Losing His Shirt

by Linda Fausnet

  “Johnny, we should get the employees together and have an emergency meeting. Everybody’s upset and worried about—”

  I waved him off like he was a pesky gnat flying around my face. “I don’t care. Do whatever you gotta do,” I said as I charged past him and out the door.

  When I got out onto the street, I stared at the empty spot where my car had been. I suddenly realized I had no way to get home. A wave of anxiety and fear washed over me as I also realized those fucking Feds might have cleaned out my penthouse apartment, too.

  I stood there, paralyzed with fear. What the fuck was I supposed to do now? I remembered I still had my wallet. The number to a limo service was saved in my phone for when I was too hammered to drive. I could just call—

  But I didn’t have a phone. How the fuck can anybody get along without a phone anymore? I had a bunch of credit cards in my wallet. I wondered if they still worked.

  On rubbery legs, I walked down the busy D.C. street until I found a Starbucks. I whipped open the door, trying to act more assertive than I felt. I was fucking sick of being a victim already.

  “Hey!” I called to the barista lady as I walked up to the counter. “Gimme a venti mocha latte.”

  She nodded, then passed along my order to the guy fixing the drinks.

  “That’ll be $6.25.”

  I grabbed my wallet and tried to appear confident as I pulled out my gold card. I took a deep breath as I put it in the card reader. The barista frowned at her screen.

  “I’m sorry, sir,” the barista said in a hushed voice. “It seems the card was declined.”

  I laughed a little too loud. “Yeah, I thought that might happen. You know how it is. You spend money at a bunch of different places at once like I did this morning, and the next thing you know the credit card company shuts down your card ‘cause they think somebody stole it.”

  She nodded uncertainly. Of course she didn’t “know how it is.” She worked at Starbucks, for fuck’s sake.

  “No problem,” I said casually. I handed her a twenty-dollar bill even though I had plenty of tens in my wallet. I didn’t want her thinking I was poor.

  I grabbed my drink, winked at the barista, and then flung the door open on my way out. My heart pounding, I walked a little way down the street. I dumped the full cup of coffee in a nearby trashcan and just stood there.

  What now?

  I had enough cash in my wallet for a cab to get home. Then what?

  For the first time in my life, I felt truly alone.

  Alone and terrified.

  Chapter 6

  I showed up at Ryan’s apartment right after work on one of the few nights I didn’t have rehearsal. I had been incredibly lucky to find a new job not long after quitting Affluent Accents Accessories, thanks to my Aunt Becky who had a friend who knew of an opening at a D.C. law firm. It wasn’t exactly my dream job, but it was an excellent placeholder until I found something better. I was getting tired of assisting rich people, but it was okay for now. The lawyer I worked for was a pretty cool lady and was far less demanding than Johnny Creep.

  The door swung open and Ryan scrutinized my face.

  “What?” I asked him.

  Ryan smirked. “Did you happen to read the news today?”

  “No,” I said wearily. “I’ve been really swamped at work lately.” I tried hard to keep up with U.S. news and world events. Yet despite my best efforts, occasionally time got away from me and I couldn’t keep up.

  Ryan cackled. “Oh, good. I was so hoping I would get to be the one to tell you! Come in, come in. Hurry up!”

  I laughed at his enthusiasm, relieved there hadn’t been some horrible terrorist attack or mass shooting I hadn’t heard about yet. It would be nice to get some good news for once.

  “Sit!” Ryan commanded like I was a German Shepherd.

  Don’t have to tell me twice,” I said as I collapsed on his couch. Ryan rushed off to the kitchen to grab our usual drinks. I chuckled as I watched him. The boy was downright giddy. What exactly did I miss?

  Ryan handed me my wineglass, grabbed his laptop, and then sat next to me. “Okay, are you ready for this? Don’t even answer that, because you’re not ready. I guarantee it.”

  “What already?”

  Ryan took a deep breath, clearly savoring the moment. “Johnny Creel has lost his fortune. And I mean all of it.”

  I stared at Ryan, trying to comprehend his words. “What are you talking about? How is that possible? What did the Creel family do, put their whole billionaire fortune on the roulette wheel in Vegas?”

