delivery. She took one look at Blaise, and they took her straight to a birthing room, and Simon and a nurse had her clothes off in less than a minute. There was no time for drugs or an epidural, explanations, or anything except Simon telling her he loved her and Blaise moaning with the pain as they got her on the delivery table, and the doctor checked her with a look of satisfaction, and smiled at Simon and Blaise.
“I think we’re ready for a birthday party,” she said, and told Blaise to push as Simon watched in wonder and Blaise gave a terrifying scream, as their son’s head emerged from between her legs, and he looked at his parents with surprise. He was born with the next contraction, as Simon and Blaise cried and laughed and watched with amazement as the doctor lifted him onto her stomach, and the baby looked around as the doctor cut the cord. The baby was beautiful, looked like Simon, had Blaise’s red hair, and was totally alert. Less than an hour before, Blaise had been on the air. None of them had expected him to come so fast, and he weighed just under nine pounds. Salima arrived just minutes after he’d been born, and Blaise was holding him by then. A nurse led Salima to her mother, and she cried when s
he kissed her and touched the baby’s cheek.
“I came as fast as I could,” she said apologetically.
“If your mom had done this any faster, she’d have had him during a commercial on the air,” Simon said, still in awe of the miracle they had just seen. They took Blaise to a room a little while later, and the three of them spent the day together, taking turns holding the baby. And in between the baby nursed.
Becky came to take Salima home that evening, and Simon spent the night with Blaise, and in the morning they went home. They were a family and had welcomed Edmond Charles Ward into their midst. He was named after Simon’s uncle in Bordeaux.
The apartment was filled with flowers when they got home, and gifts continued to arrive all day. The network had sent her an antique bassinet filled with baby clothes and teddy bears. Harry had sent enormous flowers and balloons. The baby’s birth had been announced on the evening news. As a result, there were so many gifts and flowers in the apartment, they could hardly walk around. Teresa the housekeeper, Natalie the baby nurse, and Becky were in the kitchen, Salima was hanging out with Simon and her mother in the bedroom with the baby, and by dinnertime, Simon had realized the obvious.
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