Horrible Harry and the Birthday Girl

by Suzy Kline

  I wasn’t so sure that everything he’d brought was going to be a treat.

  The conductor grabbed the handle of the red cooler and hoisted it up through the doorway. Then he offered Mrs. Berg an arm. She climbed up the steps and led our party onto the train.

  Mrs. Berg led us into one long car that was half-filled with people. “These are the coach class seats,” she said.

  “What’s that mean?” Sid asked ZuZu.

  “They’re the cheapest seats,” he said.

  The six college students and the elderly ladies looked for places to sit in that car. I noticed a toddler standing on her mom’s lap, patting the window. Several people were reading. Lots of people were talking. When we got to the end of the aisle, we passed by two long bathrooms, each with a sliding door.

  Harry stepped inside one immediately. When he locked the door, the word OCCUPIED lit up in front. “I wish I had one of those signs at my house,” I said to Sidney. “My brother Baxter is always banging on the door screaming, ‘Anybody in there?’”

  “We’re sitting in the café car,” Mrs. Berg said. When she tapped the door at the back of the car, it sprang open right away. There was a little platform separating the cars. We stepped on it and waited for Mary’s mom to touch the next door. “Let’s find two empty tables that are across the aisle from each other,” she continued.

  As soon as Harry joined us, Mrs. Berg rapped on the door behind her. It sprang open like the other one, and we stepped inside.

  Mary bulldozed her way to the front and picked out two tables in the middle. I noticed just a couple of people were in the café car—one guy drinking coffee and doing a crossword puzzle, and a woman typing something on her laptop.

  “The first car is always the business class,” Mrs. Berg said.

  “You get a free bottle of water and a newspaper,” Mary added. “But it costs more to sit there.”

  The man in the suit was heading for that section.

  So was Harry.

  He followed that man down the aisle into the business class car. Papa took off after him. “Wait, Harry,” he called out.

  Two minutes later they both returned. Harry scooted into the booth next to me.

  “They have two bathrooms in that car too,” he said. “Right next to the entrance door. And it’s very quiet. Everyone is sitting up and working on something.”

  “Anything else, Harry?” I asked. I was curious about that first car and why it cost more money.

  “The seats are really comfortable. I tried one out. Lots of padding.”

  Chooo-chooo, chooo-chooo. . . . We could hear the train leaving the station as it jerked forward and then bounced back and forth. I loved the swaying. It was like being in a rocking chair. I also liked the clickety-clack of the steel wheels on the track.

  “Here we go, guys!” Papa called out. “Enjoy the ride!”

  Mary clapped her hands. She seemed in a much better mood now that we were moving. Dexter rested his guitar case against the wall. We set the presents down on the floor under the table.

  A loudspeaker near us turned on, and a voice came through it saying, “Next stop is Marion. And then University Park at 12:40 p.m.”

  “Actually, having a dinner theater in the park sounds like fun,” Mary reasoned. Then she looked under the table. “Gee, thanks for bringing all the presents, guys. I can’t wait to open them.”

  As the train chugged along, Harry took out his bag. “I brought some stuff that we could use on our trip,” he said, looking at Mary. He had to take a big item out first. We all watched him as we bounced and jiggled to the left and right.

  “Snow pants!” Mary scoffed. “Are those still in your backpack from winter?”

  “You never know, Mare. They might be handy,” Harry explained.

  Mary rolled her eyes. “We don’t have to wear those anymore for outdoor recess, Harry. There are no more snowbanks. I thought you were getting organized!”

  Papa and Mrs. Berg chuckled.

  Next Harry pulled out a bag of lolli-pops, a bunch of ribbons, two packs of chewing gum, a magnifying glass, and toothpaste.

  So that was the one item from the bathroom: toothpaste! I was relieved it wasn’t a roll of toilet paper.

  “I got five spools of different-colored ribbon from the dollar store and cut them into streamers for your birthday, Mare.”

