by E. Jamie
“I'm-m-m aff-f-f-raid, S-S-Sir, that there isn't—” Dr. Comel stuttered, red faced.
Caleb grabbed him by the collar and shoved the smaller man up against the wall. “I don't care what you have to do. Get her a new heart, or so help me, we'll use yours,” he vowed while Karl pulled him back.
“Oh, brilliant, Detective. Who's gonna perform the surgery then? You?” Karl reminded him.
The doctor rubbed the back of his head where it had smacked against the wall. “There are other things to consider. Tests that need to be done. The blood types need to match, and even then, the heart might still be rejected. She's already suffering from infection. I don't dare operate now.”
“So you're just gonna do nothing? That is not an option!” Caleb yelled.
“Sweetheart,” his mother urged, rubbing her son’s back. “I’m sure they’re doing everything they can for her.”
“I'm working to bring her fever down and cure the infection. It seems to be running its course. She's strong. But...well, time is not on our side.”
“Meaning her heart could give out before you get a chance to operate, right? Right?” Caleb demanded, his fists clenching and unclenching while desolate helplessness washed over him. God seemed to be conspiring against him. As if he wanted Laura, and the wishes of a mere mortal were hardly worth considering.
Well, he would show him. “Does it have to be a female heart?” he asked, his voice slow, his mind fuzzy except for the image of Laura, alive and healthy again. That one was vivid in his mind.
“No, but the blood types do have to match. I've made calls to the other hospitals, but so far I haven't been able...”
He tuned the doctor out. He knew his blood type was a match for Laura’s. Even in that, they were connected. It was his one thought when he pulled out his gun and raised it to his head.
But he was too weak from malnutrition, and his movements were too slow.
“No!” William yelled and pulled at his son’s arm; the bullet went wild, slamming into the wall behind them. “Are you out of your mind?”
He didn’t answer. Exhaustion and despair finally took their toll, and he collapsed against his father, knocking him down.
When Caleb woke up, he was in a bed in a different room, and Karl was sitting at his bedside, smiling. “Shit, how long have I been out?” he asked, shooting up in the bed. He winced at the pull of the I.V. in his right hand.
“Two days, man. 'Lot went on while you were off in dreamland.”
He was still smiling.
Caleb’s heart raced. He was afraid to hope. Afraid to believe he'd be given this gift after always having everything he'd wanted ripped away from him.
“Karl... What?” he choked, his eyes glistening.
“Now, I personally think Laura will laugh her ass off when she wakes up and finds out she's got the heart of a convicted psychopath.” Karl grinned.
“Oh God... Oh my God,” Caleb cried, turning his face away as relief shuddered through him with terrifying intensity while his every fear mocked him, telling him he was stupid to believe, a moron to hope.
Karl leaned over and placed a hand on Caleb's shoulder. “We're just waiting for her to wake up. She's gonna be okay, man.”
She was going to be okay, while Caleb thought he was going to have a heart attack.
“Turns out they had a guy up for execution this week. Handy, huh?”
Caleb couldn’t speak; his heart was in his throat, and all he could think was, thank God!
“There's still the danger that she might reject the heart, but Doctor Apoplexy is optimistic. He's very anxious to get Laura out of here and never have to see you again.”
“I have to see her.” Caleb pulled back the blankets and swung his legs over the side of the bed.
“Oh no you don’t, young man,” Caroline said, coming into the room. “The doctor says you need to stay in bed and replenish all your nutrients. We’ll take you to see her in another hour.” She leaned down and kissed her son’s cheek, and he wrapped his arms around his mother and fought the urge to cry.
****
Caleb pressed his lips against Laura's, not caring that his father was sitting next to her bed. He was done hiding and being afraid, damn it. He loved her and did not give a shit who knew it. She was still a bit warm but no longer fevered. He didn’t say it out loud because he didn’t want to sound crazy, but she even looked better to him, as if the vitality was seeping back into her face.
He noticed something clutched in her hand. The small soldier toy that little Jamie had given her.
“I thought it might help. For luck,” Karl said with a shrug.
Caleb nodded, wiping at his tear-stained face.
“Thatcher, come on now. You've got an audience waiting,” William said, leaning forward and taking her hand.
A moan made all of them suck in their breath. Laura stirred and turned her head toward them. Her eyes drifted open slowly. When her gaze moved toward Caleb, her eyebrows drew together in confusion. “Caleb?” she croaked.
“Yeah.” He nodded his head while he tried to blink away tears.
“Why you look like lumberjack?” she mumbled and then drifted back into unconsciousness.
Chapter Thirteen
“Mornin', Gorgeous.” Karl popped his head in behind the curtain with a grin when he saw that Laura was awake. He grimaced instead. “Oooh, let me rephrase that. Mornin', Death Warmed Over.”
