A Time to Heal

by Barbara Cameron

  "But I wonder if he knew what he was getting into. Can anyone? I don't know much about being a soldier but from what Jenny's shared with me, it's no wonder she came home with eyes that looked like they'd looked on too much suffering."

  "But the Englisch spend so much time watching television, surfing the Internet, even using cell phones to stay up on things, not just talking. They seem to know everything about everything. You don't think he knew what the job of a soldier might involve?"

  Phoebe shrugged. "I don't know. But it doesn't seem as though he's at peace with himself."

  "Broody. That's what I called him today. Oh, not to his face," she rushed to say when Phoebe raised her eyebrows. "It's near impossible to get him to talk about himself. I sort of told him that."

  "That's our Hannah. Never one to beat around the bush."

  "Why waste time?" she asked lightly.

  Phoebe's lips quirked. "If you say so."

  "Oh, I know that's probably one reason why men haven't courted me." Hannah lifted her chin. "But I can't pretend to be something I'm not."

  "Of course not." Phoebe lifted her needle and began stitching again.

  "I'll probably become en alt maedel."

  The needle fell from Phoebe's fingers. "That's the first time I've heard you talk like that. You will not be an old maid."

  Hannah got up and paced around the room.

  "Tell me what's troubling you, child."

  Stopping, Hannah turned to face Phoebe. How she wished she could call back her words. This kind, wise woman who had invited her to stay in her home, to make it her home after Matthew and Jenny had married, shouldn't be privy to such blurted out admissions. Phoebe looked so frail and old these days. She'd insisted nothing was wrong when Hannah had questioned her several times but Hannah wondered.

  "I'm sorry. You don't need to listen to me being so childish.I'm not a teenager anymore."

  "Talk to me, Hannah."

  Phoebe's voice sounded surprisingly firm. She patted the cushion next to her on the sofa.

  "This is the first autumn I've felt like this," she confessed.Hannah dropped down on the sofa next to the older woman."I guess I thought I'd be married by now and taking care of my own family."

  "But you refused to have anything to do with the young men who were interested in you while you cared for Matthew's kinner and took care of his house."

  "Don't make it sound like a sacrifice," she said, remembering how Matthew had said something similar back then. "I loved every minute of helping him. I love those kinner like they're my own."

  She sighed. "But this time, this season with all the weddings . . . I don't know why, but this year it's affected me."

  Phoebe's eyes were warm. "It had to happen, don't you think? You have so much love inside you, so much caring. It's only natural that you want to share that with a man and raise your own family."

  Hannah laughed and shook her head. "Jenny and I talked about it once. She said I should make a list of what I wanted in a man. She called it a wish list, like I could just take it to God and ask for what I wanted. I told her that's not our way—that we feel God has someone set aside for us."

  "There's nothing wrong with asking God for that man he's set aside for you, nor with telling him what you'd like in your husband. But since He knows what's best for you, He might not have the same timetable as you. And He'll surely send you someone better than you could even imagine. It's His promise to always be more than we expect, don't you think?"

  "Yes," Hannah admitted. She shook her head. "He surely hasn't sent the right man yet. I don't believe anyone can say that Isaac is the right man for me."

  "Nee. Even Isaac realized that." Phoebe pressed her lips together, and Hannah realized she was trying to stifle a smile.

  She laughed. "Oh, Phoebe, he and I—" She paused as giggles overcame her. "We were like oil and water."

  Her smile faded as she thought about how different the man she'd spent the day with was from her. And yet . . .

  "What?"

  "That phrase could describe the way Chris and I got along today. We're such opposites."

  Shocked at what she'd just said, she blinked. "Not that I even thought about us being anything like a couple. I just showed him around. He's just here for a visit and will be gone soon."

  Hannah jumped to her feet and paced the room again. When she turned, she felt disconcerted by Phoebe's expression.

  "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

  "I don't know who's more surprised by what just came out of your mouth—you or me," Phoebe said finally. "If he's truly so opposite, then why would you even think about him?"

