by Debbie Mason
Her voice softened. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. I know exactly what kind of man you are. Jill is a very lucky girl. She’ll never have to worry about a thing. Neither will that child. Look at how you took care of me.”
“Taking care of Jill is causing a bit of a problem. She thinks I’m overprotective,” he said, then told his mother how he’d been handling things so far. More like how he’d been screwing them up.
“Well, it sounds like you’re still finding your way. Probably a good thing you started out as friends,” she said, a hint of laughter in her voice. “Why don’t you relax a little? Stop worrying about her so much. I can see how the daily e-mails about what she should and shouldn’t be eating and other health risks might get on her nerves. Sure as heck would get on mine,” she said under her breath.
“I heard that, Ma.” He thought of the one he’d sent Jill earlier today. “So do you think I should warn her about the risks involving firearms? They say it’s bad for the baby’s hearing, and Jill’s exposing herself to toxic chemicals when she’s cleaning her weapon. And God knows the woman loves her weapons.”
“Well, honey, I might be careful about sending her any more e-mails. Any more e-mails at all.”
“Okay. Thanks. Love you, Ma. Talk soon.” He hung up and immediately texted Jill: Babe, I e-mailed you earlier today by mistake. Do me a favor and delete it. Sorry again for being an ass.
Chapter Twenty-One
You look fantastic. Pregnancy suits you.” Vivi smiled at Jill as she rocked her son’s carriage with her foot. They were sitting outside on Vivi and Chance’s patio with a gorgeous view of the lake, enjoying the unseasonably warm fall weather. Sawyer and Chance had left about an hour ago to do something manly. At least that’s what they’d told her and Vivi. Jill figured it was good for him to hang out with Chance. She knew he was missing her brother.
She ran a thumb under the waistband of her navy yoga pants. “I’m not even three months, and I’ve graduated to stretchy pants. My jeans don’t fit anymore, and I had to order a new uniform.” She glanced at her boobs, noting how they stretched her navy hoodie. “It’s Sawyer’s fault. Every time I turn around, he’s shoving food at me.”
Vivi laughed. “Get used to it. Chance still does it, and Sam’s four months old.”
“That’s not what I wanted to hear. You’re supposed to tell me it’s a passing phase.”
“I’ve come to the conclusion it’s just who they are, Jill. Guys like Sawyer and Chance—the majority of men in Christmas, really—have a protective streak a mile wide. They can’t help themselves. They’ll do everything they can to take care of their families. You’ll get used to it. Sort of. When you think about it, we’re lucky. Most women would kill to have a stand-up guy whose sole focus is to take care of them and make them happy. And you have to admit, they look real good doing it.”
Jill stared at her, wondering what had happened to Kick-Ass Vivi Westfield. “When did you start drinking the Kool-Aid?”
She grinned and lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know. Motherhood has a way of making you reevaluate life. Changes your priorities, I guess. And watching Chance with Sam…” Her face went soft, her violet eyes misty. “Sorry, hormones are still off the charts.” She dabbed at the corner of her eye with her finger. “Trust me, I understand better than anyone how you’re feeling. But believe me when I say that it’ll be worth it in the end.”
“So when he picks me up in a meeting and carries me out of the room, kisses me to shut me up, and sends me e-mails about the dangers of firearms, I’m just supposed to suck it up?”
Vivi laughed, then said, “Sorry, I heard about the meeting. And just so you know, all the women in town thought it was a swoon-worthy moment.”
Jill crossed her arms. “So I heard.” Someone, her bet was on Nell, had snapped a picture of Sawyer kissing her as he carried her out of the room and posted on the town’s Facebook page. It got more likes than her bird poop photo. She’d caught Sawyer looking at it the other day with a grin on his face. “Thanks for not putting it in the Chronicle.”
“Hey, us kick-ass girls have to stick together. And to answer your question about sucking it up, that would be a hell no. They wouldn’t want us to. They like the challenge even when they complain that we’re being hard-headed and stubborn.”