  Ryan pointed at his laptop where he had proudly cued up a news article entitled Creel Assets Frozen: Walter Creel Under Investigation. I put my wineglass down on the coffee table and leaned in to read the article. I skimmed it as quickly as I could to get the gist of it.

  I gasped. “This can’t be real. Is this for real?”

  “Oh yeah. Look, I’ll prove it to you,” Ryan said, as he went to Google and typed in “Johnny Creel” and the word “assets.” A whole string of articles came up from reputable sites like CNN, the Washington Post, and the New York Times.

  “He’s broke. I mean like, totally, utterly broke.”

  “No way!” I said, punching Ryan hard on the arm.

  He laughed heartily, sounding like a supervillain who had succeeded at his dastardly plan. “Believe it, sweetie.”

  I stared at him incredulously. “This never happens. You know that, right? People like Johnny never get what they deserve.”

  Ryan picked up his Guinness and offered a toast, “Here’s to a rare and well-deserved victory for the little guy.”

  I happily clinked my glass with his, still trying to wrap my head around this incredible news.

  “Rosemary,” Ryan said, unable to contain his laughter. “They took away Johnny’s car!”

  I covered my mouth and giggled uncontrollably. “Oh, I wish I could have been there to see it. He probably started sobbing like the little girl he is.”

  “Yeah, apparently the Feds showed up at his work and took everything. All the computers, phones, and that’s when they took his car.”

  “Oh, no. What about all the guys at Affluent Accents? They’ll be out of a job!” My heart sank when I thought of all my coworkers. Though I felt bad for Cody, he still lived at home with his parents, so he would be okay. So many others had families to feed and bills to pay.

  Ryan wrinkled his nose. “Ah. I feel bad. I didn’t think of that. They’ll be okay, hon. Didn’t take you too long to find a job, even in this shitty economy.”

  “Yeah. Thank God.” I’d been too busy to do much social networking lately, but I resolved to check in with Clara on Facebook to see if there was anything I could do for her or any of the other guys.

  “On the plus side, Johnny doesn’t have a job either, but maybe he’ll finally have to get one,” Ryan said, eyes sparkling. “Can you picture him tryin’ to work for somebody else?”

  “No,” I said honestly. “It’s so hard to imagine, but it’s sure fun to try. Oh, that poor little baby’s gonna have to make his own coffee. And he must not have his little housekeeper-slash-slave to do his bidding anymore.”

  I leaned back on the couch, wine in hand, and my whole body relaxed into the softness of the cushion. I imagined Johnny warming up frozen dinners all by himself in his penthouse. I tried to feel sorry for him, but I couldn’t do it. Maybe now, just this once, a spoiled brat trust-fund baby would get a taste of real life. Reality was going to eat him alive.

  “I just—” I began before dissolving into giggles again. “I just wonder what the hell he’s gonna do with himself now. Everything he ever did revolved around his money. I mean, everything. He’s like a male Paris Hilton. All he did was go to parties and throw his money around.”

  “I know,” Ryan said. He leaned back into the couch and threw his long legs up on the coffee table. “I honestly can’t wait to see what happens. But keep in mind, there’s every possibility that he’ll eventually
get his stuff back. Either his dad will be cleared from wrongdoing, or he’ll somehow sleaze his way out of trouble. Walter Creel is one hell of a lawyer with powerful connections. I bet this won’t last forever, but it could drag on quite a while.”

  “God, I hope so,” I said bitterly. “I’d be happy if Johnny had to take a day job even for a little while. I want him to be at the mercy of a horrible boss for once.”

  “That would be sweet.”

  We sat in silence for a while. Then I said, “He’s gonna have to clean his own toilets now.”

  Ryan burst out laughing, and I happily joined in. We refreshed our drinks, but they didn’t last long. Then we drank more. And then some more. We invented a drinking game where we chugged whenever we thought of something else that Johnny would have to do on his own now.

  “He’ll have to wash his own underwear,” Ryan said, slurring a bit.