  "I'm not!" Hannah grew more agitated.

  Phoebe patted the cushion beside her again. "Come, liebchen. Sit before you wear out the floor."

  Collapsing on the sofa, Hannah let Phoebe pull her into her arms. It felt so comforting to have her hair stroked, to have someone care for her like this. She'd always been the strong one, looking out for the needs of others.

  "So why are you thinking about him?" Phoebe asked after a long moment had passed.

  "I'm not sure I can put it into words. There's something about him that draws me."

  She raised her head and her eyes searched Phoebe's for understanding. "I sense that he's a man who cares about people.You saw what he did last night to keep Mary from being burned. What you didn't see is how he kept me from falling from the loft ladder earlier that day. He could have fallen himself."

  "No, I didn't hear all the details," Phoebe said, her mouth curving into a smile. Hannah felt her cheeks grow warm. She told Phoebe the story but left out the part where her eyes had met Chris's and she'd felt a connection deep in her soul.

  Chris bent to scoop up a handful of the earth at his feet.He studied its rich brown color, squeezed it to see how it held moisture, and sniffed at it.

  "Taking home a souvenir?"

  Turning, he looked at his host, and then he laughed, shook his head, and opened his hand, letting the soil drift to the ground.

  "No, we have dirt back home. It's a little different color and smell from this. Yours seems richer."

  "Crop rotation."

  Matthew walked over to where Chris stood near the fence that separated the front yard from the road. He leaned his forearms on it like Chris and propped his boot on the lower rung of the fence. They studied the nearby field, efficiently harvested and ready for its winter rest.

  "Had a lot of arguments with my dad about crop rotation," Chris said after a long moment. "He owned the place so he won the arguments. My brother tells me he only listened the last few years while I served overseas."

  "When's the last time you saw the place?"

  "I headed there as soon as I got out of the hospital. Saw the family. Hung out with some friends. Then I decided to take a little time for myself and travel."

  "Jenny's sorry she couldn't show you around," Matthew said, turning to look at him.

  "I should have written or called and asked, not just come and hoped to find she had the time. But I haven't had much control over my life this past year. I just wanted to move when I wanted to move."

  He stopped, surprised that he'd said so much.

  "What?" Matthew asked.

  "What do you mean?"

  "You looked like you started to say something, then stopped."

  "I was just thinking about something Hannah said."

  Matthew winced. "I'm afraid to ask. Hannah speaks her mind."

  Chris laughed. "I'll say. She said getting me to talk felt like pulling teeth."

  Matthew laughed. "That's Hannah." He paused. "Actually, the same could be said about Jenny. She says she's naturally inquisitive because of her background as a reporter. But I think all women want us men to talk more."

  "And listen more."

  "Ya."

  "And be more sensitive."

  Matthew stared at him, aghast. "Englisch women say that?"

  "Jenny hasn't?"

  "Nee. No."
>
  "Maybe you've been more sensitive than me."

  Their eyes met and Chris felt like they took the measure of each other. Then Matthew shocked him by laughing.

  "I don't think anyone can accuse me of that," Matthew told him.

  He didn't seem like the kind of man Chris had thought he'd be: stern, authoritarian, overbearing.

  On the other hand, even though Chris didn't know Jenny all that well, he couldn't have visualized her married to such a man as that. He imagined few Englisch women would want a man to control them, especially a woman like Jenny who had traveled around the world.

  Of course, sometimes the kind of men some of the women he knew picked surprised him.

  "Chris?"

  He realized he'd been lost in his thoughts. "Sorry, just thinking of something."

  "How long do you plan to stay?"

  "I hadn't thought about it. Maybe a week. I didn't make any firm plans when I set out."

  "You have no set time you have to be back home?"

  Home. It hadn't felt like home when he went back there. So he'd decided to hit the road so he could think.

  "No," he said slowly. "No set time. My brother and my dad seem to have things working well without me. I needed some time to myself. Time that I wasn't stuck in a hospital, I mean."

