by K. A. Linde
Miller and McAvoy were there in a split second. I hadn’t even realized that McAvoy could move that fast in his state. Soon, they had my arms behind my back and were hauling me away from Vin. My own brother, and I had been ready to fucking destroy him over one dipshit comment.
I shrugged the guys off of me and ran a hand back through my hair. I needed to fucking get my shit under control.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Vin yelled.
“Why the fuck are you provoking him?” Miller asked. “You’ve known he’s been with the same chick for a while.”
“Stay out of this, Miller,” Vin snapped. Vin took a step forward and got in my face. “You think she’s changed you? I’ve known you since you were twelve fucking years old. You’ve been scamming girls into fucking your dumbass for nearly as long. And now, you’re getting up in my face for pointing that shit out?”
I wanted to punch him. I wanted to fucking lay him on his guido ass. I wanted to bury him with his words. He lived in my fucking house. He played in my fucking band. He could learn how to fucking treat a brother.
“I don’t need to hear this shit.” I turned and walked toward the door.
“You’re just going to fucking back down and walk away?” Vin taunted me.
“I’m going to fucking get out of here before I beat the shit out of you.”
“All of this over one chick?”
I stopped with my hand on the doorknob. “Just think, Vin, more pussy for you.”
Shit was still tense between Vin and me backstage at the next ContraBand show. We’d rehearsed during the last week, but there had been no chance of us trying my new song when neither of us could see eye-to-eye on anything. It was our last show before the Poconos music festival, and we couldn’t even agree on a set for tonight.
A part of me refused to see reason in what Vin had said. I could do whatever the fuck I wanted with whoever I wanted. If that meant I was spending all my time with Aribel and not fucking dumb useless chicks, then I was entitled to that choice. But the other part of me saw exactly what Vin had spouted. Could someone do a one-eighty in a couple of months? I hadn’t gotten my dick wet because of her. Is it even worth that?
It was fucking Ari. I wanted to say yes. I’d told her she was worth waiting for. But just hearing Vin talk about it had made me second-guess everything I’d offered her at the beach. I was some uneducated jackass with no future and more than a few skeletons in my past. My reputation was warranted because the line of girls I’d fucked stretched from one end of the state to the other. Had I actually changed? Or did I just want to believe I had for her?
And just thinking about all of that fucked with my mind.
I should have been preparing myself to go onstage for our show. Instead, I was drinking like a fish backstage, trying not to think about how much of a fuck-up I was. I’d gone onstage wasted before, but my heart had been into it. Right now, the only thing my heart was into was the bottle in my hands.
“Hey, babe, you got a light?” I asked a chick standing near me.
Her big brown eyes stared up at me with reverence, and all I saw were her tits.
She fished in her purse and produced a lighter. “Let me do that for you.” She cupped her hand around the cigarette hanging between my lips and then flicked the Zippo to light it.
“Thanks, darlin’.”
I pulled a drag on the cigarette and then breathed the smoke out into her face. I preferred to smoke weed, but I hadn’t gone to see my guy in, like, a fucking month, so this would have to do.
“Anytime,” she said.
She wasn’t even offended that I’d just fucking blown smoke into her face. She was actually leaning into me. Damn, chicks are so easy.
“What are you doing later?” she asked.
Not her—that’s for damn sure. “You know, you have a familiar face.”
The girl scrunched up her nose. “I’ve been to all your shows.”
“Oh, yeah?” I breathed in and puffed out the smoke into her familiar face again.
She nodded slowly and placed her hand on my chest. Yeah, so not happening. There was brown hair where there should have been blonde, and brown eyes where there should have been hurricane blue.
“Huh. You know Aribel Graham by any chance?”
The girl straightened, flustered. “Aribel?” she snapped. “I think we have classes together,” she said with a shrug. “Blonde, kind of weird, always with some guy. Benjamin, I think?”
