Oval Office Oddities

by Bill Fawcett

  But the Union general and president’s literary success was not without its inherent tragedy. While working on the book and living very simply, Grant began to notice a sharp pain in his mouth. When the pain persisted he went to a doctor and received the shocking news that it was cancer. Further examination showed that the cancer had reached a point where there was no hope that nineteenth-century medicine could cure it. With the cancer growing and his death imminent, Grant continued to write. He was determined to complete the book and hoped he could provide for his widow in death better than he often had in life. For a while, he continued to dictate to a secretary, but as the cancer spread, his voice failed. Even then he continued writing out his remembrances. Soon Grant was so weak he could only sit up and write in short spurts. But the determined general was true to form and he completed the book as promised. A week later Grant was dead.

  While he never lived to see the book published, you have to assume he would be very pleased. It became an instant bestseller and continued to sell well for years. Thanks to the high royalty rate and the book’s popularity, the book earned over half a million dollars. This would be more than ten million dollars today and was more money than the leading general of the Civil War and two-term president had earned during his entire lifetime.

  10

  DIGNITY, ALWAYS DIGNITY

  At times you have to give into the temptation to have a serious belly laugh at something a past president has done or said. Certainly they have presented many opportunities, just ask the writers of Saturday Night Live for whom modern presidents have unintentionally provided a bounty of material weekly. Somehow, even after looking at every presidential pratfall and pimple, you come away with an amazing regard for the office and even the men who hold it.

  SETTING THE STANDARD

  When George Washington became the first president, there were no guidelines as to how to act or how he should be treated. The closest examples anyone had were the kings and queens in Europe, and that did not sit well with anyone. After all, we had just fought a revolution to get rid of arbitrary rule. Few cared that the arbitrary actions came more from the British parliament than the king; he supported it (when sane). The quandary was that, while the people did not want anyone to act, well, royally, they did want someone who would be given the respect a head of state of a major nation deserved.

  We owe a lot of the more egalitarian aspects of the presidency to Washington and his political allies. For a start, the name. Many in the Senate wanted the official way to address the U.S. president to be “His Highness” or even, in the tradition of naming all of a king’s titles, the rather large mouthful of “His Highness, the President of the United States of America, and the Protector of Their Liberties.” But George Washington preferred “Mister President” and this prevailed. He also set a pattern of talking to the people. This again was not the standard for either the king or the prime minister of England.

  MARKED SUCCESS

  There are those historians and scholars who say that one of the first president’s greatest accomplishments was that he succeeded in keeping Alexander Hamilton and Thomas Jefferson from killing each other. This is not as frivolous a comment as it seems. You have to remember that not only did the men often disagree vehemently and on a basic level about a wide range of important issues, but that both were also competitive, very intelligent, and well-spoken. When you add to this the fact that duels were still being fought, then you see just how much the steady hand of Washington achieved. Though each normally respected the other, Jefferson once accused Alexander Hamilton of misusing public funds while Treasury Secretary under Washington. It was investigated and Hamilton was acquitted. Even though Hamilton was influential in Jefferson eventually becoming president, most of the time they just did not play well together and it was only the diplomatic skill of George Washington that allowed the young nation to have the services of both men.

  THE WINNER

  There were a lot of ways to maintain your dignity in early America. One of the more popular routes was the duel. Gentlemen dueled over honor, women, and perceived slights. Since the occasional outcome of these duels was the death of one or both parties, you would think they would be officially disapproved of. This was hardly the case back then. Andrew Jackson fought many duels. His skill with sword and pistol is shown by the fact that he survived them all. When anyone made a disparaging remark about his deceased wife, Andy was quick to the challenge. His noted skill almost always meant a rapid retraction and apology. Back then, the president could shoot it out with a senator who mouthed off; today you can’t even smoke in the cloakroom. Certainly the recent presidents would probably see a time when you could shoot your opponents as the good old days.

  THE DUEL OF THE CENTURY

  Most of us have heard something about the infamous duel between Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton. What we often don’t realize was that it was the direct result of a presidential election. Burr and Hamilton went way back. They had once been law partners in New York City. Where Hamilton was constantly considered a statesman and leader, Burr at first had a very hard time getting elected to anything. Finally Burr was appointed attorney general of New York and parleyed that into being elected U.S. Senator. He also built up what was the first of many patronage machines in New York City. Hamilton by this time was serving in the national government under Washington. Along comes the election of 1800. Now, at this time the Electoral College had a lot more latitude. Primaries hadn’t been invented yet and even when state legislatures sent electors with instructions, these rarely extended beyond the first few votes. This often left the electors free to indulge in old-fashioned deal-making and that was the case in 1800.