  Then he realized why Matthew might be wondering.Although the man appeared to be friendlier toward him today, maybe the suspicion lingered.

  He hesitated for a moment, then decided to plunge in."Look, Hannah seemed to think that I might have come here to steal Jenny from you."

  Matthew burst out laughing. "I'm sorry," he said when he had to take a breath. His eyes were actually tearing from laughing so much.

  Taking a handkerchief from the back pocket of his broadcloth pants, he wiped his eyes. "I guess she gave you a time today, didn't she?"

  "She's not the quiet Amish miss I expected," Chris admitted."That should teach me about stereotypes."

  "Well, I can assure you that my sister didn't speak for me. I have no worries that Jenny can be stolen."

  He tucked the handkerchief back in his pocket. "If there's no need to go back soon, I wondered if you'd like to help me here for a while. One of my part-time workers just told me he needs surgery."

  Surprised at the question, Chris didn't know what to say.

  "Why don't we go inside, have some coffee, and talk about it? I don't expect a man to just suddenly change his plans."

  "I didn't really have anything as concrete as plans," Chris told him. "I only thought ahead as far as to find a room."

  He looked out on one of the harvested fields again. This land pulled him. He couldn't deny it. "I've missed farm work."

  "Let's have some coffee then and see if Phoebe brought over one of her pies. She always does when Jenny has to be away."

  "Pie." Chris found his feet moving. "Pie sounds good."

  He followed Matthew into the house.

  "What do you mean, he's staying?" Hannah stared at her brother. "Chris is staying?"

  "For a while. To help out while John recovers from his surgery."

  He picked up the lid of the frying pan and peered inside."Mmm. Pork chops. But there's no applesauce on top."

  Hannah sank into a chair at the kitchen table. "Don't worry.I'll add it when it's time."

  "It was nice of you to take him to see the area today. He said he had a good time."

  "He did not."

  "What? He said he had a good time."

  "Really?"

  "You sound surprised."

  Hannah realized that her brother watched her. She got up and stirred the contents of one of the pots on the stove.

  "He doesn't talk much," she said.

  "I noticed that. He kind of reminds me of the way Jenny acted when she first came here."

  Matthew couldn't have surprised her more.

  "Ya?"

  Matthew nodded. "They've both been through so much. It's affected them. Maybe it will all their lives."

  "But Jenny seems fine now. She hardly has a limp—"

  "I still catch a glimpse in her eyes sometimes," Matthew said quietly. "And every so often she has nightmares and she doesn't want to talk about them."

  Stunned, Hannah stared at him. "I had no idea."

  "She hides it well."

  He hugged her. "Thank you for stepping in to help while Jenny's gone."

  "You're changing the subject."

  "Me? No."

  He returned to the stove and checked the contents of another pan, then opened the oven. "Mmm, biscuits too?"

  Huffing out a breath, she went to shut the oven. "Shoo!"

  She waved her hands at him and he scooted out of range."Out of my kitchen." She stopped. "Oh, I didn't mean to say that. It's not my kitchen."

  "It was for a long time." His grin faded. "What would the kinner and I have done without you after Amelia died?"

  She waved away his thanks. "I loved doing it. Sometimes I miss being around them so much."

  "But you're right next door with Phoebe."

  "I know. But they're growing so fast."

  "I'd hoped—" he stopped and held up his hands. "Don't look at me that way."

  "Don't start with the talk of maybe it's time to be looking for a husband."

  She opened the jar of applesauce and poured the contents into a pan to warm. Then she grabbed a potholder and opened the oven door.

  Pulling out the biscuits, she set the pan on top of the oven."Call everyone to the table. Supper's almost ready."

  "But—"

  "Maybe those biscuits need to stay in the oven a little longer," she said thoughtfully.

  Matthew backed away, holding up his hands. "Then they'll be like Jenny's. Please don't do that to us!"

  Laughing, she set the potholder down. "Only because I wouldn't do that to innocent kinner. Now get away from the stove!"