I stumbled a step backward. What the fuck? No way. No fucking way. Not my Ari. A pang of jealousy shot through my chest. I hadn’t been with anyone else since fucking September, and Ari had still been seeing her ex-boyfriend? I thought I’d gotten rid of Benny on day one.
“Are you okay?” she asked, her tits pressing into my arm.
“Fine. Just got a show tonight,” I said, passing her my beer without thinking.
I walked away to find Miller. Ari wasn’t supposed to be at the show until we started performing, so I couldn’t even fucking ask her what was going on. That wasn’t something I could do through a text message.
“You ready to go?” Miller asked when I finally found him outside.
“Yeah.”
“You look completely fucked-up. Are you even going to be able to play?” He sounded furious.
“Bro, lay off. I can fucking play this set blindfolded, high as a kite.”
Miller shook his head. “Well, you can’t sing with this in your mouth.” He took the cigarette from me and stubbed it out under his foot. “And if you don’t get your head out of your ass about the shit Vin said, then I’m going to fucking cancel tonight.”
“You can’t fucking cancel!”
“I can do whatever the fuck I want! I book the shows. I write the songs. I keep your dumbasses in line. You have feelings for Aribel. She’s fucking knocked some humanity into you. Don’t let Vin convince you that’s a bad thing. That would make you even more of a fucking idiot than you already are, and I don’t want to see what that would do to my best friend.”
“I think she’s seeing someone else,” I confided.
“Fuck. You sure? You talked to her about this?”
“Nah, man.”
Miller glared at me. “You fuck this up for no good reason, and you’ll regret it. Play our set, and then talk to your fucking girl.”
I was running late. Gah! I hated being late to anything. I’d barely even seen Grant this week since I’d been back in town. Now, I was showing up late to the last ContraBand show of the semester. Sure, I would get to see him perform again in a week, but this felt different.
Cheyenne, Shelby, and Gabi had left for the show an hour ago, but I’d had to finish my calculus assignment that was due on Monday, so I could spend all day tomorrow studying for chemistry. I was clearly a shit girlfriend.
Grant’s dog tags clattered around my neck as I jogged across the parking lot and into The Ivy League. Just by catching a few chords, I knew that they were already on the third or fourth song. I eased my way through the crowd, using Cheyenne’s bright red hair as a guide.
“Sorry,” I said when I finally reached her.
“You missed ‘Hemorrhage,’” she shouted over the cheers.
I shrugged apologetically. “But at least the homework is done.”
“You’re insane.”
Like Cheyenne is one to talk.
I turned my attention away from my friends. There were more important things to look at. When I glanced up at Grant, he was staring right at me. His gaze burned through me like a firecracker igniting every inch of my body. I flushed at the intensity, but I didn’t dare look away. There was something in his posture, in his stare, that was stripping me bare.
Being without him for a week had been a bit like suffocating. Going home to see my family had made me realize that I’d been living in a bubble. I loved my parents and my brother, Aaron, but the world was more than the kind of job I had, the kind of car I drove, and how big my house was. I’d felt stuf
fy and restricted in the world I’d always felt most comfortable in.
Maybe I wasn’t part of Grant’s world—a world run by how high someone could get on the next adrenaline rush—but I wasn’t part of mine either. I’d never thought I’d be comfortable in a middle ground, not that I’d ever even given myself an option.
Grant ended the set, and then without a backward glance, he stormed offstage with his guitar still slung over his shoulder. Odd. He was never careless with equipment and certainly not his baby.
“What’s up with him?” Shelby asked. “He didn’t seem into that at all.”
“What?”
He’d seemed into me, but now that I was thinking about it, Grant hadn’t been invested in the crowd like he normally was.
“Your boy looked fucked out of his mind,” Cheyenne said. “I wonder what he’s on.”
“He’s probably just had a few drinks.”
“More like a bottle to drink, if not something harder,” Cheyenne said.