  “Can I have a lollipop?” Sid asked.

  “No!” Mary scolded. “You don’t want to spoil your lunch. Now, how is that stuff useful, Harry?”

  “Well, Elmer Elevator used these things in My Father’s Dragon when he had his adventure on Wild Island.”

  “That’s one of your favorite books, isn’t it, Harry?” Song Lee said.

  Mary folded her arms. “This is not Wild Island, Harry! There are no crocodiles or baby dragons around here.”

  “There are no snow pants in Elmer’s bag either,” ZuZu said. “I read that book too.”

  “Right,” Harry said with a grin. “The snow pants were my idea! But everything else is what Elmer used to save the day. You never know when you might have an adventure. I’m prepared for one!”

  Suddenly, the train started going slower and slower until . . . shhhh, shhh, shhh! It came to a halt. Shhhhhhhh!

  “Are we at Marion already?” ZuZu asked.

  It was quiet for two long minutes.

  Suddenly a voice came over the loudspeaker. “We are very sorry to inform you that we are having some mechanical difficulties. We’ll let you know when it’s safe to resume travel. It could be as much as an hour’s delay. Again, we apologize for this inconvenience.”

  “Ohhh!” Mary dropped her head on the table and pounded her fist. “No fair! My party is a disaster!”

  Party Disaster!

  During Mary’s outburst, the guy with the coffee and crossword puzzle got up and left for the coach class car.

  The woman with the laptop headed for the business class car.

  Mary’s tantrum had cleared out the café! It was just us now. We had the whole car to ourselves. I thought that was neat!

  Harry and I looked out the window while Mary pounded the table. We were stuck in the middle of a forest all right.

  “We’ve got a real adventure!” Harry exclaimed. “This is going to be so cool!”

  Mary looked up briefly, took a breath, and then rested her head on the table again.

  Mrs. Berg rolled out the red cooler and started passing out birthday napkins and birthday plates. “Harry is right,” she agreed. “The party is going to be even more fun! We can enjoy lunch now on the train in our own private café car, and then look forward to the play on the green in University Park. Who’s hungry?”

  Mary closed her eyes and plugged her ears.

  “I am!” lots of us blurted out.

  Mrs. Berg set plastic bowls down on the table. Then she put a plate of sandwiches in the middle. The crusts were cut off and they were all in the shape of triangles. “There’s egg, tuna with celery, chicken salad, and ham and cheese. Help yourself to the potato salad and chips,” she said. “And Island Punch.”

  Song Lee tapped Mary on the shoulder. Very gently, she removed one hand from Mary’s ear and whispered, “Isn’t Island Punch your favorite drink?”

  Mary suddenly sat up and opened her eyes. “Island Punch!” she repeated. The name of the drink changed her mood completely. “It’s the only time I get to drink it. On my birthday! I almost forgot! Thanks, Song Lee!” She gave her friend a big hug. Song Lee hugged her back.

  We watched Mrs. Berg pour the punch into our plastic cups.

  Mary stared at the red drink like it was liquid rubies. “Mom says it has too much sugar, but she lets me choose whatever I want to eat and drink on my birthday.”

  While the rest of us reached for the sandwiches, Mary guzzled down her punch. She had a red mus
tache, but no one said anything.

  When I reached for a second ham and cheese sandwich, I noticed that Mary had poured herself another glass of punch.

  Her mother got up and had a word with her.

  “No more,” Mrs. Berg whispered. “We have milk too.”

  Mary made a face.

  “Too bad we’re going to miss the concert,” Sid said.

  Ida jabbed Sid in the side. “Shhh!” she snapped.

  Sid’s words made Mary get grumpy again. “Don’t remind me!” she moaned. “So what do we do after lunch? We’re stuck here.”

  Harry piped up with an idea. “We have a parade!”

  “What kind of a parade?” Mary asked.

  “A birthday parade, of course. And you are the main event, Mare!”

  Mary was listening closely.

