Until I Knew Myself (Bentwood Book 1)

by Tammy L. Gray

  Eyeing the duo now, he knew the deal was dying a slow, painful death. Beck’s body language was all wrong. He was too eager, too aggressive. George would never respond favorably.

  Tyler slid from the booth, leaving a few extra bills on the table to ease his conscience, and walked forward. His first few steps were in the direction of the entrance, but soon he found himself on a collision course with Beck and Mr. Pierson. Maybe Journey’s kindness toward Dustin had stirred up a little compassion, or maybe despite the betrayal, Tyler couldn’t leave his friend hanging off a cliff.

  George saw him first. “Tyler. How are you?” The older man got off his chair and gave him a bear hug. He’d been the most upset about Tyler’s move to Dallas.

  “I’m good, Sir. How’s Wanda and Elaine?”

  “Wonderful. Our granddaughter, Olive, is about to get married, so you can imagine the stress that Elaine is under right now. Wanda’s been down in San Antonio every weekend helping them.”

  “They didn’t recruit you, too?”

  “Please.” He chuckled and sat back in his chair.

  Beck moved one chair over, giving Tyler access to his dying six-figure account. Tyler had come to read his best friend well, and the promises offered in his eyes would likely get him put on the deed to Beck’s house. Not that he’d take any more from that family.

  Tyler ordered another round, and after more small talk, broached the touchy subject. “So, I heard you’re gonna move your account to Bakers.”

  The old man scratched his head. “Yeah. I’m afraid Beck can’t keep up with the price differential. Insurance is killing my bottom line, and Baker promised me a thirty percent discount. I can’t even get Harold’s boy down fifteen.”

  Beck stiffened. He hated being reduced to his father’s shadow. Tyler nudged him with his knee, his unspoken caution not to interfere. “Yeah, I see your point. I lost Haynes Morgan and Gary Shapone to them last year.”

  Mr. Pierson nodded as if that was the last bit of information he needed to confirm his exit. “Well boys, I’ve got to get going.”

  He shook the man’s hand, ignored the stricken panic in Beck’s eye. “Hey, just one thing. Before you sign Baker’s contract, be sure to look at some of the loopholes. Who knows, they may have fixed it, but I can tell you Gary took an offshore loss two months ago, and Baker only paid out half the value. Said something about neglect and wear and tear on the rig.” He let go of George’s hand, doubt already playing across the man’s features. Thirty percent was nothing if he were to lose hundreds of thousands in a bad claim. “If you recall, Mr. Kinder honored your pollutant claim last year, even when the adjuster showed the spill was potentially caused by employee negligence.” He shrugged. “But, thirty percent, I get it. That’s hard to beat.” Never one to be the pursuer, especially with a skittish client, Tyler eased back in his chair. “Be sure to tell Wanda I said hi.”

  “Yeah. I will.” His forehead wrinkled.

  One, two, three, four, fi—

  “Beck, hold off on that termination for a day or two.”

  Beck jumped from his chair. “Absolutely.”

  Tyler smiled into his tumbler. This was the part of the job he enjoyed, the thrill of conquering, the managing of personalities and people. Though his time in Dallas had been personally terrible, professionally, he’d enjoyed being in charge. Not to mention getting a break from the mundane paperwork that came with insurance claims.

  “I still want the eight percent discount you offered if I sign again,” George said sternly.

  “Of course. I already have the new papers ready. You just let me know when you want them sent.”

  “Good deal.” He nodded a good-bye to both of them, and Tyler feared his roommate might tackle him right there.

  Instead he sat back down and let out a sigh that took five years from his face. “You boggle the mind. How in world did you know about Gary?”

  “I ran into him at the grocery store a couple days ago and he happened to mention how disappointed he’d been so far with Baker.”

  “I’ll call him tomorrow. See if he wants to come back when his contract is up.”

