A Time to Heal

by Barbara Cameron

"The meaning hasn't changed?"

  Jenny stared at her. "No. Why?"

  "I'll be right back."

  Hannah turned on her heel and stomped outside. But she didn't see Chris in the fields with the other men.

  Joshua was working in the yard.

  "Where's Chris?"

  "He left just a few minutes ago," Joshua told her.

  "Left? Where was he going?"

  "I don't know."

  Hannah scanned the fields. It seemed to her that the harvesting had been completed for all practical purposes. Had Chris gone into town—or had he left for good?

  "Do you need something, Aenti Hannah?"

  "I'll say. I need to tell that man—" She stopped when she saw the curiosity on Joshua's face. "How long ago?"

  "Just a little while ago. I could go try to catch him for you."

  "Never mind," she said, gritting her teeth. "Can you hitch up Daisy for me?"

  "Schur."

  They walked over to Phoebe's barn.

  "Do you want me to go with you?" Joshua asked as he led a fully recovered Daisy out with the buggy. "You need help, don't you?" He waved his hand at her sling.

  Such a sweet boy. She hoped he didn't grow up to be a man who drove women crazy like Chris.

  "I'll be fine. Danki, Joshua." She climbed into the buggy and Daisy started off.

  Hannah muttered to herself as they traveled, rehearsing what she wanted to say to Chris. Okay, so apparently they weren't going to have the relationship she'd hoped they would, but weren't they at least friends? Didn't friends visit each other when they were ill or when they came home from the hospital? Didn't they wish each other well?

  And if he was leaving for good, couldn't he at least say goodbye to her? She deserved that, didn't she?

  Halfway to town, she saw his lone figure ahead. His long legs were putting more distance between them. You just can't get away fast enough, can you? she wanted to ask him. She urged Daisy faster so that she could pull up beside him.

  He glanced up as the buggy came level with him, and his eyes widened in surprise. "Hannah!"

  "I want to talk to you!"

  "Okay."

  He joined her at the side of the road after she'd pulled the buggy over. She remembered the last time she'd seen him on this road, remembered what had happened, but she pushed that memory aside.

  "What's up?"

  "What's up?" she burst out. "What's up?"

  "Yeah. You okay?"

  "You'd know if you visited me!"

  His expression became shuttered. "I didn't think you'd want to see me."

  "Well, you thought wrong!"

  He blinked. "Evidently you have something to say. Maybe you should just say it."

  "So you figured you'd just waltz out of town without saying good-bye?"

  "I wasn't—"

  "I thought we were at least friends," she snapped, using the line she'd rehearsed on the ride to find him. "Friends don't treat each other this way!"

  "No, they don't," he agreed, stepping closer.

  "I asked Jenny what 'sweetheart' means."

  "You did?" he asked, looking wary.

  "Yes. I checked to see if it had the same meaning I thought it did—that it hadn't become something like 'babe' or 'chick.' Like the town of Intercourse nearby."

  "So Jenny was right."

  "Yes, she said the meaning—"

  "No," he interrupted. "I'm talking about what she said the day you were put in the hospital. She said that people can hear sometimes when you think they're unconscious. You heard me."

  She nodded. "You call me sweetheart and then you leave? If this is the way people treat each other in the Englisch world then I'm glad I'm here!"

  A police cruiser approached from the opposite side of the road. It slowed and the officer leaned out the open window.

  "Any problem, folks?"

  "Hello, Officer Lang," Chris said.

  They knew each other? Hannah wondered where the attractive officer had met Chris and felt a stab of jealousy as she saw how friendly the woman behaved toward him. She bit her lip.

  Then inspiration struck.

  "He's not supposed to be leaving town, is he, Officer?"

  "Pardon me?"

  "Well, I mean, you haven't wrapped up your investigation with the shooting, have you? Isn't he supposed to stick around until after it's done?"

  "I—" The officer looked at Chris and then back at Hannah.

  "Well, no, everything's not all tied up," the woman said slowly. "He needs to stick around for a while."

  "I do?"

  She nodded. "I'll be checking back."

  A voice squawked out something on the communication system in her car. She tilted her head and listened. Then she turned to look at them. "Gotta go."

  "But—"

  She glanced back at Hannah. "It'll be interesting to see how this works out."

  The car accelerated down the road, and the lights flashed and the siren came on.

  "I think you need to see something," Chris said. Taking his backpack off, he opened it. "Look inside."

  Wary, she peeked in as he requested. She saw a wallet and the library book he'd borrowed along with a plastic bottle of water. There was nothing else.

  Confused, she looked at him.

  "I was taking the library book back. They found it in Kraft's room. Thought I'd return it. Didn't want you to be in trouble with that librarian. She scared me."

  Hannah smiled slightly. "She's pretty careful who she loans books to."

  He nodded. "I'm thinking of getting my own card."

  "I—don't understand."

  "I'm sticking around. You didn't think I could go anywhere you're not, do you?" he asked quietly

  She saw something in his eyes she hadn't seen before.

  "I—don't know. You haven't said anything."