  I cackled wildly, then took a generous sip of wine. “Can you picture him trying to figure out what’s fabric softener and what’s detergent? I hope he accidentally bleaches those designer shirts of his.”

  “Grocery shopping!” Ryan said, toasting me again.

  “Oh, yeah! Mindy always did that for him. Mindy did everything for him. Well, everything at home anyway. I was his slave at work. Now that he doesn’t have us to order around, what’s he gonna do to make himself feel important?”

  I leaned back against the couch and moaned. My head was spinning, and I was starting to feel slightly sick.

  “Can’t drive. Too drunk.”

  “No shit,” Ryan said with a chuckle. “I wasn’t about to let you go anywhere in this condition.” I closed my eyes, dimly aware that he was still talking. “Don’t crash yet. You need some water first.”

  The next thing I knew, Ryan was nudging me awake, a glass of ice water in hand.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled. “You’re the best.” I forced myself to drink the water, knowing I’d be really sick the next morning if I didn’t.

  I moaned again, and then lay down on the couch. Eyes closed, I managed to say, “You know, you know, um … you know …” I tried to clear my head, but I was so damned dizzy. “Before the Creep left, I told him, I told him … what did I tell him? Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah, okay, I told him if you took away all his money, there would be nothing left of him. Nothing. I hope he feels like a big nothing now. Cause that’s how he made me feel all the time. Like I was nothing.”

  “I know,” Ryan replied, and the gentleness in his tone made me tear up a little. He was wonderful. “Get some rest now.”

  I nodded. Just before I fell asleep, I was pretty sure I heard him say, “I love you, Rosemary.”

  Chapter 7

  Life was so unfair. All I’d done for weeks was sit around my penthouse apartment, bored shitless. I hadn’t paid the rent since the day the assets were seized, but so far the landlord had left me alone. I wondered how long it would be before he started harassing me for money. At least I had managed to get a cell phone. For that I had to bum some cash from David, which was totally humiliating. Everybody knew what had happened to me and my family. It was all over the news and on TV. It was such utter bullshit, because my dad didn’t do anything wrong. Apparently, one of his business partners got mixed up in all kinds of shit. Insider trading, money laundering, and God knew what else. Goddamned asshole ruined my life, at least temporarily. Eventually, it would all get straightened out and everything would go back to normal.

  I hoped.

  The Feds didn’t bother taking any of my furniture or stuff from my apartment. The lease was in my name, and even though my dad gave me the money to pay for it, he didn’t pay the rent directly. Still, I was losing my mind being here all alone. Surfing the Internet, playing computer games, and even jerking off to porn got old after a while. I had no money to do anything, and it was too embarrassing to let my friends pay my way if we went out. All I could do was go to the gym and go back home. The gym membership was paid up for the year. It was the only thing I had going for me. My mom sent me money for groceries. She was depending on extended family to get by, which I knew must have been fucking killing my dad.

  So there I sat, sighing bitterly, facing another long day of doing fucking nothing. I was sick to death of eating frozen meals. I was sick to death of everything. Why did such bad things happen to good people?

  I flipped open my laptop and started skimming the news. I used to love seeing my name in the gossip columns. Not anymore. Goddamned paparazzi were having a field day with this mess. Soulless bastards couldn’t get enough of it.

  As I scanned the headlines, my eye happened to catch an ad for a bank, offering business loans. Now why didn’t I think of that before? All I needed to do was get a business loan to get my company back. I just needed enough to get the place going again, and then my dad could pay the loan in full once we got all our money back.

  I started wading through all the information. After about twenty minutes, I was about ready to kill myself.

  “This is such fucking bullshit!” I roared out loud to no one. You needed to have great credit to get a loan, and I had exactly zero credit. You had to get a co-signer, but nobody in my family was in any position to do that. And I sure as shit was not about to go crawling to one of my buddies to co-sign for me. Then you had to have some kind of collateral. “This makes no fuckin’ sense. How the hell is anybody supposed to get ahead?”