  They sat there in collective silence and not the comfortable kind. It made the argument last night feel more weighted, more significant, because this tension was so abnormal. There was never dead space or prolonged conflict between them. They respected each other, knew what buttons not to push, and had created a friendship even most siblings couldn’t achieve. Now, they could hardly share a drink.

  Beck shook the ice in his glass, breaking the torture. “Thank you. I would have lost him if you hadn’t bailed me out.”

  With the high of the sale wearing off, Tyler’s frustration returned. “You’re welcome.” This wasn’t meant as a peace offering. In truth, Tyler didn’t even know why he’d chosen to intervene. Maybe deep down, a part of him wasn’t ready to make a calculated exit from the people he’d loved for years. Or maybe he wanted to feel as if he’d paid the Kinders back for their purchase ten years ago. Both thoughts sank in his stomach and neither gave him any comfort.

  Beck absently pushed at his cocktail napkin. “Does this mean we’re good?”

  “No, Beck. Not even a little.” Tyler tossed a few bills on the bar. “And I plan to move out. I just need some time to find a temporary place while the house is getting built.”

  “Come on.” Beck stood, his body coiled for a fight. “You can’t hate me for a choice I made when I was sixteen. A choice that was one hundred percent for your benefit, not mine.”

  “My benefit?”

  Beck’s muscles rippled as he inched near him. “Yes, Ty, yours.” He struggled to pull his wallet from his pocket, paid for his drink and shoved it back in. “So stay, go, whatever you need to do. But don’t you dare look at me like I betrayed you.” He left without a good-bye, pushing the glass doors open with excessive aggression.

  Tyler resumed his position on the stool, a heavy loss settling on his shoulders. How was it possible to be so angry and yet want nothing more than to forgive them all?

  Chapter 17

  The loneliness continued well into the next week, even with the distraction of his land. He and Beck rarely saw each other and when they did, it wasn’t much more than a grunt before hiding away in their bedrooms.

  Journey had also been strangely quiet. He’d driven by the condos last night. Why, he didn’t know, but her car hadn’t been in the parking lot. It was hard not to assume the worst on a Friday night. For some reason, being in Dallas made the distance between them easier. He could pretend she wasn’t dating, that she missed him as much as he missed her. Now, that empty parking space spoke in high-pitched volume.

  Tyler lay flat on his back and tossed the tennis ball in the air. He was aiming for the ceiling, but had yet to hit it. A flick of his wrist, and the ball surged higher, higher… so close… an inch away, then it dropped. Cursed gravity. He hated boredom. Hated that it was Saturday and he didn’t have one person to call. Hated that he’d spent all night wondering where Journey was.

  Frustrated, he swung his legs over the edge of the bed and grabbed his shoes. He had to get out of this house or he was going to go insane.

  Without thinking too hard about the decision, he drove to the same condos that had haunted him all last night. Tyler waved at Chester as he passed by in a blur, walking too fast to doubt himself.

  He pressed the up button, waited, his foot tapping until the doors flew open.

  April and Journey lived on the second floor, all the way to the end of the hall. The condo next to them sat empty most of the year, since the owner only used it when he came to UT functions. Before Sean moved out, Journey had joked that when they got married, they should buy it so the four of them could be neighbors.

  Tyler’s throat burned with every step, and when he finally arrived at her door, all he could do was stare at the numbers. What could he possibly do next? Knock on Journey’s door? Demand answers when he was the one who’d pushed her away? No. He wasn’t re
ady. He was still hurt and confused and until those feelings didn’t plague him, he had to keep going, even if the path he was on was starting to feel claustrophobic.

  Turning, Ty chastised his impulsive behavior and fled back the way he’d come. He hit the down button multiple times and rushed inside the space. Hands shaking, he stared at the lobby button and reminded himself that he did still have friends, one in particular who didn’t make his world spin.

  This time when he approached a closed door, he knocked. No answer. He knocked again and adjusted the watch on his left wrist, still not used to the jewelry sitting there. He’d found it a few days ago in a box labeled “Bedside Table” and felt closer to his grandfather somehow by wearing it, even if it was a little plain and didn’t keep the time very well.