  "What a sharp tongue."

  Poor Jenny, thought Hannah as she used a spatula to move the biscuits from the pan to a cloth-lined basket. All of them loved to tease her for her cooking. She tried so hard but she often got busy with her writing and let things burn. Hannah planned to get her a timer for a Christmas present. A nice loud one. That should keep her from forgetting something in the oven or on the stove.

  Footsteps were heard overhead.

  "I'll go call the kinner," Matthew said.

  "Danki," she said with a smile.

  He left the room and she heard him walk to the stairs and bellow up, "Supper's ready!"

  Thoughtful, Hannah forked the pork chops onto a serving platter and poured warmed applesauce over them. She placed the platter in the center of the table, scooped green beans into a dish, and then pulled a pan of scalloped potatoes from the oven.

  The table had been set by Mary, the water poured by Annie.Joshua had helped by doing chores in the barn with Matthew.

  There, she thought. Everything is ready.

  She heard a knock on the front door and when she went to answer it, found Chris on the doorstep. "You're right on time."

  "I'm always on time for work. And for a meal."

  "Then you'll get along well with Matthew."

  "So he told you."

  She closed the door and turned to face him. "Ya, he told me."

  6

  If the morning hadn't been so quiet and if she hadn't been in the kitchen sipping her first cup of coffee, Hannah might not have heard it.

  It began as a low moaning sound that had her wondering if she heard right, then it became a muffled hoarse scream.

  At first, she thought one of the kinner was having a nightmare, but then she realized that the noise came from the door off the kitchen that led to the dawdi haus.

  She walked over and pressed her ear to the door. Could Chris be in pain? What should she do?

  She knocked at the door. "Chris?" When he didn't answer, she knocked again, louder this time, and got the same lack of response. She banged on it this time, hoping she'd get him to answer so that she d
idn't have to go wake up Matthew.

  Taking a deep breath, she opened the door and called his name.

  "I'm here," he said, appearing before her.

  She turned just in case he wore pajamas . . . or less.

  "It's okay. I'm dressed."

  She turned back and saw that he looked rumpled and bleary-eyed.

  "Yeah? What is it? Did I oversleep?"

  "Are you all right? It sounded like you were in pain."

  "I'm fine."

  "It's early. Matthew won't expect you for another hour."

  He nodded and shut the door.

  "Well, and guder mariye to you too," she muttered and went back to her coffee. It had cooled a little so she topped it off with more and sat down again.

  She'd heard the Englisch refer to themselves as "early birds" or "night owls." Only one type of bird lived in the Plain community: early. The day began before the sun came up.

  This was Hannah's favorite time of the day, when she had some quiet time to pray and enjoy the dawn of another day He'd given her. Quiet time alone with her thoughts had been precious when she took care of her brother's kinner and his home.

  Each morning she lived here, she saw Joshua, Mary, and Annie come downstairs in varying stages of wakefulness and readiness to start the day. She packed lunches while the kinner ate breakfast; and she watched the clock to make sure she shooed them out the door in time for schul.

  Mornings were always quiet at Phoebe's. The two women moved about the kitchen quietly, talked without interruption of young voices, and ate their meal in peace.

  Oh, how she missed the slightly chaotic mornings of this house, she thought, smiling. When Jenny had come here as Matthew's wife, Hannah had felt a moment's envy and sadness that her time as a temporary mamm ended. Phoebe had been so wonderful to ask her to live with her in the house next door.She seemed to understand the loss Hannah felt. She made her feel welcome and kept her busy getting settled.

  Hannah knew she could go next door at any time to see her nieces and nephew, and they came over often to see her. But she'd missed being needed to help with an occasional homework assignment—not that many were assigned since Plain kinner had chores once they came home.

  And while Joshua, Mary, and Annie were usually wellbehaved, she still occasionally needed to referee a mild disagreement or redistribute chores. Her favorite time with them came when she prepared their evening meals, and afterward, read them stories.