Laura slowly turned her head. She felt like a truck was sitting on her chest and her mind was covered in a thick, warm fog. With great effort, she gave him the finger...but it wasn’t the one she’d intended. Her pinky popped up instead. “Oy,” she groaned.
She caught sight of Caleb, asleep on the chair next to her bed, and that caused a sweet jump in her chest...which hurt like a bitch. “Whahappened?”
“Oh, this will be fun—I was hoping I was gonna be the one to tell you.” Karl all but skipped over to her bedside. “You've got a psycho killer inside of you.”
Laura blinked, not sure if she was the one on drugs or if Karl was. “Huh?”
“The bullet did some serious damage to your heart. We had to get you a new one.” Karl's voice wavered a little, and she got the feeling his amusement was a cover.
“Heart? Fak..flak..fma..shit,” Laura decided; her tongue felt clumsy and dry as sandpaper.
Karl poured her some water in a plastic red cup and helped her drink through the straw. “Yep, the Sarge decided to check out the inmates at the prison, see if any of them were up for execution. Jackpot! Guy kills his wife and two kids, and you get his pumper. God sure does work in mysterious ways, huh? Badass Thatcher isn't just crazy in the head now. All her parts are bonkers.” He laughed.
Laura groaned. “Not funny.”
But Karl kept laughing like he hadn't laughed in a very long time, and she rolled her eyes, deciding to let him amuse himself.
A new heart? There was some crazy psycho killer's pump inside of her? Shit! A body part that wasn't part of her body...yet she didn’t really feel all that different. Well, okay, that wasn’t quite true. She felt high. Very, very high, and she could see about two of everything. She focused back on Caleb. He looked like she felt.
“He's been here the whole time. Never left once. Hence the whole 'mountain man' look.”
Laura's eyes misted, blurring her vision. “That right?” She tried to sound like it didn't matter, but it did. So much.
“Laura, this is none of my business—” Karl began.
She felt a shiver of panic and quickly cut him off. “Then don't go there.”
Karl sighed. “The guy adores you, and any idiot can see you love him something stupid. When are you gonna just jump each other’s bones and put us all out of our misery?”
She swallowed and looked away. “Crazy. We're flen..fenn..flends…. Crazy!” She burst out, annoyed with Karl and her inability to wrap her tongue around simple words.
“Friends? Friends? Laura. Not even you are that oblivious…
. Scratch that—when it comes to each other, you two wrote the book on oblivion.” Karl shook his head with exasperation.
“Not going there 'gain. Shaddap,” she ordered, feeling the curtain of unconsciousness begin to pull at her again.
“God, I thought you two moved past all your crap. Oh no, that's right. You can't do that until you tell Caleb about the baby!” Karl hissed.
“Shh! Damn it! Gon' kill you.” She sent a panicked glance at Caleb, who was still asleep.
“Laura, no friend would have gone through what that man has these past few days. He held you in his arms while you gushed blood all over him. He's stayed by your side this whole time. He practically beat up the doctor when we thought we wouldn't find a heart for you in time. He even went so far as to put a gun to his head!”
Laura blinked in confusion. “Doctor's?”
“No, Laura,” Karl said, gently shaking his head. “His own head. Caleb was going to shoot himself in the head. So we could use his heart, I guess.”
Laura felt the color drain from her face. “What?” She couldn’t breathe. The image of Caleb putting a bullet in his brain was too terrifying to contemplate. For her. To give her his own heart. At that second, Laura felt such a breathtaking mix of love and terror wash over her. The wall she'd erected around herself to protect her heart, the wall that told her Caleb didn’t feel for her what he used to, instantly felt blown to pieces with the force of a bomb and she’d felt like she'd been ejected from a plane and was in terrifying free fall.
She grabbed onto one last tiny thread of protection. He couldn’t love her, not really, because he didn’t know about the baby she’d lost. Their baby. If he ever found out, he would hate her, even more than he had before. If he'd known about that, he wouldn't have nearly sacrificed himself for her. She had to remember that. Laura began to breathe a little easier. She was still safe.
“Laura, tell him. Get yourself a clean slate and let yourselves be happy, for God’s sake,” Karl urged.
She blinked her tears away and turned her face. “Tired.”
****
“So are we gonna talk about it?” William McKinney asked his son. His eyes were warm with amusement while he sat across from him in the hospital cafeteria.
“Talk about what?” Caleb asked.
“That little display of affection I witnessed in Laura’s room?”
His face flooded with warmth, and he knew he was blushing. “Uh...no?” He tried for lightness, but William cocked an eyebrow at him. “All right, fine, I kissed her, and you know what, dad? I'm gonna do it again and again. If you want to get on my ass for that, go right ahead. I don’t care. I'll just do it again.” He stared straight at his father, defiant.
“Caleb...”
“Dad, I lost her once. I almost lost her again. I'm not letting her go this time. No matter what. I won't survive without her. I know that now, and it should scare the crap out of me, but it doesn’t anymore. I'm going to ask her to marry me, and we're gonna be happy now, damn it! Nothing is going to stand in the way of that, and you have no say in the matter.” Caleb lifted his chin.