  Harry continued, “We’ll march down the train aisle, waving ribbons, passing out lollipops and sticks of gum to the passengers, and singing the happy birthday song. Dex, can you play it on your guitar?”

  “Of course I can,” he replied.

  Mary wasn’t frowning anymore. “Where do I march?”

  “At the end! You’re like the bride in the wedding. Everyone waits to see you come down the aisle. The best is saved for last! You will get nine ribbons. Everyone else gets two.”

  Mary broke out in a smile. She loved being the center of attention.

  Mrs. Berg clapped her hands. “A delightful idea, Harry! And after the parade, we’ll have cake in the café car!”

  Now everyone clapped and cheered.

  Papa came over and put two thumbs up. “You kids will make your own concert!” Then he handed Dexter his guitar and patted him on the shoulder.

  Harry started passing out the ribbons, gum, and lollipops. “If any of you want to brush your teeth with your finger, I’ve got toothpaste. You can rinse out your mouth in the bathroom. Just don’t drink the water,” he said.

  There were no takers.

  When Mary reached for the red drink again, Mrs. Berg grabbed it. “I said no more,” she whispered firmly, and set a half-pint of milk in front of her.

  As soon as Dexter began strumming a few notes, Harry stood up. “Are you guys ready to go?”

  “I am,” Mrs. Berg said. “I’m going to the back of the coach class car to videotape the parade!”

  “I’m coming too,” Papa added, chucking a chip in his mouth. They both hurried ahead.

  I went to the end of the line. “I’ll join you in a minute,” Mary said. “You guys go ahead. I want to put ribbons in my hair.”

  “Good idea,” Ida said. “That way every-one will know you’re the birthday girl!”

  “Okay, Dexter, let it rip!” Harry ordered.

  Dexter began playing the birthday song as we practiced marching in place. “Left, left, left right, left!” Harry chanted. Then he switched directions.

  “About-face!” When Harry turned around and faced the opposite direction, we did too.

  “Left, left, left right, left! About-face!”

  We were ready!

  Harry led us down the aisle, tapped on the sliding door, and stepped onto the platform. Then he touched the door in front of him, waited for it to spring open, and proceeded to march into the coach class car.

  I waited for Mary on the platform in between the cars. When the sliding door closed in front of me, I turned around to look through the little window into the café car. Mary was not putting ribbons in her hair.

  She was doing something that made my jaw drop and my eyes bulge.

  Through the Cafe Car Window

  Mary was pouring herself another cup of that red drink after her mom told her no more! Oh boy, I thought, I’d better join the parade fast. I didn’t want her to know I saw her. I’m no tattletale!

  After I hurried through the sliding door, I joined the parade marching down the aisle in the coach class car. The two elderly ladies were standing up and smiling. Sidney and Ida were circling their ribbons in the air like lassos. We handed out lollipops and sticks of gum. As Dexter strummed the song, we all sang the familiar verse.

  The college students loved the gum. They started chewing it right away.

  When Mary didn’t come through the sliding door, Harry looked back at me. “Where’s the birthday girl?” he asked.

  “She’ll be here in a minute,” I said. “Keep singing!”

  That minute seemed like an hour.

  “Keep marching!” I said.

  Harry led the parade to the end of the coach class car. Mrs. Berg and Papa were waiting for us. Mary’s mom was videotaping the parade with her phone.

  After we finished singing the birthday song, Harry announced, “The birthday girl is about to make her entrance!” The college students had put their earphones and books away. They were standing on their knees on their seats, watching us pass by.

  Harry dashed over to me at the end of the line. “Let’s go check on Mare,” he whispered. Then he looked back at everyone. “And now Dexter will play a popular Elvis tune!”

  As Harry and I hurried down the aisle, the elderly ladies called out, “Where’s the birthday girl?”

  “Coming!” I said. “She’s putting ribbons in her hair.”

  The ladies clapped their hands.

  The toddler was licking her lollipop.

  Harry and I raced out the door and into the café car.

