Losing His Shirt

by Linda Fausnet

  “And if you learn to play guitar, you could perform for all of us!” I said, trying to sound nonchalant and to make it more of a group thing than a private singing session for me. I hoped the room was dark enough to hide my blush. “There’s this great musical called Once, that has some really beautiful guitar music in it.”

  “Oh, that is a good one!” Susie said, following my lead. “The movie was pretty good, too.”

  Some of the others chimed in and we started discussing other musicals that had been made into movies. I relaxed a little, grateful that the spotlight had been lifted from me and Johnny.

  Johnny was still looking at me, though. And I was glad.

  When the evening finally came to an end, only because the bar closed, I had a good buzz going and I felt tingly all over. I knew damned well it was only partially the alcohol. It had more to do with Johnny Creel’s deliciously close proximately. We all settled our tabs and headed out into the night. Susie was giving me a ride home since she had quit drinking hours ago, and Johnny was going to take the Metro home.

  I turned to Johnny to tell him goodnight when suddenly somebody came running up to us in the dark parking lot. A flicker of fear went through me until I realized it was Wendy, our server from the bar.

  “Excuse me!” she said, breathless. “But which one of you had the tab with the name Johnny?”

  My heart seized in my chest. Oh please, God, no. Don’t tell me his credit card was declined. He would be so humiliated in front of my friends. I pleaded inwardly for Wendy to break the news gently and quietly.

  “Uh, that was me,” Johnny said uncertainly. “Is there a problem?”

  “No, no. It’s just, well …” She did lower her voice a bit, but we could all still hear her. “You left an extra three twenty-dollar bills. I thought you might have left them by accident, and I just wanted to check.”

  Wendy held up sixty dollars in her hand, and Johnny smiled at her. “Oh, that’s so nice of you to double-check. It’s for you. Things were crazy tonight, and you did a really great job. You definitely deserve it.”

  I knew damned well Johnny could not easily afford such generosity right now, yet he had done it anyway. My knees went even weaker than when he sang onstage. There was no use in lying to myself anymore. I was well and truly crazy for Johnny Creel.

  Wendy’s eyes filled with tears and she struggled to maintain her composure. She whispered, “Thank you,” and quickly wiped her eyes. “Sorry. It’s just…I’m a single mom and my son is turning twelve in a few days. There’s this video game he wanted more than anything for his birthday. Now I can get it for him, and I can even buy a store-bought cake instead of using one of the crappy cake mixes. Thank you so much!”

  Johnny nodded and smiled warmly at her. “Well, I’m really glad I could help. I hope your kid has a great birthday.”

  Wendy nodded, still wiping tears. She looked like she wanted to hug Johnny but wasn’t sure if she should. Instead, she offered her hand and Johnny took it in both of his as he shook it.

  Wendy glanced at the rest of us and said, “Have a good night!” She walked back into the restaurant, carefully putting the twenties in her wallet.

  I looked up at Johnny standing right next to me. I probably had a stupid, dreamy look on my face, but I couldn’t help it and for once I didn’t care. Right now, I didn’t want to hide my feelings for him.

  “Johnny, you’re so wonderful,” I told him.

  He grinned widely and said, “Well, I’m glad you think so.”

  We gazed into each other’s eyes. The way he was looking at me, I wondered if he might have kissed me, if we hadn’t had an audience. For a second, I thought he would kiss me anyway. He let out a weary sigh.

  “Well, I guess I better get going.” He said it like it was the last thing he wanted to do.

  “Yeah,” I said.

  “Be careful going home,” he said, his eyes still lingering on me.

  “I will. You too.”

  And then we just stood there without moving. Johnny glanced nervously at my friends, all watching us with fascination.

  “Uh, well,” Johnny said. “Maybe, you know, maybe we can do something again next weekend?”

  “Oh, I can’t!” I said. “I really wish I could, but I have plans to visit my parents in Virginia. But, you know, we can do something soon after that.”

  “Sounds great,” he said with a smile. “Goodnight.”