William nodded. “I know I have no right to butt into your love life, and you may not believe this but I do want you to be happy, both of you. Laura is like a daughter to me, but you’re my son. I’d like us to find some way to put our past tension behind us, but right now I've got a more serious question for you, son.”
Caleb stiffened, ready for opposition.
“What in the name of the God took you so damn long?”
He sagged with relief and gave his father a small smile. He would be true to his word. Laura was going to be okay, so he would try and work through his crap with his dad. Oddly it didn’t seem like such an impossible feat anymore.
“Caleb.” Karl met them in the hallway. “Laura is asking for you.”
“Nice to see you've decided to wake up, lazy,” Caleb teased, taking a seat next to Laura’s bed. His heart raced at the sight of her looking at him, beautifully alive, though pale.
She smiled back at him but said nothing.
“We have a lot to talk about. But all that can wait till you're on your feet.”
Again, she just smiled at him.
“So, how are you feeling?”
She crooked her finger at him. “Here.”
Her voice was soft and raspy and hit him right in the groin. He eased up off his chair and leaned over Laura. His entire body sizzled with the hope that they were finally on the same page.
“Closer,” Laura purred.
Caleb licked his lips in anticipation.
Then Laura grabbed his ear and twisted it hard.
“Ow! Shit! Owwwww!. What the—”
“You crazy? A gun to your head? Your heart. Idiot! Stupid idiot!” Laura raged hoarsely, jerking on his ear until he was certain she would rip it off.
In between blinding pain, Caleb made a mental note to kill Karl. Once she let go, Caleb's hand covered his ear. “I'm not gonna apologize for that. I would have done anything to make sure you didn't die.”
Her eyes blazed at him. “Moron! Don't want you to die, jackass!”
Caleb leaned back over her. “I would have done it gladly. You know why?” His mouth was now inches from her own.
Laura said nothing, but he could see that she held her breath.
“Because I love you, you stubborn little dingbat.” Then he closed his mouth over hers and took her squeak of surprise and sigh of surrender into his mouth.
Laura stared up at Caleb when he broke the kiss. Her head tilted upwards, wanting more. “You on drugs too?” she asked him.
He shook his head. “You're my drug, damn woman. Always have been.” He ran a finger across her bottom lip.
“Caleb, s’not a good time to talk. Fuzzy,” she warned, reaching for him again, but he sat back in the chair and cocked an eyebrow at her.
“Good, so that means you'll just have to listen for once. Now pay attention, Laura. I love you. Not as your friend, though I will always be that. But I love you as in I want to be with you and share my life with you.” He saw her eyes widen in panic and held up his hand. “Don't even try and tell me you don't feel the same. I may be oblivious, but I'm not stupid.”
She rolled her eyes at him and motioned with her hand for him to continue.
Prepared for her objection, he felt more than a little out of sorts when she let him go on and took a moment to collect his thoughts.
“We've wasted so much time, Laura. So much damn time.” His eyes glistened with the ache of all that time they could never get back. “For what? Because we're afraid? Let me tell you something, I have never felt so terrified as when I was holding you in my arms and you were bleeding to death against me. Everything else is paltry compared to that. Everything. I could face every damn criminal in this city at once and me with no weapon, and it would not scare me as much as that moment when I sat with you on the floor. Yes, we're messed up. Yes, we have huge crap to work through, but none of that means a good goddamned except for the fact that I'm am utterly useless without you. Utterly. That scares me. That I'm half a man without you—but spending the rest of my life without you scares me a hell of a lot more.”
Laura sniffled, and he felt encouraged by the tears.
“Tell me you don't love me. Tell me I'm wrong. It won't matter. I will go to my goddamned grave loving you. If they blow me away tomorrow, my soul will be out there, loving you and watching over you. I am who I am: the man who loves you insanely. I mean, I'd have to be, right? After everything we've been and done to each other? I won't spend one more second denying how I feel. You could still reject that heart you've been given. We won't know for months, maybe years if you're completely in the clear. If that happens, from now until then, I am going to love you and you're going to know it. No more running. Ball's in your court now, Thatcher.” Caleb held his breath, hoping for the best, bracing himself for the worst.
Her tears were running free now, dampening the pillow beneath her. “Sappy
bastard.” She picked at the pale yellow hospital blanket. “Can't do this, Caleb. I can't. No good at this. I'll screw up,” she insisted, covering her eyes with one hand.
Caleb pulled her arm down, not letting her hide from him. “Laura, if it had been me who got shot, if it were me lying in that bed instead of you, would you be worrying about being a screw-up? Would you tell me the truth? How you really feel? No games. No walls.”
She took a small, shuddering breath. “Love you, damn it. Fine. I admit it. But nothing changes. You can't fix anything with 'I love you!'”