Here Lies Love

by Dan Thompson

  “I don’t know what that means,” Abbey admitted, scrunching up her nose. “I guess it’s serious.”

  “Not usually. I mean it’s been bad on occasions, but it never materialised into anything more than a trip or fall. Bruises, scratches, little bumps; that sort of thing, you know.”

  Abbey nodded as if she understood. “Was it the flickering haze then that triggered it?”

  “Yes and no,” Tristan elongated his voice, brushing his hand through his messy hair. Abbey could tell he was exhausted; dark rings underneath his eyes made them appear puffy, and no matter how cool he tried to play it, Abbey could clearly see his worried interior. “Epilepsy isn’t caused by the flashing, but more that the lights triggered him to have a fit. Does that make sense?”

  “I think so,” Abbey replied, pulling her hands further inside her sleeves. She was beginning to get cold, and this epilepsy ordeal had shaken her more than she originally thought. Tristan’s explanation wasn’t entirely clear, but she guessed it had something to do with the insides of Ryan’s body, possibly his brain, and that notion was a bigger and more complex surrealistic concept for her own brain to comprehend at that very instant.

  Another mug of Ryan’s tea definitely wouldn’t go amiss.

  “Has that happened before? The haze going haywire I mean.”

  “Not that I can recall,” Tristan said, a little flustered.

  “Do you know what it was?”

  Tristan appeared to stare off into the distance, his mouth agape with no words coming out. Abbey wasn’t sure if he had even heard her. She decided to remain quiet; he was clearly thinking about something. After a few minutes, Tristan bolted up and jogged towards the door.

  “I’ll be back in a minute, hang on,” he called over his shoulder.

  What was so important, Abbey thought? She didn’t appreciate being left alone. What if the blue haze turned on her this time? Caused her to have an epileptic fit? But just as she was about to clamber up, Tristan came jogging back, holding a large leaflet in his hand.

  “Here,” he said, passing the bundle down to her. As she looked up at him, that same annoying, but excitable twinge gently squeezed inside her stomach once more. With his arms out, Abbey could notice his toned muscles. She couldn’t explain why she found them attractive, but that didn’t change the fact that she did. What was happening to her? All these alien hormones cascading around her body, glazing her eyes to feel emotion she’d never felt before. This awakening was overpowering, but her constant overthinking of it made her patience wear thin.

  She took the leaflet and stared at the scribbling in bewilderment. “What is this?”

  “It’s an old newspaper,” Tristan said, scooting back beside her, his shoulder lightly touching hers again. “It’s from a long time ago, that’s why the paper’s gone all yellowy. It’s still readable though.”

  Abbey was in two minds. Was she to pretend to read the story, afterwards agreeing how brilliantly interesting it was? Or to be honest? Tell Tristan the truth. She was confident she could blag her way out of it, but whatever this article was about, it had something to do with the sputtering blue haze and that was something she wanted to know about.

  “Can you read it to me? I’m so tired, my eyes can’t focus,” she lied. She rubbed at them in pretence, hoping Tristan was gullible to believe her. Hopefully, she thought, he’d empathise with her ordeal.

  “Sure,” he said and took the paper back. “Listen to this, it is really interesting. I read it some time ago, when I first came across it in one of the old classrooms. I didn’t know to believe it or not. I completely forgot about it, until now. It says:

  “To combat predictions that global warming has caused the Earth’s orbit to radically shift, scientists from the University of Lincoln are in the process of trialling an adscititious light source in the arctic. Working in conjunction with professors from Cambridge, the scientists have discovered that when the Earth is at its furthest point, the sun’s light won’t be able to filter through the belt of asteroids that loiter nearby. This means our planet will be plundered into an eternal darkness that could last up to hundreds of years.

  “Summer will be all but forgotten, plants and crops will struggle to produce quality harvests and the weather could be so unpredictable that animals could die out and become extinct. Only the fittest will survive in an ever changing environment. Scientists cannot agree on the meteorological conditions; some say that an ice age will sweep the entire planet, whereas others say horrific storms and gales could even kill off human life altogether. Not since the age of the dinosaurs have we seen such a swift global end to the most successful creatures on the planet.