  He nodded at the others, and then headed off into the night.

  “Damn, somebody’s hot for you, Rosemary,” Timothy observed.

  “Shut up,” I said, unable to suppress my goofy grin.

  “Yeah,” Ryan said with a scowl. “Shut up.”

  Chapter 16

  For once, I didn’t give a shit about having to take the Metro home. Tonight had been so wonderful, and I was so excited, I could hardly sit still as I gazed out the window into the darkness. Unless I was absolutely crazy, I thought Rosemary had feelings for me. The signs were all there: the way she looked at me all night, and the way we sat and talked one-on-one. It was the first time since I lost all my money that I didn’t feel like a pathetic loser around her. And I got to sing for her! I was nervous as fuck, but I was glad she made me do it. I was sure all her friends thought I would totally suck, and it felt good to prove them wrong. And I got the feeling they liked me a lot more after I sang, like they were starting to get that I wasn’t the asshole I used to be. I finally felt like I belonged.

  I couldn’t believe my stroke of luck when the waitress came out and thanked me in front of Rosemary. I hadn’t done it to show off, but it ended up working out in my favor. Sure as fuck was worth the sixty bucks if it made Rosemary like me more. Finances were pretty tight for me at the moment, but I felt a lump in my throat when Wendy choked back her tears. It was cool that I could actually make somebody so happy it made them cry. Well, I’d meant what I said. She deserved every dime.

  So strange to think I was sitting in some dive bar at 2am with a bunch of arty-type people and having the time of my life. It was so weird. I never felt more, I don’t know, like myself than I had when I got up and sang that John Denver song. Listening to that kind of music, and singing along with it, made me feel calm and peaceful. I’d never told anybody that, of course. The radio buttons in my car—when I had a car—were always set to hard rock stations that I would often blast when I was with some girl I planned to take home and fuck. I couldn’t even imagine doing that with Rosemary. I thought about what she said about not being able to have casual sex. It was kind of sweet the way she only wanted to sleep with guys she was serious about.

  Presented a bit of challenge for me though, when it came to pursuing her.

  Rosemary was well aware of the slut parade that I’d had in my bedroom, so it was going to be tough to get her to think of me as boyfriend material. I desperately wanted to take her to bed, but I couldn’t bear to have her think I was just using her for sex. Good Christ, I would never hurt her like that.

  I closed my eyes and sat back in my Metro seat. I was so relaxed and happy. I pictured Rosemary and the way she gazed at me while I sang. She looked at me like I was the only one in the room. Like I was singing only to her. And I was. First she looked surprised, then pleased at the way I sounded. I found myself getting kind of excited at the idea of learning how to play the guitar.

  Yes. That was exactly what I was going to do—go out and get a guitar right now and spend the next two weeks learning how to play a song for her. Well, okay, maybe not right now seeing as it was nearly 3am. But I would get started as soon as possible, so I could play for her in a couple of weeks when she was back from visiting her folks.

  That was how I would finally tell her how I felt about her.

  *****

  Aaron texted me to ask if I wanted to hang out at The Federal the next Friday night. It was the weekend that Rosemary was out of town and I was bored out of my skull, so I figured I would go.

  We miss you, dude. Get your scrawny ass
out of the ghetto for once. I’ll pay your tab as long as you put out after, Aaron had said.

  Screw you, queer, I’d texted back. Then I wrote, See ya there.

  People still whispered when I walked in the door of The Federal, but they soon stopped looking in my direction.

  It was kind of a bummer.

  I used to revel in the attention I got. The gossip rags had grown bored with me, though they still ran the occasional story about my dad and his legal troubles. Me? I was old news.

  “Hey, hey, there he is!” Aaron called out. He clapped me on the back as I took a seat on the stool beside him at the bar.

  “How’s life on the wrong side of the tracks?” he asked, flashing that Ken-doll smile. It seemed like he was enjoying my situation a bit too much.

  “You know, I can honestly say it’s not as bad as I thought,” I said, picturing Rosemary and her friends, and all the fun I’d had last weekend.

