Take Me for Granted

by K. A. Linde

  “I think he’ll show.”

  McAvoy nodded. “He’s never ditched us before.”

  A flicker of worry passed across Miller’s face. Did he know that it’s a very real possibility that record labels are interested in Grant, but not necessarily ContraBand? Is he worried that the more time Grant spent with other bands, the more likely he might sell out? It was my worry…my fear. I hated seeing it reflected back to me.

  “No, he wouldn’t,” Miller finally agreed.

  Just as I was turning to leave, I saw Vin stalking across the room.

  “Looks like you’re only one short,” I said.

  I didn’t want to be here to see this confrontation. Hopefully, Vin had taken McAvoy’s advice, calmed down, and left that shit behind him. By the fury on his Italian face though, I was starting to think he didn’t do calm.

  “So, I’m fucking here,” Vin said.

  “And I’m leaving,” I said.

  “Hey, where’s Grant?”

  “Occupied.”

  Vin raised his eyebrows at me. “Well, if he is, you want to be?”

  McAvoy smacked him on the chest. “Not right now, bro.”

  “What? If Grant is fucking some other girl, then I can fuck his girl. That’s how it works, right?”

  Vin and Miller glared at each other.

  “Fucking drop it, Vin,” Miller snapped.

  I heard McAvoy say something else, but I was already walking away. The band went on in thirty minutes, and I didn’t want to be backstage when Grant surfaced. I was having a hard enough time keeping my emotions under control around his friends. I wasn’t sure what I would do when I came face-to-face with Grant again.

  Cheyenne, Shelby, and Gabi had staked out a spot near the front of the stage. Drinks in hand, they were discussing the last band who had performed. Apparently, the lead singer had been dressed in drag, and the band had played “Piano Man” to close their set. They said that it had been a sight to behold.

  “What was backstage like?” Shelby asked me.

  The crew was onstage setting up ContraBand’s equipment.

  I wrinkled my nose. “Full of sluts and booze.”

  Cheyenne laughed. “Isn’t that everywhere?”

  “Did you get to meet other bands?” Gabi asked.

  “Yeah,” I said, grinding my teeth together.

  “Which ones?”

  I sighed. “The Drift.”

  The girls all just stared at me.

  “Oh. Ha-ha. That’s cute,” Cheyenne said, rolling her green eyes.

  They didn’t believe me. Good. I didn’t want to talk about it.

  “I think she’s being serious, Chey,” Shelby said.

  “Who did you meet?” Gabi asked, wide-eyed.

  I didn’t miss a beat. “Donovan Jenkins.”

  “Holy shit!” Cheyenne whispered. “He’s gorgeous.”

  “Yep,” I said stiffly. “He tried to get me to become his groupie. I turned him down.” I sent her a scathing smile.

  “You know, when you do that, I really can’t tell if you’re serious or being a sarcastic bitch like normal.”

  I laughed and gave Cheyenne a hug. She looked positively stunned by the display of affection.

  “I’m glad you’re my friend, Cheyenne, or else I’d probably hate you.”

  “I feel like that all the time.”

  The lights flickered, announcing the start of the next band, and my heart raced in anticipation. We were jostled forward as the crowd pressed in on the stage. I was moved closer and closer, and all I could think about was my argument with Grant. I was so angry with him, but at the same time, I just wanted it to be right.

  Things felt…complete when we were together. Despite our differences, we clicked. But then, I remembered the way he had drunkenly looked at me, like I was an embarrassment to him, and it solidified my anger. I’d rather make him beg than give in to that girlie feeling of helplessness over a man.

  The band walked onstage. First, McAvoy took a seat at his drum set, then Miller walked to the far side of the stage, then Vin followed his typical charisma returning with the start of the show…then Grant. The crowd whooped as he strode confidently onstage. Only I could notice the swagger in his walk was from liquor.

  Grant gripped the microphone in his hand, and I couldn’t help it. My heart skipped a beat. Damn him for making me feel this way!