  I slammed the laptop closed and jumped up. I had no choice but to sit around and wait for the whole mess to get resolved, but who knew how long that was going to take? With all the red tape, it could be months—even years. Fuck, I wasn’t gonna be young and good-looking forever. I felt like I was wasting away in this apartment.

  Take away all that money, and what’s left of you Johnny Creel?

  My anger flared whenever I remembered Rosemary’s taunting words. Bullshit. There was nothing wrong with me. I was just in a funk, and who wouldn’t be, after all the trauma I’d suffered?

  Angry and tense, I figured it would be a good time to go to the gym, to work off all my aggression. I grabbed my gym bag and headed out. I dreaded having to ride the Metro like some nobody, but it was the only way to get around D.C. without a car.

  I ripped open my apartment door, then stopped short when I saw a Notice of Eviction sign on my door.

  They couldn’t really do that, could they? I mean, my father was Walter Creel. Did the landlord really want to get on his bad side? My father would probably get his money back any day now, and then my landlord would be sorry he’d been such a dick to me. I’d been throwing out all the past due notices that came in the mail. I had hoped this whole nightmare would be over soon, figuring my dad would settle the bills when all the legal shit got resolved.

  I’d been in denial since all this shit started, but now there was a very real eviction notice on my door. That, coupled with the turnoff notices I’d been getting from the electric and water companies, meant shit was getting real.

  And I had absolutely no idea what to do about it.

  I slowly shut the door and slunk back into my apartment. I was so depressed, I just wanted to crawl back under the covers and pretend that none of it was happening. That maybe I would wake up and hear Mindy cooking my breakfast, and everything would be the way it was.

  I sat on the couch and put my head in my hands. I didn’t know how to pay the bills even if I had the money. My executive assistant used to handle all that for me. Kathy was pretty incompetent though, and lots of things got messed up. Bills went to the wrong place or were paid late. I just told her to pay the late fees. What did I care? As long as it was handled and I didn’t have to deal with it, I didn’t give a fuck.

  Rosemary.

  Yes! Rosemary would know what to do. She knew how to pay all my bills, and she knew all the passwords to all my accounts. She was smart and knew how to think on her feet. Rosemary would be able to help me. Problem was, I had no idea how to find her. Her address was on file on the business computers, but they were lock
ed up by the Feds somewhere.

  I tried looking online for her address, but nothing came up. After surfing around a bit, I did find her Facebook page. It was a relief to see her friendly, smiling face. I tried not to picture her the way she was the last time I saw her, when she stormed out of the office. She looked like she hated me. Oh well. I’d figure out a way to charm her into helping me. I just had to find her first.

  I checked her Facebook profile page, but there was no contact info. Not even an email address. I scrolled through all the usual Facebook shit on her wall. Family pictures, memes, blah, blah, blah. Then, one of her recent posts caught my attention.

  “Hey guys! I hope you will all come out and see me perform with the Capital City Players in our production of Thoroughly Modern Millie!”

  That was cute. She was in a play. It was weird to get insight into Rosemary’s personal life. I always thought of her as my secretary and never thought about her having a life outside of the office. I read over the post again and realized that her show was opening tomorrow night.

  Perfect! I would catch her after the show and get her to help me figure out all my financial stuff. The show started at 8pm. I figured if I got there around 9:30, that would be enough time to find her without having to sit through the whole boring show. I breathed out a sigh of relief. It felt good to have a plan.

  But wait…what if she asked me about the show? I realized I had better sit through it after all. I needed to get on her good side, and I was afraid she might ask me specifics about her performance.

  The next day I showed up before the show started, grudgingly paid my admission, and took a seat toward the front of the theater. I planned to play on my phone for most of the show, but I’d take mental notes on Rosemary’s performance whenever she appeared so I could kiss her ass afterward. With my luck, she’d have, like, two lines, and there wouldn’t be much I could say about it.

  I briefly thumbed through the program, and groaned when I saw the list of songs. Oh fuck, it’s a musical? Great. This was gonna be the longest two hours of my life, and that was saying something, considering I’d been bored off my ass at home for the last several weeks. Sitting at home staring at the walls suddenly seemed appealing.