  The door finally opened to a flushed Caroline holding a roll of tape with her chin, scissors in one hand and two sheets of paper in the other. “Don’t you ever call first?”

  Her voice was teasing, so he didn’t stress too much about the intrusion. Besides her crazed state meant she probably needed some help. He reached for the tape and she lifted her chin to release it.

  “No. Our generation is way too dependent on cell phones.”

  “Likely excuse.” She stepped aside enough that he could see her coffee table covered with every craft supply known to man.

  “Please tell me the Kinder’s new marketing strategy doesn’t involve glue sticks and construction paper.”

  The door shut behind him. “No. This is my attempt at creative April Fool’s jokes.”

  “April Fool’s?”

  She stared like he’d stepped off a space ship. “Yeah. It’s this Monday. Don’t tell me you’re one of those who doesn’t do anything.”

  “Guilty.” The responding gasp made it seem like he’d just vowed to never celebrate Christmas with his kids. He shifted the paper around on her table, trying to make sense of the piles she’d formed. “But in my defense, I’m not sure I know anyone who treats April 1st like a holiday.”

  “Then you’ve seriously been missing out.” Caroline set down her scissors and repositioned herself in front of the mess. “Pranks are good spirited fun, and our nation has graciously given us an entire day without fear of retribution.”

  “I wish you could meet my friend, Sean.” Tyler plopped down on the floor on the other side of the table. “He would geek out over your pranks. In high school, Sean used to steal something from every classroom and hide it in another one. Drove the teachers crazy as they searched each other’s classroom for their belongings. Although two of them ended up getting married, so it worked out.”

  “That is an outstanding story. Yes, I’d very much like to meet him.” She pulled a thin piece of cardboard from a storage box. “Maybe he could give me some ideas because I’m struggling a little with what to do for some of the office staff. I’m not sure how everyone will respond.”

  Tyler knew exactly how they’d respond and the thought of it suddenly made him very eager to help. “What do you have so far?”

  Her eyes brightened. “Well, you know how Rob works out at lunch every day and then showers in locker rooms?”

  “Yeah… but I’m wondering how you would know that.”

  She smacked his arm. “Keep your thoughts G rated please. Anyway, I snuck in the men’s locker room last week and can you believe he doesn’t lock up his stuff?”

  “How did you know it was his locker?” Mr. Kinder was big into the concept of a “fit body equals a fit mind” and added a gym when he renovated the office building five years ago. Most of the staff took advantage of the amenities.

  “Please. His toiletries were lined up in alphabetical order and his towels were folded like they were on display in a homewares store.”

  Yep. That was Rob’s. “So your plan is to make the office reek?” Because they both knew the financial division chief would never use another man’s soap.

  A sudden pause seemed to indicate she hadn’t considered that consequence. “No…well, maybe.” She ruffled around in a bag and pulled out an unused bar of white soap. “What do you think?”

  “I think it looks like soap.”

  “Exactly!” Her smile widened. “What you don’t see is that it’s been completely coated with clear nail polish, so since his 3 in 1 shampoo has somehow disappeared, he will naturally seek another option. How lucky will he be to find this unopened soap in the supply cabinet? He’ll never suspect that when he goes to wash with it, the soap will never, ever suds up.”

  It took him a second to get the prank, but once it set in, he threw his head back and laughed. “Okay, that is excellent. Sean might just have to concede his title for biggest goof ball.” She kicked him under the table, but smiled. “What else do you have?”

  She went on to explain the pranks she had planned for her marketing group, Mr. Kinder’s assistant, Terri, and Fiona in HR. “But, that still leaves Beckham… I mean Beck, and Meredith. Both have me completely stumped.”

  “Okay, first off, do not mess with Terri. That girl is psycho.”

  “Really? She’s always been so nice to me.”

  “Trust me on this one. Before she worked for Mr. Kinder, she was Beck’s assistant. He made the mistake of asking her out.”