  "What could I say?" he asked. "I kept telling myself I couldn't feel the way I do for you, that it wouldn't work. I did it even up until maybe a few minutes ago."

  "Then—what changed?"

  She held her breath, waiting for his answer.

  "Then you came speeding up, demanding to know where I was going. Refusing to let me go."

  He grinned and leaned closer, careful of her arm, and then he kissed her.

  "I love you, you impossible woman. And I'm hoping you love me. I think you do."

  "Impossible?"

  He kissed her again. "Yeah. Impossible. I don't think you'll be the easiest wife, but I'm willing to give this a try."

  "Wife?"

  "Yeah, wife. I talked to Phoebe. She told me to go speak to the bishop."

  He tilted his head and studied her when she just stared at him. "I do believe I've rendered you speechless. Never thought I'd see the day."

  "It's likely you won't again," she said, reaching out to touch his cheek.

  "I gather that I have months of instruction in the Amish faith, so we can't get married until next year. But I figure that'll just give us a chance to get to know each other better."

  She nodded, wondering at the strange turn of events. Who would have thought such a thing would happen, that a man like him would come into her life, that she'd come to care for him so much that she'd walk in front of him to protect him? That he'd stand beside her on a dusty road and talk about marrying her.

  "Why don't you let me drive us back home?"

  He helped her climb into the buggy, and she handed him the reins when he sat beside her.

  He leaned over, and she leaned away from him.

  "I just want another kiss."

  She glanced around. "Not here!"

  "Yeah, here." He grinned at her and started to reach for her then stopped. "I'm afraid of hurting you."

  "You'll only hurt me if you don't hold me," she whispered, leaning closer. "I'm so glad you came here."

  "I'm not entirely sure I know why I came here," he said slowly, caressing her cheek. "I thought it was because I wanted to talk to Jenny about Malcolm and how I felt like my li
fe would never be the same. We didn't know each other long, but I felt like we really connected at the hospital—" he hesitated— "as friends," he said firmly.

  "Go on."

  "I knew she'd had to make a lot of adjustments to life after she came home from overseas. We wrote each other a few times, and she seemed so happy here. Then one day, I was sitting in the hospital, watching TV, and this show came on about the area and I just felt compelled to come here."

  He looked out at the farmland surrounding them. "I felt something settle inside me the moment I got to Paradise. And even though things were anything but peaceful when I met you, well, I couldn't help being attracted to you."

  "We have this expression," she said, smiling at him. "People kept saying it to me: 'There's a man God set aside for you.' But I got to doubting that when time passed."

  A car approached from behind them and slowed beside the buggy. It was the police officer again. She glanced inside the buggy, grinned when she saw how closely they were sitting— Chris's arms around Hannah—and then she sped off.

  Hannah watched the car until it went around the bend in the road.

  "I want to talk to you about not pressing charges against Kraft," Chris said.

  She stiffened. "I'm not changing my mind."

  "I'm not asking you to. I want you to help me understand. I talked to Matthew and I'm trying to understand."

  "I'll try," she told him. "Just not today. All right?"

  "No. Not today."

  "Let's go home and tell everyone our news."

  Chris spoke to Daisy and she made a U-turn in the road.

  "Very impressive," Hannah told him.

  He shot her a grin. "Ya," he said. "You'd think I had grown up Amish, wouldn't you? Say, do you need a driver's license for these things?"

  Her laughter floated in the air as they made their way home.

  The End

  Glossary

  aenti—aunt

  allrecht—all right

  bauch—stomach

  boppli—baby or babies

  bruder—brother

  daedi—Daddy

  danki—thanks

  dawdi haus—addition to the house for grandparents

  eldre—parents

  en alt maedel—old maid

  Englisch or Englischer—a non-Amish person

  Es dutt mir leed—I am sorry

  fraa—wife

  gem gschehne—You are welcome

  geyan schona—so willingly done

  gwilde—quilt

  grossdochder—granddaughter

  guder mariye—good morning

  gut—good

  gut nacht—good night

  gut-n-owed—good evening

  haus—house

  hungerich—hungry

  kaffi—coffee

  kapp—prayer covering or cap worn by girls and women

  kich—kitchen

  kichli—cookies

  kind, kinner—child, children

  lieb—love

  liebschen—dearest or dear one

  mamm—mother

  mann—husband

  nee—no

  Ordnung—The rules of the Amish, both written and unwritten.Certain behavior has been expected within the Amish community for many, many years. These rules vary from community to community, but the most common are to not have electricity in the home, to not own or drive an automobile, and to dress a certain way.

  Pennsylvania Deitsch—Pennsylvania German

  redd-up—clean up

  rumschpringe—time period when teenagers are allowed to experience the Englisch world while deciding if they should join the church.

  schul—school

  schur—sure

  schwei—sister-in-law

  schweschder—sister

  sohn—son

  verdraue—trust

  wilkumm—welcome

  wunderbaar—wonderful

  ya—yes

  Discussion Questions

  Caution: Please don't read before completing the book, as the questions contain spoilers!