  “This has caused outrage all over the globe. Officials in Tokyo have blasted the reports as false and premature, not being based on true fact. The lack of evidence has even caused an official report from the Vatican, with the Camerlengo currently overseeing the Holy See to call the reports blasphemous and sacrilegious. This has caused protests in Washington and New York, with devout Catholics marching against some of the prominent scientific Universities in the United States.

  “It’s not all positive news however, as scientists are still trying to figure out how to install a global heating element that will keep the planet at an optimum temperature for humans. With scaremongers raising concerns that electricity could become extinct, super-length batteries are being considered as a power source.”

  Abbey put a hand on the paper and pulled it away from Tristan, signifying for him to stop. “Enough. Sorry, my head is all blurry. I’m having trouble keeping up. It all sounds rather fantastical to me.”

  “It is basically saying,” Tristan started to clarify, “that an external light source was in development ready for when The Sun deserted us. It sounds like many people were against it, not believing that it would ever leave. Guess they were wrong about that.

  “I’ve looked into it further. Apparently the blue haze is bioluminescent light source. Some insects give off their own pulsing light. Somehow, they’ve used them to create this,” he said, pointing upwards. “There are a ton of newspaper articles somewhere explaining the whole thing.”

  “I wonder what life was like back then, when that paper was printed,” Abbey pondered. “I often think about The Sun and what it must have been like to walk in its golden radiance. Our ancestors must have committed the most heinous of offences to drive it away.”

  “You should read some of the books we’ve got lying around. Some are really interesting. There’re pictures too. I think they studied them here when this was a school.”

  “I may just do that,” Abbey agreed, more than happy to look at the pictures of a foreign world to her own. It may just give her the hope to carry on. She yawned unexpectedly, which caused Tristan to follow suit. “I was thinking you may take me to the market one day, so I can get a taste of what things are like. I’ve never been before. My dad sorted all of that out.”

  “It’s quite busy and frantic. You really have to know what you are doing, otherwise you end up shrinking into the background as the loudest and more obvious get the supplies they need. I’m used to it. You may just want to leave it up to me.”

  “But how am I going to look out for myself without any of that knowledge. You had to learn it at some point.”

  “I assumed you were going to be staying with us. You wouldn’t need to know if I’m around.”

  “Who said anything about me staying with you? How do I know you’re not some awful beast who will take advantage of me when I turn my back?”

  Tristan stared at her seriously. He didn’t blink once, his eyes slightly waterlogged, which allowed Abbey to see a twisted, unrecognisable reflection of herself in them. “I’m not sure if you are being serious or not?” Tristan admitted.

  Abbey stared at him a little longer for effect, but she couldn’t keep up the pretence for very long, erupting into a laughing frenzy. “You should have seen the look on your face!” Tristan laughed along, although Abbey could
see a small bit of nervousness in his features.

  “Look, I’ll be honest. I don’t exactly understand how everything works. Where do you get Tokens from?

  “You trade things for them. Fruit, materials, clothing, you name it. Maybe I should take you to the market some time, just so you can get an idea of how busy it is. The farmers are ruthless though. Nasty and scheming, the lot of them. They’d stiff you out of a fair deal if you let them, but if you think you’ll get something out of it, then I’ll take you.”

  “That’d be good. I’d like that very much. And don’t hold back. I want to know it all.”

  “You’ll have to stay by me though, promise? It isn’t as friendly as it sounds. Crime is rife, people push and barge their way through. You have to be ruthless to get what you need.”

  Abbey smiled. “I’m tired. Do you think we could get some sleep? Or should we take it in turns in case Ryan has another fit?”

  “He should be fine. You go ahead, get some sleep.”

  “Where can I make a bed up? I can’t carry on sleeping in yours, can I,” Abbey said.

  “It’s OK, take mine again for tonight, and tomorrow we’ll sort you out with a bed.”

  “Thanks.”