  “Beckham dated his assistant? That doesn’t sound like him.”

  Tyler almost snorted. Caroline had obviously only been exposed to the calmer, non-dating version of his best friend. He considered his next words, wondering how to convey the truth without representing Beck poorly. “Let’s just say he regretted the decision, especially after she shredded his filing cabinet all over his desk.”

  “Oh no.” She cupped her hand over her mouth, her laughter coming out a muffle. “What did he do?”

  “Well, he couldn’t fire her, obviously. That could open the door to all kinds of sexual harassment claims. So instead, he raved about her performance to his dad and got her a promotion.”

  “I guess that’s one way to call a truce.” Caroline looked impressed. It was a pretty ingenious solution. Beck was good at digging himself out of holes, especially the ones he put himself into.

  “Anyway, Meredith, on the other hand is a great sport, and she hates insects. I don’t suppose you have bugs somewhere in this mess.”

  “Actually…” She shifted around the stacks until her hand landed on a thin piece of white paper. A second later, she revealed a perfect paper cutout of a three-inch roach. “I used this on my mom one year. You put it under a lamp shade and it looks totally real.” Leaning over, Caroline switched on her side lamp and showed him the shadow that was so believable, it even made him shiver.

  “You are diabolical.”

  She bounced her eyebrows. “I know.” She shut off the lamp and added the paper roach to the office stack she had started. “So that just leaves our new sales chief. Maybe a rehash of his shredded paper nightmare?”

  “I’m not sure Beck would find that amusing.” Despite himself, he thought of their old group. Of cruising down the highway, bodies half out of the car window, screaming at the top of their lungs. Sean was always the instigator. Beck, the parent. Tyler got to be someone in between. A man without designation.

  He searched for the anger that usually came with that insecurity, but all he felt was a strange empathy. Beck never really did get to be reckless, even back then.

  “Okay…” Caroline chewed on her lip. “Then do you have any other ideas for him?”

  Tyler considered the options, though only one felt doable. “On his bookshelf is a small football trophy. He got the MVP award in eighth grade. He keeps it because it was the last year he was ever the star. Sean took his position when we got to high school, and he became the backup wide receiver and special teams guy.”

  “That’s kind of sad.” Her shoulders deflated a little.

  “Trust me. Beck needed the humility back then.” The other kids in school couldn’t stand his friend’s arrogance. Tyler had admired it, even attempted to emulate it, though neve
r successfully. “Beck keeps the trophy on the second shelf so it’s right in his line of sight from the desk.”

  “Why?”

  “To remind himself how easily you can move into second place if you get lazy, which he did the summer before high school. Trust me, if that trophy disappears. He’ll notice. Right away.”

  Her eyebrows rose. “Ok, I’m listening.”

  “A ransom note.” The more the idea came to him, the more sure Tyler felt about his plan. Caroline was right. April first was much too underrated.

  “Oh, and I can make the payment weird, like a bunch of asparagus or lima beans or something like that.”

  No. Too easy. Too boring. “What about 300 gold tickets from Pirates Amusement Cove? He’ll have to play games all day to get it.”

  She shook her head. “There’s no way Beck will leave the office during the day.”

  “You underestimate the value of that trophy.”

  “We’ll see. You know him way better than I do.” She stood and stretched, then stepped over a pillow to walk around the couch. “Do you want a drink? I actually went shopping.”

  “Sure.” Unwinding his legs, Tyler hopped up. “So is this how you usually spend your weekend?”

  “No. Most of this stuff is from college.” She opened the fridge, pulled out two soda cans and handed one to him. “I just haven’t pulled it out in a while.”

  “How come?”

  “I didn’t really have anyone to do pranks on. My work situation was… complicated and most of my friends weren’t around.” The joy that made Caroline larger than life, evaporated. For the first time, she seemed small and… lost.

  He stepped forward, feeling like he needed to comfort her, but not sure how. That wasn’t their relationship.