  “What’s up Poconos music festival?” he called into the microphone. “We’re ContraBand. Here tonight from Princeton, New Jersey. Any people from Jersey in the house?”

  A huge crowd cheered, my friends among them.

  “We’re opening tonight with a song written for Jersey about getting the fuck out of there. Every now and then, you just want to leave your home and be somewhere else. This song is ‘Hemorrhage.’”

  Our eyes locked right before he started in on the first verse, and then he was just a presence taking over the ski lodge. I was compelled to him as much as I was repulsed by his shit behavior.

  “We have a few more songs for you tonight, but this one…this one is new.”

  I narrowed my eyes at the stutter in his voice. Grant didn’t stutter. His gaze shifted to mine, and then his eyes didn’t move.

  He was staring right at me. “We call this one ‘Life Raft.’”

  Vin started up on the melody, and then McAvoy chimed in with a slower down beat. Miller brought in the bass, and then Grant started strumming his guitar. My mouth dropped open slightly. He seemed to nod at me as if telling me that I did know this one. It was what he had been playing earlier today in his suite.

  I let the sounds of the strings wash over me just as Grant’s voice came in through the speakers. I didn’t want this. He wasn’t supposed to charm me onstage while I was angry at him. I deserved an apology.

  But then, I heard the chorus.

  Every time I see you. You make me feel better.

  Every single day. You push away the pain.

  You push away the memories.

  You’re my life raft. In an endless ocean.

  You saved me from drowning.

  You saved me from myself.

  You’re my life raft. In an endless ocean.

  I’d heard those words. He’d said them to me last night…right before we’d had sex. This song was for me. It was about us.

  I fought back tears and remembered what we had said earlier.

  Are you going to sing for me?

  Tonight.

  Ari was crying.

  Shit! I kind of hoped that was a good thing. I hadn’t intended on making her cry. I’d poured everything into this song when I wrote it while she’d been gone over Thanksgiving break. I couldn’t believe I’d actually spoken the lyrics to her right before we had sex last night. But the words were for her. I’d written them to express how I felt when I was around her.

  Even drunk and angry, I couldn’t deny that the words were true. I had been pissed, and I’d let her walk away. I hadn’t even gone after her. Maybe I was never meant to be a boyfriend. I should have stood up for her, or at the very least, I should have taken our conversation to a private location. I’d known what she was feeling, but instead, I’d just stood there.

  Donovan and Hollis had spoken to me afterward to make sure everything was all right. It had felt strange having this conversation with them. I didn’t even fucking know them. They seemed cool, and damn was the life incredible. It was like living in a dream—a dream that hovered just on the edge of reality.

  I could have this. All I had to do was reach out and take it. Hollis wanted to talk after the show. I’d given him a dismissive answer, but I really fucking wanted to find out what he wanted. He’d be stupid to give me the same offer that Frank had tried to spell out for me, but Hollis seemed to have a bit more sense than Frank.

  I didn’t know. All I really knew was that, I would talk to him. I’d never been one to deny myself anything, and I wasn’t going to start ignoring the curiosity that sprang up.

  That didn’
t mean I was going to walk out on the guys or Ari. It just meant…well, what the fuck did it mean? That I’m keeping my options open? I wasn’t. I wouldn’t compromise what I believed in. I just wasn’t stupid enough to ignore the opportunity to get everything I wanted.

  We closed out the set with “Letting You.” The crowd cheered loudly with the success of our show. My eyes were locked on Ari’s. I needed to talk to her. I wanted to tell her to meet me now, that we needed to talk, that we needed to make this right between us. But I couldn’t. I’d talk to her later. By then, maybe my anger wouldn’t be simmering so close to the surface.

  Hollis was waiting just offstage when we exited. He clapped me on the back like we were old friends. “Fucking great show, Grant!”

  “Thanks.”

  I tried to keep my enthusiasm to a minimum, but Hollis had a certain charisma about him that made something simple sound amazing. I could understand how he’d gotten so far in the business.

  “So, we good to talk? I got us a room.”