Jill glanced over her shoulder at the sound of a truck coming down the gravel drive. “Our manly men are returning. Any idea what they’ve been up to?”
“I’ve been sworn to secrecy. But I will say your baby daddy is going to earn some serious Brownie points. I’m beginning to think these guys put their heads together to help the next one in line. Because as far as romantic gestures go, Sawyer’s outdone them all.”
“Umm, you’re probably trying to make me feel better, but it’s actually not working. Why does he need a romantic gesture?”
“Maybe to make up for embarrassing you at the meeting?”
She nodded. He had been trying to rein himself in the past week. She still received a couple texts a day, but they were more of the how’s it going kind or to share something funny that had happened at the bar than the annoying ones that made her want to thump her phone on her head, or his. “Right. That must be it.” She narrowed her eyes at Vivi, who appeared to be silently laughing. But then the baby started to fuss, distracting them both.
“I swear he has Chance-radar,” Vivi said, standing to bend over the carriage. She moved the mosquito netting and lifted the baby into her arms. “You hear your daddy, don’t you, sweetie?” Sure enough, the men’s conversation filtered to the front of the log home, and the baby wriggled in Vivi’s arms.
“He’s getting so big,” Jill said, joining Vivi to stroke Sam’s soft, chubby cheek. He had the same beautiful olive complexion as his mother, but with the blond tufts of hair and bright blue eyes, he was the spitting image of his father.
Vivi looked at her. “Don’t say it.”
Jill laughed. “Okay, I won’t. But you have to admit the resemblance is uncanny.”
“Which his father tells me at least three times a day.”
“What do I tell you?” Chance asked as he and Sawyer came down the grassy incline carrying a green canoe between them. Sawyer winked at Jill as they headed for the dock.
She raised an eyebrow at Vivi and nodded at the canoe. “That’s your idea of an amazing romantic gesture?” She lowered her voice so Sawyer wouldn’t hear her. In part because she didn’t want to hurt his feelings, but also because she didn’t want him to think she thought of their relationship as a romantic one. Friends with benefits was a more apt description.
Vivi grinned, responding to her husband instead. “That your son is the spitting image of his mother.”
Chance snorted as he lowered his end of the canoe. “He’s his daddy’s mini-me. The next one will look like you, Slick.”
Sawyer said something to him as they walked toward the flagstone patio. They laughed, the sun’s rays shining down on their outrageously handsome faces and turning their blond hair to gold. They could pass for brothers. Both were tall with muscular builds, though Sawyer was leaner than Chance. And while Sawyer reminded Jill of a warrior with his rugged good looks, Chance had actually been one. Every once in a while that cold fierceness showed on his face, until he looked at his wife and baby boy like he was now.
“He’s lucky he’s hot,” Vivi murmured.
Jill felt the same about Sawyer. She’d be ticked as hell at him one minute, and then he’d give her one of his slow smiles and her anger dissolved, leaving her all melty. She was feeling a little melty right now as he walked to her side. He had on khaki shorts that showed off his long muscular legs and a black Flurries hoodie with the sleeves pushed up to his elbows to reveal his powerful forearms.
“Miss me?” Chance said, giving his wife a kiss and taking the baby from her.
“You were gone less than an hour,” Vivi said, tickling her son’s tummy when Chance turned the baby to face them.
; “Hey, big guy,” Sawyer said, leaning in to stroke the baby’s face. “Mind if I hold him?” he asked Chance.
“Sure,” he said, handing him over.
Sawyer cradled the baby in his arms and nuzzled Sam’s cheek. “He smells good.”
Chance laughed. “Not always.”
Vivi caught Jill’s eyes. She knew what the other woman was thinking without her saying a word. Totally worth putting up with his annoyingness for a moment like this.
* * *
Twenty minutes later Jill was no longer feeling the warm fuzzies. She was fighting the urge to throw Sawyer overboard.