  Autumn is the season when the Amish get married (after the harvest). Hannah experiences mixed emotions as she contemplates another fall without being engaged and planning to wed. She doesn't envy others for their marriages and children, but she wishes God would show her "the man He set aside for her" so she can share her love, be married, and have children of her own. Did you have to wait longer than you wanted (like Hannah) to meet "the man God set aside for you"—or are you still waiting?

  Hannah and Chris are opposites in many ways, but they share some similarities. What are they?

  Chris feels let down by his friends and fellow soldiers when he feels he must "do the right thing." Have you ever gone "against the tide" and done the right thing only to have others disagree with you—even shun you?

  Just when Chris's tour of duty was nearly done, he sustained severe injuries. Now, in spite of not being a vain man, he wonders if anyone will ever want him. Have you ever experienced self-esteem issues? How did you deal with them?

  Many people travel to Amish communities to absorb the sense of peace and order they feel there. Chris does this and hopes to talk to Jenny about how she has overcome many obstacles. What place gives you a sense of peace and order?

  Many people admire the simplicity, the connectedness, and the spirituality of the Amish lifestyle. How can you achieve this in your life?

  Hannah moves in with Phoebe, an older woman who is a longtime friend and has become family to her not just by marriage but also by friendship. Do you have friends who are like family to you? How did they become like family?

  After her brother's first wife died, Hannah moved in with him to take care of her nieces and nephew. Once he remarries she's not needed in that capacity anymore. Have you been the family caretaker or a parent who has experienced the "empty nest syndrome"? How did you feel when you were no longer needed in this capacity?

  The title for the book comes from Ecclesiastes 3:1: "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: A time to be born, and a time to die. . . ."). Hannah chafes at time passing and she feels she may become an old maid. What or who have you wanted but still don't have?

  A man hates Chris and pursues him to Paradise. Have you ever had an enemy? Why did this person dislike or hate you? How did you react to this?

  The Amish practice forgiveness, believing that only by forgiving others can God forgive them for anything they do. Hannah decides to forgive a man who has seriously hurt her. Do you think you could do the same thing? Why or why not?

  Healing isn't just a physical state. It's also an emotional one. Describe a time when you were feeling challenged or you were searching for something. How did you deal with it?

  Bonus chapter from Book 3 in

  the "Quilts of Lancaster County" series

  A Time for Peace

  1

  It was official.

  She wasn't a saint.

  But Jenny had never claimed to be a saint. None of her Amish brethren did, either.

  She knew she should be grateful for her family, and she was. Her husband's kinner were as much hers as they were his, especially young Annie who had been so young when her mother died that she didn't remember her and thought of Jenny as her mamm.

  But for the past three months, since Hannah had announced that she and Chris were having a baby, Jenny felt the unaccustomed, and very unwelcome, emotion of envy. They'd only been married a year. She and Matthew had been married for three.

  It wasn't fair.

  Almost immediately, she felt ashamed. But she couldn't seem to help it. She wanted a baby of her own. A boppli. She loved that word. It sounded so sweet. So happy and bouncy.So cherished.

  Instead, so many months had passed and still she didn't become pregnant. She wouldn't be carrying a baby close to her heart. She wouldn't share the miracle of creating life with Matthew and watching it come into the world.

  Sometimes she wond
ered if she was showing God she didn't appreciate all He had brought into her life. After all, He'd brought her back here to have a second chance with the man she'd never forgotten. She'd gone through such a valley of despair when she'd been seriously injured during her work as a news reporter covering children in war-torn countries.

  Yet Matthew had seen past that, cherished her, and shared the most precious children in the world with her.

  God had even found a way for her to continue to write about the children affected by war, who she'd grown to care so much for, right here on a farm in the heart of peace, love, and simplicity.

  She and Matthew had talked about how she felt when she didn't become pregnant. He'd been kind and understanding, and he had tried to comfort her—the perfect husband.

  He wasn't unhappy that they hadn't had children together yet. He reminded her that before they were married, he'd told her he didn't care if her injuries prevented her from having their child. He had three to share with her, he'd said, and if they were meant to have a child together, God would send one. It was a matter of God's will, he told her. And he seemed content.

  But she wasn't. Even if she tried not to think about it, every month she found that she hadn't become pregnant.

  And this was the way she rewarded Him. With a lack of gratitude, with mental whining. With tears when she found that another month had come and gone and a tiny glimmer of life hadn't begun to form in her.

  Sighing, Jenny threw down her pen and got up from the big table that dominated the kitchen. She was tired of working, and she couldn't seem to stay focused on her writing. Best to just get busy doing something else. Idleness wasn't encouraged here.

  Not that she'd ever been an idle person. But everyone contributed here, from small children with chores appropriate to their age and ability to older family members doing what they could after they moved into a dawdi haus.

  She glanced at the clock. Half an hour before the kinner got home. Time to do something constructive. If she couldn't write, then she should at least get supper started or redd-up the place a little.

  Funny how she'd gotten to where she thought in Pennsylvania Dietsch, she thought. If anyone had ever told her that one day she would return to her grandmother's house here in Paradise, marry her girlhood crush, and become Amish, she would never have believed them.