Hmm…well, only one way to find out. “I’ll meet up with you guys later,” I told them before making my way to the stairs on the side of the stage.
I hopped up to the top and then was stopped by solid muscle.
“Band only, sweetheart,” Vin said.
“Oh, Vin, it’s just me, Aribel,” I said with a smile.
Vin shrugged, ignoring me. What the…
“Vin, let her through,” Miller said, shaking his head.
“Fine.”
Vin stepped aside, and I darted past him. I didn’t know what that had been all about, but I was too focused on Grant to care.
No one was standing around in the backstage hallway.
I walked down to the break room and knocked on the closed door. “Grant, are you in there?”
No answer. Huh. Maybe he’d had to go to the restroom or he’d gone outside for some cool air. I knocked again just to be sure. “Grant!”
The door swung open. “Get in here,” he growled.
I jerked at his tone. What the hell is wrong with him? And why did he look so angry? Did I misinterpret what he had been feeling while onstage?
“Ari, now.”
The way he’d said that made me want to plant my feet on the ground, grit my teeth, and act as stubborn as possible. “Don’t order me around.”
“I don’t have time for your shit right now, Ari. Get inside. We need to talk.”
My heart sank, and my stomach dropped out of my body. Every thought I’d had up until this moment flitted out of my head. We need to talk. I’d heard that before. Is he going to break up with me? Had our time apart been the time he needed to see that this was a mistake? I’d always been strangely detached from my relationships, especially from my breakups, but just the thought of Grant leaving me made me feel like I was being fed through a meat grinder.
I struggled for that neutrality, for a shred of my indifference. I wanted that desperately because when he broke my heart, I wouldn’t be able to walk away with a feeling of disappointment that he’d looked good on paper or filled a checklist. I would walk away shattered, destroyed, and empty, knowing I’d given him a piece of myself that I’d never known I could give. In turn, I’d let him fucking own me in every way that I ever found important. My body was just a vessel, but my mind, my soul…he’d taken over those, and frankly, I didn’t want them back.
Somehow, I made it into the cramped break room, and Grant closed the door.
“What do we need to talk about?” I knew I sounded anxious. I was anxious.
Grant was staring at me with that same power he’d had onstage, but now, I saw what the girls had been saying. He was definitely drunk, if not high, and he looked pissed.
“You know what this is about.”
“Don’t play games with me, Grant. Say what you have to say.” If you want to break up with me, do it already.
“You’ve been seeing someone else, Princess? You been with that ex of yours?” he growled.
I was so blindsided by his comment that I just laughed. I shouldn’t have. It clearly just made him angrier, but it was such a ludicrous suggestion that there was nothing else for me to do.
“This isn’t fucking funny!”
“You think I’m cheating on you?” I covered my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing again. “Dear Lord, please explain to me how it makes sense that I would be cheating on you, the self-proclaimed manwhore.”
“What? Because you’re a virgin, you can’t be seeing someone else?” he asked.
“God, how drunk are you?”
“Just answer me straight, Princess.”
“No, Grant. I don’t remember the last time I saw my ex. Actually, I might have been with you. Why do you think I’m seeing someone else? Have I ever made you think that?”
Grant rubbed his hands over his eyes. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? Or no?” I prompted. He better be messing with me.
“I don’t fucking know, Ari! Someone told me that she sees you with your ex all the time. What am I supposed to think?”
“Who told you that?”
“I don’t know. Some girl.”
“So, you just believe some strange girl who is probably trying to get in your pants instead of me?” I asked in disbelief. “Did I miss the part where I became your girlfriend?”
Grant cleared the distance between us in a second. He grabbed my shoulders roughly and stared down into my eyes as if he was trying to find the truth buried within. I’d never lied to him, and I didn’t want anyone else. I knew it was crazy. I knew we didn’t really make sense, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“You’re mine?”
“I’m your girlfriend.”
“No, Ari, you’re fucking mine.”