  Aaron shot me a dubious look, and then snapped his fingers to get the bartender’s attention. I winced, thinking of Wendy. My feet hurt enough at the end of the day in my job; I couldn’t imagine how tiring bartending must be. Especially with rich pricks like Aaron treating you like a slave.

  “Need a beer for my man here!” Aaron called out, his eyes already slightly glazed from drinking.

  “So things are going okay for you, more or less?” David asked.

  “Yeah, yeah. It’s not too bad, all things considered. Been hanging out with some pretty cool people.”

  David nodded, eying me curiously. “That’s good. I’m glad to hear it.” He looked relieved, which was kind of nice. I considered the guys here my friends, but I somehow doubted they gave me a second thought when I wasn’t around. I considered telling David about my new friends, and maybe even about Rosemary.

  The bartender, Ethan, slid a glass of beer in front of me.

  “Thanks,” I said.

  Ethan looked surprised, then said, “Sure thing.”

  I’d been coming here for years, and I realized I’d probably never once said “please” or “thank you.”

  “Good to know you’re making some new friends,” David said. “It has to be rough living away from all your old ones.”

  “Yeah, it sure is different,” I said, unable to hide my smile when I thought of how much fun I’d had at Starlighters.

  As I drank and talked with my buddies, I noticed that some of the people in the bar were watching us. It felt good to be noticed again. Aaron and David were well-renowned due to the success of their families, and hanging out with them seemed to put me back in the public’s good graces. Well, not everybody’s good graces. I caught sight of Christina and some of her girlfriends, looking in my direction and laughing. I was pretty sure I’d had sex with every woman at that table. Christina gestured at me and laughed again. I winced inwardly, figuring she was probably relaying the story about the last time we slept together. I hoped she would at least tell them the part about how I rocked her fucking world all night. It wouldn’t be fair to blab about me being broke and leave out the part about the multiple orgasms I had given her.

  As the night went on, I lost track of how many beers my friends bought me. The more I drank, the easier it became to forget I was broke. Laughing and drinking with them, I felt like one of the guys again. Aaron was chatting up one of the girls from Christina’s table. I was pretty sure he’d be taking her back to his place shortly. David had his eye on some leggy brunette who was in town for just a few days. Those were the best kind to fuck, because there was no baggage. One and done.

  “That is one fuckable piece of ass right there,” I said, hardly recognizing my own voice. I certainly sounded different here than I did with Rosemary and her friends.

  “Yes, indeed,” David said, nodding his approval.

  “Dude, you know I got ya covered tonight,” David told me. “And I’m not just talking drinks. If you want a room, man, you got it.”

  I glanced out across the rapidly emptying bar as people were choosing their hookups for the night. I was surprised to see there were a few girls checking me out. Either they weren’t aware of my misfortune of late, or they’d heard the rumors that I was good in bed and that was enough for them. I viewed the girls through my hazy, buzzed vision, but all I could think about was Rosemary.

  “Naw, man, I can’t,” I said, slurring a bit. “I can’t. There’s this girl. This girl I know. I gotta get her, you know? She’s the only one I want. She’s a pretty, red-haired girl, and she’s mine. I mean, I mean, she’s not mine, but she’s gonna be. I hope.”

  David laughed, shaking his head. “Well, I hope it works out for you, Johnny.”

  “She doesn’t care that I’m poor.”

  “Good. That’s really good.”

  A sudden wave of loneliness washed over me when I thought of Rosemary, and suddenly, I didn’t want to be in the bar anymore. More than anything in the world, I wished I was home in bed, holding her in my arms. For once in my fucking life I wasn’t even thinking about sex. I just wanted to be near her.

  “I gotta go home,” I said, staggering off my stool.

  “You okay? Did you drive here?” David asked with concern.

  “No, I don’t have a car!” I started laughing uncontrollably.

  David laughed too. He clapped me on the back, and said, “Okay, let me get you a car to take you home.”