  It was more or less agreed that the Democratic ticket would be Jefferson as president and Aaron Burr, a tribute to the fact that his New York machine virtually guaranteed them the election, as vice president. The procedure in those days was that the person with the most votes from the Electoral College was president and the runner up became vice president. But in this election there was a hitch. Both Thomas Jefferson and Aaron Burr received exactly seventy-three votes. They tied. And since they already did not like each other, neither man was willing to concede the one vote needed by the other to become president. The other political force involved was Alexander Hamilton, who had used his influence to support Jefferson, whom he respected, if often disagreed with. Thomas Jefferson was elected the third president of the United States and Aaron Burr became the vice president, whose duties were pretty well restricted to flooring motions and voting in case of ties in the Senate. Burr blamed Hamilton for his loss to Jefferson and was aggressively antagonistic to the Founding Father from then on. The famed duel took place in 1804. Alexander Hamilton was wounded and died the next day. Aaron Burr was accused in 1807 of a plot to cause and take advantage of a war with Spain, and while acquitted, he left the United States for Europe. There he tried to convince the British government to support him in creating a revolution against Spain in Mexico and was eventually thrown out of that nation. He traveled to Sweden, Denmark, and Germany before ending up in Paris. No one was interested in financing his revolution, not even Napoleon. He ran out of money in Paris and could not even get back to New York City. When he finally did get to leave it was on a French ship that was promptly captured by the Royal Navy. Burr spent the better part of a year in Britain before finally being allowed to return to New York City and his law practice.

  COLORFUL

  When you become president and you are like Andrew Jackson as a youth or even a grown man, this makes you colorful and mischievous. Otherwise, there is the opinion of many of his contemporaries in Washington and elsewhere that he was just a little bit crazy. While a law student, he and his buds decided to destroy the inn they were getting drunk in. They proceeded to first destroy all the glassware, then started on the furniture, and finally torched the building. Colorful. One time, when asked to organize a ball for his dance school (required if you wanted to be a gentleman), Jackson did
a great job, except for the part where he invited two of the town’s more notorious whores. As a prosecutor, his patience was also limited. It is on record that he once picked up a piece of wood and knocked out a tax dodger he was prosecuting. In 1813, General Jackson was in Nashville when he met one Thomas Benton in the street. Benton had been bad mouthing Jackson for having the bad judgment of allowing his younger brother to duel another officer. Jackson set onto Benton with a whip, and the brawl exploded into a real battle featuring knives and guns. The fight tore up the first floor of a hotel and Jackson received two bullet wounds, one of which nearly cost him his arm. When you add to all this his numerous duels, which he professed to really enjoy, and two terms as the seventh president, you get colorful. And I’ll bet you thought Bill Clinton was a little wild.

  THE ALIEN AND SEDITION ACTS

  The current spate of laws intended to increase national security is not the first such attempt at the expense of individual rights. The first was back at the very beginning of the United States when John Adams was the second president. One of the reasons that the man who wrote the Constitution and should have known better promoted and signed laws that made it illegal to criticize the new country, either verbally or in print, was his ongoing rivalry with Thomas Jefferson. It seems that during a scandal later known as the XYZ Affair, France’s foreign minister tried to bribe a team of American envoys. Somehow it appeared to Adams that Jefferson was involved and could even be working, while vice president, for the French. So he signed some stringent laws that made all of the post-9/11 acts look mild. Thomas Jefferson repealed them when he became president.

  JUST PLAIN CRANKY

  If you have the impression from other sections of this book that John Adams, the revered author of the Constitution and the second president, was a bit hard to get along with, you are correct. Here is how some of his contemporaries described Adams:

  “…vain, irritable, and a bad calculator of the force and the probable effect of the motives which govern men.”—Thomas Jefferson, whom you must remember had a long running feud with his predecessor

  “…a certain irritability which has sometimes thrown you off your guard.”—Abigail Adams to her husband

  “…sometimes absolutely mad.”—Ben Franklin

  When James Henry was fired as Secretary of War, he went on to say that he thought the president was “actually insane.”

  CLEANING OUT THE CABINET

  James Monroe was a man of strong opinions and decisive action. When his Secretary of the Treasury went too far in disagreeing with the president, he chased the man from the White House using a pair of heavy fire tongs.

  NOT ONE OF US

  The people of the United States adored Andrew Jackson as one of their own. He, too, saw himself as a man of the people. He was less well-received by the society of aristocratic Washington, D.C. One of Jackson’s favorite past times, sitting under a White House tree and smoking his pipe, tended to outrage those who drank tea correctly. His interest in horse racing, cockfights, and just about any competitive sport, also set him apart. His impatience with protocol and ceremonies regularly offended those who put great store in them. Regardless of these differences with the Washington elite, or even perhaps because of them, Jackson was reelected in 1832 and served two terms.

  DON’T YOU WISH

  In the first decades of the republic, things were more personal. Those looking for a federal position often met directly with the president to state their case and ask for the job. This could be tiring, and occasionally dangerous, as most of the time the president would have to say no. Such was the case with Andrew Jackson. An office-seeker, refused the position he wanted, reached across and twisted the president’s nose.