“Babe, you gotta pull the blade through the water like this.” For what felt like the third time in so many minutes, he demonstrated the action with his paddle.
“That’s what I’m doing,” she muttered, sitting at the front of the canoe wearing a life jacket. “Where are we going?”
“In circles if you keep paddling like that.” She shot him a look over her shoulder, and his lips twitched. “Should have remembered you always have to have everything planned out. Can’t we just enjoy the day together?”
“I guess.” It would be easier to if she knew what he had planned. She kept thinking about what Vivi said and it was making her nervous. She didn’t like surprises.
“Okay, if it’ll make you happy…” He lifted his paddle and pointed across the lake from Vivi and Chance’s “…That’s where we’re headed.”
She followed his paddle, squinting behind her sunglasses. She glanced at him. “I don’t see anything but a bunch of trees.”
He lowered his sunglasses on his nose, looking over them at her. “Trees? You don’t see the gorgeous fall foliage? Look at those reds and oranges. At the way the aspen leaves shimmer in the breeze.”
She pressed her lips together, then cleared the laughter from her throat. “You’re right, it’s really beautiful. And the mountains are looking pretty spectacular today, too, with their snow-covered peaks.” She skimmed her paddle over the water. “The lake’s so still it looks like glass.”
“It’s the same color as your eyes. I hope the baby has your eyes. They’re beautiful.”
“Oh, I…” He’d foiled her teasing with a compliment. “Thank you. Yours are, too.”
“Thanks,” he said, a hint of amusement in his voice.
They paddled without speaking for a few minutes. The sound of the wooden blades slicing through the water and the small waves gently lapping against the boat were peaceful and calming. She felt the release of tension from her body and admitted, “This was a good idea. I’m glad you thought of it.”
“Jack and I used to come here every summer. We fished in the marshes over there.” He pointed at the bulrushes to the left of them. There was a man in a white rowboat, partially hidden by the weeds. “Caught some good-sized trout.”
“You miss him, don’t you?” Her brother was being a stubborn jackass. Grace couldn’t get through to him and neither could Jill.
“Of course I do. But what I miss the most are the times we all spent together. The five of us hanging out, having barbeques and family dinners.”
“Me too. It’s not the same without you.”
“I thought he’d come around by now. When I pictured me having a kid, getting married, he was always there. It’s not the same without him. It would have been nice to share today with him.”
She froze, praying he didn’t mean what she thought he did. She felt movement behind her, the gentle rocking of the canoe. “Jill, I want to ask you something.” Eyes wide, she stared at the shoreline. “Turn around real slow and face me, babe. I want to do this right.”
She whipped around. “Sawyer, I…” In her panic, she forgot to put down her paddle. He was on one knee, holding a small blue box in his hand, when the blade hit him on the shoulder, knocking him off balance. “Oh, crap.”
“Jesus, don’t—”
She stood up to reach for him…and overturned the canoe.
* * *
“I didn’t say no. I said I’d think about it,” Jill tried to explain to Sawyer as they pulled the canoe onto the rocky shore. They hadn’t bothered trying to get back into it. They’d stripped off their clothes, hanging on to the canoe as they kicked their way to shore. The man in the rowboat had offered to help, but by the time he would have reached them, they’d probably have made it to shore, so they’d politely declined. Chance, who’d been standing at the end of his dock, offered his help, too. Since he’d been laughing his ass off at the time, their response wasn’t as polite. They’d flipped him off.
“You were so panicked you nearly took my head off with the paddle, then you overturned the canoe. That doesn’t sound like I’ll think about it to me,” he muttered, shoving his wet hair from his face. Droplets of water glistened on his chiseled pecs and his washboard abs, his black boxers molded to his…
“Jill?”
Her eyes jerked to his face, and she winced at the hurt and confusion in his eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin your proposal.”
“Even if you hadn’t overturned the canoe, it was going to be ruined when you rejected me.”