  Abbey forced herself to stand and stretched herself out hearing all of her bones crack. It felt good to stretch, her body needed it. She had been cooped up for such a long time and her body ached. Her feet had gone numb, which caused her to stumble as she headed for the door. Just as she was about to steady herself with her hands, Tristan caught hold of her and held her steady.

  “You’re a right wally, you know that don’t you?”

  Abbey giggled before saying her goodnights and slipped inside the room, tiptoeing to the bed so as not to wake Ryan up. He looked sore, with the bandage on his head, but his breathing was deep and snore-like. He must be fine, Abbey thought. There was no lengthy time of nightmarish pictures to keep her up this time. Her eyes were heavy and she knew she’d be asleep within seconds of hitting the pillows.

  Maybe I should stay with them? I don’t suppose it’ll hurt.

  Abbey awoke after a long sleep feeling worse for wear. She’d possibly had too long a sleep, for her body ached and was stiff. Her eyes were still heavy as if she had had no sleep at all and they were sore with crusty dried mucous. It also took a while for her eyes to adjust, almost forgetting where she was. Ryan’s snoring jolted her memory and she looked over at him. By the looks of it, no further problems had occurred, but he looked restless, agitated even. His bandage had come loose, now partially covering his eyes, but the main thing was that he was alive. Abbey was glad.

  By making as little noise as she could, she crept out of bed and wandered into the main area of the room. The cooking pot was still where it was the night before, and stone cold; Tristan must not be up yet either. Her legs were stiff and her arms were like weights pulling her down. All was quiet, and she found Tristan asleep on a pillow in the corner, where Ryan had been reading previously. Tristan’s golden hair refracted the small moonbeams that filtered through the door-length windows, kissing his skin so it appeared smooth and angelic. Abbey ruminated what his hair must feel like, but as she caught herself contemplating it, she quietly cursed at herself and walked towards the windows.

  The moon made infrequent visits to their sky, but when it did, it appeared quietly without announcement to watch down on them like a guardian. Abbey couldn’t remember the last time she had seen it, but tonight it was round and full as if it had revealed its true self just for her eyes only. She wished that she could float up into the sky and touch the moon, rejoice in its glory and bask in its serene iridescence. She wanted to soak up its goodness and be happy for the rest of her days. Obstacle after obstacle had thwarted Abbey’s life recently, it was just a chore, a great effort to continue living. Every time she found the confidence and courage to continue, another hindrance was thrown into her path. The tests were becoming tiring and she questioned how much longer she could withstand the tirade before losing her insanity.

  Perhaps The Sun, with its radiance and purity was really a reward for those that had withstood the agony of life? To be guided away after death on a boat that majestically sailed them to a land of hope and plenty.

  Abbey leaned forward and pressed her forehead against the window. It was cold, yet smooth. Every time she was alone did her mind begin to throw these questions at her, make her doubt herself and all those around her. She needed to keep busy, keep her mind occupied.

  She took a small step backwards and eyed her reflection in the glass. Whereas her ginger hair appeared dull, her blue eyes almost scintillated with a vivid intensity. I look a mess. She was taken aback; she didn’t look anything like how she imagined herself. Visions of her younger self pictured an innocent adolescent, unaware of the big bad world that existed in land away from her lighthouse home. The woman glaring back at her was changed, older, wiser … harder. Was she really a survivor? She didn’t feel like one, but here she was, surviving in the big bad world, albeit with a little help from Tristan and Ryan.

  She still felt and looked dirty though; matted and soiled, although the two lads were nice enough to have washed her clothes. It was her skin that felt sullied, not her clothes. She didn’t want to wash, she needed to wash; cleanse herself of all the muck, all the grime, but more importantly, all the baggage of her past few months.

  With the boys asleep, maybe a shower wasn’t a bad idea? She had already spotted a pile of towels, taking one wouldn’t hurt. Having a shower whilst they were asleep was the perfect opportunity. As if she was doing something naughty and mischievous, Abbey peered over at Tristan to double check if he was still asleep. He was; his chest rising up and down in a slow steady rhythm. Having him spy on her naked would be nothing short of mortifying.