  Miller, McAvoy, and Vin looked at me expectantly. Yeah, shit. I hadn’t told them about this. I hadn’t even told them that I was with The Drift when I’d joined up with them earlier. “The guys can come with us, right?”

  “Of course! Hollis Tift. Nice to meet you,” he said, shaking the guys’ hands.

  Miller’s face relaxed. “We’ve spoken on the phone. Great to finally meet you in person.”

  In hushed whispers, I filled the guys in on what I knew and why Hollis wanted to speak with me…us. Though I wasn’t sure exactly what he would say, I slung my guitar over my chest and talked confidently about it to the guys. This was our opportunity, just like they had all been saying.

  We walked into a small room that was strangely reminiscent of our meeting with Frank—except Hollis lounged casually against the wall with his arms crossed and a big smile on his face.

  “ContraBand,” Hollis said like he was testing the weight of the word. “Glad you guys are here. I was lucky enough to see your Halloween performance while I was in town, and after seeing what I just saw, I think you have a pretty marketable look and sound.”

  Everyone tensed, anticipating the letdown.

  “What are your plans for New Year’s Eve?”

  I glanced over at Miller. Our eyes met, and he shrugged. Nothing. I’d been planning to go down the shore with Sydney while Ari was out of town, but I could cancel. It seemed like the same thing passed over everyone’s faces.

  “No plans,” Miller said.

  “How would you like to open for The Drift in New York City?”

  It took a split second for reality to set in. Holy shit! We were being invited to play a huge show in the city. The Drift played sold-out shows all across the country. Opening for them could be our in.

  “Are we signing a contract? Or is it just for the one show?” Miller asked, always getting straight to business.

  “No official label contracts just yet,” Hollis said. “We’re looking for you guys for this show, and then based on how everything turns out, we’ll discuss terms from there.”

  Another audition. Well, this one already seemed like a better opportunity than the show that Frank had shown up for. Hollis had said yet. That had sounded promising. I knew we’d rock out any show we performed, and this time, there was no mention of me ditching the band.

  “So, are you in?”

  “Definitely!” I said.

  All the guys agreed.

  Hollis handed us paperwork to fill out to confirm that we would be in attendance on New Year’s Eve. I scribbled down my information and then handed it off to Hollis.

  “McDermott!” he called, stopping me at the door. “Are you going to be around the rest of the night? I’d love for you to introduce the rest of the band to The Drift.”

  I smiled, feeling as light as air. “Yeah. Let me just put my guitar back in my room, and I’ll come back.”

  “Perfect.”

  I exited with the guys, and despite the high I was on, I could tell Miller and McAvoy wanted to say something. I wasn’t going to push them to initiate a conversation though. If they wanted to talk to me about hanging with the band, they could, but I’d helped get us this gig, so they couldn’t be pissed with me.

  “I’ll meet you back here later,” I said.

  Miller opened his mouth to say something but then shook his head. McAvoy nudged him, but Miller just grumbled something under his breath.

  “Man, you going to talk to Ari?” McAvoy asked.

  I was taken aback. “Why?”

  “She just walked out of here pretty upset earlier,” Miller offered.

  “She was crying,” McAvoy added.

  Shit! I’d made her cry? I felt a part of me die. Yeah, fuck, I need to talk to her. But what the fuck am I supposed to say?

  “I don’t know,” I finally said.

  “Just remember what I said about her,” Miller said, giving me a knowing look.

  How could I ever forget that Miller had said Ari had knocked humanity into me? What kind of person would I be at this point without her? I for sure would have fucked one of those chicks in the back room, if not more than one. I would have pushed the limits. All right, I’d fucking talk to her when I got back.

  I told them as much before walking out of the venue with my guitar strapped to my back, leaving the rest of the guys to hang out backstage.

  It was fucking cold outside, and the temperatures sobered me up further. I’d been a dick to Ari. She’d been out of line, but I’d acted like…well, like me. I’d done what I always did. And she was better than that.

  My thoughts were broken when I heard what sounded like someone falling behind me. I turned around and saw a girl sitting heavily on the ice. She was wincing and holding her hand against her chest.