“I didn’t reject you. I just don’t think this is something we have to rush into. We can revisit it in a couple months, okay?” And maybe by then he’d fall in love with her. If he’d said those three words, she would have said yes in a heartbeat. Even if she’d had the smallest hint that he might be falling in love with her, she would have said yes. But she didn’t because he wasn’t.
“I don’t understand why you want to wait. We’re friends. We spend practically all our free time together anyway.” He moved her hand from the snaps of her life jacket and undid them for her. She raised her eyes to meet his and shivered at the heat she saw there. “We’re compatible out of bed and in. The sex is amazing and gets better every time. We’re great together, Jill. We get along better than half the married couples I know. Or am I missing something? Have you not been as happy as me these past few weeks?”
Everything he said was true, and maybe if she was willing to settle for a man who loved her, but wasn’t in love with her, she’d say yes. But eventually it wouldn’t be enough for either of them. She’d always want more, and then one day he might meet the woman of his dreams, and where would she be then? She’d witnessed the devastation a broken heart could cause firsthand. She wouldn’t intentionally do that to herself or her child.
“Guess not,” he said and moved away to retrieve his sweatshirt, shorts, and her yoga pants from the top of the canoe.
She slid off the life jacket, letting it drop onto the rocks, then wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her cheek against his cool, damp back. It was easier to say what she had to without looking at him. “We’ve known each other since we were kids, Sawyer. Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself. So you know that I’ve been as happy as you.” And she had been, even when he was driving her crazy. Suze had been right. Up until a few weeks ago, Jill had been coasting through life. Sawyer and their baby had changed that. “I’m just asking for a little time. It’s all happened so fast. Marriage is a big step. I don’t want to ruin what we have. I’m not just thinking about us, I’m thinking about the baby, too.”
He turned in her arms and looked into her eyes, then gently pushed her hair from her face. “Okay. We’ll do it your way. But…” he said, pulling back to dig the ring box from the pocket of his shorts. He took her hand and placed it on her palm, folding her fingers around the box. “I want you to hold on to this.”
She looked down at his big hand covering hers. “Maybe you should keep it. What if you change your mind?”
“That won’t happen.”
“You don’t know—”
“Yeah, I do, and I’ll show you why. Come on.” He placed his hand on the small of her back, nudging her forward.
Through the grove of aspen trees she made out a clapboard house. It was a little run-down, but it was a good size with a welcoming front porch. And it was obvio
us someone lived there. She smelled the woodsy fragrance of a fire, a tendril of gray smoke coming from the river rock chimney. She held back. “Maybe we should call out. The owners might not take kindly to trespassers and shoot us.”
“I promise not to shoot you. And you don’t have your gun.”
“Wait…what? Are you saying…”
He moved his hand from her back, curving it around her neck, then bent his head to touch his mouth to the corner of hers. “Welcome home, babe.”
Her fingers tightened around the box, and she looked up at him. “You bought it for us?”
“Yeah.” He nodded, glancing from her to the house. He seemed nervous, unlike the confident man she knew so well. “It doesn’t look exactly like the one on your board, but with a little work and white paint, it’ll be close. Once we take down some of the trees in the front, you’ll be able to see the lake from the front windows and porch.”
She stared up at him, her vision blurring with tears. He’d given her her dream house.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Sawyer sat in his office playing a game of desktop hockey. His right hand was beating his left. Instead of celebrating the official endorsement from the NHL that hit his inbox ten minutes ago, he was shooting a pea-size puck at a card-size net trying to figure out the woman who said he knew her better than she knew herself. If that was true, she would have said yes to his proposal. At least one of them.
For a minute there, when he told her the house on the lake was theirs, he thought she might give in and put him out of his misery. He’d taken advantage of her stunned silence, the tears turning her eyes ocean blue, and picked her up, carrying her across the threshold in a move he thought might tip the scale in his favor. It didn’t. And neither did the rose petals he and Chance had scattered over the sleeping bags laid out on the battered floorboards in the living room.