  With a grey towel in hand, Abbey closed the yard doors carefully so as not to make a disturbance. The shower contraption itself consisted of a pipe that ran up the wall to a huge black water butt that sat firmly on a ledge that led up to the roof. Abbey just knew before removing the stopper from the end of the pipe that the water would be cold. At home, she was used to a huge heated tin bath. Baths were warm. Still, the water would wash away her sins. This was a chance at a fresh start. Perhaps staying with Tristan and Ryan wouldn’t be a bad idea after all?

  Taking a peek from behind the screen again just to make sure, Abbey carefully, but swiftly removed her clothes, pulled the plug and jumped into the water.

  To say that the water was cold would be an understatement. Abbey struggled to smother an ear wrenching squawk, but instead crunched up her shoulders and gasped aloud, huffing and puffing in alarm. She scooted from one foot to another, as if that would help fight the freezing water, but it didn’t. Her skin tightened, shrinking in the iciness, unsure whether it was painful or not. Still, the longer she stood rooted underneath the pouring shower, the more she became accustomed to the low temperature, and the less she wanted to jump out. Her teeth chattered, but she felt lighter and blither; rid of all her stress and worry.

  Through waterlogged, sopping eyes, Abbey looked down at herself, running her wrinkled fingers over the scars and bruises. Stefan may be gone, but his menace remained upon her skin forever. How was she to get rid of him? Scrubbing them didn’t do anything but make them sore and red. She remembered Ryan’s kind words: A scar is nothing but a battle wound to remind you that you were stronger and greater than your assailant. But was she stronger?

  Abbey suddenly became aware of her surroundings. There was no one there, but she was. Alive. Living. She was stronger. She wiped her face and allowed the water to trickle over her body; over her lips, tickling them gently, washing away her fear, her doubts. It was about time to move on, to forget about that monster. He may have abused her, but she was now abusing herself. Allowing his memory to falter and weaken her life was ultimately keeping him alive. The time to kill him forever was now. He was as insignificant as the passing breeze. It was crucial for her to break and remove th
e shackles of her scars and instead, embrace them, use them as armour, as a panoply defence for the future.

  Stefan was the past, a has-been. Well no more. He was truly dead to her. A monster no longer, but a corpse, redundant and superfluous. Her common sense implored for her to become the resilient and robust woman she needed to be, not a fragile broken piece of china she was enacting.

  Tristan was awake when Abbey walked back inside the classroom, tugging at her towel to make sure she was covered up. His messy hair gave away that he had only just woken up, followed by a long yawn that voiced a groan. Abbey eyed the tiny dimples that became animated as his face stretched.

  “Not sleep very well?” Abbey asked.

  “No, no,” he shook his head. “I slept alright. I’m just not a morning person. You had a wash?”

  Abbey slipped her jumper over her towel and gathered her auburn, damp hair over one shoulder. “Yeah, I hope that’s OK. The water was a bit of a shock,” she admitted with a chortle, “but I feel awake and fresh now.” She chose to not bring up their earlier encounter with the shower.

  “Did you sleep well,” Tristan queried.

  “Yeah, I was out like a light.” She huddled down in the corner opposite Tristan and covered her bare legs with a blanket. “I was hoping I could explore the school a bit today. Would that be OK?”

  “Sure, you don’t need to ask.”

  “I used to cook for my dad and my gran. With Ryan needing rest, I thought maybe I could also make myself useful and make us food later?”

  “That,” Tristan stretched and scurried to his feet, “sounds like a fantastic idea.”

  Abbey ogled at Tristan in his underwear and T-shirt. He was obviously comfortable with her and to be around her with so little on. She felt her cheeks become red.

  “Sorry, nature calls,” he said, scooting off. Abbey watched him leave before quickly drying the rest of her body and getting fully dressed. As she sat back down, the shelf of books opposite took her interest. They had a distinct musty smell, one she was unfamiliar with. The dust tickled her nose, which resulted in a loud sneeze.