  “Nah, nah, I’m good.” I didn’t even want a limo to take home. I just wanted to be alone. “Really. Thanks, man. Just, you know, thanks.”

  I turned to say goodbye to Aaron, but he was already gone with his girl. I staggered out into the streets of D.C. and hoped I could find my way to the Metro. I eventually made it there, though I wasn’t sure how.

  My head started to clear once I got on the train toward home. I stared out the window into the blackness of the night, thinking about tonight. It had been fun hanging out with my friends. It allowed me to forget about everything for a while. Still, it was kind of scary how fast I turned back into the rich frat boy prick I used to be. It made me feel lost, like I had absolutely no idea who I was. I’d been working so hard to convince Rosemary that I had changed. That I was a good man and could be a good boyfriend to her. But had I really changed? Or was I just fooling myself?

  I tried to shake off my depressing thoughts so I could focus on what was important. The only thing I was sure about these days was how much I wanted to be with Rosemary. It was like I needed to be with her. With Rosemary, I felt calm. Well, with her I felt excited and turned on and horny as hell, but it also just felt good to be near her. Her smile made me feel like maybe life didn’t have to be crazy and confusing. Being near her just made me happy. It was that simple. I had to focus on my plan to win her over.

  I had started guitar lessons. My teacher, an arty-type college student, like the kind I usually talked shit about with my friends, had taught me a lot already. At first, he wanted me to just practice scales and all that, but when I told him I wanted to learn some chords for a song to impress a girl, he laughed and agreed to help. Matt. That was his name. Matt was cool, and he was on my side. He wanted to help me win the girl of my dreams.

  I’d find out soon enough if it would work.

  Chapter 17

  It had been two weeks since I’d seen Rosemary, and I’d spent most of that time getting ready for this moment. I stood outside her door, literally shaking. I’d never been so nervous in my entire life, but I knew it was do or die time. I’d practiced my song with my guitar a million times, so I was as ready as I’d ever be. Rosemary had invited me to hang out with her and her friends at her apartment, but I intentionally got there early so I could have a little time alone with her.

  I drew in a deep breath and tried to steady my nerves. I had to calm the fuck down if I was gonna do this right. No matter how scared I was, I couldn’t allow my voice to shake when I serenaded her.

  I knocked loudly, trying to force myself to appear manly and in control of my emotions. Rosemary opened the do
or, looking lovely as always. She wore a silky green blouse that set off the color of her eyes. She looked surprised but not unhappy to see me.

  “Hey, you’re early!” she said with a pretty smile.

  “Yeah, I hope you don’t mind. I, uh…”

  Rosemary gasped when she looked down at the guitar in my hand. “Oh, my gosh, you got a guitar! That’s great!”

  I smiled at her, feeling emboldened by her encouragement. I knew that even if I fucked up the song, she would tell me she was proud of me. Because she was perfect and wonderful.

  “Yeah, that’s uh, why I came early. I wanted to show you what I learned.”

  “You know how to play something already? That’s wonderful! Come in, come in,” she said, opening the door wider so I could enter. Rosemary walked over to the couch and sat down, patting the seat next to her.

  “I can’t believe that you learned to play a song so quickly!”

  “Well, you know, it helps that I already knew how to read music. It was just a matter of learning how to use a new instrument. I’ve started getting callouses, see?” I showed her my fingers like a fucking idiot. What the hell was wrong with me?

  Rosemary took my hand, which sent shivers of delight through me. She smiled as she inspected my fingers. She seemed genuinely proud of me. “Yeah, you do. Just like a real musician.”

  I nodded. Rosemary smiled encouragingly. I was sure she knew I was nervous, and I loved that she was trying to put me at ease. I willed my hands to stay steady as I opened my guitar case and pulled out the guitar and a pick. I set the sheet music on the coffee table. I probably could have played from memory at that point, but I didn’t want to risk screwing it up.

  “Okay, well, I think you’ll probably know this song since you’re a showgirl. I—I—I mean a showtunes girl.”