  NOT IN GQ

  Perhaps the worst-dressed president ever was Zachary Taylor. The first presidents had all come from the colonial upper classes and maintained a high standard of apparel. Even homespun Andrew Jackson dressed reasonably well. But Zachary Taylor was simply and totally unconcerned with his personal dress. He often sported clothes that were worn, even torn and patched, if they were comfortable. He wore a broad-brimmed hat made of woven palmetto leaves, and in his choice of what to wear held little regard for color or style. On more than one occasion, he was mistaken for a farmer because of his rough clothes and casual nature.

  NOT THE STEREOTYPE

  There is an image we measure our presidents against. This is a statesman with youthful zest, graying hair, and the impression of gravitas. Zachary Taylor was perhaps not only the worst-dressed president ever but also the least presidential in physical appearance. Taylor had a thick body but thin arms and legs. His face was permanently tanned to the shade of leather and to a similar consistency from his years in the elements while serving in the army. His legs also were bowed and so short that he was, while an excellent rider once on the horse, unable to mount it without assistance. With his long arms and short legs, it was inevitable that the twelfth president’s political enemies and cartoonists often compared him to an ape.

  OPPOSITION

  If the twelfth president was perhaps the ugliest man to hold that office, then the thirteenth president made up for it. When Taylor died in the second year of his term, Millard Fillmore became president. As presidents go, Fillmore was rather a bust, but he did look the part. Queen Victoria once commented he was the handsomest man she had ever seen.

  DEGREE OF HUMILITY

  Millard Fillmore was a self-educated man. Two years after being president, he traveled to Britain. At Oxford University, as is their tradition with visiting heads of state, Fillmore was offered an honorary degree. He turned down this prestigious offer by saying “no man should, in my judgment, accept a degree he cannot read.” Oxford degrees are written in Latin.

  DUFFERS

  Ulysses S. Grant was dragged to the golf course by a friend who wanted to interest the president in the (even then) trendy sport. He agreed, after being told that the game was good exercise. On the first tee, the party stood and watch a beginning golfer swinging away with no effect. Grant was heard to observe, “That does look like good exercise, but what is the little white ball for?”

  Golf is game that respects no office. It wasn’t until 1968, in Palm Springs, that fanatic golfer Dwight D. Eisenhower finally got a hole in one. We are sure his secret service agents, who had followed him around for hundreds of rounds of golf, cheered loudly.

  NO SECRET SERVICE YET

  John Quincy Adams’s son on occasion acted as a sort of assistant to his father. He had a longstanding feud with a Washington newspaper editor named Russell Jarvis. (No he was not at the Washington Post!) Regardless of how his son felt about the editor, President Adams felt required to invite Jarvis to some of the White House receptions. At one of these, the editor was publicly insulted by the president’s son. Remember, this is still the era when duels were fought. Presumably to avoid conflict with the father, Russell Jarvis reacted little at the time. But a short time later, Jarvis made a point of meeting young John inside the Capitol building while the young man was on his way to deliver a message to Congress. He slapped the president’s son, embarrassing and annoying the young man. His father, too, was upset and a Congressional investigation ensued. No report or conclusion was ever brought to Congress, which was most likely happy not being further involved.

  WHERE WAS THAT SECRET SERVICE AGAIN?

  The White House is normally considered fairly secure, but this wasn’t always so. Security could be quite lax in the first years. Once, when attending a reception held at the White House by President John Quincy Adams, General Winfield Scott had his pocket picked. The thief seems to have escaped, at least there is no record he was apprehended, and he got away with eight hundred dollars of the general’s money. That’s over $50,000 by today’s standards.

  VACATION

  At one time during his presidency, John Adams became angry at his own party, Congress, and nearly everyone else. He decided he’d had enough and simply stopped functioning as preside
nt. For three months, the nation ran itself with no one acting in the top office. And you thought those two-week Texas ranch vacations were a first?

  PRESIDENTIAL NICKNAMES

  Most presidential nicknames refer to something the man had done. There was, especially in the first years of the republic, a much greater tendency to assign nicknames. Even today, most soldiers have some name for their commanders, even the ones who became commander in chief.

  President Washington: “The Old Fox,” “Father of Our Country”

  The first refers to Washington’s skill at out-foxing the British as a general. And yes, they used the father nickname while he was still alive.

  John Adams: “His Rotundity,” the “Duke of Braintree”

  Neither of these is friendly. The Rotundity nickname came when, as VP, Adams cast the tie vote determining that the official address would be Mr. President and not something much more flamboyant and noble-sounding. Those losing resented the tie-breaking votes Adams cast on this and other matters, and the way he ran the Senate.

  Jefferson: “Sage of Monticello”

  And he was…

  Madison: “Father of the Constitution”

  Say no more.

  Monroe: “Last Cocked Hat”

  Monroe liked to recall the days when he fought in the Revolution. He was a true war hero and tended to dress as he had in 1776, including in the completely-out-of-style tri-corn hat.

  J. Q. Adams: “Old Man Eloquent”

  John Quincy Adams was one of the best spoken and most intellectual pesidents of all time.

  Jackson: “Old Hickory” by his friends and “King Andrew the First” by his many political opponents.

  Van Buren: “The Little Magician,” “Little Van,” “Old Kinderhook”