  “Hey, are you okay?”

  “Um…yeah. I just hit the ground pretty hard.”

  “How’s your hand?”

  She grimaced. “It’s bleeding a bit.”

  “Need help getting back inside or anything?”

  I wasn’t exactly chivalrous, but she was kind of pretty. I would feel like a dick just leaving her out here. After how I’d treated Ari this afternoon, I felt like maybe I owed it to this girl to be nice.

  “Oh, no, thanks. My cabin is just ahead. I’ll just go clean it up there.” She struggled to her feet and started walking uneasily again.

  “I’m this way, too.”

  She finally looked up into my face, and I swore I’d seen her somewhere. Damn my bad memory!

  She smiled, and we walked together in silence. Before Ari, I probably would have taken this girl up to my room for a quickie or something.

  We reached the ski resort hotel, and she started rifling through the small purse in her hand. I nodded to her and started to walk in the opposite direction. I let the feeling of giving up easy game pass over me. I’d have Ari alone later, and I’d convince her to have pretty epic make-up sex.

  “Hey!” the girl called, jogging up to me. “Sorry to bother you again, but, um…I don’t have my key. Do you think I could wash my hand in your place before braving the cold again?” She suggestively fluttered her eyelashes at me.

  I wondered briefly if she was telling the truth or just trying to get a step closer to my bed.

  I could have sent her back to the lodge. It wouldn’t be the worst thing I’d ever done to a chick before, but it wasn’t like it would really hurt anything. I was heading right back out anyway.

  “Sure. I’m going back to the lodge after I put my guitar up. I’m Grant.”

  She smiled a knowing, maybe even triumphant smile. “I’m Kristin.”

  As much as I’d wanted to rush backstage to talk to Grant, I’d forced myself to chat with my friends for a few minutes. A knot formed in my stomach over what had happened, and I just wanted to scream.

  How could he go from having sex with me to getting drunk with some girls to acting like a total jackass to serenading me onstage all in the span of an afternoon?<
br />
  I didn’t care how wasted he was. I knew that I needed to talk to him. Grant was just being stupid and stubborn. I might have been in the wrong by going on the defensive when I’d found him backstage, but he would have flipped his shit if he had found me in a similar state. I wanted him to have his space to be the person he wanted to be, but I didn’t want that to jeopardize who he really was.

  My mind was all clouded. I was going to agonize about this all night if I didn’t go and find Grant.

  When I made it backstage, the room was even more packed than it had been before. The later shows were supposed to be completely full, and bands were getting their equipment together. On instinct, I returned to the spot where I’d seen Miller and McAvoy earlier, but they weren’t there.

  Unfortunately, Donovan Jenkins was.

  “You following me, beautiful?” he asked with a wink.

  “Hardly. I was just looking for Grant.”

  “Again?”

  “Yes, again,” I said irritably.

  “You should reconsider your seventeenth-century assumptions and keep a closer eye on him.”

  Okay. I didn’t care how much I liked The Drift’s music. Donovan Jenkins was officially on my shitlist.

  “I don’t need to keep a closer eye on him. Now, if you haven’t seen him, then I’m going to continue looking.”

  He reached out and grabbed my arm as I started to walk away.

  I stared down at it in disgust. “Don’t touch me.”

  He slowly released me. “You’re not like most other girls.”

  “I’ve heard that before.”

  “Well, I haven’t seen your boy. He probably went off to celebrate.”

  My stomach fluttered. This didn’t sound good. “Celebrate what?” I knew my voice sounded lighter than normal, but I couldn’t control it.

  “ContraBand is opening for us. New Year’s Eve in New York City. They just signed the paperwork after the show. Are you going to be there, too?” He gave me his most dazzling smile.

  And yeah, damn, he was attractive, but he wasn’t Grant.

  Right now, that was all I could focus on. Grant was opening for The Drift in the city. I was happy for him. This was what he’d wanted, but still…the news scared me. It made my stomach twist, and I felt a bit nauseous.