It wasn’t a question, and I didn’t have to respond. Nothing else was truer in that moment.
The next week was hell for Ari during finals. I barely saw her, but at least I had the ski trip to look forward to. Vin and I worked out everything that had happened between us. He’d admitted that he wasn’t actually pissed that I’d found a girl, but it kind of sucked that he no longer had a wingman. If I wasn’t chasing ass, then he was kind of fucked over in that department. There wasn’t much I could do there, but it helped knowing what was up. And maybe I hadn’t changed, but the thought of Ari with someone else had knocked the nonsense out of me.
With Vin on board again, we started on my new song. The guys liked it enough that they wanted to use it in the lineup for the music festival. Miller thought it might draw some attention from label scouts. I wasn’t holding my breath after the last incident.
I was just happy to get away with my girl and my friends.
Two days before we were supposed to leave, I received a call from Sydney.
“Hey, cuz. Pick me up from Newark on Thursday.”
“Find your own way. I’ve got plans.”
“Cancel them. I’m going to come visit before I go home for break.”
Apparently, her Jersey accent had only gotten thicker when she moved to the South. It seemed contradictory to me.
“I can’t cancel, Syd. We’re playing the Poconos music festival.”
“Poconos, eh? Vin going with you?” she asked with a giggle.
“He’s still in the band, last I checked,” I said dryly.
“Change of plans. Pick me up, and take me with you.”
“You are not coming with me to the Poconos.”
“So, my flight gets in around eleven in the morning. Don’t park. I’ll just meet you outside. Are you going to be in your big, black, jacked-up truck?” she singsonged.
“It’s blue.”
“Whatever. Eleven o’clock. See you then.” And she hung up on me.
I told Ari that Sydney was coming with us, and Ari was excited to meet her. I didn’t know how to prepare Ari for my cousin. Sydney was really one of a kind.
I stopped by Ari’s place Thursday morning on my way out of town. The guys were driving the van out around n
oon, and Ari’s group of friends was leaving around the same time. I’d meet them there after I stopped in Newark.
“Come in!” someone called after I knocked on the door.
“I could have been a burglar or a murderer,” I said. “You just letting anyone inside without seeing who it is?”
“We let you in,” Ari said, walking out of her bedroom.
Her blonde hair was tied up into a tight ponytail that I was looking forward to using as leverage this weekend—or at least, that was the goal.
“Darlin’, I’m no stranger.”
“You’re going to be if you keep calling me that.” She closed the distance between us.
I bent down like I was going to kiss her, but instead, I grabbed her legs and wrapped them around my waist. She latched on to me as I carried her into her bedroom.
“What are you doing?” she demanded, sounding only half-irritated.
“You keep talking back to me, woman, and I’ll have to put you in your place.”
Ari laughed at me. “Put me in my place? And where exactly would that be?”
“Do you want me to show you?” I asked, sliding my hand down her thigh.
She squirmed and tried to get out of my grasp, but I had her secured against me. Her eyes fluttered closed, and I chuckled softly at how easy she was to rile up. Her reaction was only turning me on. I’d be happy to show her exactly where her place was.
Lowering her until she was resting right over my dick, I bounced her up and down over it.
Her eyes flew open. “Grant—”
I kissed her lips to hold back whatever comment she had been about to throw my way. “That’s your place, Princess.”
Her pupils were dilated, and I could tell she was fighting with herself for the right reaction. She bit down on her lip to stop herself from spitting out whatever she was thinking.
“Come on, just admit it. You want my dick, and you want it bad.”
She flushed at my vulgarity, but she didn’t deny it.
I smirked and leaned forward to speak huskily into her ear, “Don’t worry. I’m going to give you what you want.”
Ari cleared her throat and hopped down from where I’d been holding her. Her body was on fire, and all I wanted to do was fuel the flames. She turned her cute, little ass toward me to try to compose herself. I took the opportunity to admire her soft body. Fuck me, I want to bury myself in that.