  When we got there, it was empty!

  “Where’s Mary?” Harry exclaimed. “She’s not here!”

  Where's Mary?

  After we checked the café car, we passed through the sliding door into the business class car. “The bathrooms are right here,” Harry said. “Let’s check!”

  One was open, so we looked inside.

  “Not here,” Harry said.

  He knocked on the door of the other bathroom, which had the word OCCUPIED in capitals just above the handle.

  “Mare?” Harry whispered. We didn’t want to call attention to what we were doing. The people in the business class car were working so quietly.

  Very slowly the sliding door opened just enough to show Mary’s face. Her eyes were all red.

  “I had an accident,” she whispered, “and I need your help.”

  Harry and I exchanged a quick look.

  “Nooo,” Mary groaned. “I did not have a bathroom accident!” Then she opened up the sliding bathroom door wider to show her yellow skirt. She had spilled that red drink all over the front of it!

  “Mom will kill me! She told me not to have a third cup. She’ll know when she sees me. Can I borrow those snow pants, Harry?”

  Harry didn’t even answer. He took off like a flash and retrieved the pants for her.

  “Harry Spooger, you saved my life!”

  Mary quickly closed the door and then opened it a little again. “Put this skirt in your bag!” she told Harry. Then she slammed the door shut to finish changing.

  I stepped out onto the platform and looked through the window into the café car.

  Harry was running down the aisle. When he got to his black bag, he dropped the skirt in, but just as he was zipping it up, Mrs. Berg burst into the café car.

  She had a quick word with Harry, then they both stormed down the aisle toward me.

  Oh man! I thought. This could be trouble!

  The Birthday Girl

  Mrs. Berg had a worried look.

  “She’s in there,” I volunteered, pointing to the bathroom.

  “Everything okay?” she asked.

  Mary stepped out of the bathroom to answer her mother’s question. “I’m fine!” Mary said. She had tied the nine ribbons in her hair. “Like my birthday hairdo?”

  “Why did you put on Harry’s snow pants?” her mom asked.

  Mary looked at Harry, and he answered for her. “T
hey’re really comfortable.”

  “Ohhh!” Mrs. Berg replied. “Don’t worry about it, dear. Those things happen. Go join our birthday parade! Everyone will be looking at your colorful ribbons.”

  Apparently Harry and I weren’t the only ones who thought Mary had had a bathroom accident.

  We took off to join the marchers. Dexter was entertaining everyone with his Elvis songs on the guitar. When Mary appeared, everyone cheered. “The birthday girl is here!” Harry shouted.

  Mary waved. We all repeated the birthday song. This time, the passengers joined in.

  “I love your ribbon hairdo!” Song Lee said.

  Mary beamed.

  “Why are you wearing Harry’s pants?” ZuZu asked.

  “They’re my marching pants,” Mary answered confidently. Apparently she’d had enough thinking time to come up with a better answer.

  “Cool!” Sid replied.

  Mary walked all the way to the front, smiling right at her grandfather. We marched in place until the song was over. Then Harry rushed to the back of the line where I was and called out, “About-face!”

  Everyone turned around.

  “Forward march!” Harry barked, pointing ahead with his last lollipop.

  Harry and I led the group down the aisle, singing the second verse of “Happy Birthday.” “Are you one? Are you two? Are you three? Are you four?” until we got to nine. The elderly ladies were counting with us on their fingers. The toddler was reaching for Harry’s lollipop. He handed it to her when he passed by.

  The guy who was working on that crossword puzzle raised his coffee cup to toast the birthday girl.

  Mary was like the queen of the parade. She greeted everyone graciously and even shook their hands. Passengers commented on her ribbon hairdo and said she was beautiful. Mary was absolutely glowing!

  Sid was raising his knees high in the air as he marched down the aisle. ZuZu had perfect posture. His shoulders were back and his head was held high. He looked like one of those British soldiers that guard the palace. He didn’t even blink!